Enigma
by Claire Bloom
Summary: An accident brings Edward & Bella togther, but things are not as they seem. Bella struggles to illuminate the strange circumstances in which she has met Edward but just as fate seemed to bring them together, will it also tear them apart? AH/AU R
1. Ch1 Accidental Meeting

Ch1. Accidental meeting

The night was dark, your senses enhanced. Our paths would cross, a meeting perchance? To start a flame, a burning desire. You lifted my spirits, only you took me higher.

Forks Washington was possibly the worst place on the planet! I was absolutely drenched from the continuous rain coming down from the heavens and the mist bouncing up from under my feet. My mood was black and the sky was turning the same ominous colour. I was beginning to regret storming off and away from Charlie and our argument, but not because I was sorry for the things that were said, only that I hadn't stopped to take the damn car!

I hunched my shoulders and kept on walking, my mood was calming but with that I was gaining sudden clarity. I was soaked, starting to feel the cold and only just noticing the many trees lining the road and further beyond. It was dark in the woods around me and the road was quiet and I had a sudden fear that a family of bears would smell my honey & cinnamon bath soak and decide to come find the delicious smelling feast! I hadn't seen a car in all the time I was walking and in my dark mood, I hadn't paid attention to how far from Forks town, I had walked.

The wind picked up and with it my imagination.

Damn it, was that a wolf?

Don't be stupid Bella! I tried to calm my nerves. It was the wind, just the wind. There it was again...

My steps faltered as I spun round towards the eerie howling sounds emitting from the trees behind me, I stumbled and walked through a puddle only to find it was actually a puddle with bigger ideas. The muddy water splashed happily up my leg, leaving me knee deep in cold, slimy mush.

"Damn it" I heard it again. But I could also hear a car. Oh thank goodness. I lifted my foot out of the puddle, and stepped towards the centre of the road, it was dark and chances are I would blend in with the background of trees when the driver whizzed past me, I didn't want to take a chance on them missing me.

The car was getting closer. I could hear the thrum of the engine and the forced gear change. Man, they were driving fast. They were taking some chance in weather like this. For goodness sake, Bella, you just thought you heard a wolf or a bear or a combination of both and you're suddenly worried about some random driver and their breaking distance? I stepped over to the other side of the road, I didn't want to take a chance on them smashing into me as they hurled round the corner. I could see their headlights and lifted my arms above my head.

"Hey" I shouted "Stop"

The car was driving at break neck speed and probably wasn't going to be able to stop and help take me back to town. I decided to drop my arms and took a step back towards the grass verge. I wasn't counting on the other car coming towards me in the opposite direction from where my attention was focused. It smashed into my hip just as I turned my head into the blinding headlights. I was momentarily flung into the air and crashed into the windscreen. My head hit the glass, as my arm hit the bonnet and the road greeted me with a very hard and very sudden thump.

I thought that would hurt more, were just some of the random thoughts going through my head along with half the windscreen and a very wet but hard road. The car continued its journey towards a nearby tree. Enveloping it like a hug. The bonnet crumbled and wrapped itself around the base. The horn started blaring. I turned my head towards the other car, hoping it had stopped to assist, but was greeted with the red of their tail lights, disappearing into the distance. I turned back towards the crashed car. The door was hanging open and I could make out the side profile of a male, slumped over the steering wheel. The rain was making my eyes blurry. I couldn't make out much else. I closed my eyes and gave only a second's thought to the other possible cars hurrying home, down this deserted road, in the rain and possibly ploughing into my sleeping form in the middle of the road, before unconsciousness finally took me.

The warmth emanating from the huge blankets wrapped around me tightly was seeping through my wet clothes and starting to warm my frozen bones. I felt a hand on my wrist and heard the crackling of a fire. The fingers on my wrist where cold and were ruining my warm rush but finally they released my hand and let it rest under the blanket again.

"Is she ok?" I heard someone ask. They sounded anxious but I didn't recognise the female voice.

"Well, she hit the road pretty hard I guess, so she's gonna have some bruising, and nothing's broken. Her pulse is strong, but she's pretty cold. Go ask Esme to make some tea" The owner of the cold hands instructed the voice.

Footsteps echoed away from the room.

"Hmmmmmmmm" I moaned. The more alert I started to feel, the more my head protested. "My head hurts" I mumbled.

"I'm not surprised, you dented the car" cold hands chuckled at me.

"And that's funny, how?" I asked. My head and my hip suddenly not the only things hurt.

"Your clothes are wet, you should get changed into something dry" Cold hands sounded like he was still smiling at my predicament.

I opened my eyes and winced as the sudden light in the room made my head throb. I squeezed my eyes closed and when the throb eased to a dull ache, I tried again. The throb protested once more, but not as strongly as before, I squinted around the room. It was a large room and decorated like a stately home. With lots of large furniture, dark colours and an open fire place snapping and crackling by my feet. I was lying on a sofa, covered with heavy blankets and propped up slightly by pillows. I took a peep at cold hands. He was sat on a foot stool by my side, elbows on knees and looking like he belonged on an episode of Grey's Anatomy rather than in this old fashioned lounge. He was blonde with quite prominent features, strong jaw and cheekbones. His skin was pale but flawless and his mouth was fighting back a smile.

"Are you a model"? I asked, blushing. What a ridiculous question.

He laughed, "No, I'm a doctor. My name is Carlisle"

"Hello" I replied. I took another sweeping glance about the room and pushed myself back against the pillows. Dr Cold Hands was watching me, waiting. "Oh, Gosh, I'm sorry, I'm Bella. Bella Swan. Dr Co...Dr Carlisle, where am I"?

"You're in my home. We were rather concerned about you. You stepped out into the road and gave Edward quite a scare. He swerved but still clipped you slightly; you hit your head on the road".

"Edward"? I asked. "He was the driver?"

"Yes" Dr Cold Hands answered, "My son". As if that explanation made it any clearer for me. I took another look at Dr Cold Hands as he stood and walked away from my chair. When he turned back to me he was carrying a glass of something brown and handed it over to me, obviously expecting me to drink it. I looked up at him but my question lodged in my throat. Dr Cold Hands had the strangest eyes I had ever seen. They were dark but around the pupil was a golden brown iris that almost seemed to glow. I realised I was staring.

"Thank you" I mumbled as I took the glass. It smelt strong, possibly brandy, people always gave brandy in times of crisis, shock or accident. I suddenly remembered my question.

"Edward?" I asked, feeling panic, "is he ok, he was unconscious, he wasn't moving at all".

"Edwards fine Bella, he wasn't hurt at all".

"But he was, I saw him, he was unconscious..." Dr Cold Hands was shaking his head. "No, I promise, he's fine. You must be confused, the bump on your head possibly. I recommend you take a few sips of this, it'll warm you up and make you feel more human". Dr Cold Hands handed me the glass, I took it and lifted it to my lips. The smell was so strong, I grimaced. Dr Cold Hands laughed, "Trust me, I'm a Dr, now... sip it slowly"

I did as he suggested but the drink was harsh in my throat and made me gasp for air. Shit! That stuff really did bring you back down to earth. Dr Cold Hands laughed again and got up to leave the room. I put the glass down and felt heat rush through my tummy and had to admit, it did make me feel slightly better. I was still confused about Edward. He was slumped across the steering wheel; the car was wrapped around a tree and had done more than "slightly clip me". I was confused, bruised and sitting in a strangers lounge.

"You ok?" I spun my head round to the doorway and immediately regretted moving so fast. My head screamed at me to slow the fuck down. "Shitshitshit" I muttered, holding my throbbing head in my hands.

"Stupid question?" My visitor asked.

"I'll say" I muttered. My visitor sat on the stool recently vacated by Dr Cold Hands. "I'm Edward, Carlisle tells me you're Bella. Pleasure to meet you"

"Is it"? I asked, peeping up through my fingers only to discover Edwards's features were even more stunning than Carlisle. His hair was long on top, and messy like he'd run his fingers through, leaving some strands pushed back from his forehead and some falling forward towards his eyes. I resisted the urge to reach out my hand and stroke the stray strands back into place. Edward's eyes had the same golden brown glow as Carlisle's, his cheekbones were also strong but Edward's lips were full. The perfect pout, inviting any observer of their shape, further in, possibly to taste their hidden........I mentally shook myself, Jesus! I'd hit my head harder than I thought, I was mentally undressing the first two males I had noticed upon gaining consciousness! I tried to continue my observation with a little less female hormone. He was undeniably gorgeous and much to my relief, showing no signs of injury. His head tilted to the side and his brow furrowed. I realised I was staring, what the hell was wrong with me? These people will start to think I'm rude as well as a walking accident. I cleared my throat

"I'm really pleased your ok, I was worried about you, you looked so badly inj...So bad, but Col, I mean Carlisle said you were ok, I didn't believe him because you were against the steering wheel but I guess he was right...." I trailed off, realising I was sprouting verbal bullshit. I blushed.

"Against the steering wheel? No Bella, I'm ok, as you can see, hardly a scratch on me. You, on the other hand, had quite a bumpy landing. Hows your bottom?"

"I beg your pardon"?

"Your bottom? You landed on it, after your head of course. Bet its...tender, your bottom, that is." Edward finished his sentence with a smirk and his grin widened as my cheeks flamed again.

"Tender"? I echoed, what the hell was he referring too? "My bottoms fine" I replied.

"Hmmmmm" he stood up off the chair as Carlisle entered before I could question that mumble further. Was he insinuating my bottom wasn't fine?

Carlisle was carrying a tray of food which he placed on my lap. "Eat and then we'll show you your room, there's a bathroom next door to it, so I suggest you get out of those wet clothes and warm yourself up with a shower. I'm still concerned about your head, so best not to have a bath. Alice has left you some items to change into then you should get some rest." I glanced at Edward and blushed again, who was Alice and why did Carlisle have to talk about me getting undressed and showering in front of Edward? The guy was hot and I was nursing a bruised bottom and ego. What had happened earlier tonight was still confusing me, I wasn't getting the answers I needed and I was sure the story would remain the same whomever I asked.

"A room and shower? No Carlisle, I need to call my Dad and have him come and get me, he'll be really worried, I have no idea how long I've been gone but I'm sure he's going to be pretty panicked by now"

"The phones are all down, right now Bella, the storm." I hadn't realised there had even been a storm, just the usual wet weather that I had come to expect from Forks. "Emmett and Rosalie have gone into town and explained to Charlie that you got lost and wet and are now going to stay here with Alice, she goes to Forks High too. They all do. Someone will drive you home in the morning."

"If they could get to my Dads house, then maybe you could take me home?" I was getting more confused by the names being dropped into the conversation, like I should know them. I didn't.

"That not a good idea" Carlisle continued, " Your head injury needs to be observed"

"I'll ask my Dad to take me to the emergency room"

Carlisle was shaking his head, "Bella, I feel sort of responsible for you", He glanced over at Edward "Emmett didn't mention to Charlie about your accident as we didn't want to worry him unnecessarily, let us take care of you and I promise you'll be home first thing in the morning".

Protesting seemed futile, so I nodded and gave in. The food was delicious and helped warm my aching bones. When I finished, Edward took the tray from my lap and held his hand out for mine. I wasn't used to such gentlemanly displays so just sat staring at him rather blankly.

"Bella" He simply said. I put my hand in his and was met by cold skin. His hands were just as cold as Carlisle's. Cold hands, unusual eyes, the family genes were seriously bizarre. Edward gently pulled me to my feet then steadied my wobbly stance with an arm about my waist. He smelled so good I had to stop myself from pressing forward and inhaling more deeply. The scent was neither artificial nor was it a masculine smell that usually emanated from the male body. It was sweet and intoxicating and I stood pressed against his side suddenly mesmerised by the strange but perfect boy stood next to me. His hair, his eyes, his lips, his smell, I was giddy at the mere touch of him but he was a stranger to me. I was sure. You couldn't forget meeting such a person. However, there was something in me that cried out in recognition, he was so familiar to me, like we had not only met before but had touched, had laughed maybe even been friends and I had possibly even run my fingers through his hair and leaned in towards him for a kiss......

"Whoa, I've got you" Edwards's voice startled me. I had started to lean forward, eyes half closed, but he had thankfully misunderstood my clumsy, dazed moves as giddiness from the accident. I blushed, ducked my head and felt the sudden urge to sprint from the room and hide. I was so confused, the accident had seemed so much worse than they were telling me it was. I remember the windscreen rushing up towards my face, I remember the bonnet connecting with my arm, why wasn't it broken? Why hadn't my landing on the road concussed me? Why wasn't I in a hospital instead of standing in a hallway of a house that would be perfect in an Austin novel/movie with a boy that drew me in, I couldn't concentrate anymore and fought the sudden overwhelming urge to cry. Much to my relief we reached the bedroom door. I allowed Edward to open it for me, assist me inside and quickly list the facilities before he bid me goodnight.

"Bella" he said as he reached the bedroom door "I really am sorry I hit you with my car. I'm so glad you're ok, you had me quite worried for a while there. "

"Accidents happen" I mumbled, I just wanted to be alone.

"Even so, I'd like......" Edward stopped mid sentence, I turned waiting for him to finish but he just frowned, cleared his throat and closed the door behind him. I knew I should get undressed out of my damp clothes, as Carlisle had advised but I was exhausted. I turned off the light, leaving the curtains open, moonlight filling the room, and fell onto the bed, pulling the blanket round my shoulders in tighter. I closed my eyes but the image of Edward was still before me. His eyes were magnetic. He was magnetic. I was amazed by him and fell asleep dreaming of cars spinning past me, wolves howling at the moon and of a strange boy with cold hands lifting me and moving through the air.


	2. Ch2 Getting to know you

Ch2. Getting to know you

In the instant our lives met, our souls flowered. Anon

In the small stretch of time between sleep and wake, I became aware of brightness penetrating my dreams. I didn't want to be disturbed just yet. I was having a really good dream about....

I reached back into my subconscious, trying to recall what had made me feel so good in sleep but at the same time, what had caused me to wake. Grumbling against the light that was insisting I open my eyes, I reached down to pull the duvet over my head, only, my arms felt heavy and refused to cooperate. The faint sounds of a beep beep beep started to get slightly louder and with it other background noise I hadn't noticed before. A clatter of crockery, distant voices, footsteps on uncarpeted floors. I was curious to what the hell was going on in my room, didn't these people realise someone was trying to sleep? I tried to prise my eyes open against the brightness in the room, I should've closed those damn curtains.

My eyes, I discovered, where joining forces with my arms, refusing to obey me. I couldn't open them. Panic started creeping through my stomach, I was immobile. It was so bright in here. The sudden realisation that inside I was struggling to wake up but my body lay still and unmoving would've made me sit upright in bed if only my stubborn body would allow it! The noises around me, started to fade away and with it my questions and panic, sleep took over once again, and I felt myself drifting back towards the warmth and the darkness and my dreams.

I was roused from sleep some time later, but it wasn't to a blinding light and noisy room- mates, it was to a dim room and the delicious smell of warm bread and coffee. The duvet felt full and cosy over me and was pulled up to my shoulders. I was a tiny bit concerned with opening my eyes in case the brightness was only hiding and would suddenly blind me again. Peering through one half closed eye lid, I peeked over the duvet and around the room. It was modestly furnished with a pale pink carpet, pine wardrobe and dresser. Floor to ceiling bay windows where housing pale pink curtains matching the carpet. The room wasn't bright, so I sat up and stretched. My arm was tender but my headache gone. The smell of coffee was too tempting to ignore, so I quickly made use of the bathroom and clothes the mysterious Alice I had yet to meet, had left out for me and made my way downstairs.

The kitchen was occupied with a woman with long auburn hair that had been curled and styled to fall in abundance, around her shoulders and down her back. She was small in stature but stood tall in her frame, radiating confidence and warmth. She was dressed in jeans and a white blouse and seemed at home with her chores. Turning from the counter with a pot in her hands she noticed me in the doorway and smiled. "Hi" Her greeting was warm and one you would expect from someone who knew you well. She had pretty features with dark eyes. I could barely make out her pupils from the dark brown surrounding them. "I'm Esme. Did you sleep well?" I nodded and stared at the pot she placed on the table, with hungry eyes.

She laughed, "How rude of me, are you hungry? Would you like some breakfast with your coffee"?

Esme continued to bustle round the kitchen whilst I sipped the strong brew. With her bustling, came the easy flow of conversation. She asked me about my family, my move to Forks and school. I kept my answers short but not impolite and wondered where the mysterious Edward was this morning.

"Edward, coffee has just brewed, sit down".

My head snapped up at his sudden entrance into the kitchen and when his eyes found mine, I blushed. I had the strange feeling he knew I had been thinking of him and tentatively lowered my gaze from his back to my cup. The beverage inside became so interesting I missed his first few words...

"...So Carlisle thought it best if we don't try driving through it. We'll wait until tomorrow, hopefully the weather will change".

"I'm sorry,....What did you say?"

"The blizzard! It came after the storm, its frozen solid out there and still coming down. Too dangerous to drive, we wouldn't want to crash now would we"? He chuckled at the last bit.

"I can't stay here again"

"And why not? Don't you like the company?" The humour in Edward's voice drew my eyes to his face, his lips were fighting back a smile and I was suddenly annoyed that he found this whole situation so damn funny.

"Oh yes, the company is positively earth moving!" Edward's loud laugh surprised me. After all, I was trying to insult him. I couldn't help myself and smiled right along with him.

"Come on, let me give you the grand tour, but only if you can handle the earth moving company!"

"Don't flatter your-self" I muttered, secretly pleased it was his company I was keeping for the next few hours.

Edward showed me round the house, he took me round the ground floor rooms, the kitchen I had already seen, into the tv room and a small library filled floor to ceiling with books, a large comfy chair standing alone in the middle of the room. We then turned into the large dining room which could comfortably accommodate a party of 300 if the occasion called for it. I could imagine him dressed in dark evening wear, Esme draped in light fabric and Carlisle moving with ease through his guests. I could picture perfectly the dancing and music and could believe that anyone fortunate enough to attend an event here would surely be having the time of their life. I turned towards Edward but found the space next to me no longer occupied, he had moved to the grand piano placed in the corner of the large room, overlooked by the longest window I had ever seen. Edward was playing and the song was hypnotic, I stayed in the centre of the room, listening to the melody fall around me, it was beautiful and sad and almost yearning and I waited for his playing to finish. A tune like that deserved attention, it was lovely. When he finished he looked up at me with such intensity, I couldn't look away. I felt like I was under a spell, how did he do that? Edward grinned at me.

"Sorry, just showing off"

"It was lovely. What's it called"? Edward shrugged, he walked towards me and took my hand, his fingers were cool but I didn't mind, I felt too warm all of a sudden. Edward continued his tune by humming and lifted one of my hands to his shoulder. He placed his other hand around my waist. The embrace was far from intimate but I felt too close to him, his breath was tickling my forehead so I just stared at his neck. The top two buttons of his pale blue shirt were unfastened and I could see the hollow at the base of his neck. His pulse thumped away beneath his skin and I had an overwhelming urge to press my lips against it. Edward's humming was lulling me into relaxing and his feet started moving in time to his song, I followed like a lost puppy, uncomfortable with the slow dancing but unable to pull away. I wondered what his reaction would be if I just flung my arms around his waist and held him tightly to me? I could picture his horrified expression at my forwardness. "Would serve him right" I thought "All that masculine charm". Edward chuckled, causing me look up at him. He wasn't looking at me, just over the top of my head and I wondered again if he had known what I was thinking.

"For someone involved in a major pileup yesterday, you dance quite well" Edward chuckled. Spoken too soon, I tripped on my own feet, and caused us to lose the rhythm.

"So, you finally admit, the car crash was worse than you first let on"? I asked

"No Bella, I don't admit it. I was making a joke. You seemed like you needed an ice breaker." Edward was right. I felt out of control and fought to steady my breathing. Standing in a ballroom with a beautiful song being hummed in my ear and a gorgeous male swirling me around the dance floor was fairy tale based and not something I was used too. We had stopped moving but Edwards hand's remained holding mine. I wanted to feel some semblance of normal so rather than release his hold, which I was actually enjoying. I opted for a step backward. Edward's brow was furrowed with questions he obviously didn't have answers too. His hands released mine and found my face instead, his fingers sliding along my neck so my jaw was resting in his hand, his thumb lightly stroking my cheek. I fought the urge to close my eyes and murmur.

"Who are you"? I whispered.

Edward just stared into my eyes, no reply. I was expecting a jokey response, "Why I'm Superman, Bella, Untouchable by car crashes and the forces of nature. Gravity cannot hold me down, dumdumdum"! But Edward just looked at me. No-body had ever looked at me like that before. It was as though he could really see me, my thoughts, my soul. I felt naked under his perusal, worried I was showing too much emotion.

"I feel like I know you" He finally spoke, also in a whisper. "I know you so well...." His eyes fell to my jaw as he watched his thumb, then his gaze lingered on my lips, which I parted without thinking, my lips feeling suddenly dry, I licked them and his eyes widened at the action, almost as though I was tempting him in. Maybe I was. He was like a magnet to me, I felt incapable of anything around him. Why couldn't I tease him too? It pleased me to see I could make him react. Just kiss me already, I thought, but felt too unsure of myself to make the first move across the last few inches between us. He parted his lips too and I couldn't help but stare, willing him to move forward. He smiled. I realised with a blush he was paying me back for my innocent, ok not quite so innocent, kiss inviting, lip pout. I was obviously useless at it because Edward finally dropped his hands and stepped away from me. The cold air cooled my cheeks and I felt mortified that he had made me react to him so obviously.

"Maybe you're from another space and time"? He was referring to his earlier comment. "Maybe we have met before, briefly. We just can't place it".

I didn't reply. I didn't agree. Whatever it was, it was never brief, that I was sure of.

"No....." he agreed with my silent thoughts, "Its more than that, you know me too don't you?" He stepped towards me again but wanting to feel a little in control, I took a step back. "Bella" He simply said. I liked the way he said my name. His voice was as hypnotic as his eyes. He was right though, I was drawn to him, almost as if we were meant to know each other. It was irresistible.

"Yes" he said "You know me too".

Edward took my hand and turned to the doorway, "Come on" he announced "Let's get some fresh air. There's a special place I'd like to show you". His smile was back, breaking the intensity around us, as he led me from the room.

Edward was walking ahead of me, his strides long and sure, I on the other hand was finding the bracken and uneven woodland floor beneath my feet quite an obstacle. I was thankful for the coat Edward had passed to me as we left the house. It was freezing outside, with snowflakes, drifting to the ground in a soft haze. I didn't really think it was a good idea to walk in the woods whilst it was snowing but once again, Edward had me following like a lost puppy. My clumsy footing almost had me over on my knees more than once. Edward always stopped to assist me, and then he would keep on striding ahead, only glancing back at me to make sure I was still there or still upright. He eventually slowed and stood waiting patiently by a silver birch as I stumbled my way towards him. He laughed at me, twigs and leaves in my hair. I was about to tell him off for his lack of manners when I noticed the meadow spread before us. It was vast and made even more so by the blanket of snow lying gently upon the grass. The edges of the meadow where shelved with small hills, dunes, and smaller trees. Beyond the hills, dunes and trees was a view like a picture postcard. The river was running beneath us, flowing and churning its way along the forest floor, destination unknown. I remembered Edward's song on the piano. It fitted with the scene brilliantly. The mountains rising majestically along side, where filled with the tallest trees I had ever seen. They were reaching their branches to the sun, which was surprisingly warmer and much brighter up here.

"Wow" was all I could muster. This place was breath taking. The snow hadn't diminished its grandeur but had only added to it with a sparkle like glitter to the snowy floor of the meadow, when the sunlight filtered through the trees. I turned to Edward with a grin. "Thank you" I said

"You're welcome" He replied, quietly. "Have you never been here before"?

"No". I turned to the view again. "I've only been in Forks for a week. I haven't been anywhere really except to town and school".

I heard Edward approach me. He stopped behind me, his scent blowing towards me on the breeze. I inhaled deeply and wanted to lean back into his chest and feel his arms surround me. This almost overwhelming desire to do things that were only familiar and easy to lovers, kept rushing through me. I had to fight it. I walked forward and away from him.

"Do you come here often"? I joked, turning to him with a grin.

Edward laughed. "Yes, I drag unsuspecting females up here and have my wicked way with them"!

I laughed too, but the thought of Edward having his way with me, even wickedly, made my toes curl in anticipation. He stepped toward me and again, I stepped back. He didn't stop. I gave up moving and let him approach me. If I stepped back any further, chances are I would step right off the hill side and into the river far below us.

Edward's brow was furrowed again. "I thought you'd remember" he whispered.

What a strange thing to say, I thought. Remember what? How could I remember anything else when his fingers were reaching out to pluck the twigs from my hair, when his eyes clouded over and his scent intoxicated my senses. All that was happening to me was bizarre, but getter harder and harder to resist. I wanted Edward to kiss me. I knew he could see it in my gaze. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. When I opened them again, the sun had shifted and the glare bouncing of the snow, hit.

I squeezed my eyes closed against the brightness and heard a distant beep, voices, someone saying my name. I felt Edward grab my arms and I opened my eyes at the movement. I was lying on the snow covered ground, the chill starting to seep into my clothes. Edward was squatting on his hunches next to me, looking worried.

"You fainted" He stated. "Are you ok"?

"I fainted"? I answered. What was going on? The bright sunlight had caused me to feel disorientated but I had heard voices, beeping. I looked around us but Edward and I were alone. "Was someone here"? I asked.

"When"? He asked me.

"Just now, just this minute, did someone else come here, I heard people" Edward was shaking his head. "No Bella, we're alone. Not many people know about this place, it's ours.....it's my families. Are you sure you're ok"?

"No, Edward, I'm not ok. I'm getting a very cold and very wet bottom". Edward helped me stand. I turned to him. "I'm confused".

"By what"? He asked.

I felt brave. "By the accident" I turned away from him, obviously not that brave. "No one is telling me the truth, I know it. I'm also confused by you Edward. By the sudden storm and change in weather. Your family, but mostly by the way you make me feel". Edward was behind me again only this time his arms were around me like I had desired earlier. He pulled me against his chest and held me there, tightly. "I'm so confused" my voice was almost a whisper, none of my sentences making any sense.

"You needn't be". He responded "You know me"

"But that's just it Edward" I turned to face him, swivelling in his arms, they stayed around me only this time I was facing him and his hands were at my back. "I don't know you. You keep saying that but I don't. Sometimes I feel like I do, but you're a stranger to me".

Edward rested his forehead against mine, he closed his eyes, I watched his long dark lashes, flicker but his eyes didn't open. It wasn't right that a guy would have eye lashes like that, taken straight from a Maybelline advert! Any girl would be envious. Any other girl wouldn't be admiring his lashes but taking advantage of the closeness, I reminded myself. But moving in on Edward right now didn't seem right. He looked pained, like he had something to say but couldn't. There was much to him, he was constantly intriguing me. I wanted to ask but despite the embrace, I felt like I was intruding.

Edward's eyes opened and caught my stare. If I was awestruck before, now I was hypnotised. His eyes were like golden fire, burning with a need I didn't recognise but man, I wanted to fall right into them and have him show me. Edward looked right into my eyes too, my windows to my soul. I had never understood that statement before but at this precise moment I felt it. It was so real, like he could see into my very being and all those familiar feelings for him came flooding back, drowning me, I clung to his shoulders and instead of questioning the feelings, I welcomed them. I had felt them before, but only with him, only with Edward. I didn't know when or how, I just welcomed them like a friend coming home. His hands at my back gripped my coat and pulled me in tighter, his head swooped down and I closed my eyes, waiting for the feel of his mouth on mine. It never came.

I opened my eyes to see him staring off into the forest behind me. The sunlight had dimmed and something beyond the front line of trees had caught his attention. I heard what I could only describe as a growl, deep and low, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up!

"What is it"? I whispered.

"Let's go" Was his response. He turned, pulling me with him back the way we had come. Edward didn't once glance behind him and despite the nervousness I was feeling at the growling wood hidden entity behind us, I didn't turn either.

Esme had made hot chocolate. We sat before the fireplace in the large room I had occupied the previous evening. It was creamy and hot and totally decadent. I loved it. Esme was sat, feet curled up under her on the sofa leaning back into Carlisle's chest. He had one had holding his mug and the other running up and down Esme's arm, his finger tips tracing an invisible path. I looked away from their intimacy. It wasn't full on but I was just a little bit jealous of their closeness. I was sitting crossed legged on the floor, closer to the fire than anyone. Edward was relaxing back in an armchair, his feet raised on a foot stool. He was watching me. No doubt, taking note in his silent mind of my reaction to Carlisle and Esme. I felt more embarrassed by his gaze than by their actions. The family were talking easily about their day. I was reminded of Charlie and of the stilted conversations we had together, only ever talking because it was necessary. I did love Charlie, he was my dad, but we were not close. I felt sad for the argument we had had the day before and worried again that he was concerned about my whereabouts. Carlisle had retold to me that Emmett and Rosalie had suggested to Charlie that I wait another day due to the weather. They'd been passing Charlie's house on their way to a trip somewhere for the weekend. Charlie had agreed with the logic, Carlisle had said.

"Edward, why don't you play for us"? Esme suggested. "I feel so relaxed, your music would be ideal right now" She smiled easily at him. Edward seemed happy to comply. We took our hot chocolates and followed him into the large ballroom/dining room where the piano was located. Edward started to play. I hoped he would play the melody from earlier but once he began, the notes shifted and changed into another one I recognised.

"Ahhhh, Debussy" Carlisle murmured.

He took Esme in his arms and they waltzed to the enchanting tune, lost in each others eyes. Feeling awkward and a little alone I walked over to the piano and sat on a chair just behind Edward. I could see his fingers flowing over the keys and marvelled at his talent. I had nothing musical in me at all, usually refusing to dance as I had two left feet. In fact the only time I had never protested at being made to dance was earlier that day when Edward had held me in his arms. I couldn't play music either except on my stereo and I was sure that didn't count as a talent.

Edwards playing stopped and Carlisle brought his wife close to his chest, wrapping her in his arms as the last notes drifted through the room.

"Your turn" Carlisle smiled at me.

"What"?

"To dance"

"Ermm....I can't dance" I replied.

"Everyone can dance" He said "With the right partner". He winked at Esme.

"Well, I really can't" I started to feel a little nervous. I'd most likely step on his toes and break them with my heavy footing! Graceful was a word never associated with me.

"Well Edward will lead you, he's a good dancer" Esme joined in with the convincing. I hadn't realised they meant for me to dance with Edward. I could see they weren't going to let me get away with this. I could only hope Edward would help me out. Of course Edward was on their side and I shot him daggers as he chuckled, taking my hand in his and leading me out onto the dance floor. Esme sat at the piano and played a soft melody, it was slow and I guess she thought it would be ideal for my first dancing lesson. Edward placed my right hand on his shoulder and lifted my left hand out and up, just under shoulder level. He looked at me and waited. I started to feel uneasy, but I soon realised he wasn't waiting for me to perform some elaborate steps, possibly even start break dancing but was counting the beats. He started to move and I followed. I felt silly and was sure I wouldn't be able to keep up with him. The steps where simple ones and carried to the count of four. Not too difficult at all. I glanced down at my feet, surprised by their willingness to stay in time with Edward and watched them in awe, waiting for the moment they would trip on thin air and turn me into the clumsy idiot I usually was. Edward's finger raised my chin back up and he winked at me. Stay focused, Bella, I told myself, concentrate. The music picked up and with it our steps, I caught a glance of us in the long windows dotted around the room, we were gliding round the room like a couple of professionals. Standing straight and tall and suddenly I wished I was wearing something more ideal for a ballroom dancing session then creased jeans and a sweater. Edward laughed. I turned to look at him and realised it wasn't in mockery but because I was grinning like a Cheshire cat, from ear to ear. I was actually enjoying myself. I threw my head back and laughed too. And that is how we danced, through the whole song, grinning at each other like a couple of loons, spinning and twirling and holding onto each other's hands for dear life. The song came to an end and I felt disappointed. I loved it. I had actually enjoyed dancing and I hadn't tripped or stumbled. It was pure elation. To look me one would assume I had accomplished the Nobel Prize or something.

Edward and I stood in the centre of the room, still in the stance of the dance, breathing heavy from the exertion. Just grinning at each other.

"I told you" Carlisle chuckled "You just needed the right partner. Made for each other, wouldn't you say, Esme"?

My grin faltered, there was something in Carlisle's words.......seemed too true. Edward's smile changed from a wide grin into something less but equally as stunning. He truly took my breath away. That's just the dancing, I told myself. Of course it was another part of me mocked.

He led me over to a bench set just outside one of the long windows, it had been opened at some point but for the life of me, I hadn't noticed who had opened it or when. The lights in the room had been dimmed and Carlisle and Esme were nowhere in sight. Edward and I sat on the bench, he continued to hold my hand and we sat like that for a while. Just feeling the breeze and admiring the cloudless sky above us. It was so clear the colour was a deep blue rather than black and the stars dotted across the skyline where brighter than I had ever seen them. In fact, I had never seen a cloudless sky in Forks, ever. It was beautiful.

Despite the snowy night, I wasn't cold. I thought back over the past 24 hours and realised I had had an amazing time. Edward was here and his hand was in mine and I never wanted to let go. This boy I had met only a day previous had hold of more than my hand, he had my heart and I didn't want it back. I silently gave him my whole heart, asking for just a little something in return, a kiss maybe, but if that wasn't his wish then I was happy to just be here with him. How could this happen so quickly? I barely knew him. He was an enigma to me, so many questions, so many clichés, so many reasons for me to run from this house back to the safety of my own home. But I stayed sat next to him. Whatever his secrets, whatever his story, I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

Edward released my hand from his and placed his arm round my shoulder, pulling me into the nook of his side and rested his head atop mine.

"I love your smell" he inhaled. I didn't admit I loved his entire smell too and could happily drown in it. He took a lock of my hair in his fingers studied it closely. I was starting to wonder if he was looking for split ends when I noticed his furrowed brow again. Those unspoken questions where back again and I fought the temptation to reach up and smooth his worry lines away.

"You hold so much back from me" He spoke "I can feel you doing it. Why"?

"I think I'd frighten you to death if I acted on my thoughts" I admitted.

"Not possible" He said

"Edward" I breathed. I was falling under his spell again. "I frighten myself with my thoughts".

He thought this was amusing, and smiled at me. "Are you trying to tell me you're having indecent thoughts about me"? He mocked.

I decided to join in with him. "Maybe" I teased, lifting my head and winking "But that would be for me to know and for you to find out"!

"And how exactly would I do that, I wonder" He chuckled.

I could think of a way, but once again, the shy Bella took over and I decided not to beg him to take me in his arms and kiss the living daylights out of me. I had never wanted a kiss so much in my life, it felt like it was all I could think about. As if agreeing with my brain, my eyes found his lips. They were full and would make ideal pillows for the likes of mine. My thoughts were drawing me in closer to him, I just wanted to rest my weary lips against Edward's, to feel their softness, possibly taste his sweetness. Edward would taste sweet, I thought, how could he not be like honey. I closed my eyes and silently begged him to make the first move. I was sat like an idiot, lips puckered, eyes closed, how could he not read the signals? He took forever to respond and I started to think he wasn't going too. I began to open my eyes and pull away when he felt my submission and his hand around my shoulder tightened, he pulled me forward and pressed his lips to mine. He practically took my breath away.

His lips were soft, however his skin was not warm as I had expected but cold. I surmised it was from sitting outside but my face felt hot under my skin. I was sure it was burning the fingers he traced down my cheek. His face moved slightly to the side and his lips parted ever so slightly. I slipped my tongue out to taste him, I was sure it would be the nectar I had imagined and sure enough, when his tongue found mine, it was all I could not to whimper. His breathing was becoming more ragged as both his hands cupped my face and he deepened his kiss. I was positively melting under his caress, my hands snaked up and around his neck, pulling him closer, although that wasn't possible, with not a slither of air between us.

His hands left my face and whilst one moved into my hair, cupping the back of my head, as if to keep me near, his other hand trailed down my neck and stopped at my throat, he rested his finger tips on top of my pulse and I swear, I felt it quicken under his touch. I was sure he could feel it too. His lips left mine and began a sweet journey down my neck towards my pulse, nibbling and kissing on his way. My tummy tightened with the sheer pleasure of it and I hung my head back and allowed him more access. His breath was cool against my skin but I needed it, I was on fire. As he reached my pulse throbbing in the hollow of my throat he pulled back to look down into my eyes. His were burning again, that beautiful golden brown I had never seen in anyone's eyes before. Eyes on fire, pulling me in deeper.

"Do you want me"? He asked.

Stupid question, I thought. I was fighting to control my breathing and practically throwing myself at him.

"Do you want me now"? He asked me again.

"Forever" I replied.

"Forever" He repeated "Is such a long time, but with you, Bella, you would brighten all my days and nights" His fingers remained on my throat, silently counting the beats of my heart. I gazed at Edward, starting to feel the cold. His words were as sweet as his kisses. "Do you want to stay or go"? He asked.

"Stay" I answered.

Edward swallowed, his eyes falling to my fluttering pulse under his finger tips. "I'll walk you to your room"

The sudden space between us caught me off guard. My skin felt cold where his fingers had recently touched me. I said stay, had he misunderstood me?

We reached my door and Edward surprised me again by taking me back into his embrace and kissing me with such urgency, my beating heart fluttered, my tummy tightening again.

"I wish you would stay forever" He whispered and I suddenly found myself alone in the hallway. I needed to come back down to earth so I stumbled through the bedroom door, knocking the lamp of the table and tripping on a soggy towel I'd left on the floor earlier. I landed on the bed, my breathing sounding so damn loud in my ears. What the hell was that all about? I had no idea what had just happened but my confusion couldn't diminish my other feeling. I was euphoric. Edward had kissed me, he had kissed me with such need and I had reciprocated. I giggled in the darkness, reminded of a Valentines poem I had once read in a friend's card.

"I climbed the door and opened the stairs. Said my Pyjamas and put on my prayers. Turned off the bed and got into the light and all because you kissed me goodnight"!

Edwards kiss has totally befuddled me just like in the poem and his words......I pondered on his words for a moment. Were they as sweet as I had first imagined. Looking back now they seemed desperate for an answer, only I had no idea what that answer was. Not really. I had agreed to stay but he had taken me away from the magical night and bid me goodnight. Did he mean stay in his home? I agreed, we had connected somehow in the short time I had been there, but that didn't have to end when I went home. With a sudden feeling of dread, I couldn't help but feel like that was exactly what Edward was telling me. When I left his home, I would be leaving behind everything we had shared today. The thoughts were bleak and left me feeling empty and I lay on the bed longing for the feel of him against me, once again.


	3. Ch3 Unrequited Love

Ch3. Unrequited Love?

Love's first magic is not knowing that it may end...

I couldn't sleep. My brain was working overtime, trying to decipher the riddle that was Edward. Everything about him was unreal, but he had me intrigued. He had asked me to stay then lead me away from him. He had something to say but his words went unspoken. I was starting to forget how giddy he made me and felt rather angry with him instead. Was this some kind of joke to him? Did he enjoy mocking me? It was so obvious I had fallen for him, practically throwing myself at him on more than one occasion and then he would spout poetic words at me, sucker punch me right in the gut with his beautiful fiery eyes and sensual kisses then walk casually away from me! My emotions were quite a mixture of melting at the thought of him to rising in frustration at his games. I wanted to go home, back to Charlie and forget the madness of King Edward but I couldn't. I had been walking when I had been hit by his car. I had no transport and no real idea where Edward's house actually was. How far from town where we? Could I make it in the snow? I was mad at him and I wanted to walk right out the front door there and then. I walked to the window instead and sat on the bench. The snow had stopped falling and lay like a jewelled blanket across the landscape. Their home was a haven of splendour, the view from all angles of the house, picture perfect. I felt calmer.

Looking out across the treetops, I wondered where all this was leading. Could I have known Edward before? He seemed sure but I felt blocked, like I should be remembering something, like it was right there at the front of my brain but every time I tried to recall it, it slipped away. Like trying to remember the name of song but it evades you until you stop trying. Maybe I should just stop trying.

I lay my forehead against the window pane and closed my eyes. I wish I knew meditation, it was supposed to be good at calming the nerves. It's all in the breathing, they say, let's see, relax, take a deep breath and exhale.....concentrate and deep breath....exhale.

It wasn't quite working for me, maybe because I was starting to feel like a first time expectant mother at ante-natal class! I gave up and decided to just watch the clouds, forming shapes and blowing their way past the window.

I must have drifted off to sleep sat on the window bench because I woke feeling stiff and heavy. I tried to move my arms to help push me to my feet but there was that paralysed feeling from the previous morning, again.

There were noises, they seemed so distant. I tried to focus, because I couldn't open my eyes to locate them. Some sort of monitor, or alarm was louder by my head then the other noises. Soft voices, speaking in hushed tones like they didn't want to disturb someone. Was someone in my room? I tried turning my head towards them but felt a throbbing pain in my skull and wires tugging at my temples. What was going on? What was that noise? Where was I? I needed to see who was talking. I wanted to get their attention, to alert them to my consciousness. But my lips were too dry, like I hadn't sipped water in weeks. My throat was parched and I began to feel pain almost all over me. I felt drugged and lethargic but the panic rising in my chest pushed the lethargy aside and I struggled to sit up.

The monitor or alarm or whatever it was by my head, started beeping faster, the voices stopped and I heard a gasp.

"She's waking up"

Damn these wires, tugging at my skin, what was wrong with me? What had they given me? I was so exhausted and my body ached and all I wanted was to see who was there and ask them to help me.

"Shush Bella, lie back down, you need to rest now" The voice was closer to me, they had approached the bed, I turned my head and tried to prise open my eyes, they felt so heavy, like I was awaking from the deepest sleep. The voice placed a hand on my wrist and their touch was cold. Carlisle? Was that Carlisle?

I tried to speak but I was too dry, but desperation to understand what the hell was going pushed me on.

"Co...col...d ha...nnds " I murmured. I wasn't sure they had heard me or if my words were just incoherent noise to them but they released my wrist. "Car....." I couldn't manage anymore, I was exhausted. I wanted desperately to talk to them, to have them help me, there was an awful feeling of helplessness and I suddenly felt empty. Like I had lost something but couldn't remember what. Despair was the only way to describe it and I felt a tear spill over my cheek. The voice next to me moved, causing a gentle breeze to blow across my face and with the breeze was the scent of something so familiar.

Edward! I suddenly felt some hope. Edward. Where was he? Would he help me? Could he hear me? I struggled against the heaviness and the wires and tried again to sit up, I felt like laughing with glee when my exertion achieved my head off the pillow. It was all for nothing, cold hands pushed me back down and simply said "Sleep now." I complied. I had no fight left in me.

I came too with a start, my heart was pounding and my face was cold from being pressed against the glass of the window. It was a dream. But it felt so real. The empty feeling was still inside me. I lifted my fingers to my cheek and felt the residue of a tear. I had been dreaming but had reacted physically to it. My mouth felt dry so I stood and walked into the bathroom, returning with a glass of water. This had been one hell of a day and the night wasn't faring much better either. I went back to the window and sipped my water. A small movement in my peripheral vision made me glance down to the edge of the woods surrounding the driveway of the house. Someone was there. They stepped out of the darkness and stopped. They were wearing dark clothes and against the whiteness of the snow and the glow from the uncovered moon, I could see clearly that it was a male, but not his features. He was lifting his arm and wiping it across his face, almost like a barbarian would after eating. He then hunched down and rubbed his hands in the snow, stood and walked towards the garage at the side of the house. To say I was curious would be an understatement. I set my glass down and left my room. Treading carefully on the stairs I made my way down to the ground floor. The house was dark and appeared empty. I walked to the front door and peered out into the snow. The place the person had hunched was visible through the glass of the front door. I could see their foot prints and a dark stain on the small pile of snow he had just made. My heart was hammering in my chest but I had to know for sure what that dark stain was.

I quietly unlocked the door and taking a deep breath, I stepped out onto the porch.

I couldn't talk myself out of walking down the porch steps towards the stain. I guess the curiosity was just too much, I stepped forward. The air was quiet except for the sound of my feet crunching the snow. It was only a few paces away from me and I stopped to glance around, making sure no one was there, watching me. I didn't know who had stepped out of the forest, I didn't know what they had been doing but I knew I was scared. The stain had spread. The snow had soaked it up like a sponge. It was dark outside the house but I could see enough from the glowing moon and snow white background it lay upon that the stain was red.

Blood? It couldn't be? He had wiped his hands in the snow and what he had wiped away was blood? I had known it was a strange action, hence my curious investigation, but I hadn't known for sure. Now I could see what it was, I still wasn't sure. I was talking myself out of it. People don't walk out of woods in the middle of the night and wipe blood off their faces and hands. Not unless they were an axe welding murderer or a cannibal, I thought!

Stupid Bella, there has to be a reasonable explanation. Had I seen it right? I couldn't have. Maybe he was hurt and had used the snow to numb the injury? Where had he walked off too? I turned to the direction of the garage and followed his footsteps. I felt like one of those half dressed college girls you scream at in a horror movie, for being stupid enough to go walking through the woods, alone, towards the psychopath, only I wasn't half dressed or a college girl, but I was still walking towards the psychopath. The door was slightly ajar with a light spilling out into the darkness. I listened at the door for a moment until I was sure there was no longer anyone inside.

Inside the garage I could see Carlisle's black car, a motorbike and another car covered with a very large blanket. I walked over and lifted the blanket off. The car beneath was a wreck. The front end buckled in so far, the engine would've trapped the driver's legs inside. It was a curved dent, like one made from a tree! This was the car that had hit me. I was sure of it. There was blood on the driver's seat and dashboard. I could see a circular mark on the windscreen, no doubt made with my head. The shattered glass spiralled out from the centre point, all the way across the entire screen. Above the large crushed front end of the bonnet, just under the windscreen was another dent, like a hollow, I could only imagine this is where I had landed before my head had hit the glass. I stood open mouthed in shock at the wreckage before me. I was no expert but I wasn't stupid either and they had treated me like I was. There was no way on this planet, that anyone had "walked" away from this uninjured. I could see the damage I had created with my bumpy landing and I only had a headache and tender arm to show for it. It wasn't right, they had lied to me. Edward could not have stepped out of this without a scratch. I sat on the floor, still clutching the blanket that had covered the wreck. What was going on?

It didn't take me long to surmise that if Edward was walking around unscathed then he wasn't the one who was driving this car.

It couldn't possibly have been him.

But who had been driving and where was he? Had he died? Had they buried him in secret and brought me here until they could ascertain how much I knew? I no longer felt like a guest in their home, but a prisoner.

The excuses they told to stop me leaving? How could the weather stop them from taking me home when Emmett and Rosalie had gone away for the weekend? They had mentioned an Alice but I hadn't met her yet, was she even real? The questions just kept coming.

My imagination was starting to run riot but I had no answers, just evidence of lies. How could I not overreact? This was all too much. I felt disconnected. I ran over the last two days in my head: I had been hit by a car. I had been taken to a home where they had possibly only pretended to care for me, but care for me they did. They had told me the crash wasn't bad and that the driver was Edward and he was unhurt. Edward had charmed me when in reality he probably wouldn't have looked at me twice, the clumsy and plain Bella Swan. I had found the car wreck they had lied about. There was the strange man walking out of the woods, cleaning his face and hands off blood. What were they hiding and why was I here? Was I just a player in their game? Did Edward care at all or had I imagined it? Was this just the wishful thinking of a besotted school girl?

Then there were my dreams, of being immobile, hurt and drowsy, of people watching over me, a noisy monitor. Was that the dream or was it this, everything in this home, my feelings and the people?

Was Edward a dream too?

My head seemed cloudy, like I knew something else but I couldn't find it, I couldn't focus. I didn't want the house to be the dream, I didn't want Edward to be the dream, I wanted all he had said to me to be real. What we had shared, what I had felt. If it was a game plan, I no longer cared, I would be his pawn. I just wanted to be away from the wreckage before me, it made a mockery of me, taunting me with its twisted metal and the obvious truth in its misshapen form. I wanted Edward to be real because in the short time I had known him he had made me feel more than any other person. I had felt alive, whole, complete, like I had found something I didn't even know I had been searching for. I couldn't stop my tears, they spilled down my face and I just couldn't stop them. I tried to suppress the sobbing because I didn't want anyone to find me, especially the axe welding psychopath/cannibal who could still be about. But the more I tried to control the sobs the harder it became to breath. I couldn't find air and I couldn't control my crying anymore. So there I sat, clutching a dirty blanket in front of a car wreck, gasping and sobbing and pressing my hands over my mouth to try to quiet the noise I was making.

Edward. My dream, was it the drowsy Bella, sleepy and immobile or was it you?

"Better to never have known you in my dreams than to wake and reach for arms that are not there"*

I whispered a quote I had learnt in an English Literature exam. It had moved me but only for its poetry. I whispered it now because it was true. I didn't want to wake and find the dream had been Edward all along and the reality was he was no longer there, existing only in my memories.

Eventually, my legs became numb from sitting on the cold concrete garage floor and my crying had ceased. I placed the blanket back over the wreck and left the garage. I made my way slowly back to my room and fell into bed, desperate for the warm blankets to defrost my frozen bones. I had no idea what I would say to any of them in the morning, or how I would feel when I saw them. I don't think I even wanted to know the truth. I just accepted all they had told me because that way I could keep him and stay like he had asked me too.

I had fallen in love with Edward, in such a short space of time but just as quickly, it felt like that was being whisked away, leaving me empty and hollow inside. The realisation that I cared for someone more than they might care for me hurt so damn much. It wasn't fair. Love had made me feel happy, I had never known true happiness, until I had felt that love but now, now all I knew was pain, because I may have lost it. Whatever their reason for lying to me, right now I was only worried about one thing, that Edward might not have ever really cared for me at all.

The morning light filtered through the windows and left the room in a warm and sunny glow. I took my time showering and changing into clothes that belonged to a stranger and made my way downstairs. I could hear three voices in the kitchen but when I entered the occupants totalled four. The newbie was not as tall as Edward, and his hair was a dirty blonde, tied back at the nape of his neck into a ponytail. He was wearing jeans, a white vest and a brown leather jacket. His eyes were blue and insignificant compared to the eyes of another. He stopped talking when I walked in and smiled. Carlisle and Esme bid me good morning, smiling too and I could see nothing hidden in their warmth. If they were deceiving me, they were damn good.

Edward had his back to me, sat at the kitchen table.

"Someone was outside the house last night. He came from the trees and was wiping his hands in the snow." I decided I would try the blunt approach. For a few seconds, no body spoke. I cleared my throat. "The mess on his hands was blood."

Carlilse, Esme and Edward all turned to look at the newbie.

"First, introductions, second, explanations" Newbie said, his voice deep and throaty, I almost expected him to start coughing to clear it. Tilting his head to the side, he smiled. He seemed amused by me.

"James" He held out his hand.

"Bella" I shook it, his fingers closed round my hand slowly and held on for a touch longer than was necessary. Like the others, his touch was cold. I pulled my hand free.

"I'm a...friend of the family, Bella. I came for a brief visit, passing through, you know how it is. I arrived late, fancied a smoke but as Esme doesn't like smoking in the house, I stayed outside, just inside the trees." He shrugged, "I was hoping I would go unnoticed." He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this but..." He laughed, shaking his head "I gave myself a nose bleed!"

"How did you manage that?" Esme asked.

"It was what he was smoking, Esme" Edward mumbled, still with his back to me. James laughed "Don't judge me Cullen, it's not like you never tried it!"

Both Esme and I gasped and turned to Edward. He stood from his chair, looked at James with nothing short of contempt before walking out the kitchen. James laughed again, but I don't think anyone else understood the joke, because he was the only one. Carlisle and Esme followed Edward's departure. I wanted to join them.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you James" I turned to leave

"Are you Cullen's girlfriend?" His question was straight to the point, but I could hardly tell him to mind his own business when I had acted the same way only minutes earlier.

"You're not his usual type" James was staring at me. "Bet you thought all you're Valentine's days had come at once, eh?"

I looked up at him, face burning. He was being cruel and he was enjoying it. James was staring back at me, searching my features, trying to establish what Edward saw in me.

"I'm not his girlfriend" I replied, I lifted my shoulders, ready for a fight, I wasn't sure why, he just seemed the type. "We're just friends."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't even deserve that"

"What do you mean?"

He didn't reply. I shook my head. "You don't seem to have a very high opinion of him"

"I don't" James turned to leave, then paused and turned back to me, "You should go home Bella, go home and move on with your life" His voice had changed from spiteful to calm and quiet.

"How exactly am I supposed to do that?"I whispered, my eyes filling with tears, I blinked, I didn't want him to see them.

He shrugged. "I don't know"

I watched James walk away, I had no idea what he had been referring too, but I had assumed it was to leaving the house. I had been referring to Edward. I escaped to the library looking for somewhere to hide. I needed to think. I had so many questions and only one had been answered: the man in the woods. The rest were still a mystery.

Someone in this house was lying to me. I had evidence to prove that it was Edward. I just didn't want to believe it.

The library was small, but was well stocked with books lining all four walls from floor to ceiling with only a slither of a window between shelves, splitting the mass. There was a small cd player and a selection of albums stacked on the shelf next to it. I picked one I recognised, Enigma's Sadness part 1. It seemed fitting for my train of thought for that's what Edward was to me, a total Enigma and with that realisation came sadness, for I didn't think I would ever truly know him. I slipped the cd in and pressed play. The voice breathing through the speakers filled the room and I sat on the chair in the middle of the room and let the music surround me. I had once been told this album had been created for lovers, they were supposed to play the songs, and be one with each other, in time to the melody. I couldn't deny the music was erotic and my questions about Edward soon turned to fantasies. I remembered his sweet kisses, could still feel the pressure of his soft lips against mine, I closed my eyes and imagined him kissing me like that again only this time his hands didn't stop at my throat but carried on down my body, I tingled where I imagined he touched me, burning a pathway down my skin.

A movement in the room made me sit up right with a start. My heart was pounding. Edward was in the room with me. I prayed I hadn't been talking or murmuring out loud. My face burned. He walked towards me, tilting his head.

"Interesting choice of music" He smiled "Waiting for someone?"

I didn't reply. What could I say? "Actually Edward I was waiting for you, thinking about your hands on my body....." I don't think so!

"Where's James?" He asked me.

I shrugged.

"He's not good for you Bella."

"And I suppose you are" There was more venom in my voice than I intended.

"Why not?" He shrugged. I could forgive Edward his confusion, I was being hostile and he didn't have a clue why. I was happy to indulge myself with images of him being with me like I really wanted, but I was not happy to listen to his lies anymore. I needed answers and my straightforwardness had succeeded earlier, why not now?

"Because you're lying to me"

Edward didn't move. I swallowed. I had felt brave, now I was unsure. He watched me. His silence was unnerving me.

"I saw the car, Edward" I was speaking quietly now, not looking at him, when I looked at him, I felt myself melting, so I didn't look. I needed to be angry so I could say what I needed too.

"I know your lying to me, I just don't know why"

I waited but he still made no move, nor sound.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" I dared to look up at him, he was watching me but instead of panic or anger on his face like I expected, he just looked.....lost.

"Please Edward, I...I just need to know. So many things don't make sense to me, a lot has happened, not all of it bad but if I continue to think up my own answers, I'm afraid you won't like the conclusions." There was nothing. It wasn't going to work this time, I walked past him towards the door, his hand reached out and caught my arm. He had stopped me but still said nothing. Two can play at that game, I decided, if he had nothing to say I wasn't going to beg. Edward pulled me back round to face him, he wasn't looking at me but he was touching me, gently moving his hand up my arm, towards my neck, he traced a line with his finger to my jaw and back down my throat, over my collar bone and down my chest, my breath caught as his finger stopped midway between my breast and my collarbone. My chest was rising with each breath. I silently dared him to continue. He obeyed my silent plea by tracing his finger over towards my shirt button, and with a gentle flick he opened it. I watched him closely but his eyes remained focused on my shirt and his finger. He moved down to the next one, flick, open, I could feel the cool air in the room brush against my skin and the tightening in my tummy again. Edward's breath was as heavy as my own, I could feel it against my jaw, he lowered his head and gently kissed the collarbone his finger had stroked, his lips were so gentle, it was merely a tickle but the affect was like a kick in my stomach. I wanted to move my hands up to his hair, run my fingers through it, feel the thickness between them, grab it and pull his face to mine, but my arms remained by my side. It was Edward's move.

He moved his hand down the opening in my shirt, through the centre of my breasts, his finger trailing across my skin, cool on heat, giving me goose bumps, it felt so good I couldn't move. He raised his head and kissed my jaw, next to my chin then along to just under my ear. He was slow and gentle and it was killing me. Death by sexual frustration! What a way to go!

He pushed his hand inside my open shirt and round my waist to my back, where his fingers stroked up my spine to the nape of my neck. His other hand cupped my cheek and his face pressed against mine, his mouth close to my ear, I could hear his breathing, heavy like mine and again, my tummy tightened. He pulled me closer until my body was in line with his, from thigh to shoulder I could feel him, he was stronger under my touch than he appeared, my hands snaking their way around his neck and over his shoulders, down his arms and back up again, this time I dragged them down his side and rested them on his hips, pulling him closer to me, I could feel him. He still hadn't kissed me and I was melting inside. He moved the hand on my face to my hair and turned his head slightly, kissing the corner of my mouth, slow again, he moved his other hand away from my neck, out of my shirt and up to the other side of my face, and held me captive with his hands. Edward lifted his eyes to mine and stared straight into my soul, he wanted me too, I could see it in the burning behind his eyes, he couldn't fake that, he couldn't possibly. Whatever happened now was the truth and everything else inconsequential.

Edward's lips eventually found mine, his mouth parted and his tongue tasted me. I clung to him, my hands on his hips, hoping my legs would hold me up. His hands left my face again and ran down my sides, his thumbs brushing the sides of my breast slightly. I felt my nipples tighten and moaned into his mouth. Edward's lips left mine and found my neck. I trembled and clung onto him tighter. His touch was tormenting me, the torture of it like ecstasy. I wanted to take this further, wondered at his intentions, would he continue until we writhed on the floor of the library, naked and in time to the music still playing?

Suddenly thinking of the library and the music gave me some clarity. Edward had made his move on me rather than answer my questions. He had silenced me with his touch. I felt stupid. I released my grip on his hips and pushed against them, turning my head so he could no longer access my neck, I pushed again until he was staring at me, his eyes full of questions.

"You fucking prick" I stammered. His hands were still at my waist, I stumbled back so I could get away from him, "That's twice now you've made a fool of me" I pointed my finger at him "It won't happen again"

I turned on my heel and ran from the library, leaving Edward staring after me. He didn't stare for long.

"Bella" He raced out after me. "Bella" he called, taking two stairs at a time he soon caught up with me "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You, Edward Cullen are a prick"

"Yeah, I remember you saying, can I be an even bigger prick and ask why?"

"You, you and your damn kisses, you did that just to shut me up. I asked you a question and you hid behind those come to bed eyes of yours and kissed me. You think I'm stupid. You think I'm so stupid that I would just fall into your arms and forget that this whole house is a fucking lie"

"Lie? What the hell are you talking about? Your here, you can see its real"

"I know the house is real Edward, I was referring to everyone in it, you prick"

"Can you stop calling me that?"

"Prick"

"Bella"

"You know what I mean." I stopped shouting. "You know exactly what I mean"

"The crash was worse than we let on" His admittance stunned me. I hadn't expected that.

"There you go again, pulling the rug out from under my feet. You're such a prick"

"I can't win with you"

"You almost did" I reminded him, then blushed. This wasn't the time to make jokes about the library and our....intimacy, but I was glad I had, because he smiled.

"Well, I would say you were the winner, in there, Bella" He stepped up towards me, standing on the stair beneath the one I stood on, leaving his face level with mine.

"How is that so?" I asked

"Because, Bella, you make me lose all control. I only have to be near you, smell your skin, see you smile, and I'm lost"

It was my turn to be quiet.

"Whatever I have, it's yours, I give my everything to you"

"Including your heart?"I asked, tentatively.

"Including my heart" He agreed

"Good, then tell me why you're lying to me. Right now, that's all I want from you, your truth."

"I can't tell you" He sighed

"Why not"

"Because....."

"Because is not an answer Edward, stop being a prick"

"Are we back to that again?"

"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I'm just so annoyed at you. I know you're hiding something and I think I deserve to know what it is, after all, I've hidden nothing from you, not even my feelings"

"Your feelings? Do you have feelings for me, Bella?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, explain it to me"

"Your being a prick again"

"And you're being rude again"

"I thought it was obvious"

"You said that already. Are you stalling?"

I laughed, "No Edward, I'm just scared"

"Of what?" He smiled at me.

"You"

"Me?"

"Yes"

"Why would you be scared of me?"

"Well, not of you exactly"

"Then of what?"

"Edward"

"You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine" He flashed me a very cute but crooked smile. There goes my tummy again, I thought.

"I think I'm in love with you and I'm scared that whatever is going on won't matter anymore because of me loving you and it should still matter because it's not right for you to be so deceitful"

"You think you're in love with me?" Edward frowned

I squared my shoulders, ready for him. I had just opened my heart and he looked ready to fight.

"Yes!"I stated

"Well, that's rather disappointing"

"It is? Why?" I felt my confidence slipping. Edward looked back at me. His eyes found mine and held them with his own. "Because I **know** that I love you, Bella. Your voice makes me tremble inside and your smile is an invitation for my imagination to go wild"

I grinned "That's all sexual" I protested.

"Is it? Does that mean I'm being a prick again?"

I punched him lightly on the arm. "Edward, why is the car a total wreck and yet your ok?"

Edward frowned. "The truth?" He asked me. I nodded.

"The truth, Bella is that I can't tell you"

I felt disappointment. I really thought we were covering some ground and that my admission would spark something in him. He pressed his finger under my chin, lifting my eyes back to his.

"I promise you, I want too, just not right now"

"Well, when then?" I asked. He shrugged. "None of this is real" I replied. "People don't walk away from car crashes without a scratch, not crashes that leave cars looking like that anyway. It's like a movie or something, and then there's you, too good to be true as well as invincible. What is this? A damn fairy tale?"

"What's wrong with that?" He asked me "That once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale."

"Prick" I whispered as his lips found mine.

"Bitch with the key to my heart" He responded. I punched his arm again. "Is abuse and bad language going to be a natural part of this relationship?"

"Why the hell not?" I winked. "We already have secrets and lies."

"I can't tell you the truth" He began "Not yet anyway but at least know this to be the truth" he kissed me "That I love you."

"I love you too" I whispered.

*Quote taken from Otomo No Yakamoci


	4. Ch4 Sunday Fun Day

Ch4 Sunday Fun day

"Seduce my mind and you can have my body.... Find my soul and I am forever yours...."

The new found confidence we had both discovered, the ability to relax and say what we were feeling was like an exhilarating ride to us, we kept looking at each other and whispering the words again and again, saying our names, just so there was no confusion as to whom the words were directed at.

We were smiling and touching each other's faces and hands and to an observer, no doubt we were nauseating.

We spent the day talking, and walking around outside the house, then back to the library when our toes needed defrosting from the cold. Edward lit the fire and we sat, chatting like a couple of kids. We talked about music and books, and television and food and everything else we could think of that meant we "knew" each other.

Edward played his favourite songs on the stereo, encouraging me to agree with his taste. I liked a lot of them which made me happy to realise we had more in common than just our feelings for each other.

Edward asked about my likes and dislikes which made me love him even more, if it were possible, for not just asking me but for also listening to my replies and for actually appearing interested. When our discussion turned to literature, we laughed at our disagreements. Edward preferred Keats more than Shakespeare.

"How can you say that? He was responsible for the greatest love story ever told!"

"I'm not convinced" Edward teased "Tell me something that he wrote that should have my toes curling!"

"Ok.....I'm a bit embarrassed, so don't laugh at me!" I stood in front of him, tapping my toes with my hands on my hips. "Edward! You're not helping!" He was chuckling to himself, not even trying to contain his mirth.

"I'm sorry, I'm just excited" He shrugged, innocently.

"Oh? And what are you excited about?"

"You of course" Edward pulled me down so I was sitting in his lap. "I'm sorry, I promise to be good"

I kissed him trying to distract him but he was one step ahead of me. Pushing me away, and gently tucking my hair behind my ear, he waited.

"Ok.... "I squared my shoulders and faced him, looking deep into his eyes and almost immediately feeling lost in them I spoke, softly and honestly "I love thee, I love only thee. With a love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old. I love thee, I love only thee."

Edward didn't say anything at first he just looked back at me then gently kissed me till it was my toes that were curling.

"I think I'm gonna hurl!"

Our heads spun around at the unexpected voice behind us. Standing in the doorway was a group of observers, not the slightest bit ashamed for their interruption.

Carlisle and Esme were stood close together, with arms round each other, grinning at us and looking back at each other with a knowing glance. Next to them were two people I didn't recognise. The male was tall and very well built, I had no doubt he could crush me in a bear hug, if he wanted too. He was really cute with dark hair and dimples when he smiled. His neighbour was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I tried to place her, imagining her face on the cover of the glossy's or in films, for she was undeniably unforgettable but the irony being that I couldn't remember from where I should know her.

Carlisle introduced them as Emmett and Rosalie Hale. Rosalie was Edward's older sister and Emmett, was her husband. She didn't look much like Edward, of course they were both stunning to look at, but where Edward's hair was darker with bronze tints when the light caught it, Rosalie's was blonde and tumbled down her back in soft waves. Her skin was also pale like Edward's but her eye's a dark blue, resembling violet.

"Excuse Emmett, Bella, he really is uncouth" Esme laughed at the blush creeping up my face. They had walked into a very intimate scene, the open fire, the dimmed room, music playing quietly in the back ground, me sat in Edward's lap and quoting Shakespeare of all things! Oh the shame!

I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

They laughed, including Edward.

We spent the remainder of the evening eating Chinese take away and for Emmett, ridiculing me for the finger down the throat scene he had witnessed earlier. It seemed Emmett was partial to jokes and jibes and I was his newest victim.

"I'm sorry Bella" He joked "You just make it so easy!"

At a rather ungodly hour, we bid everyone goodnight then Edward walked me upstairs. When we reached my bedroom door, I didn't want to say goodbye so I held onto his hand, refusing to let go as he tried to walk away.

Edward laughed, "If you don't let go, I'll end up coming inside with you."

"Maybe that's what I'm hoping for!"

He raised his brows "Really?"

I laughed. He looked so cheeky and so damn cute. It was all I could do not to drag him inside and show him how delicious he looked to me right now.

"Bella" He said softly "Do you want me to come inside?"

"In more ways than one" The words were out before I had even thought them! I was mortified!

Edward laughed again "You saucy wench!"

"Wench?" I couldn't help myself he was so funny "We're not in the 1900's you know!"

It was Edward's turn to blush, he looked so irresistible. "Edward, come in with me, I don't want to say good night yet" I pouted.

"Whatever my lady wants..." Edward opened the door "My lady gets" He gently pulled me inside.

"Well if that's the rule tonight...." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"Behave yourself..." He leaned round me to kiss my neck and pushed the door closed "Wench!"

We lay on the bed, facing each other, still chatting, we had much left to say, it was all waffle but we didn't care. Sleep would mean leaving each other.

Edward brushed my hair away from my face, looking at my lips, inviting me closer for a kiss. It was soft and we alternated our heads so Edward's nose was above mine then back to his nose being under mine. In between pecks, we would smile at each other. I felt like a love sick teenager, which was exactly what I was! I didn't care. Edward made me happy, and I was positive I made him happy too. Surely that was all that mattered?

Edward pulled back a little. "We should sleep."

"Perchance to dream?" I asked.

He groaned "Shakespeare again?"

I laughed. He was teasing me.

I turned my back to him and nestled my bottom closer to his body, spooning each other as if it was the most natural position in the world to us. He continued to stroke my hair.

"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion. I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more. For I could be martyr'd for my religion, as love is my religion and I could die for love. I could die for you." Edward whispered in my ear, I was surprised at first, then realised it was Keats, he was returning the sloppy sentiment with one of his own, well one of Keats's anyway.

"I'll be impressed when you stand and announce that type of sloppy bull to a room full of strangers." I threw back at him over my shoulder, pretending the words hadn't touched me more than they actually had.

Edward chuckled "You think my spouting poetry to you is bull? Talk about denting my ego"

"I'll just have to make it up to you" I snuggled in closer.

Edward groaned, "Continue moving like that and you will!"

I laughed. Sleep was going to be impossible. I was content to just lie there and be in his arms, were I belonged. But sleep we did, warm and cosy and holding each other close.

_______________________________________________________________________________

The next morning greeted us with warm sunshine flowing through the windows. Edward and I were still curled around each other in sleep. I woke first with the realisation that if the sun was shining, it may melt the snow and I would be going home. The thought of going home made me sadder than it would have the day before.

Edward mumbled in his sleep and turned away from me, removing his arm from my hip and turning onto his back. I watched him. He was so gorgeous and lying in my bed, in my arms. I was amazed by him, constantly.

I was feeling slightly paranoid about haystack hair and morning breath so took my opportunity to escape to the bathroom. When I returned, showered and minty fresh, Edward was awake. He was sitting up, resting back on his elbows.

"I thought you'd abandoned me" He said.

"I would never!" I replied indignantly. "But I was beginning to wonder if you would ever wake up, I'm starving, aren't you?"

"Only for your body" He growled, pulling me towards him.

"Edward, the sun is shining"

"Hmmmmmm" He mumbled, lifting my wet hair off the back of my neck and kissing it softly, tummy tightening and toe curling reaction, in all one.

"That means I'll be able to go home"

Edward stopped and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

"I don't want to go home"

"Me neither"

"You are home"

"For Christ's sake woman!" He spun me round so I was lying on my back and jumped on top of me, holding himself above me with his arms. I couldn't resist running my hands up them, feeling his strength.

"We should go down for breakfast"

"Or we could stay up here and-" Edward copied my move from last night and raised his eyebrows suggestively "Eat!"

I raised my brows back at him and took a deep breath, I'd love nothing more and was about to take him up on his suggestion when my tummy growled in protest. The single, most sexiest moment since the library completely ruined by an empty stomach.

Edward laughed then said he'd meet me in the kitchen as he made his way back to his own room to freshen up and change his clothes.

Carlisle was sat at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper when I entered.

"Morning Bella"

"Good morning Carlisle. Esme" I returned. She smiled her greeting then handed me a bowl of cereal before continuing with her daily routine of fussing over everyone.

"Carlisle," I began "Will I be going home today?"

"Well, about that Bella." He put down his paper and looked at me, showing a sympathetic face. "Your father came up to the hospital last night, I was on night shift, we had a DOA from a car crash. Your Dad was taking statements but he also wanted me to give you this." He handed me an envelope. "He has to go to Chicago, some trial needs him to testify, apparently some psycho they caught over there, is also linked to a couple of crimes here and your Dad was summoned two days ago. He wanted to ask if you could stay here with us, until he gets back. He was worried about you being at home, alone"

I took the envelope from Carlisle and looked back at him. I was going to stay.

It was all I could not to jump out of my seat and start body popping in the kitchen. I contained my grin, because the sympathetic face Carlisle was wearing was for my benefit. He thought I would be upset at staying a little longer, especially after my insistence someone take me home over the past few days. But obviously, things had changed. I was so fucking happy I jumped up when Edward came in and ran at him.

"Whoa" He grunted as I knocked the wind out him with my hug.

"I get to stay" I grinned

"Really?"

"Hell yeah"

"Cool" He grinned back at me.

"I'm just going to read this in private" I waved the envelope in Edwards face and dashed out of the kitchen, to my favourite room in the house, the library.

The letter from Charlie, pretty much told me everything Carlisle had. But Dad also gave more details about the psychopath. He was pretty fucked up by the sound of things. He's MO resulted in his raping his victims but only after they had been stabbed several times. He would then decapitate them before dumping the bodies in visible areas such as children's playgrounds. The heads were never found. They believed he had kept them as "Souvenirs". He truly was sick and twisted and I wished they had found him in another state so they could fry the bastard.

Despite the sweater I was wearing, I shivered.

"You ok?"

Edward was standing in the doorway, looking concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Honest. Just Dad" I waved the letter at Edward "filling me in on the finer details of his job."

Edward walked over to me and put his arms around me. He breathed in deeply and held me tighter.

I patted his hands around my tummy "I'm ok" I breathed "Let's do something fun today"

I turned to face him so I could kiss him, an occupation I would never grow tired off. He had the softest lips.

"Ok" He smiled "What the lady wants-" He raised his brows again, making me laugh, I loved him just a fraction more for that.

The fun day out intrigued the others and so we set out, a party off six, to go sledging. When Emmett had first suggested sledging, I was more than a little uneasy. The clumsy part of me was naturally worried and unfortunately, that part took up quite a large portion of Bella Swan!

Of course, the only sympathy I got was from Esme, Emmett just found it hysterical and another thing to throw back in my face later, when he thought he was being funny.

"You can sit on mine, if you like" Edward chuckled.

The innuendos were appearing more frequently now and in the words of Justin, I was loving it! The flirty side of Edward was just as delicious as the others. His words prompted images of exactly what he was suggesting to flash through my mind. It made me hot and horny! He was lucky I didn't pounce on him in the middle of the garden.

We dressed for the weather. It may have been sunny but the snow was still thick all around us and with the gentle breeze, it was definitely still chilly.

The men dragged the sleighs up the hillside behind the Cullen house, and the ladies followed. We didn't act like ladies though, we shouted sexist comments at them, throwing in "Phwoars" and "Look at that gorgeous arse" as well as "Check out those rippling muscles!" which just made them wiggle their arses and strike stupid poses on the hillside.

The laughter was loud and refreshing and I was the happiest I had been in a very long time.

When we reached the top of the hill and I looked back down at the trail we would use, I was suddenly scared and ready to back away from the sledge with my hands up begging them for mercy. It was such a steep decline. There was no way I could steer past the trees at a high speed. I would either crash into one of them or into the house at the bottom, no doubt breaking something, like my neck. I didn't even drive my car fast, why did I think I'd enjoy this?

Emmett and Rosalie settled themselves onto their sleighs, separate of course, as they had no fears, and a lot more experience at this then me, for which I was envious.

"Eat my snow dust!" Emmett shouted back over his shoulder at Rosalie as he pushed himself off the top of the hillside. He practically flew.

"Emmett, you moron, you didn't count to three!" Rosalie yelled after him as she too, launched off the hill and sped towards him, following his tracks. Their whoops and screams echoed back up to us and I watched in horror, hands over my mouth as they hurtled full throttle towards the house, dodging trees with lightening reflexes.

I was impressed but waited with my heart in my mouth for them to come to a stop. It was merely seconds before Emmett flew into the garden and crashed into the pile of logs stacked against the brick Bar-b-Que. Rosalie was close behind, whizzing past him to stop by the back door, as he was lying on the ground making snow angels. Her stop was a lot more graceful then his.

She jumped off her sleigh and fell on top of Emmett where they proceeded to roll around in the snow, laughing.

Their walk back up was long and slower because of their exertion and they arrived back by our sides at the top of the hill, some 20 minutes later, red faced, breathless but looking to the world, like they had just had the time of their lives.

"Ready?" Edward had stepped up behind me and spoken softly in my ear.

I nodded. I wasn't ready and couldn't speak for fear I would choke on my stomach! It was sitting in my throat and making it really hard to catch my breath or to talk.

"You don't have to do this" Edward whispered.

I swallowed past the lump "I just need a minute" I whispered back.

"Hey Bella, You're not gonna chicken out are ya?" Emmett chuckled behind us. Rosalie smacked him on the arm.

I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath and turned. "Hell No!" I stomped over to the sleigh.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"Getting ready to sleigh" I replied, a little short tempered with the stupid question.

"No, get on mine with me" He patted the front of the sleigh, between his legs.

"Ooohhh is the ickle baby scared?"

I tilted my head and pursed my lips, I was going to kill Emmett, but not until I had landed safely in the garden with all my bones intact.

"I'm going alone!" I stated to Edward.

"Like hell you are! For fucks sake, shut up Em!" He shouted over his shoulder, Emmett was doing a dance around Rosalie, chanting and taunting me.

"I'll be ok" I swallowed. Why was I being so stubborn?

"Bella, you are not sleighing down this hill on your fucking own, now get over here or I'll come get you!"

"Edward's right Bella, this is your first time, you should take it easy. He knows how to guide it better than you would" Esme's comment was innocent and made in reference to the sleigh, but it was just too much for Emmett.

"Haha, its Bella's virgin ride, best go easy on her now, Edward! Ooze her in gently! Edwards got experience, kid, let him drive!" Rosalie swiped at Emmett again and Edward bellowed

"SHUT THE FUCK UP EM!"

"Emmett, that's enough! Bella, get on the sleigh with Edward." Carlisle steeped forward, taking command.

I walked over towards Edward. He was sat on the sleigh, far back with his legs wide enough for me to slide between, his hands gripping the rope which would guide us.

He smiled at me. Emmett's words floated over on the soft chilly air "Bella's a virgin, Bella's a virgin" He was snickering and whispering to Rosalie but I could hear him clearly. I'll show him, I thought and changed course quickly. Before anyone could stop me, I jumped onto the other sleigh, grabbed the rope-steering-wheel-thingy and pushed with my legs until I was hovering over the edge. The others had also heard Emmett and their attention was, momentarily focused on him. They didn't see me move until I was at the edge. My legs didn't quite have the strength that Emmett's or Rosalie's had so my start was a lot slower than theirs had been. I teetered on the edge of the drop, instantly feeling regret at being so pig headed! It was so high.

"JESUS BELLA!" Esme screamed behind me.

It was too late. I had teetered for long enough, the snow gave way and off I went. My eyes were closed as fear took over me. I may have started off slow but the momentum had hold of me and it was forcing me down the hill with a speed that matched Emmett's sleigh run. I had no idea if the fact that I weighed a lot less then he did would make me go faster or slower. I felt trees whizzing past me, a branch reaching out and scratching my cheek, Shit!! I should open my fucking eyes! I did and wanted to squeeze them shut again as another tree came rushing towards me.

Instinct took over, I yanked on the ropey-steering-wheel-thingy and the sleigh obeyed, turning slightly and missing the tree by inches. But it wasn't alone! We were in a forest for fucks sake, and its family bore down on me with such speed, I was yanking and pulling and discovered with glee that if I also shifted my weight, as if on a motorcycle, I could also give the turn more momentum. The further down the hill I got, the more speed I gathered. I could hear the wind rushing past my ears, it was so loud.

My ride seemed to take minutes whereas Emmett's and Rosalie's had appeared to be merely seconds when I had watched. My breath was ripped out of my mouth and the icy wind had my face frozen in an expression that must have been a mixture of pure terror and exhilaration. I was actually feeling pleased with myself, I was steering and was almost to the bottom and I was still seated on the sleigh and all in one piece.

Shit!!!

I had spoken too soon, the brick Bar-b-Que loomed upon me too quick. I couldn't turn and crashed into it at what felt like a 100mph!

I lay stunned in the snow. My foot had collided with the brick work jarring my knee. My head was spinning and Edward was yelling at me!

I started to laugh. I couldn't help it. I had just done the stupidest thing ever and had lived to talk about it. It was such an adrenaline rush, I was ready to jump up and go again!

Edward was not as impressed.

"Bella! Bella! Jesus fucking Christ Bella, answer me!" He rushed past me in a whoosh of snow, which sprayed up and soaked my already frozen face.

He jumped off his sleigh and ran over to me. Falling to his knees he cradled my head. I opened my eyes and continued to chuckle, spitting snow and icy lumps out of my mouth, as he stared me, incredulous. The others reached us in record time, Carlisle running to examine me, with concern stamped across his handsome face. He ran his hands over my body, checking for breaks. I winced when he lift my left leg, my knee hurt from the impact.

"I'm ok" I chuckled "Really Carlisle, I only banged it. I'm ok"

I lifted my head up and leaned back onto my elbows, Edward let go of my head and put his own in his hands. I stopped laughing, realising I was being insensitive to him, he was so worried for me.

Emmett laughed behind us "Way to go, Bella! Jumping in there, feet first! Phew!"

Edward jumped up and threw himself at Emmett, hands aiming for his throat, murder on his face.

Emmett found this even more hysterical and they rolled around on the snowy ground, wrestling like a couple of morons.

"For pities sake, will you two cut it out!" Rosalie shouted at them.

Carlisle helped me to my feet but instead of going into the house we watched the childish display pan out in front of us. Edward and Emmett were completely different in size and weight, but Edward was matching him in strength. I was impressed but also a little concerned that someone other than me might get hurt.

"Edward" I called "I need help"

It worked, his sensitive side ruled over his masculine ego and he jumped off of Emmett and rushed over to me, putting his hand around my waist and directing me into the kitchen. Of course, I was ok to walk unaided but I enjoyed his display of concern, no one had ever shown such concern over me before and I especially enjoyed his hands on me, even when it was an innocent gesture.

Esme made me a cold compress and Edward helped me upstairs.

"Your clothes are wet" He commented as he sat me down on the bed.

"Can you help me out of them?" I asked coyly. I was feeling very brave and the afternoon of laughter and flirting had not been forgotten, I felt the rush of sexual need, my tummy tightened and I was feeling experimental. I had no idea how far Edward wanted to go with me but I was going to have a lot of fun finding out. The adrenalin rush made me think I was unstoppable.

Edward glanced up at me as he untied my shoes and peeled off the wet socks. He cupped my feet one by one, in his hands to try to warm them up but as his hands felt just as cold as my feet were, it wasn't working.

"Edward, my jeans are wet too and I'm making the bed soggy, I don't fancy sleeping in a we...Erm...Soggy patch tonight" My face flamed.

I may be feeling brave but my naivety was also showing. Innocent comments like wet patch suddenly seemed too rude to use.

Edward looked up from my feet. He had the strangest look on his face, almost like he didn't trust me. I stifled a giggle, if only he knew what I was planning for him.

"I'll go get your bathrobe from the bathroom, and then give you a minute"

"No" I almost shouted. I winced, pretending to be in pain, rather dramatically "Could you help me? My knee really hurts"

He eyed my suspiciously but I gazed back at him, trying to look innocent, biting my bottom lip as I waited for him to figure me out and jump to his feet, pointing at me, yelling "Tart! You're trying to seduce me!"

Instead, he shrugged "Sure"

He lifted his fingers to the button above my zipper. He raised my sweater so he could see task ahead more clearly. I rested back on my hands and breathed in, giving him more room to manipulate the button from its little hole. His fingers were still cold and despite my wet clothes, my skin under them was warm, so goose bumps speckled the skin on my belly, which he noticed as he slid the zipper down. The noise sounded so loud to me.

I bit my lip and watched him. As he tugged at the jeans, I raised myself up and he was able to slip them down my legs and pull them off my feet.

His eyes travelled back up my legs, over my bruised knee which he caressed with his cool hand. His eyes continued their journey up my thighs and then rested for a moment on the white cotton underwear I was wearing. I thanked the heavens I had shaved my legs and de-fuzzed the essentials that morning in the shower. Thank goodness for female intuition and a little bit of hope, I thought.

His eyes lingered there for only a second but they may as well have been his hands because I tingled in the places he looked at. He ran his hands up my thighs and over my hips, lifting my sweater and sliding it up my body, his hands deliberately taking more time then was required to remove the sweater from my head. This resulted in static hair and I blew stray strands from my mouth and quickly reached up to sweep the rest out of my eyes.

His eyes found mine, he was amused. He had done that on purpose!

There was something else in his eyes, it was fierce and pure and made my tummy tighten and I felt a rush, warmth spread through my body as I recognised the look as lust. His eyes were hooded and he was breathing through his mouth, loudly and it was making my stomach flip.

"You're so sexy" He whispered "So beautiful Bella"

He ran his hands back down my side's, I shifted a little as they tickled me but resisted the urge to fall back on the bed squirming and laughing like a child. He looked so sexy to me too and I lifted my hands and ran it through his hair, past his ears to the back of his head and pulled him towards me. The kiss was deep and held promise. His tongue pushed against mine delicately and I moaned. He caught it in his mouth and moaned in return. His hands gripped my hips and as he pulled me towards him, I opened my legs and pushed my feet against the back of his thighs cradling him against me and trapping him so he couldn't pull away.

I ran my hands down his back and grabbed his sweater, pulling it up and over his head, having more consideration than to give him static hair! His lips pulled away from mine as I tugged the sweater off but soon found mine again with urgency. We were moaning and tugging at each other's clothes, I was pulling him against me. I could feel my-self wet and warm, ready for him and it turned me on even more. He pressed himself against me, between my legs. I could feel him straining in his jeans. He felt so hard, ideas of what to do to him flooded my mind, like it was second nature to me.

He ran his hands up my sides again, under my arms and lifted them above my head, his hands caressing my palms, he lowered his hands to my sides but my arms remained raised above me.

He lifted my t-shirt and pulled it free of my arms and then crushed me to his chest and kissed me with that need again. Breaking free of my mouth he kissed my neck moving his lips and tongue over my skin, I felt so hot and clung to his shoulders, letting him discover me. He reached his hands behind me and unhooked my bra, lifting it away and replacing it with his hands, cupping my breasts and flicking my nipples with his thumbs. It was divine and I let my head roll back and moaned again. This arched my back and pushed my breast up towards his face, Edward needed no further direction. Taking one of my nipples into his mouth he sucked it and flicked it with his tongue. I felt my tummy tighten. I had never felt anything like it, I was so ready for him and he had barely started. Edward's skin may have felt cool but his breath was warm and my nipple responded. He pulled away to look at them. I looked down at him and he up at me, I was breathing so hard now.

"You're so sexy Bella" He murmured again and I believed him, I felt sexy. I straightened up reaching for his t-shirt.

"Let me" he said softly "Shall I show you what I want?"

I didn't know what to think, I thought he was directing my clumsy advances but instead of showing me what to do to him, what he liked, he pushed me back gently so I was lying on the bed, my legs still open but now nowhere near his waist.

Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he pulled my underwear off me, I could feel the cool air in the room touch my most intimate places, making my nipples go harder and as he looked at me, naked in front of him. I felt another rush of warmth between my legs.

Edward groaned and bent his head to kiss the inside of my thigh, his hands caressing my legs and then running from the outside of my thigh, to the inside, his hands spread them apart even further, opening me up to him. Instead of feeling exposed and trying to cover myself, I relaxed in the mattress, trusting Edward completely and not minding at all that he could see every part and every inch of me. Right at this very moment in time, he wanted me too, and I felt every bit as sexy and as beautiful as he had whispered to me.

I closed my eyes as he trailed kisses down from my knee, to my inside thigh and then to the juncture between my legs. He kissed me there like he would my lips and it was all I could do not to scream his name. I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer to me, lifting my hips off the bed and moving against his tongue, he flicked my clit and I moaned and pushed against him again. Edward's hands were running over my hips and under my bottom, lifting me off the bed slightly as he licked and tortured me in the sweetest way possible. I grabbed the blankets by my head, pushing myself against him, my motion in time to his. His tongue kept finding my clit and he flicked it again as a shudder rolled through me. The tension was building.

I arched my back and opened my legs wider, lifting myself up to him, begging him to keep flicking and licking and driving me insane. His fingers dug into my skin as he kept repeating the simple movement that had me jerking and shuddering and moaning and then I couldn't take it anymore, I reached down and grabbed his hair again, holding him in place as wave after wave poured over me, running through my arms down to my hands and over my legs down to my feet. My toes pointing as my hands grabbed his head, pulling his hair hard.

"Edward, oh my God, Edward" I tried to make it quieter but the waves kept coming and I was concentrating so hard on not screaming. Emmett would've loved to use that against me!

I collapsed back onto the mattress, breathless and warm and completely unable to say a word. Edward stood, stripped off the rest of his clothes located a condom from his jean pocket which I made a mental note to ask him about later. He pulled the condom over himself. He was so hard and I was ready for him again, which surprised me, as moments before I watched him do that, I had been exhausted.

Edward crawled up onto the bed and settled himself between my legs, I could feel him pressing against my entrance and I was suddenly breathless again, he held himself above me with his arms, the sight of his naked shoulders and chest made me moan and I ran my fingers down his stomach, looking down further I could see him nestled in place, ready for me. It was the single most, horniest sight I had ever seen and moaning once more, I grabbed his hips and pulled him in.

The feel of Edward pushing inside me was even more amazing than his tongue had been. He felt so hard and so big and I felt the waves wash over me again.

I clutched at him and pulled him down to me so I could kiss him. He started moving against me, pushing him-self into me so deeply then lifting him-self out. I followed his lead, lifting my hips and rocking in time with his rhythm. I lifted my feet up over his hips and hooked then behind his back. Edward groaned and buried his face in my shoulder

"You're so deep" I moaned and Edward groaned again. His breath warm on my skin as his motion picked up pace. My fingers dug into his back as I felt him push into me deeper and harder each time. I couldn't believe it but the tension was back, washing over me, gentler this time but no less amazing.

"Edward" I breathed, this seemed to spur him on, thrusting faster, his moans muffled in my neck, getting louder as he raised his head and looked at me, I opened my eyes and they widened as the waves of pleasure rocked over me again and again, Edward felt it and his body tensed as he came too, his eyes leaving mine as he closed them, his own waves of pleasure consuming him.

We lay like that for a while. Catching our breath, letting our heart rates return to normal. Edward's weight started to push down on me and my legs started to feel numb, still locked around his waist. I unhooked my feet and winced as my thighs felt stiff at the top, from being open so wide and for so long. Edward moaned and pushed himself up.

"Do you want me to move?" He asked

"No" I replied "I don't want you too, but I really, really, need you too"

Edward chuckled and lifted himself away. He lay down next to me and pulled me into the nook of his arm.

"Been one hell of a day eh?" We laughed, it certainly had been.

I turned my head to look at him, he turned his to me

"I love you" He breathed

"And I you" I replied, it had been the best day of my life. I never wanted this feeling to end.

"Is that what they refer too, as multiple?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

Edward raised his eyebrows, a look of male smugness etched on his features.

"Oh like you couldn't tell!" I socked him playfully in the arm.

"The violence is back!" He chuckled "But now we also have dirty talk!"

"Dirty talk? OH!" I blushed, remembering what I had been whispering and murmuring to him.

"Don't hide" he laughed as I ducked my head into his shoulder. "I liked it!" I peeked up at him to see him giving me the suggestive eyebrows again.

I laughed along with him. He tucked me back in under his arm and we lay for a while, breathing and caressing each other where our hands rested. After a few minutes, I felt brave and ran my hand further down his stomach, stopping just above his groin. Edward's breath caught and he waited for my next move. I pushed my hand down and found him, big and hard. I was surprised and impressed at how fast this was, I lifted my head and asked

"Again? Already?"

Edward winked at me then looked surprised as I rolled over on top of him, straddling his hips with my legs, pushing lightly against him. He was so hard but felt so smooth and soft, it amazed me.

"Now" I said, reaching down to the floor with my hands "Where are those condoms?"


	5. Ch5 Dangerous Liaisons

**A/N** This is the first time I have made Authors notes on one of my chapters, it just never occurred to me to do it before and for that I apologise as it appears from other FF's that the readers enjoy them :o)

So for all the disclaimers, A/N's and playlists I have omitted from the other chapters, let me begin......you may be sorry and prefer for me to go back to being the silent type chuckle

**Disclaimer:** Twilight and its characters are owned by the fantastic Stephanie Meyer, the imagination in this story is all mine :o)

**Playlist:** A few Fan fiction authors have made notes on songs that inspire them. My musical tastes range from the darkness of grunge to the brightness of pop. It really depends on my mood. :o)

For this chapter I was listening to Dido's No Angel cd. I especially love "Here with me."

And last but not least, I have had some beautiful reviews from a few people, AimmeeObsessed, Fiazt and Dolphingirl79, thank you so much for taking the time to review my story, I get so excited when I read them :o) And I think I would die & go to heaven if I received anymore. Xxx

Ch 5 Dangerous Liaisons

True love doesn't have a happy ending for true love has no ending.....

It was late when we eventually emerged from my bedroom. We were both starving and giggling as we tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen in search of a midnight snack. The house was dark and we fumbled round like drunken idiots making more noise than we intended.

"What's wrong with you?" I giggled as Edward stubbed his toe.

Hopping around clutching his bruised foot, Edward laughed along with me "You! You just keep distracting me!"

"I must be a bad influence then because your usually more graceful than this and –"

I chuckled again as his hip bumped the table and then his knee against the chair pushed under it.

Edward stopped hopping and put his foot back down, he turned to look at me, grinning. "You could help by turning the light on."

I flicked the switch and turned back to look at him. Squinting against the intrusive brightness, I finally focused on him, facing me. He was wearing only his jeans, standing bare-chested and bare foot in the kitchen and I couldn't help but stare. His hair was messy from my grasping fingers earlier but he looked like pure temptation to me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I held my hands up in defence as he glared at me from the middle of the kitchen. His face didn't dispel my giggles because he started giggling too.

"Are you trying to look angry?" I asked "Because it only makes you look cuter!"

"That was supposed to frighten you!" He stated.

I laughed, louder this time, pressing my hands over my mouth as my laughter echoed round the kitchen, we both looked up at the ceiling expecting to hear movement from the sleeping occupants upstairs. Nothing! We breathed again, looking back at each other.

"Your clumsiness must be contagious" He said as he turned and opened the fridge door, banging it against his already bruised knee

"If you don't stop laughing, I'll send you back to bed with no supper" He turned to me smiling.

I continued to chuckle.

"Bella, seriously" He hissed.

I couldn't control myself, I was happy and satisfied and in love and hungry and feeling nothing but euphoria at all these emotions and feelings bubbling up inside. I tried to contain myself as Edward made us both a sandwich. Watching him quietly, the muscles in his back shifting as he twisted his waist to collect items spread across the worktop. His jeans were without a belt and had slipped lower on his hips and he looked so sexy. I licked my lips imagining my fingers reaching for his zipper and uncovering the rest of him...

I jumped as Edward tossed a plate in front of me. Looking up at him I blushed and ducked my head. God! He caught me ogling him! He's going to think I'm a raging Nympho!

Edward had noticed, but seeing me blush, he didn't say anything, always the gentleman.

We ate in silence, occasionally looking at each other and winking or smiling. The light knocking on the kitchen window went unnoticed at first, thinking it was a branch blowing against the pane by the chilly night air, I ignored it.

The tapping came louder and more insistent this time. Edward looked up at the window and frowned.

"What is it?" I whispered.

He stood and walking to the kitchen door, he opened it, letting in a freezing blast of air and a man.

"James" Edward said, closing the door and walking back to the table. He didn't sit.

"Hey guys" James was looking tense but his voice although still husky, had forced joviality to it. He was up to something. James stomped his feet on the matt and shook the snow from his hair.

"Keep the noise down" Edward hissed, glancing back at the ceiling and then over to James. He nodded, "Sorry."

He walked over to the table and pulling out a chair opposite me he sat down, helping himself from Edward's plate. He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully he then set the remainder down.

"Not hungry?" Edward snarled. He was angry. I dared to glance up at him but his eyes remained on James.

Glancing at Edward, James recognised his decision not to sit as an attempt to intimidate. Sitting back in the chair, he folded his arms behind his head.

The false joviality was suddenly gone and in its place was arrogance. Edward had tried to come across as angry with me earlier but I had only laughed at him. Looking at them both now, I shivered. My mouth suddenly dry, they were scaring the shit out of me.

His tongue flicked out and across his lips, just as one would when eyeing a delicious meal. The movement made me shudder. If it had been Edward I would've watched that tongue like a dying woman watching an Adonis administer her oxygen. But James's actions repulsed me. He just looked so lecherous to me. He would be a cold and selfish lover, I thought. He was a taker.

With the sudden darkness of Edward's eyes, his rigid stance and the hidden threat in the air, I felt uneasy. I was in two minds to run for the door or stay rooted to my chair, helplessly watching the exchange between them. But if I left the room, I would only race straight to Emmett because there was nothing but danger in this kitchen and Emmett was strong enough to stop whatever was about to occur.

"Did you want something, James?" Edward was eager to be rid of him. I didn't know what had gone on with these two before my appearance in Edward's life but the hostility was palpable.

"Well, now that you ask...." James answered Edward's question, his voice trailing off as he looked pointedly at me then back at Edward.

Edward made no move but spoke under his breath "I won't justify that with a reaction"

"I think I'm owed, don't you?" James leaned forward on the table his eyes looking over me with interest. I was starting to feel sick. I didn't for a second believe that James actually found me attractive, he was deliberately trying to provoke.

"Owed what?" I whispered

James glanced at Edward then back at me.

"Tit. For. Tat!" He punctuated each word, grinning at me.

"Excuse me?" I just about found my voice.

"Bella can you go back upstairs and wait for me?" Edward's voice was pleading but I ignored him.

Looking directly at James I stated "Tit for tat refers to someone owing"

James moved his hand down to his crotch and grabbed it, winking at me.

I swallowed nervously but continued "I think you're disgusting and normally I wouldn't waste my breath on the likes of you, but I have to ask"

James raised his brows at my reference to the likes of him. But he just looked amused by me, and not for the first time. I thought back to our first encounter in this kitchen where he had found some hilarity in my presence then, too.

"Does Edward owe you something?"

"You could say that"

"Bella" Edward was begging me.

"And you referred to me when you ask him for payback?"

James shrugged. "Did I?"

"How can I be compensation? Does Edward owe you a....." I swallowed again, nausea and jealousy climbing up my gut. "Does Edward owe you a woman?" My eyes darted involuntarily back between the two of them, that question hurt.

Edward was now quiet. I felt sick to the stomach. Something was in the air, tainting everything like a toxic cloud. The happiness and memories of this fabulous day suddenly shadowed by the knowledge that I could possibly lose everything I had only just found. Something had shifted with the re-appearance of James, he was bad news, dangerous, and he was the toxic one, not caring who he poisoned. His anthrax was settling on me.

I felt a hollow open in my chest, like a tumultuous black hole, watching Edward face James was like watching it all run down a giant plug hole.

James laughed, oblivious to my pained expression "He hasn't told you much about me has he?"

"No. Edward and I don't waste our time together on the insignificant"

My attempt at an insult just made James laugh louder.

"Well, if he hasn't told you about me, he probably hasn't mentioned Victoria"

We hadn't spoken of our lives before we had met and I knew I was naive to assume I was his first. I only had to think back to the bedroom and as well as feeling the familiar tightening in my tummy, I recognised that he had known what he was doing, unlike me.

I didn't like this new introduction. This new woman in Edward's past. I felt possessive. I had wanted Edward to be mine, but now I felt like I shared him. I didn't like it. James could see the effect this was having on me and he took from it all the entertainment he could.

The girls name had snapped Edward's head up and now he turned to me, leaning on the table, his eyes level with mine, begging me to listen to him and leave. "I'll be upstairs in a few minutes, I promise"

I didn't want to leave them alone. I wanted answers. I wanted to stay and hear what James had to say. I had wanted to know everything about Edward but as he could only show me who he was right now, it was other people in his life who could tell me who he was before. We all have regrets in our past, possibly even things that have made us ashamed, I wanted to know all of Edwards regrets because it would help me understand the decisions he made today.

I didn't want to associate my Edward with this smug bastard but jumping to conclusions because James didn't fill in the gaps, only feeding me titbits of information, was pointless.

I decided to oblige Edward and leave but rather than racing from the room, I stood slowly, pushing the chair away from the table. I met Edward's stare and said "I'm giving you five minutes, and then I'm getting Emmett"

Edward nodded, he didn't need Emmett but he complied because he could see I was scared. If getting Emmett made me feel safer, then that was ok with him. I was touched by the fact that he continued to always put me and my needs first, he was, as always, completely selfless. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, his eyes retained his anger. I think he needed it to get through the next five minutes.

James watched my departure with a chuckle. "Slumming it, are we?"

I stopped in the hallway and pressed myself against the wall, I wanted to listen. I knew by eavesdropping I was betraying Edward's trust but I justified it by telling myself I was worried for his safety.

"I asked you a question" Edward's voice was a low growl.

"Remind me what it was" James was still seated, his feet now resting on the table, pushing his chair onto its back two legs.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Edward's patience was dissipating.

"I need your help"

Edward snorted "You're fucking kidding me?"

"I fucking wish!" James swung his feet to the floor, his chair clattered back onto all four legs and he stood, leaning on the table, matching Edward's stance, "I wouldn't come here and ask for help unless I was desperate." James straightened spreading his hands out, palms up "Which I am" and then he shrugged "And so I am!"

"Why would you even think that I would help you?" Edward practically spat the words at him.

"Victoria" It was one word, a name, her name again. I was desperate to know who this girl was, what was her attachment to Edward?

"You need to get back to reality" James was talking again but this time his voice was quieter "What the fuck do you think you're doing with her? You're playing with some school girl and acting like she means more to you than us!" James crossed his arms against his chest "What's up with that Cullen?"

Edward pointed his finger at James, "Don't you fucking dare bring her into this"

"How bout I go upstairs and show her"

"I fucking mean it!"

"How bout I show her what her precious Cullen is really all about? Take her out of this house, her haven" He snorted "and show her the truth?"

"I'll kill you first" Edward growled "I'll fucking kill you!"

"This is really entertaining me, bro, but the clock is ticking" James tapped his wrist then motioned to the kitchen door, leading out into the garden. "Shall we?"

I didn't think for a second that Edward would go with him, so it was with complete shock that I watched as he glanced back towards the hallway where I was hiding, hesitated slightly and then walked towards the door. He opened it and James followed, clicking it closed quietly behind them.

I was rooted to the spot. Edward had left. He had asked me to wait, he had promised he would be quick but he had left. For the smallest time I felt disappointment well up inside me, I couldn't understand why he would do that.

But it was for only a second. Of course he would leave! James was dangerous and he had brought something into this house, Edward's house and threatened it occupants. It made sense that Edward would take him away from us all. But where did that leave Edward? Without these four walls around him, and the closeness of his family upstairs, he was taking himself into unchartered territory, trying to protect us.

I raced up the stairs, two at a time, my brain moving faster than my feet. Stumbling half way up I lost my footing and slipped, only just managing to grab the banister and halt my fall back down them. My knee throbbed but I lifted myself up and carried on running, reaching the hallway at the top, I tripped on the corner of the carpet and crashing into the wall, I felt my nose pop. This was fucking useless!

"EMMETT!" I yelled "EMMETT!"

Within minutes the entire household had woken to my shouts and raced into the hallway.

"What the hell-? " Carlisle was the first to reach me, half sprawled on the floor with blood gushing from my face.

I looked at him from between my fingers. "Edward" I started but they didn't hear me. Issuing instructions to Esme and Rosalie for water, ice and towels I looked around me for Emmett "Emm-"

"Ok Bella, we need to move you, can you stand?" I pushed Carlisle's hands away, he wasn't listening to me.

"Edw-"

"Emmett, give us a hand here will you?" Carlisle's instructions included Emmett now, who was standing back watching the scene with faint bewilderment on his face.

"Carlisle" I started again, pushing at his hands "Please listen to me..." It was pointless, in all the chaos nobody had noticed Edward wasn't here.

"Emmett! Please!" I begged "Edward. He's gone! He left with James"

"What?"

Everyone stopped. They looked down at me, eyes wide.

"Edward, he left with James. I have no idea where they went but you should've seen them, Carlisle, I was scared. We have to find them"

Carlisle nodded. "Emmett, help me get Bella up"

"But-"I started to protest

"Bella, if we have a chance of finding them you need to tell us everything. But first we need to move you"

I nodded, feeling the panic bubbling away just under my surface, the blood from my nose, running into my mouth. I could taste it on my tongue, coppery and warm. I lifted my hands to Carlisle and Emmett then glanced up at them when they didn't move. They all stood watching me momentarily mesmerised by the small action of my tongue, tasting my blood. My questioning stare jolted Esme back to the present and with strong arms under my own Carlisle and Emmett helped me into a room down the hall.

After Carlisle had finished his ministrations on my face, he tossed a blood covered towel back into the bowl of warm water, sitting on the table beside us.

"So, you didn't hear them mention where they were going?"

I nodded, then shook my head and then nodded again.

Carlisle sighed "Just answer in agreement with me Bella"

I nodded.

"James mentioned needing help?"

I nodded

"You didn't notice what car James was driving?"

I nodded

"She looks like a Goddamn puppet Carlisle" Emmett was pacing, eager to get going to find them.

"He did mention something that may help" I offered tentatively

All eyes were on me, Emmett had stopped pacing. When I didn't say anything else, Emmett raised his hands "And?"

"Victoria" I said softly. I was hoping nobody would know the name, that the bewilderment would stay on their faces and that I could relax slightly knowing she was not as important to Edward as I first thought because his family didn't know her. It was in vain.

Carlisle lowered his gaze and Emmett stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"At least we know where they are" Rosalie offered.

"Why?" But nobody answered me. "Why?" I raised my voice, demanding acknowledgement. "Who is she?" No response "Carlisle?"

Rosalie sat down next to me on the sofa. "You guys go" She said, then taking my hand she finished with "Esme and I will take care of Bella"

I watched them leave. Turning to Rosalie, my eyes full of questions, I noticed Esme quietly leave the room too.

"Would you like a drink?" Rosalie asked, still holding my hand's, she raised her eyes to mine. I stared into the violet depths, silently begging her to tell me what she knew and to be as tactful as possible. She nodded. She understood my plea.

"James and Edward use to be friends." I shuddered at the thought of them together, Edward was warm and gentle and James was poison. "James wasn't always trouble, Bella he was actually quite a sweet guy. But something happened to change him. He's so different now..." Rosalie's voice trailed off, looking over my shoulder at the wall behind us, her mind recalling days I was not a part off.

"It was the summer and we went to Alaska to visit family. James went to Seattle and he met someone."

"Victoria?" I asked softly. Rosalie nodded.

"It would've been quite the love story if she hadn't been such a bitch to him."

I snorted "I like her already!"

Rosalie ignored my comments and continued. Her voice steady and stoic and totally devoid of feelings.

"By the time school started again, James was besotted but he found it hard to handle their long distance relationship."

"Seattle's not that far!" I protested.

"To a horny teenager who doesn't have his driver's license it may have well have been the ends of the earth!" Rosalie continued her story "She came to stay in Forks for a few days, and that's when James introduced them."

I felt the nausea rise again and knew it was all down to pure jealousy. I prayed this story wouldn't include any contact between Edward and Victoria but I knew I was praying in vain.

Rosalie looked at me, bringing her focus back to the present, "He didn't love her Bella" She had felt my fingers tighten at the mere thought of them together, she squeezed my hand.

"He didn't even touch her, he wasn't interested." The relief on my face was obvious. "But she did fall for him."

Even though I could understand why her affections would transfer from the ordinary James to the more alluring Edward, I felt hatred for her, that she could've had a chance with him, before I moved here, before I found him. I didn't even want to imagine my life without him in it, the possibility of him being involved with someone else; smiling at her and touching her like he did with me. It hurt to breath.

"She was quite shitty to James, rubbing his face in it, telling him lies, saying that they were together. She kept giving James details, really intimate details and just mocking him all the time. It hurt him Bella can you imagine hearing that stuff? He was wound up and felt let down by both of them."

"Didn't Edward tell him she was lying?"

"He tried but James didn't want to believe him. So when she realised Edward wasn't going to give in, she tried to get back into James's affections. He stood up for himself, thankfully but she just went off and got drunk and took advantage of someone else's hospitality."

"But surely James can't still hate Edward for that? Nothing really happened!"

"She came back, pregnant and told James it was Edward's."

This bitch was causing a storm of emotion to build inside of me. I had gone from happiness to jealousy then nausea to relief back to jealousy and now hatred all since the first mention of her name.

Rosalie continued, not noticing my wavering attention.

"Of course it wasn't Edward's but they fought, James and Victoria that is, and it turned quite nasty. She was clawing at him, biting, acting like a wild animal, like a fucking cat or something. Edward thought he was helping by taking her out of there. Not for her sake though, for James's. Who do you think the police would arrest, a pregnant teenager or an angry teenage boy? Anyway, they didn't get very far, she was still mad-"

I waited for Rosalie to finish.

"She attacked him in the car, while he was driving and they crashed." Her voice barely a whisper now, she was looking down at our hands. I leaned closer to Rosalie, placing my other hand atop hers, still clutching mine. It was my turn to offer comfort.

But Rosalie remained quiet. I didn't know how to proceed but I still had questions.

"What happened, Rose?"

"She died." It was almost a statement.

Edward! Caught up in all this bullshit and he hadn't even done anything wrong. This girl had an infatuation with him and had messed up his life, causing his friend to go off the deep end. Of course, my sympathy should've been directed at Victoria and her demise but I couldn't help thinking that karma had made her fate. That girl had got what she deserved. It made me feel terrible to even have these thoughts, she was pregnant. Did that make me a monster?

Rosalie's account of this saga had been stilted only giving me the specifics and I had thought she was being cold, but looking at her bowed head, silent tears brimming in her eyes I realised her concern for her brother was overwhelming and her shortened version off the events was because she was finding it quite difficult to retell.

"She was lying of course" Rosalie spoke softly "There was no baby. James couldn't get past it. All her lies, but mostly his feelings for her, none of it mattered to him, he still loved her. He got involved with drugs, owes a lot of money to some pretty unsavoury characters and every so often lures Edward into his fucked up world by using blackmail."

"But why would Edward give in to that? Doesn't James know by now just what sort of person she was?"

"He knows Bella but he's in too deep. He only has to throw it back in Edward's face, he knows Edward blames himself for her dying and he twists that fucking knife every chance he gets!"

"Why do Carlisle and Esme allow him in the house? Can't they see-?"

"Because Edward won't let them stop him!"

"I don't understand"

"Edward blames himself Bella, that girl was fucked in the head "Rosalie poked her finger at her temple "and when that car was found, wrapped around a fucking tree......." Rosalie swallowed, and raising her eyes back to mine, she finally smiled "When they found that car, wrapped around a fucking tree, her head really was fucked!"

Rosalie's hands left mine as she stood and I shivered.

"We have to find him" I said. "You said you knew where they had gone. Can you tell me?"

She shook her head. "You need to stay here"

"I can't sit here, Rose" I yelled "He means the world to me. He didn't want me to know because he thought I might judge him, but I don't, I don't blame him. I'm not even sure I blame James anymore. But I need to find him and tell him it doesn't matter"

"Carlisle and Emmett will bring him home" I watched, incredulous as she walked to the door and left.

What the hell was I supposed to do now? My heart was pounding in my chest and my head thumping, no doubt from crashing into the wall. I tried to compose myself, taking deep breaths and thinking back on what Rosalie had just told me. But my head felt like it would explode, the blood rushing to my temples, pulsing and throbbing. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples hoping to ease the pain. It was then I heard it. The faint sounds of a machine beeping by my head. Every time I had heard it, I was pulled away to a body that refused to move and voices I didn't know. I didn't want to feel that pull, so I stood up, but the pain split right across my vision. I clutched at the back of the chair, groaning with the intensity of it. I struggled to catch my breath and my vision became blurred. A feeling of lethargy took over me, pulling me down, down into blackness.

Edward! I had to know he was ok, I could sleep when he was home, if that's what this sensation was. I had to fight it, I had to remain awake. Stumbling round the sofa, I finally fell onto the cushions. Squinting against the blurriness in my eyes I searched the table until I found the bowl Carlisle had used to tend to my nose. Cupping my hands into it, I threw ice cold water on my face. It worked. Clarity returned and the blackness disappeared along with the noise of a far off machine.

I sat on the sofa, trying to catch my breath, when the mobile phone, on the end table across the room began to ring.

I had no idea whose phone it was but thinking it might be Edward, I ignored the dizziness and raced across the room. The screen was flashing "number unknown" but I answered anyway.

"Hello? Edward?"

"Bella!" It was James.

"Where's Edward? Is he ok?"

"No, he's not. That's why I'm calling I need you to come get him"

Panic filled my chest again. "James what happened? Is he hurt?"

"I don't have time to explain-"James turned away from the phone and I could hear him talking with someone, their voices too muffled for me to hear what was being said.

"James, is he there? Can I talk to him?"

His voice came back on the line "For fucks sake, Bella, there isn't time, can you get out of the house without them seeing?"

I nodded.

"Bella?"

Realising he couldn't see me I spoke "I'm sorry, I was nodding. Yes I think I can. But I don't know Forks very well. I'm not sure where to go"

I could hear the impatience in his voice "I'll wait outside for you, walk down the driveway, I'll meet you halfway." Without waiting for my agreement he hung up.

Pushing down the feeling of panic, I made my way to the door, opening it quietly I stepped outside. The hallway was empty. I could hear Esme and Rosalie downstairs in the kitchen. Tiptoeing down, I grabbed a coat from the hat stand and let myself out the front door.

It was freezing outside, but no longer snowing. The ground beneath my feet was crunchy and fresh and the chill stinging my cheeks helped me focus. I looked around me then began walking down the driveway, squelching down fears of what lay in wait for me and convincing my-self that Edward needed me. Whatever happened now, I had to be brave because my Edward needed me.


	6. Ch6 Payback

**A/N **Could you bear the suspense? wink

I have officially died and gone to heaven!! I'm in bliss with the reviews received from the last chapter, I'm bouncing off the walls and it's pretty hard to write a dark chapter when I'm as happy as a smurf!!! I need to focus and stop grinning! Thank you guys Mwoah X

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is all mine :o)

**Playlist: ** Currently listening to Natasha Beddingfield's "I bruise easily" such beautiful lyrics and a unique voice.

Ch6 Payback

One word can free us of all the weight and pain in the world, that word is Love. Socrates

My senses became alert to the incredible silence surrounding me, enfolding me like a blanket. I couldn't hear a sound no birds, nor nocturnal animals foraging in the snowy forest bed, nothing except my breathing.

The night wind stopped reaching me as I walked into the alcove of trees standing tall and lining the long Cullen driveway. It was a relief to be out of the chilly blast but I was scared by the ominous darkness pressing in. I glanced behind me at the house, their lights penetrating the night. It looked so warm and inviting. I turned back to the driveway and resisted the urge to run back inside, to the safety of the home and pushed on. Edward needed me.

The road immediately in front of me was visible because off the blanket of snow covering it, but it tapered off into the dark and I couldn't see just how long the road actually was. It seemed infinite.

My breathing and my crunching footsteps seemed so loud. I put my hand in my pocket and fingered the mobile phone I had swiped after James's call. It offered a small amount of comfort.

I walked on, thinking of Edward. Nothing would be ok again until I could see for myself that he was ok. He'd been away from me for the better part of two hours but already I missed him and sought my memory for his voice. There was always comfort in Edward's voice and closing my eyes briefly, I embraced the memory. Imagining his hands on mine, his eyes holding mine and then it was gone. My concern for him kept creeping in and for a moment I felt my life without him, and it shook me.

I struggled to hold back the tears, Edward didn't need my tears he needed my bravery. I pushed back the fear and tried to summon a lighter approach, hoping it would spur me on. Lifting my shoulders, I pretended I was merely taking a stroll in the evening air, absolutely nothing to be worried about here. And besides, if I let myself cry they'll just freeze on my face and then we'll spend the night picking icicles off my cheeks!

Ignoring the time it was taking to walk down the driveway, I concentrated on the sound of my breathing. Head down, I kept an eye on my feet, the ice and snow didn't help the uncoordinated.

My distraction with my steps meant I almost walked past James standing at the side of the road, leaning against a car with his arms crossed. It was a silver Volvo and I was sure it did not belong to him. His hands caught my arms as I barrelled into him.

"OH!" I exclaimed.

"Watch where you're going!" He snapped at me.

"I didn't see you"

"Obviously!" He growled.

I glanced at the car, there was nobody inside.

"Where's Edward?"

"He's not here"

"Obviously!" I retorted.

"You better watch your tone, Bella" He spat

"I'm sorry" I felt stupid, if the tables were turned I'm sure Edward would've shown better control. Whether I liked it or not, James was my only choice in finding Edward and bringing him home.

James walked around the car and opened the passenger door for me, the gesture surprising me.

"Get in" He commanded.

"Where are we going?"

James didn't reply. "Why did you need me to come alone? What would it matter if they had seen me leave?"

His head snapped round, it was the first time since I bumped into him that he looked at me. "Did they see you leave?"

"N..No"

"Good." James took a breath and it seemed to help him, he turned back to me, still holding the door. "Look, I'm sorry for being abrupt with you, it's just that your questions are wasting valuable time here and besides, my feet are cold. Could you just get in the car? Please"

I climbed in and watched as he slammed the door shut and strode round the front of the car, pulling his own door open and getting in, he turned the key and the engine roared to life. The heaters had been turned up full and were still warm. I rubbed my hands together placing them in front of the vents, feeling the blood begin to circulate again in my frozen fingers.

Pulling away from the side of the road, James turned the car and we drove away from the house. I felt so alone watching the trees swallow the building up and with it the safety I had known there.

When James didn't speak, I asked tentatively "Is Edward ok?" My voice was barely audible.

"What do you know about me Bella?" His question caught me off guard.

"What?" I was stalling, unsure if I should mention her name to him, he had seemed in control before but now I noticed his hands were fidgeting and his eyes constantly moving around us.

"What did Edward tell you about me?"

"Nothing" It wasn't a lie. Edward had told me nothing, it was Rosalie that had given the gory details but I kept this to myself.

"You don't like me do you?"

"I don't know you" I whispered.

"You don't like me!" It was a statement. "I can see that, you don't exactly hide your feelings. I can see it when you look at me, like I repulse you or something" I looked at my hands, he was right. But I couldn't agree with him, his composure was slipping and my insulting him could be dangerous for me and for Edward.

He glanced over at me. "I don't blame you"

I looked up at him. "I can see what I am." He said.

"Then why don't you change?" I asked quietly, I was treading on eggshells.

He snorted "Because it's not that fucking easy" His hands gripped the steering wheel, his temper close to boiling point.

"Bet you've never done drugs, little Miss Goody Two Shoes, always doing her homework, always making her family proud!"

I thought of Charlie and how disappointed he would feel with me when he learnt I had climbed into a car in the middle of the night with a self confessed drug addict and all round loose cannon.

"Have you ever been in love?" His tone was softer with the subject change.

"Yes" I replied.

"Who was it? Is it Edward?" He glanced at me then back at the road.

"Yes"

"Yeah, it usually is Edward" He mumbled. "Bet you fell for him as soon as you saw him! And when they say they feel the same for you, it's like walking on air!" There was a note of sadness in his voice. "Can you imagine feeling that and sharing some pretty wonderful memories and then they tell you it's all Bullshit! That your bullshit!" He was angry again. I felt my eyes fill with tears but I blinked them away, I doubted James would appreciate my sympathy.

"She wasn't that bad" He continued, justifying a girl I pretended I didn't know. "She was quite gentle really, and passionate, you know, she made me laugh. I knew her, she had a different side to her and only I saw it. She was misunderstood. " He smiled, lost in thought. "I made a mistake bringing her here."

"What happened?" I asked. I knew the answer but felt his need to talk about it.

He looked back over to me, a small smile on his lips but not condescending like before, it was with sadness.

"She fucking reached into my chest and ripped out my fucking heart. That bitch stomped on it and then- " He laughed, shaking his head "And then she expected me to take her back. Well I showed her"

I stayed quiet.

"Cut off my nose to spite my face"

I glanced at the dashboard, his speed was gathering. The trees were rushing by the windows in a blur now. The road was still slippery and I wanted to ask him to slow down.

"James" I whispered

"Imagine it Bella! Imagine how that feels" He looked at me then back to the road. "Are you imagining it?"

"Yes" I nodded, "It hurts"

"Yeah, no shit it fucking hurts. Only one thing helps me Bella, numbs my pain, I breath it in and it numbs me" He closed his eyes and inhaled, imagining the nectar his body craved.

"James! The road" I squeaked.

His eyes shot open and he steadied the wheel, bringing us back from the middle of the road.

"Ooops" He laughed.

I gripped the sides of the chair, thankful for the seatbelt holding me in. I thought of the phone in my pocket and wondered if I could reach it without him noticing. He was fighting for control and I didn't want to do anything to push him over the edge. I couldn't take any chances until I knew Edward was safe.

As if in response to my thoughts, the phone started to ring. My head spun round to look at James as he turned to me.

"Get it!" He hissed through his teeth. I reached into my coat pocket and looked at the flashing screen. Carlisle.

"Show me!"

I turned the screen round and held it up for him to see. He took it from me and pressed answer. Holding the phone to his ear, he listened.

"Bella? Bella!" Carlisle was confused when I didn't speak. I could hear his voice carry across the car to me. James held his hand up to silence me as I made to answer him.

"Bella, where are you? We're home, you can come back now, Edwards o-" James hung up, snapping the phone shut and throwing it behind him into the back seat, it bounced off the seat and fell under my chair. I stared at him. "What did he say?"

"We need to keep moving!"

"What did he say, James?"

"He said we need to keep moving!"

"Liar!" I yelled at him "He said they were home."

"Shut up" He screamed at me but I was also teetering on the edge, anger and terror bubbling up inside me, I couldn't push them down anymore, I needed to vent.

"I heard him, he said they were home. He meant Edward too, he was about to say he was ok but you cut him off, you knew that didn't you?" James kept his face stoic and ignored me.

"Answer me!" I screamed at him but he just stared out at the road in front.

"I have to get out of here" I turned to look out my window, the trees merging into a white and green mass as the car rushed on, looking back at the dial I could see we were approaching 80mphs. In normal driving conditions this was too fast for me, in extreme weather like tonight, I started to panic. How could I have been so stupid? He had tricked me into getting into the car with him. Edward wasn't with him and was now at home wondering where the hell I was! I considered jumping from the car but decided that would be even stupider than being in the car! There was no way I would survive at this speed.

"James, let me out, please" I begged him. "Please stop the car and let me out. I promise-"

"You promise what?" He snarled.

"I won't tell anyone"

"I'm not bothered about that you stupid fucking bitch!" He looked at me, his eyes wide and crazy. "I'm not fucking bothered!" He slammed his hands against the steering wheel making me jump back in my seat. He would have to slow down at a turn in the road or junction, if I undid my seat belt I could wait for an opportunity and then make a run for it.

Looking back at him, making sure he couldn't see my movements, I pushed my hand down the side of my seat, fumbling for the button.

"You really are thick as fucking pig shit, aren't you?"

I nodded when he glanced at me, hoping my agreeing with him would placate him.

"He killed my girl!" He spat "He owes me"

I felt the blood drain from my face. My hands shaking so much I couldn't find the damn button. I had to get out of this car. I frantically looked around us at the whizzing countryside, he wasn't slowing down and I was running out of time. Tears blurred my vision again, I was so weak. I hated myself. I had to remain composed, I was terrified but I had to try to control myself, he wasn't going to feel pity for me and pull over. Edward was miles back with his family, no clue as to where I was. I was on my own.

My finger found the release button and I pressed. The click was loud in the silence of the car.

"What the fuck was that?" James turned to look at me, his eyes wide. He glanced down at my hand, still hovering over the release button, holding the seatbelt to stop it from whizzing up and over my shoulder.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He shouted!

Racing to the side of the road, he slammed his foot down, the car skidded and turned and I could hear screaming as it slid round a full 360 degrees, stopping on the grass embankment. Reaching for the door handle I scrambled to get it open but he grabbed my coat and swung me back into the seat. Lifting my eyes, they widened in shock as he pulled his fist back and hit me.

The pain was instant. Like an explosion behind my eye. My head snapped back and I raised my hand's up to cover my face, it was wet and I was scared to look, thinking it was blood pouring over me. Trembling I scooted back in the seat as far from him as possible, expecting more blows, but nothing came.

I lifted my hands and peered at them, but my eye wouldn't open, blinking I tried again then realised there was no blood but I still couldn't see properly, my cheek seemed to be swelling right in front of me, I could see it lifting and covering my vision in a cushion of flesh. I would have one hell of a black eye tomorrow, I thought, if I live long enough to see it.

James was punching the steering wheel and shouting. "Look what you did! You're so fucking stupid, why would you do that?" He growled and gripping the steering wheel as he let out an ear splitting and terrifying scream!

"I'm going to fucking kill you!"

I grabbed the handle and launched myself from the car, stumbling onto the grass verge, I slipped and fell. Typical! Rolling down the embankment, I jumped to my feet, more acrobatic then usual and took off, heading for the trees.

My eye was completely swollen shut now. I blindly reached out for the branches as tears streamed down my face.

Stopping, I pressed myself against a tree and listened. My breathing was so loud. I could hear James shouting me, cracking fallen twigs and branches and crunching snow underfoot.

"I can see where you've gone!" He laughed. "Your foot prints are all over the ground, Bella. No one else has been here, so yours are the only prints."

Fuck!

Glancing round I tried to see an escape route, he was getting closer and I was trapped.

I could hear him approach the tree I was hugging; I could see him in my periphery so I stepped lightly round the tree as he came into view. I was facing the road again and could see the car through the trees. The doors were open and the engine still running.

I peered around the tree at James's back. He was still walking ahead, taunting me as he searched.

"Here, Bella, Bella, Bella" He clicked his fingers and whistled as if calling his pet dog.

I stepped out and quietly and slowly made my way towards the road. I wanted to run but knew with my track record, I was likely to fall and he would catch me. I had to be nearer the car, less chance of mistakes. Pressing my feet into the snow lightly, I waited with baited breath for him to hear me, or the thick snow betraying me with its groaning compliance under my weight. But he didn't turn. He was enjoying himself, insulting me and tracking me down.

I was close to the small embankment now, and pushed myself up, grabbing a branch as my footing slipped on the snowy surface. Snow rained down from the tree I disturbed and I looked behind me, feeling my heart thumping in my chest. He was still facing away from me.

Stumbling up the verge, I raced to car and threw myself inside, but hands grabbed me from behind, yanking me out again, I banged my head on the door and we both fell back onto the grass. His hands released me briefly but it was long enough for me to scramble onto my knees and grab the frame of the car. His vice like grip fell on my ankles, pulling me back towards him, I was frantic, and tried kicking back. My foot connected with something soft and grunting he fell back, letting go of me. I dived into the car and spotted the phone under my chair, my hands so cold and panic so rife I couldn't grip it. I looked over my shoulder back at James and saw him kneeling on the road, holding his face, blood oozing out of his fingers!

"You've broken my fucking nose!" He said, sounding as surprised as I was.

Jumping up with the phone finally in my hand, I ran. There was a car coming, I could see the headlights illuminating the road and trees and its engine sounded like music to my ears. I ran into the middle of the road, waving my arms like a mad woman, the glare of the headlights shining on me like a spotlight, the car was coming fast and had to swerve to miss. With its brakes slammed on, the car skidded past me and I could see Edward at its wheel. His eyes connected with mine for only a second as he flew by, then turning the wheel he spun the car around and headed back towards me. Relief at seeing him and knowing he had found me made my legs weak and giving in to the panic, I felt them buckle beneath me, just as hands grabbed me round the waist and dragged me back into a car, only it was the wrong car.

James slammed the vehicle into gear and charged towards Edward's.

"James! NO!" I screamed.

Edward swerved again but both cars were going too fast and the road was too icy. My hands covered my face as we plunged down the embankment and crashed into a tree, James's body, like a weightless sack flung forwards and through the windscreen.

I was routed to the chair, hissing from the engine breaking the silence. James wasn't moving. He was face down on the bonnet of the car, his eyes open but unseeing. Glass and snow covered him and the tree rained down more flakes like confetti. It was a scene from a sick and twisted fairy tale, snow sticking to his blood and melting on his skin.

Edward! Choking down my terror, I pushed against the door but it wouldn't budge. Edward! I couldn't hear him, I had to see him. I pushed with all my strength which was quickly dissipating, but the door was jammed and I was trapped. Turning in my seat, I searched the road for any sign of his car. It was bad.

Edward's car was against a tree. Enveloping it like a hug. The bonnet crumbled and wrapped around the base. The horn started blaring. The door was hanging open and I could make out his side profile. He was slumped over the steering wheel.

I started to cry, but not gut wrenching sobs, just silent tears, pouring down my face. He was too far away from me and I couldn't see if he was breathing, I tried to focus on his back, hoping to see a rise and fall or any indication that he was alive. But Edward was still. A feeling of deja vu swept over me, I could place this image to another crash scene. That one I had also starred in, the night I had met Edward. He had told me it wasn't bad, the crash was irrelevant but I could see the same details, the crumbled car; the rain starting to fall. It was the same, only much worse. I thought back to the garage, the blanket covered wreck, all twisted metal and blood on the dashboard.

I couldn't reach him, I couldn't get out, he just lay there and I couldn't help him. My last conversation with Edward had ended with a goodbye, if there were to be no others it had to end with more.

I closed my eyes and as if he was able to hear me, I spoke to him, of all my happiness and how he had brightened my life, my words carried on the wind, across the trees and the blackness that consumed me.

"Edward" I whispered for his name was my lifeline.

If I was dying and he was dead, let him be the light that guides me. Unconsciousness finally won.


	7. Ch7 Worlds Apart

**A/N: **Thank you all again for your fabulous reviews, I started writing this for my-self but continue now for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and its characters belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is all mine :o)

The playlist today included like you by Evanescence.

Ch7 Worlds apart

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved and you will never know what pain is, until you have lost it. Anon

Black; All around me was black, dark and oppressing, weighing down on my eyelids, crushing me with its bleakness, showing me the loneliness of being in the dark.

Numb; my entire being was numb, my consciousness crept back to me, and with it I expected pain but felt nothing. I lay cold and numb. Not even trying to move for I knew if I did I was acknowledging my body lying still; broken and numb.

I never wanted to move again, I wanted to lie still and suffocate in my misery. It was all consuming and I felt nothing, nothing but despair.

I could clearly hear the monitor beside my head, timing the rhythm of my heartbeats, its repetitive beepbeepbeep becoming so obviously clear to me now. It had followed me in slumber, disturbing my dreams and calling me back to a life I couldn't remember. I just didn't know where I was, who I was or what the hell was going on!

The falling sensation was now real and I wasn't able to resist it. I descended into blackness over and over again. I had idea how long this went on for, drifting in and out of the realms of consciousness, it seemed endless to me, possibly the entire day or even more went by with me waking to the monitor and various voices, catching partial conversations of social lives, love lives, sex lives or lack off and even occasionally, their work. But then I would feel overwhelmed and slip back into the sinking oblivion.

A question kept forming in my mind, but I couldn't grasp what it was I needed to ask, I just knew I was desperate to hear the answer. Thinking hurt but only my head, the rest of me was numb and motionless. And although I knew I was struggling to awaken fully, I hadn't quite managed to summon the energy to try to move my body or even open my eyes.

I had known at the precise moment I first felt awareness that I was in a hospital. They had found me by the road, bruised and bleeding. I had heard this from the partial conversations breezing over me, I wanted to ask them more, where was I found, what had happened to me, was I alone? But until I was able to convince the nursing staff I was here, not just in body but also in mind, all I could do was lie still in utter frustration.

Sleep, conscious, sleep, conscious....... its repetition started to drive me insane. Lying there silently begging them to continue the gossip, feeding me insanity with unanswered questions and idle chitchat.

"Driving under the influence, that's what I heard!"

"Oh for God's Sake Suzie, you took the blood samples yourself, didn't you read the results?"

"No!"

"Was it drugs then?" A third voice chirped up.

"No! There was nothing, just slightly anaemic." A pause, no doubt as they all observed me. "It really was strange though, two cars but only she was brought in"

My attention piqued.

"Really? Why?"

"Dunno.... but between us three, Jimmy told me he swopped shifts with Tony, you know the technician who worked that night, anyway he told Jimmy th......" They continued their rounds, moving away from my bed. I wanted to sit upright and scream at them to come back.

Instead I did the only thing I could, I mused over the story, trying to fill in the gaps myself. How could it be possible I was involved in a serious road traffic accident with more than one vehicle and yet I couldn't remember it?

"Here Bella, Bella, Bella..."

I couldn't place it.....The voice, who was he?

"Bella, Bella, Bella,"

I didn't like him! I was sure of it, something gripped my stomach, a knot of fear......this person, he had scared me, he was......he was what? What was he? Think, Bella, His name, his face, who was he?

But nothing else came.

The frustration was picking at me. I turned my concentration from my jumbled thoughts too myself.

Ok Bella, start small, your hand – lift your hand.

Ok – too much, try smaller, a finger! That's it, wriggle a finger..... Ok it moved, I 'm sure it moved, did anyone see? Of course not! Their all too busy with their bullshit to notice! I could be having a heart attack over here – right, ignore them and try again, your little finger – Yes! Yes! It did move I know for sure it did, right try the next one – try again – Ok again – try again – Damn it!

"Hey Bella, how are you doing?"

I stopped. Who was this?

"I notice you have some colour today, any chance you're going to join us in the land of living soon, Hmm?"

It was a male. His voice was nice, soft, had he noticed my attempts to move?

"You'll be pleased to hear the specials for today are chilli con carne, extra hot and then chocolate sundae" He chuckled to himself "Sorry to tease, it's the usual cocktail in the drip for you, but I'll make you a deal, you wake up soon and I'll cook you chilli con carne, extra hot, myself!"

I wanted to laugh with him, he was sweet.

He reached down and took my hand in his, "See you tomorrow Bella, sweet dreams." Then he left the air cool on my hand after his warm touch. It overwhelmed me. He had spoken to me! Not over me, but to me. I felt a need rising in my chest, to call him back. I ached for his return the next day. For with his voice the feeling of despair was replaced with a new hope, and for that I was grateful to him.

Xxx

He arrived early morning, just after the nurses bustled into the ward, opening blinds, not caring that the light brightened the room as it couldn't possibly disturb the sleep of the patients on the coma ward.

I heard him greet the other nurses as he entered the ward, checking details for his day ahead, then he came over. If I was capable I'd have jumped up and down on the bed.

Talk to me, please talk to me.

"Morning Bella"

Good morning Stranger.

"What shall we do today then? Walk in the gardens? Or lunch at a fancy Bistro?"

How about a picnic?

"Jake!"

"Yeah?" He called back.

Jake! I have his name. Jake. Jacob.

"Could you arrange for Shirley's bed to be moved?"

"Sure thing, Matron"

"We also have the Community Service volunteers arriving at noon, if you could meet them at the reception and get them to sign in"

"No worries Matron" He walked away from me, I hated Matron.

It was a while before he came back. I could hear him chatting to his colleagues, changing bed linen, discussing football. I lay listening to him, praying him to direct that talk towards me again. I was starting to crave human contact.

"Did you see that?" Jake's colleague asked, sounding surprised.

"What?" He asked

"Wait - there, see?"

What? What had his attention, I wanted to open my eyes and follow his direction.

"She's moved her head" The colleague was whispering now.

"Yeah, I can see" Jake's voice seemed closer, like he had crossed the ward and stood near me.

I could hear him breathing.

"Bella?" Jake said softly.

Yes. I was screaming inside.

"Bella" He said again.

Yes Jake, I can hear you.

"You've moved" He had bent closer to me, his voice so close. I could imagine he had crouched by my bedside. He was so close to me his breath was tickling my cheek, it smelt like peppermint.

"You've moved" he repeated. "Can you do it again?"

I didn't know what part of me I had moved or how, I couldn't do it again. I had no idea what I had done in the first place.

"I've waited a long time to see you open your eyes, can you do it now?" His voice was soft, eager, he was genuine, his words sincere. I didn't know this boy but I wanted so desperately to do what he asked me too. "Do it for me?"

It was so hard to comply but I knew I had to try, I willed my eye lids to lift, I wanted the sunlight to blind me, I wanted to see the flashes of colour invade the darkness, I wanted to see blue again and white and green - and golden brown.

It seemed like a lifetime but a tiny slither of white slipped beneath my closed eyes and pushing with all my might, the slither became more, drowning my vision with such intensity it hurt as my eyes embraced it, the resulting reaction was tears, rushing up to protect my sight from the sudden invasion. It had been so long since I had seen the sun.

I had to blink to clear the blanket of fog in front of me, afraid at first that my eyes would remain closed again, but they had suddenly found a life of their own and stayed with me, showing me the room around me, in slow motion as I blinked against the brightness, the tears falling, my sight clearing, I sought him out and found him, face to face with me, his expression one of wonder and pride.

"Hi" He said

I blinked.

"You did well." Jake smiled at me. "I'm so proud of you!"

Thank you. I did it for you.

Xxx

"I have good news"

I looked up at Jake. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, playing top trumps with me. We hadn't been able to locate a normal deck of cards, but he had found some things left behind by a youngster who had visited the ward frequently. The subject on the cards was sharks. I hadn't thought there could be enough information on sharks to play a game of top trumps, but I was wrong. So we played, chatted and I learnt a little too. And not just about sharks.

Jake had helped my rehabilitation for the past 3 weeks, ever since my miraculous awakening. I hadn't thought it so miraculous but as Jake had pointed out to me, I wasn't really aware of how close I had been to not pulling through at all. This made me melancholy and not just for the idea that I could've died because although I was here, alive and healing, I couldn't shake the feeling I had lost something, so very dear to me.

He had held my hand that morning I had opened my eyes. Had stayed with me as Consultant after Consultant came and ran numerous tests, all telling me how lucky I was. It had taken 2 more days before I could be lifted to sit up right, dizziness kept swamping me, almost like a hangover. But eventually we had managed and I had watched all activities in my ward with a new view.

Five days after waking I had managed my first words and I had spoken them to Jake. He had been away for a day and I had missed his smile, and incandescent chattering. I had wanted to surprise him.

"Hello Bella" He had chirped as he walked in that day.

"Hello Jake" I had responded. It was worth the wait, his smile was golden. I soon regretted my choice as my Dad came in and for the first time in months, he heard me talking, but to someone other than him. His face was crestfallen and I felt my heart break for him.

Charlie had been a regular at my bedside, the nurses had told me, bringing me music, reading from my favourite books which he had found under my bed at home. Wuthering Heights, Romeo & Juliet and even Sense & Sensibility, I chuckled quietly at the image of Charlie reading Shakespeare to his sleeping daughter with an audience of nurses clucking and cooing over him like mother hens. He wouldn't admit it, but he had probably enjoyed the attention.

Jake was also taking me too and from physiotherapy. The muscles in my body had been immobile for months. I was like a toddler learning to walk again. I knew the steps but couldn't get my body to obey the commands. His gentle coaxing along with the Physiotherapists had helped me contain my rage, as I struggled to be Bella again.

"What's your news?" I asked.

"You're being moved to another ward."

I didn't really like this news. "Oh" I said

"Is that it?" Jake questioned my lack of enthusiasm.

"I like it here" I answered.

He looked around us at the five other beds, four of them occupied. "Why?"

"My room-mates are pretty ok, for a start. They don't make much noise and never steal my food!"

"Bella!" Jake wasn't in the mood for jokes. He had thought this news would amuse me, another step forward in my road to recovery.

"I can't explain it Jake"

"Try"

"I like seeing you here almost every day, I'd miss you and it's just that, I don't think I'm ready to let go"

"Let go of what? The months you were here, you were unconscious, you don't know these people, it's kind of depressing being in a room full of people who can't talk back to you"

"Did you feel depressed talking to me?" I asked my voice small.

Jake looked at me, his eyes searching my face for a moment. I looked back at him. He had such a kind face, his olive coloured skin was smooth, his eyes dark brown and deep and his hair, long and black tied back in a pony tail. It looked soft and sleek. It was shiny when he past the window and the sunlight splayed through.

"Never" he replied. "I just knew you could hear me, there was something different about you."

"I couldn't, not all the time, anyway, just more towards the end."

"The beginning" he corrected.

I smiled at him, "That's right, my beginning."

"Here, I forgot to give you this." Jake rummaged under the chair beside the bed, and pulled out a box.

"What is it?"

"Just some of the things you had on you when they brought you in."

I didn't reply as I hadn't expected it. I wasn't sure what I should be feeling, the ward change and the box suddenly shouted out to me, like something was coming but I wasn't quite ready for it.

"Oh" Is all I could muster.

"Are you ok with this? I can take it away again if you prefer"

"No, it's ok really." I paused."It's just hard when I don't know what to expect. I have no idea what will be in there or what condition it may be in."

"You don't have to look today. I'm sorry, it was thoughtless of me." Jake hung his head, my reluctance to take the box making him feel guilty.

"Jake, it' ok, I promise, but –"I stopped, uncertain of what I had wanted to ask.

"What?" He prompted.

"Will you stay with me while I look?"

Jake breathed a sigh of relief, I wasn't sure what he had expected me to say, but I was comforted by his arm snaking around my shoulder and pulling me to the side of him. It was almost like a brotherly hug. His body was warm and much more toned than I had expected. I felt a blush creep up my face as I longed to snuggle closer to him. I had missed being held.

I reached out and took the box from his lap. It wasn't large, about the size of a shoe box, its lid closed to me, its contents still hidden.

I took a deep breath. This shouldn't be so hard, but I couldn't help but feel that with the lid being lifted I was opening up more than a box of belongings, maybe I would open my memory too. For even though I had been awake for three weeks, my mind had stayed asleep, the details of the accident no clearer then when I had awoken, no thoughts hedged past that date and beyond. I couldn't remember my move to Forks and I couldn't remember the people I had met, except for Charlie and Jake, I was alone in this town.

I lifted the lid carefully and placed it on the bed. There were four items inside, my purse a bunch of keys, a mobile phone and a bracelet.

The purse I recognised as mine and the keys, I believed were to Charlie's house and my school locker. The mobile phone and bracelet were a mystery.

"What's this?" Jake reached in and pulled out the bracelet, it was black leather and about an inch and half in width, it fastened with a buckle much like a belt. On the front was a disc with a coat of arms. A family crest. It was a black background with a lion, one front paw raised the others down, its tongue was protruding and above its head was a crown. Under its feet was a banner with 3 clubs, like those on a deck of cards. The name read "Cullen".

"It's a wristband" Jake murmured, "Pretty cool. Looks expensive, custom made."

"How do you know?" I asked, holding the soft leather in my hands, rubbing my fingers over the disc.

"Well, it's a family crest, see, the name here? Cullen. They had this made into a wristband, the leather is old anyway but not as old as the disc, it looks like real silver, not costume, I don't really know, Bella, I'm not a jeweller, I can just see it meant a lot to someone, to wear their family crest. People don't do that anymore."

I could suddenly picture the band on the wrist of someone, his skin, cold and pale, his blue shirt sleeves pulled up to his elbows, his hands long and narrow, with artistic fingers – the image shifted and I could see those fingers dancing over keys, black on white, a melody breathing out of the instrument, floating on the air towards me, beautiful, hypnotic, yearning. If I closed my eyes, I could almost hear that music.

"Cullen" I whispered. The sound so familiar, it felt natural on my tongue. I had spoken it before.

"Cullen-"

"Do you know them?" Jake's question broke my reverie.

"I'm not sure-"

"I think you must do, this is a family piece. You didn't come by this by accident –"

Accident: The word floated on the air before me. Accident – Cullen-I couldn't quite join the dots.

"Listen, I'm sorry to leave you, Bells, but I need to continue my rounds before my shift ends. Shall I come back later and take you to dinner?"

I smiled up at Jake as he stood to leave. We had a new evening ritual where he wheeled me down stairs to the visitor concourse for food rather than subject me to the mush they served on the wards. Fast food joints scattered every square inch of the concourse, but I wasn't tired of the junk food just yet.

"Sure. See you later, k"

I watched him leave and then leaned back on my pillows. I lifted the wristband to my face and inhaled the smell of leather, but there was a faint odour attached to the material, not unpleasant, intoxicating almost but gone too quickly. I had known that smell. It had called to me, like home. My tummy tightened and my mind darted back to the image of a boy playing music, his head bowed as he watched the keys move under his ministrations. I closed my eyes and summoned the music back to me, like a whisper it stayed in the back of my mind, not daring to emerge any further. The image shifted to a boy dancing with a girl, spinning her round a large room, with long windows and stars filling the sky outside. The music enchanting and leading them, they gazed at each other smiling, enraptured with each other. I felt my tummy shift again, I liked that image, and it held magic in its picture. I liked to think the girl was me, and almost as soon as I thought it, the image changed again and I was no longer watching the dancers from a distance, I was one of them, his arms around my waist, his hand holding mine, his scent filling my senses. I moved my gaze from his chest to his chin, he had a strong jaw, clear lines and his skin was pale, my gaze shifted higher to take in the sight of his lips, a crooked smile playing on the corners of his mouth, his mouth, oh how I wanted to touch my mouth to his, to steal his smile with my lips.

"Bella" He whispered. His voice was as tantalizing as the music around us.

I looked up at his face fully, his eyes held mine in a look that stole my heart. Golden brown, his eyes were golden brown and framed with long black lashes. The background shifted and I recalled looking at those lashes on a hillside, a meadow, surrounded by the tallest trees I had ever seen.

"Bella" He breathed.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of him.

"Yes" I replied.

"Bella" It was like a song, calling to me.

"Yes" I said again.

"Remember me-"

I snapped my eyes open and the picture dissipated leaving the ward and its occupants in front of me, not the boy with the golden eyes.

"Remember me" He had said, "Remember me." I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and grasping the wristband to my face I breathed in the leather once more, hoping desperately for the scent of him to be hidden in its folds.

The realisation was brutal. For not only did I suddenly recall who had breathed my name and enchanted me with his music and touch, I also remembered the last time I had seen him. It all came whooshing back to me, like a blow to the face. My last image of him, slumped in the car, unmoving, possibly even dead. The pain it brought to me was a cocktail of pure happiness at the image of him, smiling at me but also an excruciating hollow ripping open my body of emotions. I started to ache, throbbing in harmony to my pulse. I crushed the wristband to me like a lifeline for it had belonged to Edward.

Edward. I had no idea where he was or even if he was still alive. It had been three weeks since I woke and two months since the accident, if Edward had not survived, he would be buried by now, so cold and still.

I started to sob, heart wrenching, gulping sobs. They simply took my breath away and I struggled too breath and cry at the same time. He was dead, I was sure of it, he hadn't moved, and I was so empty inside, like something had been ripped from me. I hadn't known for weeks what it was I was missing. Putting it down to the accident and my amnesia, I had expected the emptiness to go once I regained my memory.

The nurse on duty came running over, concern showing on her face.

"Bella, Bella what is it love?"

I couldn't speak and finally, after what seemed like hours a Doctor was summoned to administer a sedative as they struggled to calm me down.

The liquid sedative raced into my bloodstream with startling speed, numbing me as it flowed, the sobs and shaky breaths subsiding as sleep arrived and promised me the sweetness of dreams. For in dreams we could be reunited again.


	8. Ch8 Questions

**A/N: ** Avery big thank you to my reviewers**, **there aren't many of you but you make my heart sing!

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and its characters belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is all mine :o)

Today, I have listened to the sound track to Phantom of the Opera. It has some of the most beautiful lyrics, especially "Music of the night." What woman can resist any man, be him human or monster, when he sings "You alone can make my song take flight"? Listen to that and imagine its Edward! Be still my beating heart **blush**__________________________________________________________________________________

Ch8 Questions

At least in dreams did I see you, now even that is lost to me. Should I die of love then?

To cry yourself to sleep can be therapeutic, or so I've been told. A release of pent up emotions, it can also be considered healthy and if succumbed too whilst in the company of girlfriends, ice cream and a man size box of Kleenex, you often find you are in fact, not alone in your misery.

I had cried myself to sleep, or in the case of the previous evening, into a drug induced oblivion. I had not woken feeling like my problem was shared or halved, I had woken with puffy eyes and a blocked nose. A thumping headache also soured my early morning mood.

Unusually for Forks, the sun was shining through the blinds into the ward, but it did nothing to brighten my day.

I had spent 3 weeks hesitantly reaching into the corners of my mind, searching for answers, a reason for my hospitalised state and the hollow ache in the pit of my stomach. Listening to everyone else's half hearted guesses at what had actually happened to me. I had held onto a leather wristband and felt like I had been transported back in time, into the arms of Edward Cullen and for the briefest of moments, I had felt whole again. The ache had dimmed and my heart had soared, until the vision of Edward sitting broken in a car, had flooded my memories and washed him away in a sea of blood, snow and tears. There was so many factors regarding the accident that didn't make sense and upon waking I was desperate to give my questions the answers they and I needed.

I sat up, in search of pen and paper. My head objected to the new position and I moaned, closing my eyes and clutching my temples.

"Do you need something, Bella?" It was Matron. All starched, navy blue and frowning at me from behind a clipboard.

" Yes Matron" I said softly for fear of disturbing my aching head again. "I'd like a pen and some paper please?"

My request seemed to confuse her, because she didn't comply she just stood peering at me, as if I was a distasteful germ in her pristine ward.

" And why would you require pen and paper, Bella?"

"I need to make some notes."

"I see." I don't believe she did. "What are these – notes about, may I ask?"

No you bloody well may not! "Just some things I've been remembering, I wanted to jot them down so I could refer to them later."

"No" It was abrupt.

"Excuse me?"

"No" She repeated. I gazed up at her, incredulous. She watched my impression of a fish for a moment, then deciding the conversation was over, she turned on her heel to walk away.

"Why?" I called after her. She paused half way across the ward, took a deep breath, she then approached me. I resorted to looking like a fish again when she perched herself on the edge of the bed. It was an almost human gesture that I didn't think Matron capable off.

"Bella, do close your mouth, it really isn't attractive."

"I'm sorry, I've only just woken up and haven't brushed yet." I was blushing.

She sighed with frustration. "Bella I'm referring to your flapping jaw. " She placed the clipboard on the blankets. "I don't think it's a good idea," she watched my reactions as she spoke. I made sure my mouth was closed. "You have had a very traumatic experience, have awoken from a drug induced coma, which was necessary for your brain to heal. You are attending physiotherapy due to lack of muscle function and have also acknowledged a small level of amnesia." She stopped addressing my recent health issues. I realised she thought it was enough and I had understood her point.

She made as if to stand but I placed my hand on her arm, her gaze fell to my grip but I didn't release her. "I don't actually understand." I admitted.

"I can ask Dr Benefici to explain-"

"No, I don't mean all that, I meant I don't understand your point."

"The point is Bella," Another deep breath "You need time to heal, not just your injuries but your mind too. PTSD is extremely common in cases such as yours-"

"Excuse me, PTSD?"

If Matron could've rolled her eyes and gotten away with it, I'm sure she would have obliged herself. "Yes Bella." She made my name sound patronising.

"PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Again, assuming I understood.

It was my turn to take a deep breath, for goodness sake I had only requested writing materials!

"Matron, I understand it's unusual for any of your patients to request an audience with you, let alone actually express the desire to perform a mundane task such as writing," Another breath "I also know I'm pissing you off, majorly, but I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about!"

"Bella"

"And that! Please stop saying my name like you'd rather spit it!"

My hand on Matron's arm was visibly shaking now and as she looked down at my trembling fingers, I knew she had refused my request because she thought I was hysterical.

"Bella" Much softer this time, it didn't suit her. "I don't mean to patronise, I just think making notes won't help you, but speaking to a trained professional may. "

"Like a psychiatrist?"

"More like a therapist."

"Is there a difference?"

Matron smiled, "No, not really, I just thought you might prefer the use of one word over the other."

"Sugar coat it you mean."

"If you like!"

"Matron, I can't see what the problem is, I just want to make a note of things as and when I recall them. "

"Your just not trained to deal with it."

"Deal with what? Making notes? Give me some credit, I can form words you know! For fucks sake!"

"Bella," The tone was back. "Please refrain from swearing and lower your voice."

"Lower my voice?" I was getting really pissed off now! "Why? It's not like we're disturbing anyone and even if we did, I should think you'd be fucking pleased my hysteria had roused the near dead!"

Shrugging off my hand, Matron stood, picking up her clipboard and lowering her own voice, she said "Your lack of respect for your fellow patients is distasteful. Your hysterical. I will ask Dr Benefici to administer another of dose of Diazepam-"

"I don't want another fucking dose-"

"Calm down!"

"I just want a pen!"

Matron turned and stormed towards the nurse's station, slamming her clipboard down she paged Dr Benefici.

"Could you ask him to bring me a pen?" I called from across the ward.

Xxx

Matron had annoyed the hell out of me and I hated that she had denied me my request of a pen and paper on account of my inability to cope, and I had proved her right. I was determined that by the time Dr Benefici arrived, I would be making a liar out of her.

Luck was eventually on my side as Dr Benefici was delayed and I was able to use the extra time to my advantage, I was calm and steady by the time the Dr showed up.

He walked over to my bed.

"Hello Bella."

I looked up from my pillow, "Oh Hi Dr, and to what do I owe this pleasure?"

He looked amused at my act of innocence. "Matron paged."

"I know, look I'm sorry about that Dr Benefici, I just asked her for a pen and she refused. I'm ok, I promise."

"I'm Dr Townsend, Bella, Dr Benefici requested I come see you. He's – detained with another case." Dr Townsend's pause appeared strange to me, almost as though he was about to say something else. Was I missing something?

"Did you bring me a pen?" I asked.

Dr Townsend laughed, placing his hands in his jacket pockets, thumbs hooked over the edges, he waited whilst the dining cart was wheeled into the ward, and a tray brought over to me. Watching the server walk away again, he turned and then smiled down at me. "If I give you a pen, will you promise not too upset Matron again?"

"Well, I don't know Dr Townsend, I kind of enjoyed it."

"Eat your lunch Bella." He commanded, lifting his hands from his pockets and leaning over towards me, he placed his hands on the cupboard at the side of my bed, winking at me, he left. I looked at the cupboard and noticed a small notepad and pencil. I liked him immediately and scooping up my new toys, I hid them under my pillows.

Watching him leave, I noticed the ward was busier than usual, the were no new occupants of the beds around the ward, just 4 comatosed and then myself along with one empty bed at the end of the ward, furthest from the nurse's station.

But around the other beds were visitors. They had appeared together but then had spread out to the beds around the room, all except mine and they had either started to read aloud or help clean the patients.

At the bed directly opposite mine, was a young girl, and she was watching me. I eyeballed her back, aggression being my new mood for today but she broke out into the biggest grin and after placing headphones in the ears of the patient, she pressed play then walked over to my bed.

"You're a lot livelier than the others." She grinned.

"So is this pot roast." I mumbled.

She laughed. The sound very girlie and I could imagine this was a person who laughed a lot. It annoyed me, especially in my current mood. I watched her sit on the bed and flip through a gossip magazine, popping gum as she perused the pages. She wasn't very tall and had short dark hair, flawless skin and light brown eyes. She was really pretty and I suddenly desired a hairbrush and eyeliner.

"Did you want something?" I was confused by her relaxing on my bed.

"I loved it when you argued with Matron." She whispered, then giggled. I couldn't help but smile along with her.

"Yeah, me too" I admitted.

"She scares the shit out of me." The girl confessed.

I smiled and she grinned back at me.

"I'm Bella." I introduced myself.

"Alice. Alice Brandon, it's a pleasure to meet you Bella. And I can say with all sincerity, that I believe you and I are going to be great friends after that magnificent display of bravery!"

"Who is he?" I nodded in the direction of the bed opposite.

"I haven't got a clue." Alice shrugged.

"So why are you here, playing him music?"

"I'm a Community Service Volunteer" Alice looked back across the room towards her serene patient.

"A what?"

"We come in and visit patients, help the staff, you know. Sometimes it's awful like yesterday I had to help give a bed bath to a geriatric!" Alice made a face.

"What's wrong with that?" I asked. "We all need to keep clean, its healthy!"

Alice rolled her eyes, "Doh! I know that, but this was a male geriatric with a dirty mind, he kept putting his hands on my ass!" Alice shuddered at the memory of it.

I laughed again. "Maybe they slipped him Viagra instead of iron tablets" I mused.

"Well that would certainly explain certain - something!"

I immediately liked Alice. She seemed fun and had taken my mind off my awful morning.

We chatted a while, for conversation was easy with her, she asked blunt questions that surprised me for others had been coy around me. I gave her the answers I could but was reluctant to mention Edward.

"So, what do you know about him then?" It was Alice's turn to nod across the ward.

"Nothing. I woke up 3 weeks ago, he was here then and there's been no change."

"He's cute." She mused.

"Is he?"

"Yeah. I've been up here twice and I like to be next to him rather than others," Alice shrugged, "I don't know, really, maybe because he's about our age. But I like to imagine what his name is, who he was before he came here, what happened to him. It's so sad seeing him lie there like that."

I agreed but didn't want to point out to Alice only weeks prior, I had been lying there, just like that. "What do you imagine?"

"It changes." Alice sighed.

"Alice, do you - do you like him?" I probed.

Alice looked back at me, she was blushing, "Ssshhhhh!"

I chuckled, " It's not like he can hear us!"

"Don't say that!"

I didn't argue. She glanced back over at his bed. She seemed quite sad and I didn't understand it, she didn't even know him.

"What music are you playing him?"

"It's a mixture, last week I played him classical, today its Eva Cassidy."

"Why Eva?"

"Why not?" Her smile was back.

Alice glanced towards the nurse's station. "Well hello handsome!" I looked up to see where Alice had diverted her attention, for a moment I was hopeful , but it was Jake who had walked in and despite being happy to see him as usual, I also felt a rush of disappointment. I had wanted to see a different head of hair, bronze not black, messy not tamed. I was annoyed at myself for feeling that way, for there was no reason to be hopeful.

Jake looked towards us and smiled. Alice went crimson, again.

"Oh my God! He's coming over!"

I chuckled at her embarrassment. "Alice, this is my friend, Jake. Jake meet Alice."

They shook hands and nodded at each other but it left awkwardness in the air. Wanting to dispel the unease, I asked Jake, "Do you know who this guy is over there?"

Alice spun round to face me, her eyes wide. I motioned with my own for her to relax.

"He was admitted a little over 2 months ago. He has severe head trauma from a Civil War re-enactment, of all things." Jake harrumphed. "I can't see the attraction personally."

"And?" I encouraged.

"What? Oh. Well, he was on the front line, responsible for a cannon, these guys take it very seriously I'm told, anyway, it misfired and swung back at him, connecting with his head, causing bilateral damage."

"In English, please!" Alice insisted.

"It regulates sleep patterns."

"Ohhhh." We chorused in unison, still not entirely sure what that meant.

"Will he-" Alice swallowed. "Will he be – ok?"

Jake eyed her thoughtfully, "We really don't know Alice. He's scheduled for a computed tomography," he continued before we could interrupt, "Its a scan that can identify specific causes for coma, such as haemorrhage. They'll be able to offer a prognosis after that."

Alice and I looked back over the room, he seemed more real just then, a person who had hobbies and quite obviously passion, for he had pursued those hobbies. He was someone's son, brother, boyfriend, friend and glancing around the room, I became aware of the other occupants, some attached to ventilators, unable to breath for themselves, and it was just too sad. We had all lain in blissful sleep, companions in our nothingness. Only for myself, it was more like a stupor for I had been surrounded by dreams of a person who had enveloped me in his love but for the others, like the boy across the room , I wondered, did they dream? Or did their slumber hold no mystery for them, no more memories or dreams and no promises of tomorrow.

"What's his name?" I asked quietly.

"Jasper Whitlock"

Xxx

Jake went on to give details of the other patients on my ward, his story giving me more information than he could ever have realised. He finished with the empty bed at the back of the ward, explaining that a guy had been admitted the day after me, he had been involved in a car crash and had stayed on the ward for only 1 week before he died. His brain bleeding and swelling until there was no more room in his skull.

My heart literally stopped.

A guy

Day after me

Car crash

Died

Died

Died

"Bella? Bella are you ok?"

I felt physically sick.

"Bella!" Jake was reaching for my pulse, concern showing on his face. "Bella, can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you Jake"

"What happened? What's wrong? You're so pale."

"Shall I get Matron?" Alice sounded panicked behind him.

I tried to focus on Jake "Jake, what was his name?"

"What?" Jake was looking at his watch and counting, his fingers holding my wrist limply between his fingers.

"His name?" I whispered. I closed my eyes for I was sure I wouldn't be able to withstand the pain.

"I don't know."

"Please?" I opened my eyes and begged him, dragging short breaths in through my mouth, the pain in my chest squeezing, I felt perspiration bead my forehead but I felt cold.

"Bella, I don't know."

"Go find out. Can you find out? Please, go find out for me."

"Bella, calm down, or I'm going to need to get you some oxygen."

I turned my eyes to Alice, "Alice, please, make him find out for me."

Alice looked at Jake, not sure what to do.

"I promise, I'll take the oxygen, Jake but please, please go ask. I need – I need to –" A sob broke through and I choked on it, gasping for air and fighting back nausea.

"Ok, ok, give me a minute. Bella?" I looked up at him and nodded. It seemed like a lifetime as he walked across the ward and disappeared into a room behind the nurse's station.

Alice sat next to me. "Here." She handed me the mask and I breathed in deeply, it helped.

But as I watched Jake walk back towards me, I felt dizziness over come me, the room seemed to spin and I tried to focus on him, pushing past the feeling. I needed to hear.

I pulled the mask off my face as he stopped at the foot of bed. Jake looked at the floor.

"Jake?" Oh God no, please no, please don't let him say that name.

Jake refused to look at me.

Why won't you look at me?

I knew the news he had could quite possibly destroy me, his averted eyes spoke volumes. Jake believed he was about to give me really bad news.

The feeling of dizziness was too strong and I welcomed the blackness as he opened his mouth to speak.

I've changed my mind, don't tell me.

Falling back onto the pillows, the mask pulled down to my chin, I watched his mouth form the name. I couldn't look away but wanted too so desperately.

"James Hunt"

I vomited.

Xxx

"Tell me what you remember."

I ignored her.

"Bella, tell me what you remember."

She had been sat by my bed for over an hour now and I had yet to speak a word.

Sighing, she stood, straightened her skirt and left. I continued to look out the window, watching the clouds float by in their ocean of sky, wishing I could float along with them, it looked so calm out there whereas inside my head, inside my head, I was screaming.

I refused to vocalise my thoughts for fear that Matron would drug me again. The diazepam certainly did help relax but in the sleep it brought me, there were no dreams. And I wanted to dream, I wanted to dream of Edward.

I had also refused to talk to Alice and Jake as well as the Therapist who had bugged me with the clicking of her pen and the same question over and over again. I feared that if I opened my mouth to talk, I would only be omitting a shriek and quite possibly one that I wouldn't be able to stop.

I kept my eyes averted from the empty bed. The idea that James had lain within metres of my own, repulsed me. I had no clue as to why I had been found almost 24 hours before James had been for we had been inside the same car, or rather I was trapped inside and he sprawled on the bonnet.

But it had been a day. How? He was on the bonnet? How had they missed him?

Jake had realised I had known the guy as soon as he had checked the hospital records. The date and location were too close to be coincidences. But what had become of Edward? If he had been found and he had been alive, surely he would be here in this hospital? But wouldn't he then have tried to locate me, visit me? It all came back to the same thing, I thought he was dead. My heart leapt and for a moment it felt like I had swallowed a lump of concrete, it hurt my chest.

I had been convinced Jake was going to speak another name and I was ready to feel my heart stop. My reaction to Jake's body language couldn't deny that. I was sure from the way he had looked away from me, refusing to meet my eyes, that his very words would literally kill me. But of course, Jake knew nothing of Edward, as I had not told him what I had remembered after we found the wristband. He wasn't to know that the guy who had died only one bed away from me, was the very guy who had tried to kill me.

I was glad James was dead. He had ruined everything I held dear and because of him, I didn't have a clue how to get it all back. If only I could find Edward, if I could discover his whereabouts then quite possibly I could take the steps required to join him and we could start to live our lives together, again.

But the macabre thought that halted me was the knowledge that his location may very well be six feet under and I was too scared to investigate any further.

I had felt out of control watching Jake speak that name, I knew if his lips had spoken the name Edward instead, I would've been beyond any help they could offer me here. I wasn't ready to know, I just wanted to lay here in my turmoil and clutch to my heart the belief that Edward was still breathing.

I couldn't believe it but I wanted too, more than anything.

Xxx

Both Jake and Alice returned to visit me over the next few days, talking to me, hoping to elicit a response. I didn't want to ignore them but the inner battle I was fighting was wearing me down. My first words would be to ask about Edward but I was so scared of the answers, so I swallowed the questions and kept quiet.

The words PTSD were bandied around over me, the Therapist returned, her pen clicking, her voice irritating me. I closed my eyes and prayed for her to leave me the hell alone.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Bella."

I turned to look at her. Huh?

"To leave you alone, I'm here to help, you just need to trust me."

Had I spoken?

"I know it's hard-"

"Hard?" I spluttered. She looked back at me from her pad, her eyes wide.

"Well, yes, hard."

"How can you possibly know what's hard for me? I haven't spoken a word to you. You don't know anything about me!"

"You've been through a really tough time, Bella. Why won't you let me help?"

I turned back to her, tears filling my eyes.

"Because you just won't understand"

"Why would you think that?"

"You're a therapist right?"

She nodded.

"Your ideas are based on science."

"So?"

"My thoughts are almost – "

"Go on, almost what? " She leaned forward in her seat, elbows on her knees.

"Almost – supernatural" I dared to glance back at her. She had lowered her gaze to her pad, the pen tapping the block of paper on her knee.

"Are you making fun of me?" She asked softly.

"No."

"I just want you to trust me, Bella." She sighed.

"Well I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I just said one thing to you and you dismissed me."

"I didn't dismiss you."

"Didn't you? You may not have called my psychotic, or delusional, or even used "science" to refute my claim, but you did question it."

"That's hardly fair Bella. You say one sentence to me and I'm not allowed to dig for more information?"

"How is asking if I'm making fun of you, digging for more information?"

"Shall we start again?"

"There really isn't any point, your "science" will prevail and I will be locked away in a straight jacket."

"Bella, you throw at me the word "Supernatural" and rebuke me for asking about it and your use of it, but then you tell me you feel crazy? That's implying that you yourself don't believe it."

"I do believe." I whispered.

"Then why would you be, as you put it, "locked up in a straight jacket"? We're only talking, I'm here to listen and offer advice. It's up to you if you want to use it."

I looked back at her, the need to speak his name to another human being was overwhelming but I felt blocked.

I had no evidence that Edward was real. James certainly was or had been. The possibility that I had conjured Edward up in my dreams had occurred to me and that thought was almost as terrifying as the one of him dead.

I looked around, I wanted to see the smiling face of Alice or Jake, someone familiar, even my dad would've helped. But she had closed the curtain around my bed, seeking privacy in a room full of people.

"I don't remember being found." I started, my voice low. She leaned towards me again.

"I just woke up."

I waited for her to speak. Not looking at her.

"There is more to it than that, isn't there Bella?"

"No"

"Why won't you trust me?"

"I don't know you."

"Sometimes that helps. You can talk to family and friends and they can judge you."

"And you won't?"

"No."

"You're a liar."

"That's hardly fair!"

"Your here to speak to me about my trauma, to tell me how to cope, to listen to what I have to say and make a decision on how I should best continue. Surely that is judgement?"

"No, that's expertise."

"So because you have letters after your name you can call it advice, but if my family try, it's called judgement?"

"You're so angry."

"Of course I'm angry!"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes. Why are you angry?"

"Why don't you tell me!" I snapped.

"Ok, how bout I say a word and you say the first thing can comes into your head? Hmm?"

"I rolled my eyes "Oh you have got to be kidding me?"

"Just amuse me."

"Amuse you? Fucking hell lady are you for real?"

"I'll say a wo-"

"I heard you, I know what you want me to do!"

"So, let's start."

I crossed my arms, an act of defence, it was subconscious but I knew she had noticed it.

"Car-"

I remained quiet.

"Car, Bella."

I looked her in the eye.

"Car-" She said again.

"Crash" I mumbled.

"Tree-"

I stared at her, wide eyed, she was too close to the nerve, what was she playing at?

"Tree, Bella."

"Crash" I repeated.

"Snow-"

"Footprints" I looked away from her.

"Edward-"

I blanched. She didn't just?

"Edward, Bella."

I turned to face her, where did she get that name?

"Where did-?" I began.

She interrupted me. "Just one word responses, please Bella. Edward-"

"Edward" I replied

"I'd like a different response, not a repetition? Edward-"

"Cullen" I whispered.

"What was that?" She stopped making notes to look up at me. "I didn't hear you."

"Piano"

"Piano?"

"Lullaby"

"What-?"

"Dancing-music-Carlisle-Esme-Rose-Emmett-Library-snow-sledge-meadow-tree-Edward-Edward-Edward-Edward" the words kept tumbling from my mouth, there was no one word response for that name.

"Bella?"

"How did you know that name?"

"Bella, if we digress fr-"

"How. Did. You. Know. That. Name?" I demanded.

"You talk in your sleep." She offered.

"How dare you! You ask me to trust you and then you throw this at me? What kind of maniacal bitch are you?"

"That's hardly fair!"

"I think you should leave."

"I have a theory"

"I don't think I'm interested in your theory" I spat at her. "Just leave me alone!"

"I think you should go, Dr Scott." We turned to see both Jake and Alice standing in the curtained enclosure.

"Jacob, I'm here –"

"Dr Scott, please." Is all he said. She picked up her briefcase and stood. Looking over her shoulder at me she said "I will come back, Bella, I will help."

"Is that a fact?" I asked her.

"Yes." She answered, then she disappeared through the curtain.

I collapsed back on to the pillows, my head throbbed and my jaw ached from my tension. I couldn't remember what it felt like to be happy, since waking up I had felt almost nothing else but despair.

"Thanks guys." I looked at them both.

"It was nothing" Alice offered, coming to sit beside me on the bed, grabbing hold of my hand.

"She will be back" Jake said.

"Like Arnie?" Alice asked.

"Well she certainly acted like the terminator!" I joked.

We all chuckled for a moment but it was tinged with a hint of insanity. I kept my hand in Alice's for the comfort it offered was nice.

"Whose Edward?" Jake asked.

I looked out of the window. The time had come. "Edward is the love of my life." I replied. I looked back at him, he was looking at the floor. He looked hurt and I realised that whilst Jake had been a true friend to me, maybe I was just a little bit more to him.

"Jake, I'm sorry." I said softly.

His eyes met mine. "What are you sorry for?" He asked.

"I didn't realise. If I led you on, I really am sorry."

He walked around to the other side of the bed, perching on the edge he took my other hand in his. "You didn't lead me on, Bella."

He was so sweet to me, for an instant I wanted to tell him I felt the same. He had been the one true constant in my life the last few weeks, and before then, whilst I had slept on, he had spoken to me and urged me to wake up, he had been my anchor and I would be forever bound to him. I didn't want to lose his friendship, but I couldn't offer him my heart. I didn't know if what I was offering in its place was enough.

"I love you, Bella" He said, his eyes finding mine.

I looked back into his, seeing him as Jake, the man and not just Jake, my friend. He was cute and strong and sensitive and unlike Edward, he was real. I could reach out and touch him and to love him in return would be so easy, so simple – and a betrayal.

"I love you too, Jake" His eyes lit up "But my heart belongs to Edward. I can't even begin to offer you anything other than my friendship, I have to know what has happened to him. I've been healing for months all except one part of me."

"Your heart" He breathed.

"No. My soul, Jake, Edward is the other half to my soul. I have no idea where to even start" A sob escaped me and Alice squeezed my hand. I looked up at her and smiled through my tears.

"Will you help me find him?" I asked her. She nodded, her own tears running freely down her face.

I turned to Jake. "Jake?"

"Are you asking me too?" He looked angry with me, I couldn't blame him. But I had been honest and I needed him, more than he realised.

I nodded. He looked away from me and then stood, walking to the window he looked out at the night sky.

"Jake?" I called to him.

"If I don't help you, you may never know what really happened but you could eventually turn your affections to me."

"No Jake"

"Why not? It is possible."

"No, it's not, not like you want me too."

"I think it is!" He sounded slightly childish to me, like he was bordering on a tantrum.

"True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist" We both looked at Alice, her eyes darting between us, wary of her place in this conversation. But she continued, "Nor can it be hidden where it truly does."

I looked back at Jake, begging him to understand what she had said. He couldn't make me love him, it just wasn't possible, and he couldn't make me forget Edward or the way I felt about him, real or not, it just wasn't possible.

Jake remained silent for what seemed like a lifetime. Alice and I staring at him and then at each other, I thanked her for her words by squeezing her hand in mine, we waited for Jake to leave. I had asked of him the impossible, I hadn't played fair. I didn't blame him for wanting to go.

"Ok" It was merely a whisper.

"Jake?"

He turned to face us, looking at Alice then me, he nodded his head. "Ok. I'll help you find Edward."T


	9. Ch9 Mobile

**A/N: **For those readers who are not aware, Matron is the job title of a very senior nurse although the title Clinical Nurse Manager is now often used instead. My sincere apologies for not realising this wasn't a universal title, I hope it didn't confuse anyone. I will continue to use it throughout the story of Enigma as it just won't make sense to change it now. Thank you to Tulipp for advising me :o)

The title of this chapter is Mobile; it's a double reference to Bella's new found mobility and the phone she carries, also known as a Cell.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is owned by the enigmatic Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is all mine :o)

I have been listening to Dido's No Angel album again. It's just so easy to write too!

Ch9 Mobile

I sought for love but love escaped me, I sought my soul, but my soul I couldn't see so I sought for you and in you, I found all three. Anon

"Where do we start?"

Alice's question interrupted the moment between us, Jake's hand still holding mine, now in a binding agreement. I knew the decision to help me look for Edward hurt him as he had just confessed his true feelings to me, and despite knowing there was only one person I could love, I couldn't help but feel sad that I wouldn't reciprocate. He was so sweet to me and I hated hurting him.

"I guess I could check hospital records." Jake suggested.

"Jake?"

"Yeah"

"Is there any way we could do this without drawing attention to ourselves?"

"Well, yeah." Jake looked at me, "Why?"

"I don't think I'm able to discuss Edward with anyone else yet, I feel so confused."

Jake sat on the edge of my bed, his thumb tracing a line across the back of my hand. It tickled. "Confused about your feelings?" He raised his eyebrows, looking hopeful.

I had to laugh, the gesture was so Jake, cheeky yet sweet. "No, sorry to burst your bubble"

He shrugged, nonchalant, "Can't blame me for trying, eh?"

"What is it then, Bella?" Alice had been quiet, her question loaded, her voice soft. She knew this was hard for me. I hadn't known her for long but I could see Alice was very perceptive.

I hesitated. Since I had recalled his every detail a few days before, I had kept him quietly inside myself. I had woken; I had forgotten; I had felt emptiness; I had remembered him but I had no answers. I only had memories of a dream with no evidence he was real. What if I was wrong and he existed only in the ether of my mind, or he had been real but was no more. I had taken a big step asking for help locating him but I was so scared of the findings.

"I have nothing to give you except that I feel him. Is that enough?"

"It is for me." Alice assured me.

"Is it, Alice? We only have a name, I don't have an address, or date of birth. I have a visual in my head but no photo to show you guys. I can convince myself we must've met because of how strong I feel but then I-"grabbing a tissue from the box by my bed, I sniffed and looked between them both, "I have no proof."

"But you do"

"What?"

Alice lifted my hand and tugging back the sleeve of my pyjamas, she exposed the Cullen wristband I was wearing.

"You have this, it belonged to him. It has his family crest on it and you have this-"reaching into the cupboard she lifted out the box Jake had given me, the box that had contained my personal belongings. It was now empty except for one thing.

"The mobile phone" I had completely forgotten about it.

I had taken it from the house after James had called asking me to come and get Edward before he'd lied to me about his safety, tricking me into getting into the car with him. I didn't know who it had belonged too, but suddenly it looked like the Holy Grail to me for it held answers.

"Check the phone book"

"No, check messages"

Jake and Alice sounded excited, my hands shook. "I can't get the keypad lock off" I mumbled. "My hands are shaking."

"Here, let me." Jake took the phone from me, pressing *then menu. The keypad lit up waiting for its next instruction. "So? What first?" Jake asked.

"Messages" I whispered.

"Ok, we have one from Emmett – Whose Emmett?"

"Rosalie's husband"

"Who's Rosalie?"

"Edward's sister."

"Oh. Ok, so Emmett-" Jake snorted "nice name – his Bro in law, he texted Edward a phone number."

"We don't know it was too Edward, we don't even know it's his phone."

"Should we try ringing the number?" Alice suggested.

Jake continued. "Then we have one from "Dad", sent on November 12th. He mentions a garage appointment for a car to be serviced, oil change etc,"

"That was 1 week before I was admitted."

"There's a third text, someone called Tanya, she sent times and dates, no mention as to what the dates are for."

My stomach sank, who the hell was Tanya?

Jake echoed my thoughts "Who's Tanya?"

I pushed away the jealousy that crept over me, convincing myself it meant nothing because we didn't even know it was Edward's phone.

I realised Jake and Alice were still watching me. "I don't know." I admitted.

Jake, bless him moved on swiftly, "Not important then. Should I check the phone book?"

"We should call that number Emmett texted." Alice piped up again.

"Do you guys mind if we call it a night? I'm quite tired and don't feel too good."

Alice put her hand on my blanket covered knee, trying to catch my eye but I kept my gaze averted, if I looked at her sympathy head on, I would start to cry. I wanted to be alone for that.

"Sure thing, Bells. G'night." Jake leaned in and kissed my forehead. It was a simple and platonic kiss but as always his sweet concern for me was moving. I blinked back tears, lay back on the pillows and turned onto my side. I was facing the window and away from my friends.

"Good night Jake, Night Alice. Thanks again, for everything."

I listened intently for the sound of their departure and when I was sure they had gone with the silence of the ward creeping in on me, I let my tears fall. I was a rollercoaster of emotions, suddenly remembering my mum had always said in response to any drama in our lives "Time will tell".

Time will tell......will it tell the truth and will its truth be kind?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Alice, she had tears on her face.

"Alice?" Sudden concern for my bubbly friend pushed away my own fears.

"I want to help you" She said softly.

"You are helping." I assured her.

"You know what I mean. I want to say things that will help, to promise you it will be ok."

"But then you'd be a lousy friend, Alice, because you'd be lying."

"Would I?"

"Alice?" I could see something more in her posture. She had something to say only she couldn't find the words. "What is it?" I urged.

"Bella-"she began "It will be ok" She lifted her gaze from the floor and I turned fully to look at her face to face.

"You don't need to say that."

"No listen to me," she swallowed "It will be ok. I just know it, I have – feelings, and when I listen to them, they usually always come true. It's like instinct and I just know that in the end, no matter what, everything will be ok." She waited for my reply. I didn't know what to say to her, I couldn't scoff at her claims for I had admitted to Dr Bitchy Scott only today that my thoughts of Edward and his whereabouts where bordering on supernatural, now here was Alice claiming clairvoyance?

"It's ok" Alice lifted her shoulders, recognising my delay as a rebuttal. "You don't have to believe me now, but I will remind you every day, until you admit I was right." She smiled.

"What makes you so sure?" I owed her a response.

"I guess I just feel it."

"I need a little more"

"When I think about Jasper lying there, asleep, I can see us together, we're laughing and happy and it helps me. I believe he'll wake up because I can feel it. When I think of your Edward, I see him and I see you, just like I see you getting out of that wheelchair pretty soon and your Dad finding someone, it's like a picture being shown to me only I know it hasn't been developed yet."

"So it's more like a negative?"

"You may make fun of me, Bells, but I know you're scared."

"Well doh!"

"You think you imagined it all" Her voice was so quiet, I held my breath waiting for her to continue. "You think he's not real, don't you?"

I nodded.

"So how do you explain the wristband and the phone?"

I shrugged.

"There's evidence here, Bella, you've already come one step further, don't forget that and don't waste time wallowing either."

"I'm not wallowing!"

"Aren't you?"

I sat up on my elbows, "No!"

"Ok, what-ever, but remember this, you wait too long and put off finding him just because some random girl's name is mentioned, then you're wasting his time too. This isn't going to be easy Bella, but –"Alice stopped. She looked at her hands then back up at me, "what if he hasn't got time?"

I had nothing to say, her statement affected me.

"Good night, Bella."

I watched her step around the curtain, and listened to her footsteps fading away through the ward. She bid good night to the evening staff and then she was gone. Her words floating around me like a bad smell.

Xxx

The morning began with a trip to Physiotherapy. Jake wasn't assisting me today for he had been transferred to another ward. He came to apologise as soon as he knew.

"Sorry Bells."

"It's ok Jake it'll only be the usual exercises. You won't be missing much." I smiled trying to reassure him.

"Jake!"

I peered around him to see a girl waiting. She was tall and slim, about model height with short jet black hair, its tresses glistening like a shampoo advertisement. Her skin was coppery and her light brown eyes were framed by lashes resembling feather dusters. She was really quite beautiful.

Jake, bristled at her use of his name. "I'll be right there, Leah." He said this last bit with hostility.

I raised a brow at him. He shrugged, "She's a harpy" He stated.

"You know, I can hear you!"

Jake and I chuckled as Leah swung around and stormed away from us.

"What's her problem?"

Jake laughed again "Like I said, she's a harpy! Well I should be back tomorrow, so take care"

"Will do. Have fun." I called after him.

He responded with his middle finger.

Xxx

Physiotherapy was more fun than usual. My PT, Juliet, was extremely excited about my progress and after a small stroll around the exercise area she rewarded me with crutches in place of my chair. Alice's "premonition" from the night before came back to haunt me, along with her words "You'll admit I was right."

I decided I would take a slow preamble back to my ward rather than in the chair with an orderly pushing me. No time like the present, I had assured Juliet.

It was after lunch and most patients were napping, leaving me alone in the hallways with staff bustling about their business. I took my time, stopping every so often to gaze out of the windows in the long hospital corridors. The sun was filtering through the dark clouds, fingers of light breaking through the gloom, starting off as a slither then widening to a beacon as they brushed the neighbouring hillsides with its golden light. A misty drizzle would shimmer as it passed through the glow, looking magical from the interior of the hospitals but no doubt cold and miserable if stood beneath. Voices came and went around me, social lives discussed more than patient care. Despite being someone in their care, their idle chatter made me smile. It was nice to hear ordinary lives were being lived, as mine felt like it had paused.

A male voice, soft and melodic drifted down the hallway towards me breaking through my reverie. I recognised it as Dr Townsend. He had been nice to me and I looked around locating his exact position. He was standing just inside a doorway, his back towards me, conversing with a colleague. They were discussing a patient and it didn't sound very positive.

"The barbiturate has been reduced but the EEG is still showing reduced brain activity. It should have shown a small change by now."

His companion answered with "And what off his blood tests for the possibility of a secondary infection?"

I froze. I was sure I knew that voice. Carlisle. I stood carefully and settling my new crutches under my arms I wobbled a few steps towards them.

"Likely to be pneumonia, I'm afraid." Dr Townsend replied.

The possible Carlisle sighed, "I see."

I edged closer, not sure if I should make my presence known, feeling trepidation about their mutual interest in the unnamed patient, it seemed rather – personal.

My foot knocked the metal bin, alerting them to a presence. It had been pushed against the wall but was now in the path of my so called stealth. Dr Townsend turned and smiled warmly at me but his glance into the room and his hand closing the door to my prying eyes did not go undetected.

"Bella! What a pleasure to see you up and about"

"Where's Carlisle?" I demanded.

"Who?" Dr Townsend feigned ignorance. I stopped shuffling forward and glaring up at him, I repeated my question.

"Where's Carlisle?"

"I don't know who you're referring too."

"Really? So Carlisle isn't in that room and you weren't just discussing a patient with him?"

"No Bella, I was discussing, in confidence, a patient with Dr Benefici."

"If you require privacy, Dr Townsend, I suggest finding a room and not using the corridor."

Dr Townsend brushed his fingers through his hair, the gesture reminding me of Edward. He pursed his lips and blew out a blast of air, tiring of the conversation with me.

"You're right, my bad."

"Dr Townsend, can you open that door for me please?"

"No Bella, I'm afraid I can't."

"Any particular reason why not?"

"Well yes actually, its personnel only."

I hedged closer and reaching for the handle, I hesitated expecting him to stop me. When he made no move I grasped the handle, turned it and pushed the door open. Hopping forward I peered round the door frame.

The room was empty. Shelves lining the walls were filled to overflowing with essentials such as bandages, gauzes, medical wipes and dry soap dispensers. No person occupied the space.

"Now, if you excuse me, I have patients waiting."

"Dr Townsend" He stopped and looked over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to continue.

"What are you hiding from me?"

"Excuse me Bella" He continued on his way. By the time I thought of following him, he had turned a corner and was out of sight.

"Hey Bells." Jacob was walking towards me, holding two steaming Styrofoam cups, and a lunch filled baggy hanging from his wrist.

"Whoa, you're mobile again. Should we start moving the furniture?" He laughed then noticed my expression.

"Hey, what's up, you need help back to the ward?"

"Jacob?"

"Yeah"

"Have you ever seen Dr Benefici?"

He thought for a moment. "Nope, don't think so. I know off him though."

"What? What do you know?"

"He's a locum, transferred here from the Olympic Medical Centre in Port Angeles. Why do you ask?"

"I think he's hiding from me"

"Why would he do that?"

"Matron paged him a few days ago and he sent Dr Townsend instead, then I just heard them talking in this room" I tapped the door indicating to Jake "but when Dr Townsend said my name he disappeared."

"Maybe he was paged again, that case he's working on is pretty severe."

"I think its Carlisle" I whispered.

"Edwards father?" Jake lowered his voice too, looking around to ensure we were alone. He straightened when he noticed Dr Scott approaching. "Bitch alert" He mumbled.

"Hello Bella" She stopped in front of me. "I see your body is healing really well."

I really didn't like this woman. "Are you implying that my mind is not?" I asked.

"Are you always so paranoid, Bella?"

"No. I just don't trust you!"

She smiled at me, her lips lifting but it didn't quite reach her eyes. It was a self satisfied smirk, one that puzzled me. She was my Psychiatrist; she should be appalled at my confession not delighted!

"See you tomorrow, Bella." She walked away, her stilettos tapping out a staccato on the waxed surface of the hallway. Even the sound of her walking away grated on my nerves.

"Leah, what do you know off Dr Benefici?" Jake addressed Leah beside me. It surprised me for I hadn't noticed her.

She stepped forward and crossed her arms over her chest. "Who wants to know?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"I do" Jake barked.

"Why?"

"Leah, for fucks sake," Jake stepped forward "Can you quit being such a fucking harpy and just answer the damn question!"

"Will not! You shouldn't speak to me like that. Why should I tell you now?"

They were face to face, Leah almost matching Jake in height. She stood tall whereas he leaned down, both pairs of eyes glaring.

"Leah, what do you know of him?" I tried to make my voice sound gentle, demands obviously didn't work with this girl.

Without breaking her glare at Jake, she spoke over his shoulder to me. "Why should I tell you?"

I silenced Jake with my hand on his arm, his bicep taut from his frustration with Leah.

"Because I'm asking you nicely" She broke her stare and glanced over at me, stepping around Jake she uncrossed her arms "I only know what Jake has already told you, he's here assisting with a unique case. His expertise is in haematology-blood disorders" she adapted for my lesser brain to comply "The patient is struggling with other difficulties but they all lead back to the same problem, his blood."

"Do we know who it is?" I asked.

"No, and I've said too much already." She backed away and without looking directly at him, asked Jake if he was still joining her for lunch.

"Be right there." He scowled at her retreating form.

"Thanks Leah" I called after her, not sure if she heard me as she made no gesture to confirm.

"What a bitch!" Jake blurted.

"I thought you said she was a harpy?"

It was always easy to smile with Jake. "Shall I walk you back to your ward?" he offered.

"I'll be ok, you go have some lunch and be nice to her; she can't be all that bad!"

"Wanna bet?"

After Jake chased after Leah, I walked along the corridor towards the area that Dr Townsend had approached. It had been 20 minutes since our meeting outside the store cupboard therefore I didn't expect to see him but I was still wary as I turned the corner. Pretending I was taking a rest against the ward doorway, I glanced around. It wasn't an open ward like the one accommodating me, this one had six private rooms and a nurse's station set in the middle. All the private rooms had a door, a window facing the foyer and a window facing the exterior of the hospital. No doubt with a view of a small concrete square that some poor soul had tried to landscape, with the aim to add a view.

In the doorway of one private room was Dr Townsend. Another figure sat in a chair by the side of a bed. The blinds in the room where closed, shading the occupants. Dr Townsend and the shadowy figure were deep in conversation.

I lifted the mobile phone from my pocket and fumbled with the keypad lock again.

Swearing under my breath, I leant my crutches against the wall and tried again, it took 3 attempts for the screen to light up, pressing menu I entered the phonebook. Hitting "call" on the number illuminated under "Dad".

It took a few seconds for the number to connect but as it did a ringing tone in the room ahead of me began at the same time the phone to my ear starting to ring. I looked up at the room and watched as a figure in a white coat, mumbled his apologies to Dr Townsend then lifting a phone to his ear he answered the call.

"Hello?"

The figure ahead of me was still obscured by shadow. I could only see a profile but I watched his lips move silently in front of me, hearing his voice in my ear.

I was rooted to the spot, in my head I was pleading with him to step outside of the gloom. I needed to see his face.

"Hello?" His voice held more urgency. "Hello!" He was losing patience but remained hidden from me, I knew he would hang up and took my chance.

"Dr Cullen" I said softly.

The figure in front of me froze, turning towards the window facing the ward, he stepped into the light; his eyes lifted and found mine.

Carlisle.

Neither of us spoke, we just observed the one another. Carlisle looked tired, his pale skin even more sallow, with circles under his eyes, he had lost weight since I'd seen him last. There was sadness etched on his features and it gripped me. My eyes widened as I absorbed the grief pictured there.

"Stay there." He snapped the phone shut and addressing Dr Townsend, Carlisle walked towards me.

I couldn't have moved if my life had depended on it. I watched as Carlisle approached, everything seemed to slow down, as if he was only an actor playing a part and on the screen in front of me, his walk had been edited to slow motion. It took an eternity for Carlisle to reach me.

I kept my eyes on his face and he kept his on mine. There was nothing readable in his expression, only grief. I had expected anger or irritation for he had after all been hiding from me and for reasons unknown to me.

Carlisle stopped inches from me. He ran his hands through his hair. That movement so familiar to me, it ached to watch.

"Is-"I swallowed, tears springing to my eyes, a lump like coal settling in my throat. "Is Edward in there?" My voice broke on the last word.

Carlisle nodded.

I made to step forward, my hand reaching out towards the room, where Edward lay.

"No Bella" Carlisle made no move to touch me but his words halted my steps.

I looked at him, my look full of questions. I couldn't find my voice and prayed he could read me.

"He may have a secondary infection. We need to keep the room clear until we're sure."

"Ohhhh" I fell to the floor, Carlisle reached out his hands to steady me, his fingers grazing my elbow as he lost his precarious grip. The cold surface of the tiles banged hard against my knees, and would without a doubt leave bruises. I felt sick, dizzy, relief and fear well up inside me. It was all consuming and I couldn't breathe.

"Bella." Carlisle knelt beside me, gathering me in his arms he sat with me and rocked us back and forth. I let the tears fall and feeling dampness on my forehead I realised Carlisle was crying too.

People walked past, slowing to observe the emotional display in the doorway but no one intervened.

I raised my head, brushing my hair out of my eyes and wiped at the tears on my face, there were so many my hand became too wet to dry my cheeks so I left them damp and salty and I hiccupped.

"Carlisle? What's going on?"

Carlisle sighed, the weight of the world was in that breathe.

"Bella, I have to go, there are – things I need to do - for Edward, but I promise, I'll come see you later, and I will explain everything. I promise"

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He stood and helped me up off the floor, handing me back my crutches he apologised.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been to see you. You'll understand soon, I'll explain everything."

"Carlisle" I tried to stop him as he walked back towards the room, "Carlisle, please?"

He hesitated but didn't turn back to me.

"Will he be ok?"

Carlisle didn't answer me, his shoulders slumped as in defeat and a shudder shook him, raising his hands he buried his face in them and sobbed. All I heard was anguish, pure pain like that of a wounded animal, I watched as he mindlessly headed back to Edward's room.

No words were spoken by him, it was just noise; just a sound. I recognised that sound. I had omitted it so often myself lately.

It was derived from the unmistakable torture of heartache.


	10. Ch10 Clarity & Communication

**A/N: **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you make my heart sing :o)

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and its characters are owned by the fantabulous Stephenie Meyer, the imagination in this story is all mine. :o)

Ch10 Clarity and Communication

"I love you. Those 3 words have my life in them..." Alexandrea to Nicholas III

Dr Townsend stepped forward from Edward's room, placing his hand briefly on Carlisle's shoulder he closed the door behind him and walked over to me.

I tried but couldn't peel my eyes off Carlisle. His entire posture resembled mine and I felt desperate knowing Edward was only ten steps away from me. I felt drawn to his room, almost magnetically, stepping forward until Dr Townsend stopped me.

"Bella, you can't go in there." The gentleness was back in his voice, so unlike the hostility from earlier that day but then Dr Townsend no longer had things to hide from me.

I looked up at him, trembling against my crutches. My eyes leaking more tears, I couldn't understand why everyone was trying to keep me away, hiding him from me, he was my lifeline, I'm sure I could be his too but there were so many obstacles, I just didn't expect his family or Doctor to be part of that.

"Please" I made no effort to disguise my look of anguish for surely he would look at me and finally get it? "I'll just go to the window, I won't go in."

"Bella, that won't help."

"How do you know?"

"He's on a ventilator, breathing through machines, numerous wires attached all over him, how can seeing Edward weak and comatose help?"

"Dr Townsend" I swallowed, that damn lump in my throat, it was almost a permanent blockage for me now.

"I have woken and wondered for weeks if the person who coaxed me back to life was real or a dream. I have believed at times he was real but is now dead. I have believed at times that I have lost my fucking mind. And yet here he is, not ten foot steps away from me. I need to see him; I need to feed myself with the sight of him."

"It'll be too distressing, you won't forget that image Bella, and it's not good."

I glanced towards the door and back at Dr Townsend, I knew what he was saying to me, it made perfect sense but it was best kept for those who had last seen Edward walking, talking and breathing.

"My last memory of Edward is of him slumped in his car, not moving-"

"Oh Bella" He placed his hand on my arm.

"How can seeing Edward- asleep...be any worse than that?"

"I could stand here all day trying to stop you, but I don't think you'd listen would you?"

I shook my head. "Come on" he gestured with his head, nodding towards the room. "Just to the window then back to your bed, Carlisle said he will come to you and he will."

"I hope so"

"I think he needs to talk about it as much as you need to hear it, he'll come."

Dr Townsend and I took the last few steps nearer. He seemed to sense my hesitancy but it wasn't for the fear of seeing Edward in this condition, it was simply because the answer too everything was within reach of me and I couldn't rush it.

Dr Townsend stepped to the side and left the entire window exposed to my view. I hedged closer, taking in the sight of the blinds ahead of me on the external window, they were slanted closed, casting an eerie shadow about the room. There was a sofa under the window. The cushions dented and flat as if used recently as a mattress for some weary visitor.

The bed was central to the room, with a cupboard placed either side of the head. On one cupboard surface were pictures of family and friends, cards from well wishers and a vase of flowers. The second cupboard surface was littered with medical paraphernalia, Edward's medical chart resting precariously on the edge, no doubt recently perused by Carlisle for if it had been by another Doctor they would have replaced it at the foot of his bed.

Under the window that faced the nurse's station were 2 chairs, not plastic like most visitor chairs but soft and reclining like those found in one's own lounge at home. A chair was occupied by Carlisle, his head back and his eyes closed. He was positively exhausted, his breathing broken by the staggered attempt to calm his nerves.

My gaze drifted to the bed. I began at his feet, covered lightly with a standard hospital blanket, white and stamped with the hospital and ward name. His legs were slightly askew, relaxed in the position of sleep. The blanket rising slightly as it curved over his knees, widening over his hips. His hands were resting atop the covers and had tucked them closer to his body. It was thin and more like a second skin, I worried that Edward would feel chilly. I could see the bulge of his genitals and swallowed quickly as I hurried my eyes onwards and upwards, I blushed and hoped Dr Townsend was not watching me.

Edward's chest was naked. The thin blanket folded just under his waist. There were 4 small white pads stuck to his chest in various places and their wires trailing back to a monitor. The beeping rhythm sounding just like my own heart monitor had.

Edward's chest was clear of any other markings, no bruises or cuts, just pale and rising and falling with the primitive instinct of breathing.

Fed out his mouth was a plastic tube. It too was attached to a machine.

Edward's hair was messy and appeared darker against the whiteness of the pillow, it was slightly longer and I reached out my hand as if to push my fingers through it and ease some of the tendrils away from his forehead, but my fingers touched the glass instead. Flattening my palm against the cool pane, I pressed my nose onto the barrier between us, as close as I could possibly get to him. No air between the wall, window and my body. Only the space inside the room was separating us.

"What's the tube for?" I asked Dr Townsend.

"It's an endotracheal tube. It protects the airway and helps Edward breath. It's essential with coma patients who may not be able to breathe unassisted. Edward's coma, like yours, is induced by a barbiturate, Pentobarbital."

I didn't really understand any of it, but I appreciated his information. All I could utter was "What?"

"Bella," Dr Townsend gripped my arm and turned me to face him "I can't discuss Edward with you anymore, I know your close but you're not family and I'm breaking confidentiality. Carlisle will come see you, he will explain everything and I mean everything. Please, just go back to your bed and wait, the answers will come."

"It feels like all I'm doing is waiting." I whispered. "When will you know if he has an infection?"

"His blood tests will be back this afternoon, we think its Pneumonia, its usual when a patient has been immobile for extended periods."

"If it's clear, can I come back?"

"I can't answer that."

"But Carlisle can?"

He nodded.

"Ok, I'm leaving. I'll go and wait-again!"

"Do you need me to assist you?"

"No, thank you though Dr Townsend"

He smiled and patted me on the arm.

"Dr Townsend" I called after him, turning back to me, he raised his brows "Thanks" I muttered again, it was a small word but I really wanted him to know how much I meant it. Repeating the sentiment was all I could think off.

Dr Townsend nodded then continued on his way and I made the slow and tedious journey back to my bed.

Xxx

"Hey Bells!"

My Dad was sitting in the nurse's station, chatting with Matron and looking suspiciously guilty when he noticed my approach.

"Hey Dad" I looked up from my foot work; I was obsessed with watching my feet as I hobbled along.

I had taken to walking whilst leaning into the crutches rather than lifting and swinging my legs as some others preferred. It seemed too sporty for me and being incredibly uncoordinated and having experienced the humiliation of sports, I decided I didn't fancy trying that method.

He jumped to his feet, spilling some of the coffee from the cup he had cradled against his thigh. I took note that his coffee was not served in Styrofoam as usual but in a mug. I peered around me, expecting to see the tea lady waddling away down the corridor with her trolley in front of her. There were no other "conscious" occupants in the ward apart from Matron. She was also sat behind the nurse's station and I realised I had interrupted something rather cosy.

Matron was blushing.

I couldn't help but smirk. They both looked like guilty teenagers.

"Did I catch you two smooching?" The temptation to tease was just too much too resist.

"Bella!" They echoed in unison.

Laughing I continued my walk towards my bed, it felt nice to laugh again. I suddenly missed Jake and Alice.

"Are you here to visit me or Matron, Dad?" I called over my shoulder.

Clearing his throat, I heard him apologise to her, place his cup on the counter and head in my direction.

Expecting some sort of rebuttal I was surprised and amused to see his hands in his pockets and his gaze averted from mine. It was too cute.

"Ok" Sitting on my bed, I rested the crutches against the cupboard. "What's new?" I struggled to keep my laughter in check.

"Nothing. Nothing's new." He mumbled. I would not have been surprised if he had followed that statement with his foot sweeping across the floor in front of him.

"Dad"

He finally looked up at me.

"Do you like her?"

"Bella"

"It's ok Dad, you're allowed to like someone." I looked back over towards Matron who was now trying to give the impression of a person with of work to do. It would have been believable if the work she had to do wasn't paper shuffling and glancing in our direction. I laughed out loud.

"Of course, I would've preferred it to be someone nice! But whatever tickles your fancy!"

He laughed. "You know Bells, I should be insulted but I can't help but be happy to see you smiling again. It warms my heart, Hun."

"It's been a difficult few months eh?"

"Yup! Besides, "He looked over to Matron "Sue has been really kind to me, and for your information, she is nice."

"Sue?" I asked, feigning ignorance. "Who's Sue?"

He raised his brows at me, but he couldn't resist smiling along with me.

"Sue Clearwater or as you know her; Matron. But I can't call her that. It makes her seem too stuffy, all old English school teacher or something."

"Well, if the cap fits-"I joked.

He chuckled. "Sue is not stuffy. She is warm and funny and has been very helpful with regards to you!"

I lifted my palms "Wait a minute!" Looking between Matron and Dad I had to ask "She's funny?"

Sitting down beside me, he ruffled my hair and pulled me to him. It was a rather rushed embrace, more man hug than affectionate but I loved the sentiment all the same for Charlie and I had never been particularly close. My mum had swopped the constant drizzle of Forks for the constant humidity of Phoenix when I was 4 years old but I had adjusted quickly to life without him. Spending short holidays with him until my teenage years influenced me to find something more to do with my free time. I regretted being that little bit selfish, if I had spent more time with him maybe we could have been closer.

It was a shame it had taken an accident for us to find a middle ground, cuddles and jibes not often common place in our stunted conversations.

Today though, we seemed comfortable and I liked it.

I had experienced quite an emotional morning and although I felt relief that Edward was not only real but he was also alive and not too far away from me, aside from his wavering health which I would deal with later, finding him had also made me feel drained.

I needed something light hearted and happy to occupy my thoughts till Carlisle arrived and if the harmless flirtation of my middle aged father and my "stuffy" nurse was what was on the agenda, God help them I was going to use it.

"Why don't you introduce me properly?" I asked innocently.

He wasn't fooled. Eyeing me suspiciously he ventured "Really?"

I nodded. "I'll be good. I promise."

Without breaking his stare from his naughty daughter, Dad called out to Stuffy. Placing her papers down and smoothing her uniform, Stuffy made her way across the ward.

"Did you need something Charlie?"

I bite my lip to stop from laughing, she sounded like such a girl. It made me see her in a different light and I wasn't comfortable with the new image. Matron was not girly, she was stuffy by name and by nature and also direct and hard at times and – oh my God she was winking at him!

"Are you two in a relationship?" I burst out at them.

They both began to stutter their responses. Holding up my hands I stopped them mid flow. "One at a time, please."

"Bella, it was a very difficult time for Char-your Dad and I'm sure you can appreciate that-"She paused looking directly at me, the girl was gone and stuffy was back. I nodded in agreement.

"At times, it became so overwhelming for him and he needed a friend. I'm happy to say I was the one that offered him friendship, lucky for me." She was smiling at him again. "But that's all it is, Bella, friendship. You don't need to worry."

Crossing her arms, she waited for my reply.

Looking between them both, again, I realised that they weren't feeding me a line because they thought it was what I wanted to hear but because they hadn't established yet were their new "friendship" was heading.

"Matron, wipe your mouth, there's a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips!"

Matron stuttered and stared at Charlie as if to say "See! I told you she was a typical teenager!"

"Oh relax, will you!" I retorted. "I'm not being harsh. It's just that I don't agree with you."

"You don't?" They were confused.

"No. You say it's friendship only, but shit guys, you could cut the sexu-"

"Bella!" Charlie was red faced and suddenly standing he turned and asked Stuffy to give us a moment. Glaring at me, she granted us the privacy Dad had requested.

"Bella," Charlie ran his hands over his face, his smile smaller, I had probably embarrassed him. "I like Sue, is that ok?" He peeked at me sheepishly from between his fingers. I placed my hand on his knee.

"Sure it is, Dad." I was being honest. "It's nice to see you happy too."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, relaxed and sharing a father/daughter moment, he dropped his hands from his face and with them, covered mine. His touch was warm and it reminded me how cold Edward's hands usually felt. I shuddered at the memory of it. His touch was never unpleasant, just the opposite in fact. Edward's icy fingers trailing across my skin had felt like the caress of mineral diamonds. Soft and decadent.

"Are you cold?" Charlie stood up and placed my dressing gown across my shoulders. "Here, lie down."

"I'm not tired." I protested.

"I know, I meant so you can relax a little and get warm." Charlie lifted the blankets from my freshly made bed and I scooted beneath the covers. They were still tucked in tightly and despite the sheets feeling cool, it gave a sense of cosiness.

"There you go. Snug as a bug in a rug!" Charlie chanted.

I laughed. He hadn't said that to me in a long time.

"I found Edward today." I blurted out. I had wanted to tell him but regretted shouting it out like that. His hands froze in mid tuck and his smile faltered.

"Edward?" He asked.

"Yes Dad. Edward."

He didn't reply. Sitting on the visitors chair he hooked one knee over the other and clasped his hands together, placing his elbows on the armrests.

"I told you about Edward." I said quietly.

"Sure, I know Edward Bella."

"Did you know that when I first woke up I couldn't remember him?"

Charlie nodded.

"Did you know that when I did remember, I wasn't sure if it had been a dream or if he was real?"

He nodded again.

"Dad, if you know him and you knew what I was going through, then why didn't you tell me he was real and more importantly, he was alive?"

"Because, I hate the Bastard!"

The venom in Charlie's statement made me gasp. He had practically spat the words at me.

"Dad!"

"I was pleased you didn't remember him!" Charlie dropped his hands to the sides of the chair, gripping the frames of the armrests tightly.

"I hoped you never mentioned his name again."

He planted both his feet on the floor.

"I prayed he had died in that crash!"

Leaning forward, his eyes were blazing.

"In fact, I prayed his Goddamn head had split like a watermelon!"

"Dad!" It was too much.

"Pushing him-self off the chair he placed his hands on the bed, either side of me, pressing forward so that I pushed back into my pillows. My mouth open and eyes wide. I didn't recognise this hostile man.

"I cursed God when I heard he was here and he was still breathing and then when you didn't remember him, I relaxed a little. But then you had to remember and not only that, you insisted on looking for him. I don't want that boy in your life, Bella. Ever!"

"Why?" I sobbed.

"I just told you why. I hate him!"

"That's not an answer, that's just a feeling. What has he done?"

"Apart from put you in hospital, twice?"

"Twice?" I echoed. I didn't understand.

"Never mind." The hostility vanished and in its place was a weary middle aged man again.

"Never mind? Dad! I can't just brush all that under the table. You have to explain!"

Charlie paused then sitting on the edge of my bed he said one word to me. "Victoria"

I didn't know what Charlie knew about her, I didn't know what he wanted me to say.

"I know about Victoria" I admitted.

"And you're ok with it?" He seemed incredulous.

"It wasn't Edward's fault!" I defended him.

"Of course he'd tell you that Bells!"

"He didn't tell me!"

"He didn't?"

"No!"

"Who did then?"

"His sister. Rosalie."

"Well, it's still a biased opinion."

"It wasn't an opinion Dad. She told me the whole story."

"Bella, how can you just accept it?"

"It was an accident!"

"What about the drugs? Don't you care that he's a pusher?"

"What?"

"A pusher, Bella. Edward was buying drugs from a well known dealer and then selling them on."

"He was helping a friend" It sounded feeble to my own ears, but I didn't think Charlie knew about James.

He snorted. "Some friend! What type of"friend" buys cocaine for you? It wasn't it even in a pure form. It was dirty and mixed with all kinds of kitchen cleaning materials! Do you know what that shit can do to a person?"

He was getting angry again, lifting himself off the bed he walked over to the window.

"I don't want you seeing that boy again. I want you to promise" His voice was quiet despite his anger.

"I can't do that" I copied his tone.

"Bella. I'm not going to let this happen again!"

"Let what happen again, Dad? I haven't been in coma before; I don't understand what you're talking about."

"This relationship with this boy"

"Dad, I don't understand."

"I let him in my home for 3 months even after he ran you over. Ok so it was a minor accident and you weren't entirely blameless, I mean walking in the middle of the road in the pitch black is kind of stupid, but still if he had been driving more carefully, slower even, then he would've seen you! But then I hear about the drugs and he crashes his car, again! Only this time I'm told you might not bloody well make it!"

I listened intently, I was focused on his words and what he was saying to me was like a story being re-told. With the information from Charlie, the images flashed in my memory.

Dad and I had an argument and I had stormed off, only I had walked into the path of his car. I'd only received a bump on the head and a bruise elbow but it had been the Catalyst that had thrown us together and from there our relationship had blossomed. We had been inseparable. When Edward had told me the crash wasn't that bad, he had been telling me the truth. But I was still confused because I had seen a wreck of a car.

I only knew that things were starting to piece together for me.

Edward had introduced me to his family and we had gone to school and for 3 months had gotten to know each other intimately and emotionally. I could recall his touch and his kisses and I closed my eyes at the brutal memory of them. That magical night when Edward had undressed me and we had been as close as any two people could get, breathing in the scent of each other and revelling in our feelings, it had all been real.

It had all been real!

Edward had been my lover, my friend, my soul mate.

I started to laugh, the insanity of the past few weeks suddenly shifting and like a fog, lifting from my hazy mind. I could see it all and none of it was a dream.

Clarity. It was so sudden and so bright and looking at Charlie without seeing him, I recalled every single memory and image I had of Edward. Flashing through my mind like a movie on fast forward: Edward and I dancing, his lullaby on the piano, sledging down the hillside, walking in the meadow, eating dinner, walking through the school corridors to class, meeting me after school in the parking lot for a kiss goodbye only to be kissing each other hello again a few hours later. They were all so sweet and so clear and grinning like a baby, I finally saw my Dad. He was standing in front of me, a look of absolute horror etched on his features.

"I didn't realise you hadn't remembered everything" He whispered.

In his efforts to rid me of Edward, he had given me the best gift ever, the gift of my memories and it broke my Dad's heart.

"You stay away from him, Bella." Charlie was pointing his finger at me. "So help me, if you don't I'll pull the fucking plug on him myself!"

Charlie turned and storming away from me, he banged the door to ward and ignoring the calls from Stuffy, he left.

I watched the doors slam together and finally cease their motions. But I kept my eyes on them, begging Charlie to come back so we could be friends again.

Just then the doors were pushed by two hands. I held my breath but the figure too walk through was not Charlie, it was Carlisle.

"Dr Benefici, hello" Stuffy was all professional again.

"Matron" He admonished and then walked over to my bed.

"Hi Bella" He greeted me then drawing the curtains around us, he cut off the outside world and the prying eyes of Matron.

"Carlisle" I sobbed. I needed to see a friendly face.

He came over to me and sitting on the bed, he nestled back into the pillows, pulled me to his side and cuddled me. I curved my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest. And somehow being held by his flesh and blood, I started to feel closer to Edward.

"Carlisle, is Edward ok?"

"He doesn't have pneumonia" He replied.

"Oh thank Goodness" I sobbed into his chest.

"Shall I tell you a story? "Carlisle asked, brushing my hair from my face.

I nodded. "Does it have a happy ending?"

"It does. But it doesn't start off that way."

"What's it about?"

Taking a deep breath, Carlisle answered. "It's about bereavement and love and heartache."

"Oh. It doesn't sound like a fairy tale"

Carlisle laughed. "It's not a fairy tale Bella. It's too cruel to be a fairy tale. No, it's the tale of Esme and her sons."


	11. Ch11 Mother's Love

**A/N: **I think a few questions will be answered in this chapter, but the story doesn't end here, so I beg you all, don't find an ending here nor close the page with a sigh and go about your lives without giving Enigma a second thought, read on and in doing so you will help bring Edward back to life. :o)

Now..... How could you possibly resist that?

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and it's ménage of beautiful characters belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is mine.

Ch11 Mothers love

Of all the rights of women the greatest is to be a Mother.... Lin Yutang

Carlisle's hands were cool yet comforting, smoothing my hair away from my face; his palm gently brushing against my forehead, pulling the tresses back and down my skull, the motion incredibly calming.

I was laying against his side, in the crook of his arm, with my head resting on the curve that spanned from his chest to his shoulder. The platonic intimacy felt more than natural to me but at the back of my conscious mind I was aware that my own father and I had never shared a moment like this and after this afternoons hostility, I was afraid we'd never get the opportunity.

My breathing eased to a deep and steady rhythm, close to the realms of sleep, yet I was alert as I listened to Carlisle's tale.

"I first met Esme when she was 16" He sighed "Oh Bella, she was a delight to me. I, myself was 13 and visiting family in Columbus, Ohio. Esme lived on a local farm with her parents and she was unlike any other teenage girl I had ever met. She wasn't vain or ignorant. No, she was like a breath of fresh air"

Carlisle's monologue paused, lost in his distant memories of a girl who had enraptured him.

"She broke her leg climbing a tree" He chuckled. I had no doubt the far off look in his eyes held wonderment. "There was no one around to help except me and my cousin, Stefan, so while I stayed with Esme he ran off to get someone. You know, despite her discomfort and my age we talked and for the longest moment I forgot this girl was in pain or uncomfortable because she sat there entrancing me with her smile, her dimples.....her laughter"

Carlisle stopped. I confirmed I was still awake and listening to him by raising my eyes and looking up whilst he looked down the length of his nose at me.

"How amazing that a person can lie in a field with her leg broken and still have conversation etiquette" Carlisle's hand fell from my hair and rested lightly on my arm. I was intrigued, the image of the small beautiful woman, busying herself around her home and maternal to all who entered her domain. I could at once see the young girl he described. Her long wavy caramel hair, her smile and the dimples denting her round face. I had no doubts the lady I had met was just as lovely as a teenager.

"I only saw her again twice after that before we left and came home. I thought about her so often, I wanted to write to her but felt stupid. Love letters were romantic but all she had shown me was friendship and I was so young and was too scared to admit I felt more."

"Carlisle, that's so childish!"

"Yep, and being 13 and in love I think I behaved accordingly, don't you?" We both laughed at this. I couldn't imagine Carlisle as a goofy awkward teenager sporting a crush. He was always so self assured but not arrogant. Carlisle had a total awareness of himself and of those around him that I felt nothing but confidence in everything he said.

"Well, the years went by, of course and I applied myself to my studies. I dated but I fear I compared because it never lasted. One day, I was on rounds and a young woman was admitted with incredible injuries. She had been viciously beaten and pushed down a steep incline. She was unconscious but I recognised her immediately."

The brief memory of his pain and torment at seeing a broken and bleeding Esme haltered Carlisle. Swallowing, I acknowledged his need to take a minute by waiting patiently for him to continue.

"She was so cold, Bella, cold like stone. I was responsible for treating her and it was so hard to push aside my buried emotions and act like she was just another patient. Instead of being sure of my medical knowledge when I handled her injuries I was gentle and careful, like I was holding delicate glass. I think my hands were shaking and the nurse questioned me on it, I sent her away and closing the blinds and the door to the room, I took my time. I didn't want to break her. She was out of it for quite a while, but you know what was so incredible to me?"

I shook my head.

"When she opened her eyes and noticed me, she said one word-"

I waited for him to continue. I was trapped in the story; the pictures his words conjured in my mind so clear I could almost believe I was there, watching like a silent spectator.

A few minutes passed and I had to press him for more, "What? What did she say?"

His response was a whisper "Carlisle"

I was in awe of them, this couple who had met as children, had connected and remembered each other even with years of separation. Who knew that in a brief moment two people could become such an integral part of each other that even the space of time didn't separate them?

"She recognised me and said my name and I felt like I had come home. I spent every minute I could with her, telling my superiors I had to monitor her just so I could be excused from other duties. It wasn't long before Esme told me her husband had been the one to hurt her."

"Esme was married before you?"

"Yes, his name was Charles Evenson. Bastard!" Carlisle practically spat the word, the man's name like poison on his tongue.

I felt his anger, for I had only known Esme for a short while but the knowledge that anybody could hurt her was toxic, it sickened me. This was a woman who loved so unconditionally and for any man not to recognise that was unfathomable.

"He had treated her appallingly and she had endured it for years, do you know why?"

Carlisle looked down at me. Pulling slightly away from his embrace I searched his face, shaking my head at his question.

"Her parents. She confided in them and they advised her to stay and work it out." I made to speak but Carlisle went on "Can you believe that? I was supposed to call them and let them know where she was. They and Charles were her next of kin but she asked me not too and I didn't argue with that.

"We found out from a routine blood test that had been taken on her day of admittance that she was pregnant. Esme was concerned she would have to tell Charles, or her parents and eventually she would have to go home.

"Bella, we were getting so close to each other. I couldn't let her go back to him or to the people who had failed to protect her, so I did a terrible thing. Charles came. A nurse had noticed on Esme's hospital chart that next of kin had still not been notified, I was so pissed at myself for not realising this would be followed up on." Carlisle's hand lifted from my arm and brushing his fingers through his hair, he sighed.

"I was able to catch him in the lobby before he got to her room and I took him aside and told him the worst lie a man can tell another man about his wife. I told him I was Esme's lover, she was pregnant with my child and that we wanted to be married and if he didn't grant her a quick and easy divorce, Esme would be forced to press charges against him for Grievous Bodily Harm. I hoped this would work, Charles was a business man. He had a lot to lose if his reputation were to suffer. To be honest I think he was relieved. He just nodded and said he would arrange it then left. He didn't even argue with me."

"Did you expect him too?"

"Well, yes, I did. I guess I just couldn't imagine how anyone could let her go. I thought if I saw all the wonderful things in her, then any man could too."

"Charles Evenson wasn't a man, he was an animal! He didn't deserve her."

Carlisle smiled down at me, thankful that I hadn't judged him. I couldn't. I agreed with his actions, even if the principle was wrong on so many levels, Carlisle had done what he could to save her. I had to agree with that.

"He stayed true to his word, probably the only time in his life that he did. But he issued divorce papers and Esme came home with me. I took things slowly, she had so much to overcome and she didn't need me blundering in like a lovesick idiot and despite it all, I still wasn't sure she loved me too. She had shown me friendship and I had shown her loyalty and compassion but I'd never told her about my conversation with Charles.

"It wasn't until Esme was 7 months pregnant that she told me she knew about that. The baby was kicking and keeping her awake and she came to my study to sit with me and her words, Bella, they were so magical to me."

"What did she say?"

"She said "Carlisle, come sit with me and feel our baby". I was shocked, I just stared at her. I asked her if she meant it and she said to me "I feel this baby is yours and I know you do too. Charles told me what you said. We owe you our lives, Carlisle, you have given me everything."

"Apparently Charles had sent a brief note with the papers. Can you imagine that man tried to apologise and wish her well?" Carlisle shook his head as if answering his own question.

"I told her there and then that she was my life and taking hold of the opportunity, I proposed."

His smile returned. "We were married within weeks of the divorce being final. It was one month before the baby came but she looked like an angel."

"I like this story, Carlisle, it's got all the elements of a fairytale, the wicked beast, the princess and you, her knight come to rescue her. It reminds me of something Edward said to me once."

"What?" Carlisle asked me.

"He said "Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale" I'd like to believe that can be true."

Carlisle nodded, "That really is a lovely sentiment, and for a while, it was true for us. The baby came and we went on as usual, happy and content and so in love. I was a husband and despite the truth, I was a father. I couldn't have asked for more. We named him Alexander and he was beautiful. Rosalie came along a year later and we thought our little family was complete. But when Alex was 2 and a half he fell. He cut his leg and it bled. Nothing unusual there, I know but it wouldn't stop and despite my medical expertise, I couldn't treat him at home so we took him into hospital."

Carlisle swallowed. Lifting his hand to his face, he brushed at his cheek. The beating of his heart beneath my ear was picking up pace, I lifted my head and knew before I saw the shine of his tears that Carlisle was crying. Handing him a tissue from my bedside cabinet, Carlisle smiled his thanks. I had no words for him. How could you comfort someone who was reliving a terrible moment in their lives? It'll be ok was just insubstantial.

"We should've taken him sooner."

I placed my hand on top of Carlisle's.

"We didn't know it at the time, there are no tests at birth; it's common for this type of thing to go undetected for the first year but how could I not blame myself? I was a Doctor! I should have known."

Taking a deep breath, Carlisle continued. "Alex had a blood disorder. Haemophilia B"

"I don't know what that is" I admitted in a whisper.

"It's a blood clotting disorder; it's caused by a mutation of the factor XI gene. Alex was bleeding but he couldn't clot. With haemophilia B there is an increased propensity for haemorrhage even in response to a mild trauma." Carlisle sounded like the Doctor again but it was brief, he returned too Carlisle the father quickly.

"He had been bleeding for hours and was weak and for only a minor injury, it was devastating. We lost him, Bella. Our beautiful baby boy, we lost him."

I felt the tears fall down my own face and in a small humorous moment Carlisle returned the gesture of mine from earlier and handed me the tissues.

"How could I have let her down like that? How could I tell her it was medical and I hadn't known? She was so broken, and I had done that to her."

I shook my head in denial of his admittance. "You couldn't have known, yes you're a Doctor but how could you? You can't know everything? I don't know much about blood, or hamalp-whatever it's called but am I right in thinking it's not detectable just by looking at someone?"

Carlisle nodded. "Blood tests alone can determine a case."

"Then how can you say it was your fault?" I took a breath "She didn't blame you did she?"

Carlisle shook his head "God no, she comforted me, but she was bereft Bella. After the funeral she just died inside, and for a while, nobody could reach her. It was Rose who eventually brought her back to life for us. Esme had taken to sitting out in the garden during the day. There was a bench under the canopy by the kitchen window, it was covered so rain or shine Esme was out there, grieving and lost in her thoughts. I tried so hard but she would just smile and tell me she would be ok. Rose went out there one day and climbed into Esme's lap. She started to play with Esme's hair and said to her "It's Ok mummy, Alex is playing with the angels."

"It was the first time in months that Esme made eye contact with anyone. She asked Rose why she had said that and Rose, being only a child herself just shrugged and went off to play. It wasn't much of a sentence but it had given Esme all the comfort she had been searching for. All she had needed to know was her baby was not hurting anymore. Who would've thought that an 18 month old child could've offered the comfort a grieving mother had sought?

"It was another 8 months later when we discovered we were expecting Edward. We didn't hesitate this time and tested him as soon as we could. The gene for haemophilia is passed on by the mother so there was a very high chance that Edward would be diagnosed with the same disorder."

"Does Rosalie have it too?"

"No. Girls have 2 X chromosomes and boys have one. As girls have a backup if one of the X chromosomes is defected, they are less likely to have the disorder. Boys don't have a backup."

"And Edward had it too?"

I knew the answer before I heard it; there was no other reason behind the intensity of Edward's condition. He had been involved in a car crash and having sustained many injuries the race against time had been to stop him bleeding to death from any possible location hidden inside his body.

Carlisle nodded "Yes, Edward had it too. But he also has a rare blood type. Usually the haemophilia B mutant gene can be treated at home. It's called factor XI and it has a longer half life then the other gene factor VIII which is linked to haemophilia A, so it can be transfused less frequently. But with Edward being O negative he can only receive O negative blood. He can donate to any blood type, if it wasn't for the haemophilia, but can only receive the same type. It's a rare blood group but we eventually had luck on our side because we discovered we have a relative with the same blood type so we have regular donations coming in and hence can control his condition at home."

"My head is spinning."

Carlisle chuckled, it is a lot to take in, imagine Medical school with all that information but over the course of 12 hours a day and 80 hours a week for six years! I don't think my head has ever stopped spinning!"

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry about Alex. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a child."

Carlisle squeezed my hand in acceptance of my sympathy, "No parent should ever have to bury their child." He agreed.

"Do you remember the night Edward went off with James and I feel in the upstairs hall?" I asked.

"Yes"

"My nose was bleeding and you all stood there looking shocked, like you'd never seen blood before, it scared me. Was that because of Edward's condition?"

Carlisle nodded. "We've spent years obsessing over blood, whenever we saw Edward bleed it was always a worry to us. It just felt like a normal reaction to stand there and stare at you. I'm sorry we scared you. Did you think we were Vampire's or something?"

Carlisle winked at me but I still punched him lightly on the arm. "Don't make fun of me. It was weird!"

"I'll bet"

Sitting back against Carlisle's chest again, I pulled my arm out from under my body. It had been pressed between Carlisle and my-self and was now tingling as the blood rushed back to the limb. I rubbed it in an attempt to bring it back to life. Carlisle watched my movements then his eyes fell too my wrist. I followed his gaze and it landed on the Cullen wristband I was wearing.

"I found it in a box of my belongings." I tried to explain, but Carlisle wasn't upset. Lifting my arm he rubbed his thumb across the disc sporting his family crest.

"I hoped you'd find it."

"Really?"

"Yes. Edward put it on you."

"But Edward was unconscious, how could he do that?"

Carlisle looked back at my face, his brow furrowed he asked "Don't you remember?"

I shook my head.

"Edward pulled you out of the car."

"But he couldn't have done, I saw him, he was unconscious."

"Yes, no doubt he had been at first, it was quite an impact but he came round and could see you in the car, trapped. He managed to get out of his car, cross over to you and pulled you free. "

"How do you know all this?"

"You really don't remember, do you?"

"Carlisle!" I was getting frustrated. It was obvious I didn't remember.

"Ok, from the beginning then."

I nodded.

"After Emmett and I left to go look for Edward, I believe you left too." He looked at me for acknowledgement. I confirmed.

"We found Edward as he was on his way home. He was in James's car as James had taken Edward's. Edward's is faster, anyway, James had led him on a wild goose chase; we now believe so he could distract Edward and get to you."

I hung my head, feeling even more responsible for the events that occurred that night.

"When we arrived home we discovered you had left and Edward's phone was missing. So whilst he went back out to look for you, I called and it was answered but no one spoke."

"I couldn't. James was so mad."

"Edward soon found you, fighting in the road with James and then James pulled you into Edward's car and then crashed into Edward who was driving James's car. Edward was knocked out briefly but he said he heard you calling him and he came round. He could see you trapped in the other car so he made it across the road and pulled you free. It was slightly hidden by trees and he knew if another car came along chances are they would miss you and it was so cold that night, you may have had hyperthermia to deal with as well.

"He pulled you to the roadside and taking the phone from you, he called me. He told us your location and Emmett and I came. We drove separate cars because we didn't have a clue what we would find. Edward was still awake and he had placed his wristband on your wrist, he told me he wanted you to remember him. Then he slipped away into unconsciousness.

"I was so scared Bella, I knew he could be haemorrhaging internally and I didn't have much time. I also knew that when I got to the hospital they wouldn't let his father treat him. I owed Esme; I had already lost her one son so I had to do what I could."

I started to object, trying to assure Carlisle he wasn't to blame for Alex's death but he ignored me and carried on.

"I told Emmett to call an ambulance and I left. I went ahead of them to the hospital and lied, saying I was a locum Doctor, my name was Dr Benefici and I was here covering annual leave and that my field of expertise was Haematology."

"Why that name?"

"It was my Great Grandfather's name and also the first name to pop into my head at the time. If I'd said my name they would've known I was related to Edward and would have replaced me with another Consultant. Anyway, I didn't really expect my lie to go undetected but so far no one has questioned my being here."

"That doesn't really fill me with confidence in the hospital, Carlisle."

He chuckled. "I know but despite their lack of proper clerical procedure, it really is an excellent hospital."

"Are you trying to get me to feel more confident being here?"

"Yes, I've made a mockery of them and it's not their fault."

"Ok, I believe you, this is an Ok hospital, despite clerical errors! Now continue"

Well, you guys arrived and of course I was called in as Consultant. Emmett explained he was family and he told us about Edward's condition. I was right where I needed to be, Bella, in charge of his treatment and care and nobody could've removed me from that. Esme arrived and I took her aside in the pretence I was informing the family of his injuries and prognosis but I was really explaining my charade."

"She agreed to it?"

Of course, I knew she would, what mother wouldn't want to have the one man she trusted thoroughly too also be the Doctor to save her child?

"I promised you I would help you too, but Edward's condition was so complex, I had to stay with him. I'm sorry I let you down."

"But you didn't. I'm here, alive and recovering and I will be ok."

Carlisle leant forward and kissed my forehead. It was a fatherly gesture and symbolic of just how great a dad he really was. I couldn't condemn Carlisle for his choices, he had already stood and watched a son die and could not go through that again. His son needed him and he had to cheat the system to ensure he was there to give Edward everything he may need.

"He will be ok, won't he?" I said softly.

It took a moment for Carlisle to answer me. He had been shifting from Doctor to father all evening and I could sense his struggle as he decided who would give me a response.

"It doesn't look good."

My breath caught in my chest, I had wanted honesty but had expected false hope. His brutality shocked me.

"Edward was in a drug induced coma. We had to minimise his brain swelling and body movement so we could control the bleed. We've done that and have reduced his dose of Pentobarbital and he should be showing signs of increased brain activity-"

"Should?"

Carlisle raised his eyes to mine. "Hmm?" He asked, having missed my question.

"Should. You said he should be showing signs."

"Yes."

"Carlisle!"

"It's been almost a month and no change."

"Is that bad?"

Carlisle's face was weary again, he had struggled since the night it happened to remain composed and professional and it was hard. How he had fought to keep a solid exterior to the other hospital staff yet inside he was crumbling. I could feel his exhaustion rolling off him in waves. All around us the hospital had existed in its daily routines and to them Dr Benefici was the best in his field but with me, he was simply Carlisle. Friend and father and clinging on by his fingernails.

"Yes, it's bad."

"How bad?"

Silence.

"Carlisle. How bad?"

"If this was any other patient, I'd be advising the family to consider turning off life support."

His words had been spoken quietly but in my head, they were being screamed.

Reverberating round and round, like the chant of a school child. I just wanted to cover my ears in an attempt to shut it out, only it was internal noise and it was deafening.

"But he's not any other patient, he's Edward."

Carlisle nodded.

"So? What are you advising "his family"?"

"To be patient."

"Is that what you're telling me too?"

Carlisle nodded again.

"Do you believe things will change?"

Another nod.

"Do you believe he'll wake up and be ok?"

Nod.

"Carlisle, please" I begged him for a vocal response. I needed words.

"I do believe, Bella."

"How? Tell me how so I can too because right now all I hear is medical jargon and talk off "He should be but isn't"! I need to know how you can believe it!"

Carlisle removed his hand from my arm and lifting his other arm from around my shoulders, he stood. Keeping his eyes directly at mine he smiled, a crooked smile like the one that Edward would give.

It made my tummy tighten to think of him and that crooked smile and for just a moment I believed.

"He who loves, believes in the impossible" Carlisle said.

The moment passed but in my heart I felt the hope burn on, for how could I live in a world where Edward did not exist?


	12. Ch12 Bella

**A/N: **I miss Edward! Do you miss Edward? I think it's about time we reacquainted ourselves with Edward Cullen.

I've written some of this chapter in "flashes" trying to capture his brief periods of consciousness and his memories of his relationship with Bella.

The only medical knowledge I have involves popping a headache pill or putting a plaster on it! So I don't know if a person can fight against a barbiturate induced coma. I'd like to believe that the human instinct can sometimes prevail even in the face of impossibility.

On a separate note, there is a link on my profile for a new band with a brilliant song that many Twilighters feel is perfect for the New Moon movie. I don't know if it will make it to the screen but it really is worth a view.

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and its characters were born from the dreams & imagination of Stephenie Meyer.

Ch12 Bella

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality. Dom Helder Camara

**EPOV - Memories**

Her eyes were wide as the headlights swept around the bend revealing her expression; one of bewilderment and then shock. The car on the other side of the road, travelling in the opposite direction to mine, illuminated this girl before me like a spotlight. The luminosity from both car lights suddenly cast a glow around her like a silver halo.

The realisation of the impending impact barely registered with her before the front of the car took her legs out from under her. Sweeping her up and onto the bonnet she crashed into the windscreen, her face connecting with the glass directly in front of my own face.

The smoothness of the pane scattered into square fragments of shards, decorating the entire sheet of glass with a mosaic that spattered out into a target design, originating from the impact of her temple.

Every pulse beat, every shift of her body, the sound of contact between girl and car, all of it was recorded in my memory; forever ingrained for visual recollection.

I felt disconnected. As if the entire sequence of events taking place before me; involving me, was nothing more than a terrible film with slow motion kicking in, for maximum effect.

I had no doubt the expression on my face matched hers before the car hit.

Luckily I hadn't been driving that fast, not even close to the speed limit, but it had started to rain and she had been standing in the centre of the road just behind a bend. I barely had time to take a breath before I noticed her and braked.

It had all been down to basic instinct.

The thought hadn't even registered with me when my feet took over. The sheen of water on the road picked up the tyres and the pace, carrying me closer to her than planned. If it had been dry I may still have hit her but it certainly wouldn't have been as fast.

Glancing in my rear view mirror I watched the other car disappear, the red of their tail lights fading into the darkness. They hadn't even braked.

In the seconds that followed the collision, I couldn't hear a sound. No wind, rain or animal made a noise.

Reaching into my subconscious, I focused on the heavy thumping of my heart, hammering in my chest as I continued to grip the steering wheel. I watched the front of the car, expecting to see her hands clutch the bonnet as she tried to pick herself up off the road. Of course it didn't happen and I convinced myself I would have to release my grip on the wheel and confront the consequences outside the car.

It couldn't be as bad I was imagining, could it?

My fingers were tightly wound round the leather steering wheel, leaving the indentations of my grip as I pulled myself out of the driving seat. Stepping around the front of the car, I saw her lying on her side, eyes closed, her breathing even.

She was facing my car, her right arm reached out above her head. If she had been standing it would've appeared she was reaching for the sky. Her head resting along her arm, her legs bent beneath her. It was almost a position of sleep.

Her long, wavy hair fanned out around her like a deep brown veil. Its curls capturing the misty drops of rain, shimmering like droplets of diamonds in the glow of the headlights. Her skin was pale, but I wasn't concerned that this was caused by the accident as it wasn't sallow and grey but creamy and smooth and bending down beside her I reached out my hand and traced a line down her cheek. I justified my actions by telling myself I was checking her vitals. Her pulse was strong and her breathing was steady and there were no signs of other injuries bar the angry red mark colouring her forehead just below her hairline.

I had to get her home, my Dad would be able to assess her and if it was necessary, take her to hospital. I had already been involved in a traumatic crash with one fatality and even though I knew my involvement in this collision was purely a case of wrong place at the wrong time, I doubted the police would be willing to overlook it as just an accident.

The road we were on wasn't far from the turning to my drive. The walk itself from the driveway to the house was a mile and as she looked small in build, I was confident I would be able to carry her with no problem.

Moving my car to the side of the road, I locked it then carefully cradling her against my chest, I lifted her and adjusted my hold so her legs hooked over one of my arms and her shoulders were shelved above the other. Her head rolled to the side and she murmured something as she nestled closer to me.

I felt relief. She had made a sound and she had moved, surely her injuries were not as bad as I had feared?

As I started to walk she opened her eyes and peered up at me.

"Hello" I said. I wasn't sure if she was lucid but I hadn't forgotten my manners. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"You smell nice." She murmured, then raising her arm around my neck she snuggled closer to me and closed her eyes again. I smiled. She had really nice eyes, large and deep brown like chocolate orbs. Her lashes tickling the tops of her cheeks would flutter every so often as if she were wincing in pain. My concern was back, she had hit her head pretty hard and even if it was for only a short while, she had been rendered unconscious.

Lifting her head again, she gazed around her, at the trees passing along side us and then back at me. I could feel her studying my face and I smiled again. I wasn't vain but I had been told I was a good looking guy. It had never bothered me before and I hadn't used it to my advantage with any of the girls at school for they had never caught my attention. Their idle chattering and shallow ramblings grated on my nerves and I had distanced myself from the dating game. It wasn't that I was shy or even batting for the other team I just couldn't be bothered with the hassle of an immature girlfriend. But with the pale, doe eyed beauty I held close to me I suddenly hoped she had found pleasure in her inspection.

"Are you an angel?" She supposed.

I laughed. "Me thinks you're the angel" I suggested.

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." She mumbled, then scrunching her eyes closed, she placed her head back on my chest and I was glad, for it radiated warmth there and I liked the way she felt against me.

She had said I smelt nice but as I breathed in, her scent surrounded my senses. She was like flowers and fresh air, it was clean and lovely and within minutes of being near her, I felt a need in me I didn't recognise at first but with each step closer to the house was the knowledge I would have to put her down and away from me.

I realised the new feeling was attraction and that I wanted to be free to touch her and inhale her fragrance whenever I pleased.

Xxxx

**EPOV – Reality**

I could hear my Dad. He was discussing infections and diagnosis with another male. I didn't recognise this second voice.

I knew my Dad was concerned and I knew he was in Doctor Mode for I had heard that tone and the jargon on many occasions, unfortunately a lot of those times had related to me.

I felt heavy and sleepy and the skin on my chest was pinched in places. I itched too pull at the skin and release some of the pressure, whatever was stuck to me had been placed without consideration.

I suddenly fought the urge the laugh out loud. I had no idea why I felt so lethargic and what was attached to me but all I could think about was the annoying pinching sensation on my chest and it seemed ludicrous to me. It was obvious from my Dad's tone that there was more going on but quite frankly, I couldn't really give a damn. I just wanted to reach up and pull at the tags and rub the areas they had irritated.

I wondered where Tanya was and tried to focus on the conversation taking place next to me. Their voices seemed distant but I knew they were close because I could smell cologne and coffee. It wasn't as pleasant as the last aroma I had inhaled and I suddenly missed Bella and her magical presence.

"Tanya is arriving tomorrow." My Dad confirmed to the other occupant of my room.

This sentence seemed louder than the others words that had been spoken and just as suddenly the reply of the other speaker faded from me.

A slight hiss at the side of head registered and in response I felt the cool flow of liquid pressed into the back of my hand, straight into my blood stream.

I vaguely acknowledged the automated drug injection attached by catheter to my hand before I felt a spinning sensation overwhelm me and I surrendered to the sensation.

Xxxx

**EPOV - Memories**

My Dad had examined the girl and confirmed she had a minor concussion. He suggested she stay with us so he could monitor her but he wasn't concerned about any lasting damage. He had known who she was which I hadn't expected and introduced me to the girl lying on the sofa in our lounge.

"Her name is Isabella Swan. She's Chief Swan's daughter, recently moved here from Phoenix."

"She'll go to Forks High then?" I asked.

Dad nodded. "You guys were lucky Edward, this could've been much worse."

"I know, Dad. I promise you I wasn't speeding. I hate to sound like I'm placing blame, especially on someone who isn't able to defend herself right now but she was standing in the middle of the road. I came round the bend and she was just......there!"

"Hey" Dad walked over to me and placing his arm on my shoulder, he tugged at me, forcing me to look at him. "I'm not accusing you. I trust you. We just don't need a reminder of-"

"Yeah, I know."

He pulled me close and hugged me, it was brief but I appreciated the comfort. Of course I blamed myself, I had been driving and it was my car that had hit her. The image and sound of it would haunt me forever and I felt it only natural to ponder what I could've done to avoid the impact altogether.

Xxxx

**EPOV – Reality**

The hands touching my arm were cool and I felt goose-bumps scatter across my skin, invoking a shiver.

"Is he waking up?"

It was my mother. She sounded so weary and I could only imagine her face would be drawn and shadows would circle her eyes resulting from poor sleep.

"No Mrs Cullen. It's an involuntary response. Edward is drugged remember? He won't be coming round anytime soon, not until Dr Benefici decides it safe to reduce the Pentobarbital then Edward should come back to us."

"Thank you Nurse." My mother said softly.

I ached to sit up and make liars out of them, to show my mother she had a right to be hopeful and that I was aware and I could hear them and more than anything, I wanted to erase the despondent tone in her voice.

Xxxx

**EPOV - Memories**

Bella had been a terrible dancer. I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing out loud. The girl honestly had two left feet and would trip over thin air on a regular basis. If it wasn't for the fact that I had a hold on her, she would be plonked on her cute little bottom on the floor by now.

There was a school prom fast approaching and from our various conversations that had stemmed since the unfortunate circumstances of our first meeting, I had learnt that Bella had never attended a social occasion where dancing had been a major activity.

I had asked her four times to be my date and even though I knew she returned my feelings of attraction, she had declined. I didn't give up, I knew at least two other guys who planned on asking her and I wasn't taking any chances on them getting the opportunity.

Perseverance eventually paid off. She succumbed to my charms when I had promised I would teach her to dance. I planned to not only teach her but to ensure she would thoroughly enjoy the experience and for all eternity she would think only of me when she was lead to a dance floor.

Being with Bella made my days brighter yet shorter, there never seemed enough hours in the day to include everything that needed attention, I only wanted to spend my time with her. To make her smile and laugh and to watch her eyes dance with pleasure when engaged in a discussion that enraptured her.

I totally adored her, she was like a drug to me, singing out to my wanton desires and I couldn't resist her siren call. In my heart I knew I belonged to her.

The first time we kissed, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I had been nervous because for weeks I had wanted nothing more than to press my lips against hers but each opportunity that presented itself disappeared when I hesitated too long.

"Just grab her and do it!" Emmett had prompted.

"Emmett!" Rosalie had interjected. "Where's your sense of romance? No woman wants to be pounced on!"

"Well that depends on the woman!" Emmett chuckled.

Rosalie returned his mirth "And that depends on who's doing the pouncing" They took it upon themselves to give me a visual demonstration.

"Oh for pities sake" I ranted "Get a room!"

"We have one!" Rosalie mumbled from beneath Emmett.

"Yeah and you're in it" Emmett shouted over his shoulder breathless and impatient.

I quickly made my exit.

I hadn't pounced and I hadn't taken the romantic route either. I chose to go with the flow. A premeditated kiss would just feel stunted and along with everything else I had experienced with Bella, I wanted the physical to feel just as natural and Oh so right between us.

We had been studying in her room. Her dad sat downstairs preoccupied with a game on the television.

Bella was sat crossed legged in the centre of her bed and I was perched on the edge. I put down my book and watched her, her hand reaching up to sweep her long hair off the back of her neck, exposing the smooth lines that lead my gaze to her collarbones. I trailed her skin with my eyes, memorising every line and edge and longing to follow my visual appreciation of her with my lips and tongue. I could imagine the warmth from her skin and her scent filling my senses.

I edged closer to her and she looked up at me, a question in her stare.

"Don't move" I whispered.

She looked scared for a moment, expecting me to reach up and brush a spider or other insect from her shoulder, but instead my hand caressed the contours of her arm and holding her in place, I continued to close the distance between us.

"I just want to try one thing."

The question in her eyes turned to molten chocolate, she accepted my move and I could see the need in her eyes. I knew she anticipated it as much as I did.

I eventually reached her face, breathing in her heady scent, infusing my brain with her personal perfume. I pressed my lips to hers, so soft and so yielding beneath my own. At first she obeyed my instruction to stay still, allowing me to taste her and explore her mouth with my own. Then moaning softly she gave in to it and snaking her arms around my neck she pulled me closer. Without argument I crushed her soft warm body against mine and wrapped my arms around her waist. She was so dainty I almost encircled her twice.

Our lips parted and our tongues unified. It was pure decadence and I burned to rip her clothes off her and run my hands, lips and tongue all over her. Smelling and tasting and being one with her.

Pulling away, I fought for some control. Our first physical contact should not result in my taking advantage. Bella meant more to me than that.

Breathing deeply, our foreheads pressed together, she said my name. "Edward."

It was like a magnetic pull and I groaned with the need to give in.

"You are utterly indecent – no one should look so tempting, it isn't fair."

She giggled. "Are you calling me a seductress?"

"Hell yeah"

"Well, I blame you."

"Me?" I asked. "What did I do?"

"You hypnotised me with your gentlemanly charms, no woman could resist you, Edward Cullen."

"I wouldn't know about that." I admitted

She lifted her face a few inches away so she could peer into my eyes.

"Really?"She asked.

"You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours."

Bella sighed and placing her hand against my cheek, she gazed into my soul.

"You always say the sweetest things, Edward." She took a deep breath "I love you"

I closed my eyes for the briefest second and absorbed her words. It was like poetry to me. This girl had entranced me and turned me into a simpering moron within weeks and I no longer cared for she was my life now.

I opened my eyes again and lifting her chin so she could see my naked emotion I replied.

"I love you too, my beautiful Swan."

Xxxx

**EPOV – Reality**

Emmett was in my room, chatting away about sports and unfair referees and it took me a moment to realise the intended receiver of his sporting trivia was me.

He was pacing the room, probably bored of sitting with someone who never replied.

Emmett was an active person by nature and being cooped up in a small hospital room no doubt had him feeling claustrophobic. I was grateful for his effort though, obviously forced upon him by Rosalie but sincere in any case.

I felt frustrated with my condition. The catheter in my hand was a constant reminder that I had no choice in my sleep patterns. I ached to speak to my family, to rip the needle from my vein and the pads pinching my chest and to open a Goddamn window and feel the breeze; refreshing and cool and clean.

Before I had awoken, I had been dreaming about Bella. It had been a mixture of scenes since our first meeting, combining her coming to stay in my home and getting to know each other better.

There were occasions when she seemed as though she didn't trust me and I knew in my heart of hearts that she felt confused in this dream I just didn't know why. Only that I could reassure her and show her I was sincere and hopefully remind her of what we meant to each other.

The dream confused me too. I was happy and content to be with her, she had this uncanny ability to make me feel alive whenever she was near me. I didn't know why the images kept shifting. In the space of possibly only hours, our 3 month relationship was condensed into a sequence of events that didn't fully make sense. I didn't ponder this too much for I was just content to be consuming her brightness.

The light emanating from Bella penetrated the dark cloud that shadowed my current life. I welcomed the sight of it, like a halo, humming and soothing me and drawing me back into the realms of sleep so I could be with her again.

Xxxx

**EPOV – Reality & dreams**

I was running through a haze.

I was outside in the forest and the twilight had descended, casting shadows. The treetop canopy above my head blocked the moon so no light penetrated the eeriness surrounding me.

The haze was like a fog, shifting around the forest floor, creeping up my legs like smoky tentacles.

I raced on, pushing with all my strength to reach the meadow.

It should have been only metres away from me but just as I envisaged breaking free of the trees and their spooky cover, I was back at the start of the trail again.

I was breathless and sweating, the haze cooling me as it brushed against my flesh. My clothes stuck to me in a damp embrace and once again I raced towards the clearing ahead of me.

I felt like I was pushing with all my strength, feeling the throb of my quadriceps as all my energy focused on pushing down and off my thighs, launching me forwards, sprinting. My feet were thundering to the forest floor, breaking the haze blanketing the ground and propelling me on.

On and on I ran, desperation choking me as I once again burst free of the trees and looking around me I realised I was exactly where I had started from; standing at the beginning of the forest trail.

I was lost.

It had been a lifetime since I had dreamed of Bella. She was always in my thoughts, swirling round my head and taunting me with her ghostly presence but as I had reached out to touch her, she had faded, merging with the air around me until she was nothing more than a haunting memory.

I had waited patiently for her to come back.

She had gone.

I felt desperate again as I stared through the trees ahead of me, seeing the faint glimmer of light poking through the wall of branches in front of me. It was the meadow.

I didn't know why but I had to reach the meadow.

It was like an instinct to me.

Extremely primeval and very basic; I hungered for what was in that clearing, like a siren call it summoned me and I struggled against the weariness to find the energy to push on, one more time.

For in that meadow I would find what I had been looking for.

Bella

Xxxx

**Reality**

"I have good news."

Dr Townsend looked up to see Dr Carlisle Cullen standing in the doorway to Edward's room. He waited patiently for Carlisle to continue.

"The haemorrhaging has ceased, Edward's blood count has returned to normal and we can start to reduce the Pentobarbital."

Carlisle's grin was infectious, Dr Townsend grinned back at him. To the casual observer they would think these two men had won the lottery.

"Carlisle, that really is great news."

"I know. I can't wait to tell Esme."

Xxxx

**Reality**

"Will it be instant?" Esme asked Carlisle.

"No darling, we reduced the dose by mg's, so each hour he is to receive his next course, it will be lower than the previous. It should take a few days I think."

"I can't wait to hear him speak again. I miss him so much."

"Me too Esme. Me too."

Xxxx

**Reality**

"It's not working is it?"

Esme looked at Carlisle, the hope that had been reignited in her two weeks prior now fading to the acceptance of her worst case scenario."

"It's unusual that it-"

"Carlisle, quit bullshitting me!" Esme's voice was a hiss, calling him by his Christian name in the presence of others was risky and although no one else occupied the room, they had to be careful of possible eavesdroppers passing the doors to Edward's room. Only two other people at the hospital knew Carlisle was playing a charade; Bella Swan and Dr Townsend.

Carlisle stared at Esme in shock. In the many years they had been together, she had never lost her temper with him. He was trying to protect her and as they both felt the thin thread of sanity being tugged, they had to remain equals; on each other's side, for they had nothing if they didn't have that.

Carlisle reached up his hand and rubbed his palms across his face, weary and emotionally drained, he suddenly felt like calling it a day. To hand over everything to another consultant and quit being Edward's Doctor; just be his father and to comfort his wife and other children like he wanted too.

"I'm sorry" Esme said softly. Walking towards Carlisle, she pulled his hands away from his face and searching his eyes she found only exhaustion behind them.

She knew this had been hard on Carlisle, he had felt hopeless when they had lost Alex and he had vowed to never feel that destitute when it came to Edward's care. Esme had leant on him and absorbed his bravery and reliance without question. Looking at him now she realised she had to return that strength; her husband needed her.

"I don't know what to do" Carlisle finally admitted. "He should have shown signs of increased brain activity days ago, it's like he's lost in there and I don't know how to reach him."

"Carlisle, what could've changed?"

He shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Before we increased his dosage, he had fought the induced coma; his brain activity elevated which was likely in response to the stress his body was under. But since then he-"Carlisle swallowed. "Since then he's gone."

"Do you think the drugs were the cause?"

"No! I would never have administered them if I had any inkling they would render him brain dead!"

Esme's shocked gasp reverberated through Carlisle like an electrical current. For a moment he had forgotten he was talking to his wife and Edward's mother, speaking harshly and truthfully without fully comprehending the impact it would have on the listener.

Carlisle rushed forward and pulling Esme to him, he suffocated her in his hug. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I should never have said that. Esme? Esme Please" Lifting her face to his own, he brushed her tears away with his thumbs, her sobs bouncing off the walls and back to his ears.

He had done that. He had reduced his wife to a quivering mess.

Pulling her back to his chest, he rocked her back and forth, waiting for the crying to subside.

Pushing against his hold on her, Esme stood back and ran her hands through her hair in an attempt to straighten her appearance.

"What happens next?"

Carlisle didn't register her question. He had suddenly recalled a very small fact that had eluded his common sense before. He was tired of being Doctor and with struggling to exhaust all the possibilities, sometimes it just wasn't down to science.

"Carlisle?" Esme tried to attract his attention.

"What date did we start to reduce his barbiturate?" Carlisle asked.

Esme replied "I d-don't know. Shall I check his chart?" Walking to the foot of the bed, she picked up Edward's medical chart and flipping back over the pages she located the required information.

"Here it is. 5th May. Why?"

Carlisle turned to Esme.

"Do you believe in the possibility of dreams?"

"What do you mean?" It was obvious from her confused look that Esme had no idea what Carlisle was referring too.

"I mean, do you believe that two people can have the same dream?"

"About their future together? Like plans?"

"No. I mean the same dream. Be in the same dream"

"Carlisle, that makes no sense."

"What date did you say we reduced his dose?"

Esme was feeling the icy fingers of dread creep up and into her mind, Carlisle was stressed, he needed to rest and his conversations were resorting to ramblings. It was so unlike him.

"I told you. 5th May."

Carlisle turned to face Esme, his eyes finding her own but not truly seeing her. He looked wild and it scared her.

"What date did Bella wake?" He whispered.

Esme looked at the vacant expression on her husband's face and suddenly connected with his train of thought.

Carlisle was a Doctor. He was a man of science and had been trained to believe in the biology of human nature and to accept his limitations.

But Carlisle was also a man and a father. He was also trained by human nature to believe in the endless possibilities of love whether that love was from a paternal source or the kind that helped you find your soul mate.

He had just stepped away from his role as Doctor and was taking on the role of Man.

"5th May" She replied. "Bella woke up on the 5th May."


	13. Ch13 Changes

**A/N: **Please accept my sincere apologies for the delay in posting another chapter. If you're aware of the recent crazy scenarios surround some other FF's based on Twilight, you'll know that a lot of author's accounts were frozen while ratings were checked. My account was one of them and I have been unable to logon to FF for over a week now. It's a bizarre situation.

I have also had some bad news involving family but fingers crossed all is back on track now. I've missed this story, I hope you have too. :o)

Ch13 Changes

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow. James Matthew Barrie

It was noon and time for visitors. I watched the door anticipating my Dad's arrival, but also praying he would be a no show. Our argument from the day before had left a bitter taste in my mouth, not from regret for I was sure I had nothing to be sorry about, but for the anger my father had left with me when he had walked away. I had been through a traumatic experience and in all the darkness that had enveloped me, my one true constant had been Edward and yet he couldn't allow me to hold onto that, instead he had tried to poison the memory and had accused Edward of an obscene history. My father owed him more than that and for the action of walking away from me, rather than forgiving and forgetting made me half wish he wouldn't come today.

But I also wanted to erase the bitterness of the argument and the harsh words he had left ringing in my ears and apologise to him, for if my accident had taught me anything, it was that life was too short.

However, I was stubborn and spent the morning wrestling with Good Bella versus Stubborn Bella, practising the conversation between Charlie and myself, using both case scenarios. For once, I was thankful the ward was occupied by the eternal sleeping and that they couldn't hear or acknowledge my incessant waffling.

The sound of footsteps and voices echoed through the hallways, travelling to my ears before the owners entered the ward.

It was the Community Service Volunteers. Alice, nestled in the midst of the group, was the most noticeable despite her petite frame. She wore bright pink tights, a purple denim skirt and yellow jacket! On another model, the outfit would've been garish but Alice carried the colours with confidence, her dark hair enhancing the rainbow of her apparel.

I couldn't help but grin at her as her eyes were magnetically drawn from me over to Jasper's bed. For the briefest of moments I saw hope shining there, but as soon as she recognised his sleeping form, the light dissipated. I knew in that look and in that moment, Alice had hoped Jasper would not be lying down as usual but would be sitting and possibly even awaiting her arrival. I had seen that look on numerous occasions now and had even taken to glancing in his direction every morning as soon as I woke with the faint hope that today he had also woken and that he would be everything Alice had wished for. Each day we were both disappointed.

"Hey" Alice called to me, "Give me a moment, ok?"

I nodded.

She walked over to him and adjusted the blind on his window, tipping the slats so that the sun bounced off the ceiling and walls rather than his face. Alice had done the same thing daily for she believed if he did open his eyes that day, then the light would be painful and hard for him to adjust too.

Taking a cloth she had warmed under hot water, she swept the damp fabric over his face starting with his forehead and down his cheeks, over his chin, across his neck and along his collarbones. The warmth from the cloth, the action from the wiping and the dampness of the water all combined to offer Jasper comfort, circulation and relief from the stuffy air surrounding us. The hospital wards were always too hot.

Jasper's hair was long and fanned out around his head like a golden halo. Alice's hand brushed his temples and forehead to alleviate the areas of stray strands, and perching on the edge of the bed, she let her hands linger on the curls, rubbing them between her fingers, her eyes studying his face but I was sure she knew every line and freckle even better than her own by now.

Her ministrations on the man, who was nothing but a stranger to her and to everyone else in this room, were gentle and full of knowledge, almost familiar and easy. If one were a new arrival to the ward, surveying her daily routine, it would be labelled as that of a lover. I had no doubt that Alice had fallen for him and despite my pretending that he did belong to Alice, I also feared the day Jasper may awaken because that could also be day he denied her.

Standing and retrieving her IPod from her bag, Alice placed the buds in his ears and searching for the playlist she had chosen especially for him, she pressed play, adjusted the volume, placed it on his chest and came over to my side of the room.

"Hey Bella"

"Hi Alice, you ok?"

Alice shrugged.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing really"

"You look sad"

"I dreamt of Jasper last night, and it seemed so real to me. I woke up and for just a second, I thought it was. Silly huh?"

"Not really. I dream of Edward every night."

"That's different"

"How is it different?"

"You guys had - have a relationship" Nodding her head in Jasper's direction, Alice went on, "He doesn't even know I exist."

I placed my hand on Alice's arm, "Not yet he doesn't"

She looked up at me, and smiled. "You think I'm crazy!"

"Is that a statement or a question?" I asked.

"I know you do. Jeez if I listened to myself I'd think I was crazy too!"

"What is it about him that gets to you?"

"I can't explain it."

"Well, try, you never know I might understand. And if I don't I'll just continue to think your mad!"

Alice laughed then glancing across the room at Jasper she spoke, her voice quiet but sure.

"It's like I know him. I know his voice, the colour of his eyes and I know he will make me smile and how it will feel to be held by him. I miss him so much, it's like an ache and yet I've never seen him with his eyes open, I've never heard him speak and I certainly haven't been lucky enough to be touched by him. But - I just – know it"

"Aren't you scared?"

Alice looked back at me.

"You know, scared in case he won't wake up or that if he does, he won't feel the same or that you've built him up in your head and he'll just be some jerk with bad breath and bad fashion sense!"

Alice chuckled, "I can always fix that!"

"With a mint?"

"No silly, with a shopping spree!"

"You do like your fashion!" I stated, eyeing her outfit. "I hate shopping!"

Alice stood and gave me a twirl. "You admire my dress sense, admit it! Besides, I didn't hear you complaining" She said.

"When?"

"When you were – asleep."

"What are you talking about?"

"I talked to you about fashion, you didn't complain"

"Alice, I was in a coma! I'm sure if I any of my faculties intact I would've rushed from the ward screaming, had I heard you!"

I laughed along with Alice. "I read Vogue to you" She giggled.

"Oh Man! It's like my worst nightmare!"

"It was about the fall lines!" She tried to defend herself.

"Were you trying to finish me off?"

"Bella!" She admonished, but the jest was still noted.

"You know, this all sounds familiar to me."

"What does?" Alice asked.

"The clothes talk....it makes a little sense." My voice trailed off, leaving Alice hanging. I searched my memory for a reason why this had registered with me. I recalled with sudden clarity the dream I had of Edward. Of waking in his home and being nursed by Carlisle, the mention of a female I had never met, her clothes given to me and fitting me but with no explanations.

"I dreamt about you!" I declared.

"You did?"

"Oh my God, Alice, I was dreaming of Edward, it was like flashes of our time together, from the past few months only it was condensed, you know, like it was just 3 days or something." I looked into Alice's face. It was so obvious to me now.

"Someone kept giving me clothes and I remember thinking about them and wondering why I had a wardrobe full of these outfits and people kept telling me Alice wouldn't mind, but I never saw you."

"I don't get it"

"Don't you see? You were here, talking to me, reading to me from – Vogue. Man, I can hardly say it!"

Alice playfully smacked my arm.

"And I was subconsciously hearing you and deciphering it all in my head to fit in with my dream!"

"You could hear me?" She asked.

"Well, I didn't realise it at first."

"Do you think Jasper can hear me?"

"It's possible" I said but I wasn't sure. Hadn't Jake said there were different levels of comatose? Maybe I could hear because my coma wasn't as deep as some, but who knew what Jasper's degree of unconsciousness was.

"You know if you could hear me and you changed it all in your head to fit in with what was going on in there -"

"I'm not a nut job, Alice!" I interrupted.

"I know that, let me finish" She waved away my words and continued "maybe Jasper can hear me too and I can help him see me, you know, like I see him"

"That's deception, Alice!"

"But we're meant to be!"

"If that's true then leave it be!"

The air was strained between us, she had wanted my approval but I knew that despite her desperation, Alice would agree it wasn't fair.

"Your right" She conceded. "It isn't right playing with someone's feelings like that."

She looked down at her hands, her shoulders drooped. She seemed so sad, I felt guilty for being so harsh on her. Placing my hand on her own, I offered her an olive branch.

"At least when he does wake up and then falls head over heels in love with you, you'll know it's real"

Alice grinned, squeezing my hand in appreciation.

"You do realise what this means don't you?" She asked.

I shook my head.

"Edward!"

I frowned, not understanding.

"Maybe he can hear you. You should try"

My eyes widened, I hadn't considered this. "Possibly, it couldn't hurt to try, right?"

Alice shook her head. "Couldn't hurt at all"

The sudden piercing alarm reverberating round the ward startled both Alice and I. Grabbing my arms, she practically clambered in my lap. Scanning the room for the screeching, I realised with dread the alarm was sounding from Jasper's monitor. Within seconds the ward was filled with nurses and Doctors and as Alice and I watched in horror, the curtains were pulled, cocooning them all from our sight.

"Bella" She whispered.

I held her close, unsure what to say.

I noticed amongst the team administering to Jasper, was Jake and Leah. They were obeying orders and assisting with demands. Jake glanced in our direction and nodded. I rubbed Alice's arm in comfort.

"Jake'll be over soon, he'll tell us what's going on" I assured her.

After a few moments the alarm was muted and all we could hear in the suddenly silent ward was the murmur of voices as Doctors and Consultants conversed in hushed tones behind the curtain. The curtain twitched and Jake appeared.

He walked over to us and pulling out a chair by the bed, he sat and began to explain, he knew what we were waiting for.

"He's ok" He looked directly at Alice when he said this "His temperature was raised, it's not usually a good sign however in Jasper's case, it was."

"Why?" Both Alice and I chorused.

"Some coma patients lose the ability to operate their natural bodily functions, like regulate body temperature and sleep patterns. As you know, we have been assisting Jasper with both these things but today his body responded to a change in temperature and you could say he argued with the machine. Instead of allowing it to regulate for him; he did it himself, only he got it slightly wrong."

Jake smiled, waiting for us to join him. We needed more.

"Jake" I began "We don't get it"

"The machine kept warming him but he fought against it and when he got too hot, the alarm sounded."

"Is that it?" I asked.

"No, that's no it. We've turned off the monitor so he will now be in control himself. We'll be taking regular observations to make sure he's still managing without any help." Jake looked back at Alice.

"This is good news, Alice"

"It is?" She asked softly.

"Hell Yeah. His natural body responses to the atmosphere around him are a good sign, the Consultant is pretty confident. If Jasper can regulate his own body temperature then maybe he won't need help with his sleep patterns anymore. There's a pretty good chance Jasper will pull through."

Alice's confused expression turned to one of pure glee, squealing with excitement she flung her arms around Jake's neck and hugged him for all she was worth. Laughing at her reaction to his news, Jake stood and lifted Alice with him. Her feet dangling just below his knees.

I laughed along with them, this was such great news. For Jake who had been tending to the comatosed Jasper for weeks now and for Alice who had dreamed of the stranger since the moment she had laid eyes on him. But hidden behind my laughter and smile, sitting deep in the pit of my stomach, I felt empty.

My smile was for show and I was surprised by how much energy it took to keep it in place. The gnawing feeling spread and I felt tears fill my eyes. I didn't want to steal their thunder but the jealousy was so overwhelming.

How I longed for those words to have been referring to Edward.

I felt so ugly for feeling envious but watching them celebrate the now assured arrival of Jasper's consciousness, I suddenly felt so alone.

Xxxx

After the curtains had been opened from around Jasper's bed and the team of Consultants and nurses had departed, Alice made her way back over to him. Sitting in the chair by his side rather than her usual position on the edge of his bed, she spent the remainder of the afternoon talking to him in a soft voice. Alice had removed one of the IPod's buds from his ear. She was hopeful he could hear a mixture of the music and her talking to him.

I prayed Alice had remembered our earlier conversation and was not trying to influence him with her gentle persuasion.

Jake had offered to visit with me for a while, but I spotted Leah lingering in the background. It made me to feel like the outsider, despite her parameters.

"No, I'm ok Jake, you go on home"

Jake glanced in Leah's direction then back at me. "We were going to go to the movies after our shift." He fidgeted in his chair, refusing to make eye contact.

His awkwardness amused me. Jake had told me he had feelings for me and I had rejoiced in his honesty and his friendship but had not returned the sentiment. He knew how important his friendship was to me and that my heart was with Edward but yet he was acting like he was betraying me. I was a secretly pleased that his relationship with Leah had started to develop into more than work colleagues. She was moody and sullen but also pretty and sincere, I was happy for them both.

"Jake, it's Ok. Go to the movies, enjoy yourself. Have some popcorn for me"

"Sweet or salted?" He asked with a grin.

"Salted of course!"

Squeezing my hand in his gorilla sized palms, Jake stood and bending to kiss my cheek, he whispered in my ear. "No matter what, I'll always put you first, if you need me too."

I watched them leave. Leah glanced back over her shoulder at me. Despite his hand at her waist, she looked at me with something akin to envy. I felt embarrassed for the moment between Jake and me in her presence and wished for the second time that I could return his feelings. He was so real to me and right here and now. And to surrender to his affection would at least alleviate the loneliness I continued to feel. But deep inside I knew it was superficial, the ache would remain and it would only hurt Jake in the end because my affection for him would only be a whisper compared to the intensity of the feelings I nursed for Edward.

I fingered the Cullen wristband I still wore and needed Edward so badly right then and there. I couldn't resist my desire to see him and wanting to put Alice's theory into practise, I slid from under my covers and made my way to his private room.


	14. Ch14 Blue

**A/N: **Big hugs and a heart-felt thanks to my regular readers, this chapter is dedicated to all of you :o)

The song Alice plays is called "Dancing" and it's by Elisa. If you can, listen to it while you read, you'll love it.

.com/watch?v=aUInKDRSl30&feature=related

Ch14 Blue

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.

**JPOV**

_The rays of sun broke through the clouds and touched my skin with fingers of heat, tickling over my face and neck, causing me to raise my head and open my arms wide ready to welcome the higher temperature as it embraced me in its golden brilliance. _

_I lay back on the grass and unbuttoning my jacket, I let the warmth penetrate my shirt and rest lightly on my cool skin._

_The noise of the ongoing battle commenced below me. I had been left responsible for the canon and we both resided on the top of a hillside, high above the tournament and directly below the now beautiful weather filtering through the bleak grey clouds that dominated the usual eerie sky of Forks._

_I was bored and lying back to enjoy the sunshine, I wondered for the millionth time that day, why the hell I was here!_

_The sun had been a welcome surprise as moments earlier I had been miserable and chilly sitting amongst the damp blades of grass, getting soaked in the fine mist floating down around me. The sudden brightness of the sun stretching its fingers of light through the greyness was uplifting. My mood instantly changed from glum and bored to cheerful and relaxed._

_I closed my eyes and surmised that if no one had noticed me waiting for the past 2 hours on top of the hillside then no one would notice if I took a sneaky nap. I was hidden from view and shifting to find a more comfortable nook in the ground beneath me, I gave in to the heat and calm now enveloping me._

Xxxx

"Hello"

_I opened one eye and looked up; there was no one in sight. _

"I'm Alice"

_Sitting up, I looked around me expecting to find the owner of the voice sitting close by. I was alone._

"I can't stay long today, but I will come back later. I'll bring you some music, hopefully that will help ease the boredom"

_I stood quickly and glanced over the edge of the hill, maybe she was sitting below my line of vision. The hillside leading down to the field below was empty. Only long blades of grass spattered with the speckled colours of white daisies and violet bluebells decorated the area around me. I had no other company except nature._

"Bye Jasper" She whispered.

_I spun back round to face the voice, but was not surprised when I encountered no one._

_What the hell-?_

"_Hello" I called out. "Is anyone there?"_

_My question was met with silence. _

"_Hey! You still here?"_

_Nothing._

_Frowning, I sat back down again. What the hell had just happened?_

Xxxx

"Hi"

_She was back. Spinning round, I searched frantically for this ghost of a girl but again she was invisible to me._

"_Where are you?" I asked._

"I wish I knew what music you liked, I had to take random guesses and I'm probably wrong on some counts, so I decided to play you some of my favourites." She chuckled "I apologise now if their some of your worst"

"_I can't see you!" I called out._

_A slight tickle by my left ear startled me, jumping to my feet I spun around to flick it and stop the sensation. It continued and then began by my right ear. Jumping around and flapping like a lunatic, I tried to swat at what I could only assume were bees._

_The sudden angelic voice singing filled my head but its volume was deafening. I clutched my hands over my ears and fell to my knees._

_What the fuck-?_

"I'm so sorry, Jasper, I'll turn the volume down"

_She had placed headphones in my ears! There were no wires trailing from my ears, but I could feel their presence inside. Thankfully the decibels decreased and the soft music accompanying the voice was now clear and soft. I lifted my hands away and squinting into the sunlight I searched the hillside for the girl, for the source of music and for answers. I was alone._

"_What the fuck?" I screamed again. "Where the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? How do you know my name?"_

_No reply was forth-coming; she seemed to have disappeared again. I tried to calm myself. Looking behind me I searched the field for my friends. It was empty._

_I stood and walked to the edge of the hill, gazing at the empty ground below me, I scanned the area for any sign of life. There was no one. Even odder was the fact that there appeared to be no evidence that anyone had been there at all. The ground was clear. The grass dancing in the breeze, the acres of green surrounding me was litter free and untrammelled._

_How long had I been napping?_

_This made no sense. Minutes earlier the entire wooded area around me had been alive with the shouts and bangs and usual cacophony of noise delivered by the Civil War re-enactment group, but now, there was only the music in my head._

_It wasn't even a song I knew._

_It was soft but passionate, her voice strange but angelic, the piano a beautiful partner with the lyrics._

_I tried to steady my heartbeat. Was Alice a ghost?_

"_Hello" I called out. "Alice?"_

_The song was escalating into a crescendo_

_The lyrics pulled me closer so I listened. "I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you, no need for anything but music. Music's the reason I know time exists...."_

_It was hypnotic but I was scared._

_I had no idea what was happening to me. Where had everyone gone, why was I suddenly alone with only the whisper of a voice from a girl I had never known but yet she knew my name._

_This ghostly apparition called Alice was all-encompassing and her music was surrounding me, lifting me towards the warmth of the sun and as suddenly as I had felt scared, I was free again. Calmness and serenity raised me up and lying back against its supporting arms, I let myself be swept along with the music and closing my eyes, the sun showered me with its radiance._

"_Where have you gone?" I whispered."Don't leave me"_

_The light touch of someone's fingertips, brushed against my forehead. Sweeping my hair away from face and then following a trail down my cheek._

_Her skin was warm and I resisted the urge to open my eyes and search the skyline for her face. I knew there would be no one before me so I just lay there, my eyes closed and basked in the gentle caress she bestowed upon me. I turned my face into her palm and she bent to speak softly in my ear. Despite the music, I could still hear her._

"What colour are your eyes?"

"_Blue" I replied_

"Your hair is a honey colour, so I guess you'd have brown eyes, it seems a good mix."

"_No, not brown their blue" I repeated._

"No" She continued as if she hadn't heard me "Your different, I can see that. Maybe green. Or blue then, a beautiful violet blue. I bet if you opened your eyes right now, I would feel like I was drowning in the ocean."

She sighed "Blue."

"_I'll open my eyes if you promise not to go away again?" I asked her._

"Open your eyes, Jasper"

_Her voice was soft, her breath whispered across my face, tickling me and blowing my hair gently. I liked it. I imagined her face was close to mine, possibly lying on the ground beside me. As soon as I thought it, I could feel the heat from her body pressed against me, but it ended below my knees. I chuckled. She wasn't very tall, my ghost. Was it possible she was a pixie?_

"Open your eyes, Jasper" She asked again. "Let me see you"

"_Let me see you" I echoed._

_I lifted my eyelids and turned my head towards her voice, towards her sweet breath and ready to gaze upon my ghost, I blinked into the brightness._

_I was alone._

_Closing my eyes again, I felt tears fall upon my cheeks. Who was this girl? Where was she?_

"Not today then" _She cried quietly beside me, then curling her fingers into my hair, she pressed her face into my neck and held herself against me. Her eye lashes fluttered against me and not daring to move least I frighten away the apparition of her voice; my only evidence she was here at all, I begged her silently inside my head to press herself closer and not to leave me on this hillside, all alone._

Xxxx

"It's been weeks now" _Alice said. Her fingers still curling in my hair._

_Weeks? It had seemed like only minutes since she had appeared. I thought over the morning and could clearly recall the voice of Alice had kept coming and going, talking to me, then going silent, appearing again with music, then fading away again._

_Had that been weeks?_

_What was happening to me?_

_I had no answers and I felt alone again._

_Xxxx_

_My ghost was just a voice, I wanted more. I didn't want to lie in the sun anymore, it was getting too hot anyway and I needed shade. I sat up and spotting a group of trees close by, I stood and walked towards them, feeling the cool shadows shade me as I entered the forest. Alice hadn't followed me but I felt her close by. Sitting on the ground, I waited for her to come back to me._

_Watching the blue sky, I witnessed a flight of birds grazing the scenery with their effortless flight to unseen destinations. Grouped together, they flew in unison. A perfect harmony of wings lifting against the wind and pushing back down on top of it, raising them higher in the vastness of azure, till their perfect display was nothing more than a black line etched into the horizon._

_I longed to be that free. _

_Feeling the earth beneath me succumb to a second weight, I felt relief that Alice had joined me at last. When she was near me, I felt like I was home. The loneliness of being trapped on this hillside dissipated and I relaxed into the familiar presence of my pixie ghost. I wished I could see her._

_She had guessed at my hidden appearance and I turned my thoughts to hers. She was small in height that much I could tell from the feel of her body against mine. She had rested her head in the nook of my neck and her feet had still met only my knees._

_Yes, my ghost was indeed elfin in comparison to my own height._

_I concentrated on her voice, not her actual speech, but the tone and inflection and the way she smiled into her words, almost as though the subject itself brought her joy. She would wear a constant smile by nature, I concluded. With pink cheeks and bright eyes and blonde hair? I pictured her in my mind and shaking my head, I mentally erased the last detail. She wasn't blonde. Auburn? No, too sexy in an obvious way. Alice would be sexy I had no doubt, she had already made me feel more alive just by breathing near me. Yes, she was sexy but her allure would be concealed and maybe one day I would get to un-wrap her veiled gift. _

"Would you like to dance?"

_I turned my head, instinctively towards her voice. Seeing only the trees, I sighed and waited for her to continue._

"I bet you're a good dancer."

_I had already realised that Alice couldn't hear me, but I answered her anyway._

"_I like to think so" I smiled, but it was only into thin air._

_How bizarre that she could see me but not hear me and yet I could hear her and not see her. It was a strange union but instead of feeling frightened by the limitations of my eyes, I felt only easiness with her. If I was to be blind, let Alice be the one to guide me._

_The music that had faded into the far reaches of my mind suddenly filled the space between us. I closed my eyes and imagined her sat beside me, the dulcet tones enveloping us both. I pictured Alice in my mind, being drawn into my arms. In my head, we could see and hear each other. _

_Standing I held my hand out to the empty space where I believed she sat._

"_Alice, would you dance with me?"_

_I pretended she had nodded and standing she would take my hand. I could almost feel her fingers brush against my palms as my hands took hold and like a knight flaunting his Queen I stretched my arm out and turning in a circle, I showed her off to our audience of squirrels and bluebirds._

_Gazing at me, Alice smiled, and stopping her parade directly in front of me, she stepped into the circle of my arms. I rested my head against the top of hers and inhaling her smell, I closed my eyes again. My hands pressed into the small of her back and she snuggled in tighter to me. Her own arms snaking around my waist and up my back. We started to sway and in impulse, we let the words of the beautiful song embrace us and I started to fall in love with my dancing ghostlike pixie._

_The words reverberated around us;_

"_So I just put my arms around you, around you and hope that I will do no wrong. My eyes are on you and their on you. And I hope that you won't hurt me. My arms around you, their around you...."_

_Before the song came to an end, I felt the cool air replace the warmth of Alice's body and without opening my eyes; I knew that she had gone again. I stopped my dancing. Dropping my arms to my sides I remained standing in the shade of the trees and listened as the singing faded until eventually, even that had left me and I was totally and utterly alone again._

_Bereft I finally decided enough was enough. The next time she was near me, I would see her and she would never leave me again._

_I lay on the ground and waited._

_Xxxx_

"Will tomorrow be the day I see you?"

_Her hand was close to my face again and desperate, I reached out to grasp hold of her in the hope I could stop her from leaving again. She gasped and I realised I had grabbed her too tightly. I eased my grip into a more gentle hold around her wrist. I lifted my head from the pillow and taking a deep breath I opened my eyes._

_I had never prayed before, but I summoned every ounce of belief I could find deep inside me and prayed with complete hopefulness that when I finally faced her, she would be more than thin air. _

_My eyes found hers. _

_Hers were wide, staring at me with nothing short of absolute shock on her face. The pupils were small black dots swimming in the most beautiful tawny brown I had ever seen. Her lashes long and black framed their perfection. I drank in the rest of her face like a dying man. Her skin was flushed and the lips that parted in a small O were full and pink and lifting my other hand from the bed, I cupped her cheek in my hand._

_She was wearing blue and the cobalt reflected in her skin, making her look creamy and absolutely decadent. I longed to taste her. I knew she would be sweet. Blue had always been my favourite colour._

_She pressed her face into my palm, then closing her eyes she turned and kissed the inside of my wrist._

"_Alice" I said softly_

"_Jasper" She replied._


	15. Ch15 Thin Line

**A/N: **I can't seem to stay away, therefore, this will be the third update in the space of a week but what can I say? I'm just as involved as you guys :o)

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Ch15 Thin line

Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though its one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's also one day closer to the next time you will.

**BPOV **

Edward's breathing was steady and deep, each intake of breath almost replicating the start of a sigh; his chest rising and falling with the motion. His slightly parted lips looked dry as each exhale of air brushed any sign of moisture from their surface. His eye lids fluttered; in response to a dream perhaps?

I watched their flickering and almost believed the next lift of those tremendous lashes would be to bare his eyes to me.

I had walked slowly to Edward's room for I wasn't entirely sure what I would do when I reached him. Every day he drew me closer, my thoughts of him were constant and I was tired of fighting it. I didn't think I had the strength to stay away from him anymore. However, being near him frightened me. My Edward was strong and sure and protective but here lay another. His body had been broken but over the weeks that past us by, he had healed and wore no scars or other evidence of his ordeal.

It was so hard to place the sleeping Edward in the same imaginary space of the Edward I recalled in my dreams, in my memory, even in my senses.

It felt like betraying him.

But I was in denial, I didn't want to admit that Edward had been hurt and was as fragile as any other human. I wanted him to be immortal and incapable of injury, yet here he lay, it was him and I couldn't deny it any longer. I needed to touch him, smell him, talk to him, to just be in his presence and feel him near me.

I pressed my hand against the window and gazed upon him. He was just as beautiful as I had remembered. My thirsty eyes drank in the sight of him, every inch of his sleeping form. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the open door of Edward's room and stepped inside.

This was the closest I had been to him in weeks. The last time I had come here, I had not been permitted entry and had only satisfied my need for him with the image through the glass.

"Edward" I whispered, his name on my lips was just as intoxicating as the person it belonged too.

Walking towards him, I noticed the sheen of perspiration all over him. There were little beads falling from his temples, and pooling at his hairline, the wetness darkening the copper colour in his hair, like it was igniting the colour into a deep burnt hue. The room was warm and the air stale and dry.

I tiptoed over to the window facing the exterior of the hospital and opened it. The gentle breeze rushed in like an eager friend. Its crispness evoking a shiver from me but it was with relief rather than cold. I watched as the cool air wound its way through the room, gently breathing on all the surfaces it touched, cleaning the area of the old air and replacing it with new.

Like a misty ghost, I imagined the breeze moving over Edward, enveloping him in its chilly stroke. His pale skin became dotted with goose bumps and stepping closer to him, I watched as they spread over his chest and stomach and disappeared from view beneath the blanket bunched around his waist.

Edward shuddered and then sighed. The murmur filled the room and I waited with baited breath for more.

But he continued sleeping.

Picking up a cup from the dresser, I poured in fresh water and then dipped my fingers into it. Sitting on the edge of his bed, I rested my hand just inches from his mouth and let the droplets from my fingers fall onto his lips. The water trickled over and then into his mouth. Dipping my hand in again, I continued to drip feed him.

I rubbed my finger gently across his bottom lip, trying to ease the dryness. My soft massage brought the circulation back to his lips with a flush of colour and I watched, mesmerised as he opened his mouth wider and ran his tongue over the same area I had just touched. My fingers were hovering closely to his lips, his tongue brushing lightly against the very tip of them. I gasped, my tummy tightened in that familiar knot and it was all I could do not to lean over him and taste his tongue with my own.

My reactions to him were always instant and even in the innocence of slumber, the effect Edward had on me was tremendous.

Xxxx

**EPOV**

I have given up the fight and lay in the grass, struggling to catch my breath. My chest hurt and each gulp I took dragged down my throat and stopped in my chest like a large bubble. I had been running, running and pushing and trying with every part of me to reach that clearing up ahead, but each time I had burst through the trees and into the clearing, the sunlight blinding me, I would find myself back at the start of the trail. And I would stand, breathing hard and feeling lost and looking up at the forest before me, eyeing the fingers of sun poking through the trees as if beckoning me with their silvery talons

I had felt strong at the beginning, pushing into the ground with every ounce of energy I could muster, pumping my arms and feeling every muscle lift me, almost as if would propel me into the air and make me fly high above my green prison.

But now, lying on the forest floor, losing count of how many times I had tried. I had nothing left. The sweat trickled down my face and tickled my throat as it pooled in the base of my neck. My clothes were damp and sticking to me and I longed for some air.

There was no breeze, not even a whisper which was unusual for Forks. The constant canopy of clouds always threatened rain. Sometimes only a fine mist would float around us and other times a full pelt which hurt as it struck you on bare skin. Today I prayed for the heavens to open up and drown me but it was another unanswered prayer and I gave up the effort of hoping and just lay in the hot, stale air. It did nothing to refresh my skin or my lungs.

Closing my eyes, I turned my thoughts to Bella and wondered where she was and with whom. I usually found comfort in her smile, but today my mood was sour and I felt envy at the thought of her spending time with someone other than me.

She had no idea how compelling she was to others. Her brown eyes like chocolate orbs, looking so wide and innocently at me, it always took my breath away. She would gaze at me and I could almost fall into them. I knew when she looked at like that, that her thoughts had turned to desires. Her lids were half closed and her lips would part and it was all I could do not to pull her towards me and kiss her. I imagined her near me now, her face hovering above my own; her hair floating out like a beautiful river of auburn, her skin so white and delicate. She was my angel and I would forever fall into her embrace, no matter where it may lead me. I wanted so much to feel her lips on mine, for in that kiss I would taste her and touch her and draw her very breath into me.

"_Edward"_

The whisper of my name blew across me and I was tempted to open my eyes to see if she was really here. I resisted as I had experienced nothing but disappointment in this crazy imaginary world I found myself in and I refused to be disheartened again with finding nothing but greenery before me rather than my Bella, if I opened my eyes.

The sudden breeze flowing up my body chilled me and I shuddered with sheer pleasure. This was some of what I had been craving for and it felt delicious. I met the refreshing caress with a sigh.

Feeling more comfortable, my breath finally even and steady, my skin cooling in the air, I felt weariness overcome me. Maybe I could sleep a while.

The feather light touch of water dripping onto my mouth was so soft and small at first I didn't notice it. The droplets ran over my lips and into my mouth, soaking my tongue and bringing with it the taste of salt from my skin. I parted my lips anticipating more water; the small amount I had drank only reminded me how thirsty I was.

But the water was replaced by a caress. It moved over my bottom lip, adding pressure in the motion. I had no idea what was touching me, but I felt a knot in my stomach, the fissure of electricity and I recognised the Oh so magnificent presence of Bella. Her touch was like magic, I could feel the blood rushing up my skin and into my face. I had never been a blusher before, but the slight motion of her fingers on my lips, rubbing them with the tip of her index, was erotic in its action.

My body hungered for everything she promised me. Her kiss, her smell, her smile, her eyes, the touch of her skin against mine, the feel of her warmth around me, the delight of being near her. I needed her so much and not daring to move too suddenly, I settled for just her taste.

Flicking my tongue out and along my lips, I felt it brush her fingertip.

The sound of her breath gasping in surprise was enough to push me to my feet. It was too real, I could hear her, feel her and now I wanted to see her.

Spinning around, franticly searching, I called to her.

"Bella" I sounded desperate even to my own ears, she was gone.

"Bella!"

But she had been here. I knew that. I had felt her. My body had reacted to her nearness as it always had.

What evil game was she playing? We had been together, we had been happy and then she had left me in this labyrinth. Left me searching for her, running towards the meadow where I believed I would find her. But instead this siren stood outside my periphery and taunted me with her cruel flirtations, beckoning me and leading towards nowhere.

I felt defeated and angry with her.

Didn't she realise that all I wanted to do was follow her? That I wanted to be with her? How could she tease me then leave me?

I had no more fight left in me.

Falling to my knees, I buried my head in my hands. The echo of her touch was still burning on my skin.

"Damn you, Bella" I cried. "Please help me"

Xxxx

**BPOV**

Edward's brow creased as if in disagreement with something. I reached out to brush the burrows from his forehead.

"Damn you"

His voice stopped me. It wasn't clear nor loud, but it was enough for me to understand it.

Edward was obviously dreaming yet Carlisle had said he had decreased brain activity. Was this normal then in a coma patient? Had I physically reacted in my sleep too?

I had no one to ask but I did feel hope begin to surface. I had no medical knowledge but surely a patient with REM and speech was certainly no-where near brain dead?

I waited, my hand still hovering in the air between us but he said nothing more. The frown was still there and I contemplated Alice's suggestion that maybe Edward could hear me.

I walked over to the window facing the ward and slid the blinds closed and then the door. I moved to the opposite window and opened their blinds, allowing the sun to brighten the room. The sudden stream of light along with the refreshing breeze from the open window lifted my mood considerably. I wanted Edward to wake with no shadows around him, only the comforting sight of sun and the blue skies outside.

I climbed onto the bed beside him and lifting the covers, I eased beneath. Sliding my feet along his calf and over his foot, I used my toes to brush lightly along the length of him to his own toes, then back up to his ankle. Resting on my arm, I studied Edward's features. I was hoping for a reaction and I wanted to see it.

He remained still.

My left arm was holding my weight, but my right arm was free. Lying next to Edward, his chest bare and so close to me, was pure temptation. Still feeling tentative, I grazed my fingers across his abdomen. I watched the impact of my touch leaving a trail of white against the soft pink of his skin. I danced my fingers in a circle around his belly button, sweeping over the subtle line of hair leading up from beneath the blanket which covered him from below the waist.

Resisting the urge to lift the blanket, I moved my hand up his stomach and over his chest. Edward wasn't all muscle like Emmett, but he was lean and the feel of him all taut but smooth, was divine. His chest lifted and fell beneath my touch and pausing, I could feel his heartbeat. Needing to feel even closer to him, I lay my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

The skin to skin contact assaulted four of my senses. The scent from his warm skin filled my nostrils, the distant thump of his heart echoed in my ear, his skin so smooth and soft beneath my hand and the line of his body from chest to toes filled my sight.

Closing my eyes, I let the rhythm of his heartbeat lull me to sleep like the dulcet melody of a lullaby.

"I love you." I said softly. "I love you so much Edward, it's unbearable being apart from you."

His breathing remained steady but I could hear his heart rate step up a beat.

"Tell me what to do" I lifted my face to his "Tell me how to reach you"

I touched his cheek and felt the stubble that adorned his chin, the roughness grazing my hand. I kissed his chin and ignored the prickle on my lips.

"Edward, I wish you could tell me or show me. You've touched my dreams before maybe you can do it again."

I turned his face towards my own and silently begged him to open his eyes. I longed to see his eyes again.

"You've touched my soul in ways that no other person has. If I know about love, it is because of you."

Resting my head on his chest again, I felt my tears fall.

"Edward, if you can you hear me" I whispered. "Come back to me"

Xxxx

**EPOV**

Sitting on the floor of the woods, I felt the shift of the sun rather than saw it. Its warmth spread over my bent head and across my shoulders and back, penetrating my clothes and heating my skin.

Lifting my head I looked up at the sky, barely visible through the thick trees. Its glory was shining up on me, like a single beacon from a torch.

I lay down, letting the golden rays touch me.

Closing my eyes again, I yearned to find peace in this forest of confusion.

The feel of hands on my stomach and the drag of feet down my leg and around mine, made my heart skip a beat. She was back again and touching me. I wanted to stay angry with her for she had raised my hopes before and then abandoned me.

But it felt so good to be touched by her.

"_If I know – it is because of you"_

The sound of her voice was like music to my ears. But she sounded so far away, as though she was speaking to me through glass. I could barely make out what she was saying. It could be important, but the weariness taking over me and her gentle caress were lulling me to sleep. I couldn't hear her and I felt too tired to concentrate.

I didn't want to stay here anymore. I didn't want to feel lost and confused and to yearn for moments with Bella. I wanted to wake and see her sleeping beside me, to take her in my arms and dance with her till the dawn. I wanted to love her with every part of me. I felt nothing but despair and I missed my home, my family, my Bella but I had no idea how I could break free, I just felt it with every breath I took, like a need burning deep within.

I imagined Bella above me, looking down at me as if I was in a black hole, an abyss. Her hand reaching towards me, ready to pull me free but with each passing minute, she faded further and further away. I was drifting into the blackness; it's all encompassing shadows swallowing me.

I lifted my hand towards her but it was too late, she was too far away to reach me and as I floated into the bleakness beneath me, she called my name.

"_Edward - come back to me"_


	16. Ch16 Hurt

**A/N: **I have entered the "Make it count" contest hosted by Bethaboo and TheEdwardEmmett, details can be found on both their profile pages. The rule is a one shot story about anything Twilight in 1,000 words or less! My entry is called "Bitter Sweet" and is based on Rosalie's POV as she finds the men who hurt her. I'd be eternally grateful if you guy's could take a look and leave me your thoughts. It's on the "Make It Count" community page and on my profile. There are some other fantastic entries too, so definitely worth a look.

Loving all my reviews, you guys make me swoon :o)

Ch16

Thou art gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream.

And I seek thee in vain by the meadow and stream.

~George Linley

"What do you think you're doing?"

I jumped at the sharp tone, realising that I had fallen asleep tucked up in bed beside Edward. The room was in darkness, the cool air that had drifted through the open window earlier, had turned cold and unwelcome. I shivered.

"I asked you a question!"

I was reminded of what had woken me and turning too quickly, I tumbled out of the bed, catching a glimpse of a female figure, standing in the doorway.

"Ouch" I squeaked, as my bottom hit the hard floor. Sitting in a rather unladylike manner, I peeked out from under my hair, which had fallen like a curtain over my face.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"That's none of your business" She admonished. "The point is what the hell do you think you're doing? Are you perverted or something?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Who the hell climbs into bed with a comatose person, and puts her hands all over his half naked chest? What kind of freak are you?" She was angry and her face flushed red in agreement.

"Hang on a second!" I started to feel quite angry myself. Edward was special to me and she had made it sound like I had copped a quick feel from an unwilling participant. "Don't call me a freak. You have no idea who I am or what I'm doing here and quite frankly, it's none of your damn business!"

There! That told her!

"Edward is always my business!" She retorted.

"What?" My voice sounded meek in comparison to a few moments ago.

She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at me.

"I said, _Edward_ is my business" She purred his name with deliberate familiarity, noting with glee the colour drain from my face.

I couldn't hide the sudden rush of jealousy and I hated myself for being so transparent. Lifting my hair free from my face and trying to look as composed as possible, I struggled to stand. My leg still hurt and was not fully stable. I had only just stopped using my crutches after physiotherapy and I regretfully realised, that I may have ditched them too fast.

"You don't know about me, do you?" It was more of a statement then a question, her smirk was still in place.

"Should I?" I asked.

She took a step towards me, looking me up and down as if I offended her.

I returned her appraisal by sweeping over her form from head to toe, I wished I hadn't. She was dressed elegantly in black heels, dark tights and a black pencil skirt. Her white blouse was perfectly contoured to her body and she certainly knew how to work that figure. Her hair was blonde with a slight reddish tint. It was thick and wavy and she had tried to capture some of the curls with a clip at the base of her neck. Errant tendrils had escaped and framed her heart shaped face. She was very sexy.

I took a quick look down at my own attire. It did nothing to help my confidence. I had taken to wearing sweats on most days and the ones I wore today were gray and so obviously well worn. My feet were bare and really quite chilly; I missed my Totes bedtime socks, woolly and warm. My tee shirt was creased from my recent nap and my hair uncombed and in disarray.

I was no competition for this stunner and unfortunately for me, she knew it.

"I'm Tanya." She introduced herself but did not offer me her hand. She stood quite close to me now. Her arms still crossed over her fabulous chest, one leg pushed out in front of her and the other straight, tilting and lifting her hip on one side. A pose so perfected, I almost glanced about the room for the paparazzi.

I hated her immediately.

"Bella" I mumbled back at her.

"Excuse me?" She almost spat her words at me.

Clearing my throat, I repeated my introduction. "I'm Bella"

"Oh" She looked down at her sleeve then flicking away an imaginary speck of lint, she looked up at me through her lashes. "I thought you belched or something, didn't realise it was your – name"

The pause in her sentence irked me. Squaring my shoulders, I stared her down. I didn't like the way she made me feel. It was a mixture of unworthiness and unabashed anger. She was deliberately trying to degrade me and it was working. I had never experienced jealousy before and she had yet to explain her statement about Edward being her business to me.

I knew from 2 minutes in this woman's company, that she was going to hurt me.

"You still haven't answered my question!"

"I don't have to answer to you!" I decided to try to fight back.

She lifted one flawlessly arched eyebrow at my comment.

"I think you'd better leave" Her voice had dropped in tone but the meaning was still evident. She didn't like me either.

"I think _you'd_ better leave!" I returned.

She snorted. "I don't think so, you see, Edward _needs_ me"

The simple word held so many connotations. It hurt like a knife to my chest. What could he possibly need from her? She had also meant that he didn't need me, I gulped back tears.

"Edward and I are in a relationship. How dare you put me down and insult what we mean to each other." I felt the tears choking me and hated my weakness. I didn't want her to see this. I wanted to be as horrible as she was. It obviously came more naturally to her than to me, because all I felt was bile rather than vile.

Looking back over my shoulder at Edward, I took a shuddery breath and walked to the door.

Tanya looked victorious. "And don't let me catch you in here again, with your filthy paws all over him! Do I make myself clear?"

The self righteous Bitchward!

I spun around to face her, not caring that my tears were falling freely now. "I don't know who you think you are – "My breathing betrayed me as I stuttered against my tears "- but we share something special, something I'm sure you've never known with anyone because you're so self obsessed. And when you insult me, you insult Edward."

She smiled slyly at me, waiting for more. I was stumped that my words hadn't already hit the mark. I didn't know how to continue.

"Rosalie told me he had a girlfriend but I expected more." Her looked turned to daggers, their aim was precise. It hurt me to see that much disdain on a strangers features.

With sudden clarity, I understood what her problem really was. With eyes wide, I laughed at her "He turned you down!" It worked, her face fell. "That's it, isn't it, Tanya? Edward turned you down!"

Straightening she glared at me "I have no idea what he sees in you, but there must be something. I just can't imagine what!"

"Thanks, you're so open- minded. Must be how your brain slipped out!"

Turning on my heel, I stormed out the door.

I wanted to revel in my glory, singing "R E S P E C T" in my head, but I didn't feel like the Victor. Leaving her in that room with him, I felt like the loser.

Xxxx

I felt angry with Tanya and her perfection so I walked to the visitor's area outside the hospital, wanting to ease my temper.

With a view to soothing one's troubles, they had erected a peaceful cove of green grass and flowers, an archway covered with honeysuckle lead to a bench, allowing the seeker a sense of peace.

I stayed sitting for what seemed like a lifetime, but the calming sounds of the garden did not dispel my sadness. Giving into my tears I made my way back inside.

The closer I got to my ward, the harder I cried.

"Bella, what's happened? What's wrong?"

Jacob caught up with me in the corridor just outside the doorway. I was snivelling like an idiot, my face all blotchy and nose so runny I had resorted to wiping it across my arm, my tee shirt sleeves too short to use as a handkerchief.

I was wound like a spring and found simple speech too difficult. As I tried to talk, gasps for air succeeded in their place.

Clinging to his shirt front, I gave up trying and simply wailed.

"What the hell has happened?" I heard Leah behind me. Knowing I had more witnesses to my humiliation made me sob even more. I wanted to ask her to leave, to allow me time to muster some dignity but only hiccups were heard.

I felt Jacob shrug "I think she heard" he whispered over my head. I was too upset to analyse his words. I just rejoiced in his hands tentatively coming around me and engulfing me in his giant embrace. It felt so good to be held. I didn't care that his girlfriend stood nearby, I threw my arms around his waist and buried my head in his massive chest.

Jacob continued to hold me close, waiting patiently for my crying to subside. It took forever. I was so frustrated. This was possibly the worst year of my life and no matter which corner I seem to turn I hit the same brick wall.

I wanted to hit out and hurt someone. Tanya had been the icing on the cake, breathtaking and looking down her nose at me like I was shit on her Jimmy Choo's. When would this nightmare ever end?

Eventually my crying eased and lifting me away from his chest, Jacob tried to peer at me. I clung on to his shirt, trying desperately to stay close.

"Bella" His tone was gruff.

"What?" I whispered pitifully,

"I feel like a cad!"

I hiccupped. "What?"

"I have some news for you."

I peeked up at him. "What is it?" I was cautious. Bad news seemed to follow me everywhere.

"Jasper woke up" He looked down at me, brushing my hair away from my face, his fingers grazing my cheek.

"He did?"

Jacob nodded, his eyes wary, watching for my reaction.

I was so happy for Alice; she must be on cloud nine. I hated walking into the ward looking and feeling like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. I needed to compose myself. I took a deep breath but instead of it steadying my nerves, another wave caught me in its ebb tide and closing my eye's I started sobbing again.

Jacob mistook my emotion for grief, possibly even resentment. I wanted to explain how happy I was to hear some good news for a change.

Patting my back like a forlorn puppy, Jacob ushered me to a set of chairs outside the ward.

"Bella, it's ok to feel like this. It's understandable. Especially after hearing about E-"

I interrupted him, "You – you – don't understand" I hiccupped. "I'm so – ha-happy for them" sniffing loudly, I looked around for a tissue. They usually seemed to be placed in the most convenient places all over the hospital, little square boxes overflowing with white tissues adorning every surface for the needy noses. The table beside my chair only held ring marks.

Typical!

My sobbing began again.

"I need a tissue" I wailed.

"Here" Jacob passed me a white square. It was a cotton handkerchief, embroidered with a red "J" in a corner. I ruined the intricate design of the delicate material by blowing my nose and wiping away debris.

I started to laugh. The image I had of Jacob did not include him owning such a feminine article. My sobbing and laughter mingled and resulted in a noise resembling a howl. It amused me even more.

I glanced over at Jacob. He looked confused and quite worried. I had been hysterically crying for the last half an hour and now sat laughing and snorting, waving around his snotty handkerchief.

"Hey, that was a gift!" He defended his masculinity. Taking a deep breath, Jacob asked "Bella, are you ok?"

His question tickled me. This entire situation tickled me and in need for the elevation of humour, I clutched my sides and continued to chuckle.

Laughter was contagious even when the punch-line evaded you; Jacob gave into the impulse and chuckled along with me.

We sat giggling outside the ward, ignoring the looks of bewilderment shot our way from passersby.

"What are we laughing at?" Jacob asked me.

That set me off again. "I have no idea" I replied, between chuckles.

"Me neither" He responded. We giggled again.

"Bella?"

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry to hear about Edward"

I felt the laughter die in my throat, but it became lodged. I couldn't swallow.

"What?" I asked him.

"The news about Edward, it's awful."

Jacob wasn't watching me, he had assumed I knew what he was saying and leaning forward, elbows on his knees, he studied his hands instead of my face.

"Jake" I spoke softly but he heard me, turning to look at me from over his shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

Xxxx

Alice was sitting crossed legged on Jasper's bed. He was sat, propped by pillows, facing her. Their hands were clasped together and their eyes holding the other's gaze. The air between them was electric. No conversation was taking place. What they felt for each other was clear and unspoken.

I walked slowly over to their side, my knees were trembling and my face felt raw. The continuous swipe of tears from my cheeks had left me chaffed and my nose red.

Plastering on a smile, I greeted them both. "Hi Guys"

Both heads turned towards me. I noticed the pure glee in Alice's eye's her mouth wide in a grin usually worn by ecstatic children on Christmas day. "Bella" She breathed, hopping down from the bed and hugging me tightly.

"This is Jasper" She grinned at me then back at Jasper. "Jasper, this is my best friend, Bella"

Her words were so sweet and although we have never referred to each other as best friends before, I knew that when I eventually left this hospital, I would take Alice's friendship with me. Squeezing her hand as it grasped mine, my smile more genuine then before, I spoke to Jasper.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Jasper"

"You too, Bella. Alice talks about you constantly."

I laughed, "Ditto"

Jasper grinned again and holding out his hand for Alice, she climbed back on his bed beside him. They looked so right together, I could almost believe then that Plato knew what he was talking about when he theorised Zeus had split apart the human, condemning them to search for eternity for their other half.

In Jasper, I believed Alice had found hers.

I stayed a while with them, chatting absently about things that didn't really matter. It was so hard trying to enjoy their mood, to keep the atmosphere light and not drag it down with a painful scream. I felt like I would burst from the sheer exhaustion of remaining sane. But I wanted Alice to feel her happiness. She had been a shoulder to cry on for me and my strength when I needed it. I needed it now, more than ever, but I refused to dilute her moment with my news.

The conversation drifted into quiet and feeling like an intruder, I bid them both goodnight and made my way across the room to my own bed. Drawing the curtain around myself, I sat pensively on the edge and shuddered. I felt drained.

The echoing staccato of heels striding down the ward drew my attention away from my angst. I prayed it wasn't Tanya seeking me out for round two.

The curtain twitched and Dr Scott's face peered round at me. I wasn't sure the latter bitch would've been more welcome.

"Dr Scott" I mumbled in way of greeting.

"Hi Bella" her tone was gentle and this made me suspicious. I had entertained this woman as my therapist but each session with her made me feel raped of my self control rather than therapeutic.

She simply brought out the worst in me. That had certainly been the case with other people recently, my father, Tanya. I considered maybe I was the one to blame and decided reluctantly to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Come in" I offered. She looked surprised but quickly altered her expression and smiling she entered the enclosure, holding two larges cups of Starbucks in her hands. I was pleased I had given her a chance.

"Here" She handed me a cup, its steam wafting the most delicious aroma under my nose. "I hope you don't mind, it's a skinny latte"

"Ahhh! Anything with caffeine is welcome right now" I lifted the lid and sniffed hard, my nose was still slightly blocked from overuse earlier but the scent still assaulted me, pleasantly.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked tentatively.

"Sure" I agreed.

"How are you, Bella?"

"I take it you heard?" I asked. Her sympathetic tone cut me. I didn't want to feel this.

"Yes" One word, so simple. I needed more.

"And what do you think?" I urged.

"That's not important, Bella."

"It is to me"

She smiled, looking down into her coffee. "What's important, is what you think"

"I asked you first"

She didn't answer me.

"Why do you do this to me?" I concentrated on my breathing, trying to keep my anger at bay.

"What do I do?" She lifted her eyes back to mine.

"Irritate the shit out of me!"

"Do I?"

"Listen, Dr Scott," I was struggling to keep composure, it had only been minutes but already I was giving up, I wanted her to leave. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you but you keep twisting it back round to me. I ask you a question; it's only polite that you should answer me"

"But it's not about me, Bella. It's always about you. You had a very traumatic experience and one does not exit these situations without questions and sometimes suppressing shock or emotions can only make the healing process much more traumatic then need be. Not only have you suffered physically but now you must grieve for someone you cared deeply about."

"Care!"

"Excuse me?"

"Care! I care about Edward, not past tense, present. It will always be present." I pressed my hands to my temples, her words giving me a headache.

"Ok, you care about him. Tell me how you feel about the news"

"On one condition"

She raised a brow at me, "Ok" She agreed.

"You tell me first"

Pausing to take a sip of her coffee, Dr Scott looked out the window and watched the clouds drift past on the darkening sky. I waited for her to continue.

"I think it's for the best." She spoke.

I had anticipated this to be her answer but it still made my blood boil. "How can switching off his life support be "for the best"?" I struggled to get the very words out.

"Edward has not responded to numerous tests-"

"Then the tests are wrong!"

"Are you an expert in that field?" Her tone had turned sarcastic. It amazed me that this woman could pass as a therapist. She held no empathy with anyone, certainly not me. She was spiteful and I wanted her out of my sight.

"No" I replied. "Of course I'm not. But I have seen him move and heard him speak and whilst he still dreams, there is still hope!"

"Impossible" She threw back at me.

"How is it impossible?"

"He is brain dead!"

"You fucking Bitch!" I spat at her. I was ready to throw my latte in her face. The very thought of hearing her scream in agony as the steaming hot liquid scolded her brought a smile to my lips. Yes, she definitely brought out the worst in me.

"It's a fact! Face it"

"Where the hell did you get your degree?" I shouted. "In a fucking toilet?"

"Lower your fucking voice!" Her choice of language stopped me. I had been the one swearing, I hadn't expected it from her.

"Now you listen to me, Isabella!" Standing she poked her finger at me. "That boy has been wasting this hospitals time and resources for weeks now. If he was anyone else that support would have been severed a month ago!" Dr Scott struggled to control her anger, but she managed better than I had. "If I didn't know any better I'd think he was royalty!"

"I think you'd better leave" I stated.

"What?" She asked me, her eyes widening as if I had given away a clue but she hadn't been able to grasp it. "What do you know?" She asked.

Not understanding her change in mood, her tone or her desperation, I shook my head. "If you don't leave me alone, I'll call Carlisle and ask him to remove you. Not only from this ward but from the hospital staff altogether!"

Her face froze, then recognition dawned on her features, I realised my fatal mistake too late.

"Carlisle" She said, understanding more from that one word, than any other I had spoken. "Carlisle Cullen. Of course, he's Edward's father!"

"Dr Scott" I pleaded, wanting to take back my stupid words, wishing I had controlled my temper better. Watching her with despair, she pushed aside the curtain and walked away from me.

She turned and spoke, her words no clearer than our entire conversation had been.

"I have to go, Bella. I have news for my brother." Lifting a small phone from her pocket, she dialled number then turning she walked away from me.

"Alec? I have some fascinating news for you-"

I watched her leave the ward and with her, my last ounce of sanity. Everything was so complicated and I felt like I had entered a black hole. It's very force sucking the life, the will and the strength out of me.

I recalled the day's events and thought it was no wonder I felt exhausted. I felt so bad for Jacob; he had offered me comfort and then had rendered me speechless with his news. His eyes begging mine for forgiveness, I knew it hurt him to be the one to tell me about Edward's life support. The consultants had reached only one conclusion and the chosen date would be in just 2 days time.

I had found it tremendously difficult to walk across the room towards Alice and jasper, to converse with them and not to fall to floor and beg for someone to listen to me, to believe me like I really wanted.

But I had discovered a lot about my-self recently and the most surprising had been my ability to find strength and to go on. I knew Edward was still with us, I knew it like I knew my own name. He had reacted to my presence in his room, he had spoken and despite Jacob assuring me it was a standard basic reaction usually present in those comatosed, I knew it wasn't. Edward had spoken specifically to me and I was determined I would reach him before it was too late.

Xxxx

"Are you ready?"

I nodded. Jake set the cup of water and pill pot on the bedside cabinet. "Bella" He sounded pained. "There has to be a better way"

"I dreamt of Edward whilst I was sedated, but not since I woke from my coma. Maybe the sleeping pill will act like a magical doorway and help me dream again."

I smiled, wanting to inject some banter into the tense situation. He didn't respond. I felt my smile drop and decided upon honesty instead. "Jake, it was so real, like I was living it all over again."

Jake sat on my bed. Taking my hand in his own he rubbed his thumb across my palm.

"It was like watching an action replay of our entire time together." I spoke softly needing him to understand me otherwise his help was in vain. He couldn't assist if he didn't understand why I had asked at all.

"Actually, it was more like I participated in the action replay. All of it memories but I was in the present. I kept picking up on all these strange little things, like Edward asking me to remember him, to recall places he had taken me before, but I had no idea what he meant. It was so real, Jake, just like me and you, right now, so very real."

"But this is real, Bella. That was a dream"

I shook my head. "No Jake, that was real, it all happened"

"But not then, it happened months ago, what you were reliving were the memories. You said so yourself"

I placed my hand on top of Jake's which was still holding my other. I returned the gesture and rubbed a circle on the back of his hand. Mirroring the movement of his finger circling the same pattern beneath.

"That's not what I meant. I wish you could understand." I looked up at him. "Haven't you ever dreamt something and woken to believe it was real, been so positive in its absolute existence?"

"Well, sure-"

"Jake, can't you just humour me?"

"You're asking me to give you prescribed drugs, Bella. I'm putting much more than my job on the line trusting you!"

"I know" I breathed "But you do don't you?"

He nodded. Placing his finger beneath my chin, he raised my face till my eyes met his own. "Why couldn't you love me like this?" He whispered.

Moving closer towards me, I knew Jake was going to kiss me. I allowed him to satisfy his curiosity and in some degree of shame, I admitted to my-self that I also wanted to satisfy my own.

Feeling his mouth press gently on mine, I leaned into him slightly, enjoying the warmth from his skin, the tenderness he used when touching me. Moaning softly, he changed his course and parting his lips, Jake's kiss became more urgent. I felt nothing.

Placing my hands on either side of his face, I pushed him away from me. His eyes still closed, Jake rested his forehead against my own. "So?" He breathed heavily, "Did that do anything for you?"

Smiling I replied "Just pass me the pill, Jacob!"

"Come on" He joked, "It wasn't that bad!" We smiled at each other, then breaking our gaze; he reached over to the cabinet and passed me the drink and the sedative.

I swallowed both then lay down. Lifting the covers up to my chin, Jake tucked me in then kissed my cheek.

"Good night Jake" I said.

"Sleep tight Bella" He sighed "See you in the morning"

I watched him leave then turning onto my side I gazed out the window, wishing the sky was clear so I could see the stars. Letting my eyelids drift closed I bid one more soul goodnight.

"Sleep tight Edward. See you on the other side"


	17. Ch17 Hope

CH17 Hope

The only thing in life you should regret, are the risks you did not take....

_....Letting my eyelids drift closed I bid one more soul goodnight. "Sleep tight Edward. See you on the other side"....._

Stepping through the bracken carpeting the forest floor, I was surprised by the crispness under my feet. The entire wooded area was covered with frost; a fine mist drifting like icing sugar all around me. The greenery was gone and everywhere the eye could see, was pure and white and blinding. The sun was high and blinking off the glittering snow like jewels hidden in the cotton soft depths. It stood ankle high and I expected to feel cold creeping in under my skin, my toes to fall numb and my breath to whisper out in clouds from my lips.

But the snow did not chill me and my breath remained invisible.

I stepped forward, tentatively pushing aside branches and searching the surrounding trees for his familiar form. I could barely see the edge of the forest, the full view of the meadow still remained out of sight to me.

I listened for noise, birds singing, the trees rustling, the frost crackling underfoot but it was all eerily silent.

The forest was still, as if waiting for permission to breathe.

Finally reaching the edge of the trees, I stepped out into the sunlight. The meadow seemed vast with a thick blanket of snow lying snugly upon the ground.

Standing in the centre of the field, the blackness of his figure standing stark against the whiteness, was Edward.

His back was toward me, his shoulders hunched and his head down, arms hanging loosely by his side. He was dressed in dark jeans and a grey tee shirt. He was so pale I could clearly see the bluish tint of his veins threading their way under his skin.

"Edward" I called to him. He didn't respond.

I took a step closer and as I did, Edward moved forward too, as if on a snowy conveyor belt. The gap between us didn't close.

"Edward" I called again taking another step towards him. He didn't hear me, he didn't react. He just hedged away from me, all the while his feet never moved.

I stopped walking and Edward stopped moving. I couldn't approach him.

He was here, as was I, but we were still separated in our dreams, I racked my brain trying to conclude how to reach him. I had believed this would work, that I could find him and ask him to try to come back to us.

"Edward?" I spoke softer this time, hoping that something in my voice would close the distance. Turning ever so slightly to look over his shoulder, his chin still lowered, he searched the tree line for something.

Had he heard me?

His gaze swept over me as if I was not there.

Wanting to pull his eyes back to mine, I called to him again. "Edward", instinctively I took a step forward, my hand raised out in front of me.

To my relief, he didn't move away but nor did he see me.

"Edward"

I tried again, keeping my voice soft but in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

I raced forward to the exact spot he had been standing, but nothing remained, not even footprints.

"_Bella?"_

Spinning around I caught sight of him standing in the area I had just vacated. We had swapped places.

Edward had spoken my name but I could see his eyes scanning the meadow and surrounding trees, flitting over me standing in its centre, again missing me entirely. I couldn't understand why he couldn't see me.

"Edward, I'm here" I kept my voice low even though he was quite a distance from me.

"_I can't find you"_ His voice sounded tormented.

"I'm right here, Edward, right in front of you" I was afraid to move again, so I stayed still.

"_Sometimes I can hear you"_ He whispered and despite the gap separating us, I could hear him as if he were whispering in my ear. No sooner had I thought it, there he was, standing next to me, his chest grazing my arm, his voice blowing through my hair.

Startled, I looked up at him. His eyes were closed.

"_Sometimes I can smell you"_ He inhaled deeply and then breathing out, his breath fanned across my face, its scent sweet and warm.

"_I can practically feel you"_ He sighed.

"I'm here" I whispered back.

Edward raised his hand and slowly he moved his finger out as if to caress my cheek, but all I felt was air as his hand moved down and back to his side.

"_I want to believe you"_ He said _"But you went away and now I can't find you"_ The anguish in his voice was torturing me, I ached to wrapped my arms around him and pull him close and lead him back to safety, back the way I'd came.

"_Why did you go away?"_ He asked.

"I don't know Edward, I didn't want too"

"_But you left anyway"_ He breathed. _"I waited for you Bella. It feels like a lifetime"_ He shook his head sadly _"I don't know if I can stay here, in a world where you don't exist"_

"Edward, I'm here"

He shook his head again.

"I came back for you but I can't help you by myself."

"_I miss you"_ He murmured _"I miss my family, I'm so lonely here."_

"I miss you too –"But he continued as if I hadn't spoken.

"_What is this place?"_ Edward raised his head and looked around him, _"I used to love this place"_ His voice was soft again _"I used to find such peace here but now –"_ he frowned, looking down at me. My breath caught as his eyes connected with mine. Their colour was so dim; the sadness emanating from him was palpable.

Edward lifted his hand but paused. His gaze never left mine. _"Why did you go away?"_ He asked again.

I shook my head, "Edward, I never left, I've been here all along, I've been searching for you too, I just didn't know how to reach you."

He shook his head.

"You need to listen to me" I begged him "Your mother and father, your family, we're all here, we're all waiting but you need to help us. You need to help us" I felt my tears spill over, he wasn't listening to me. His eyes had become vacant and looking over my head he stared off into the distance.

"_No. It's almost time"_ He said.

"No!" I tried to reach out and grab his arm but instead of his soft flesh, my hand connected with glass. Gaping at the obstacle, I watched in awe as the partition appeared all around him, encasing Edward in a glass box. Placing both hands on the screen that had so suddenly separated us, I called his name.

"Edward!" I thumped my hands on the thick pane in front of his face. He looked at me and I watched in fear as his lips moved but I couldn't hear a sound.

"I can't hear you!" I shouted at him, "Edward, I can't hear you"

He continued to speak, his hands placed on the other side of glass, mirroring mine.

"I can't hear you" I cried.

His eyes bore into mine, his face animating his desperation to be heard. I stayed still and watched, hoping I could suddenly decipher the art of lip reading. He understood my look and spoke again, enunciating his words for my benefit.

"_You can't reach me"_ He mouthed.

I nodded, slamming my hand on the glass "Yes I can!"

He shook his head, lowering his eyes, he mouthed _"I'm so tired, Bella"_

His hands slid down the glass and fell to his sides again, his shoulders hunched and his head hung, his stance exactly as it was when I'd found him.

"_I'm so tired."_

The sunlight behind me began to dip and I watched in despair as shadows crept into the meadow, darkening the glass and casting gloom across my reflection and Edward's form.

Fearing my time was up, I tried again.

Knocking on the glass, I called to him, "I know you're tired Edward, but it's not time to sleep just yet, we miss you, we all miss you. You have to promise me something"

Edward's eyes lifted back to mine and for one brief instant, I felt hope. I clung to it; it had been too long since I'd felt hopeful.

"Promise me you'll just keep breathing" I pressed one hand on my chest and the other on the glass over Edward's chest, "Just keep breathing"

He didn't respond to my request, he just stared back at me with such intensity. It was the same look I'd fallen for so many months ago. His eyes bore into me, sweeping through my soul and pulling me into his very being. When he looked at me like that, I felt like I was drowning. I welcomed the feeling.

"Just keep breathing" I mouthed.

The sky overhead groaned with the promise of thunder, the clouds suffocating the last rays of sun. I glanced up as the heavens opened above me.

Looking back at Edward, my eyes met only my own reflection. My hand still pressed against the glass with beads of rain pelting my skin and melting the snow on the ground.

The glass box was empty. Edward has gone.

I had no idea if he had heard me. I pressed my head against the glass and started to cry. I was so sure this would be a happy reunion, like it had been in my other dreams. But all I had found in here was loneliness and despair. No wonder he wanted to leave this place. Its solitude was all consuming. Falling to my knees I sobbed as loudly as I could, not caring about the noise for who could hear me?

I spoke to no one but I prayed that someone could hear, preferably someone who could help.

"Please" I sobbed "Please"

I couldn't find any other words, for just like Edward, my hope was gone.

I thought of him and his family. I thought of Esme and her grief at losing another son. I thought of Rosalie, young and sweet and a toddler, lifting her mother's sadness with the beliefs of a child. I thought of Emmett and how his strength would be needed to help Rosalie with what was coming. And I thought of Carlisle, of his impossible faith that if he just stayed close enough, he could make it all better.

"_Whoever loves.....believes in the impossible" _Carlisle's words_._

I thought of them now and how he had tried to share with me his faith that all could be good again. Those very words seemed to echo round the forest and bounce over the field and above my head. It was like a thousand whispers, all saying the same sentence over and over again. Its chant drumming in my ears, I stopped crying and repeated them.

"Whoever loves.....believes in the impossible"

I loved Edward.

Standing, I spoke to him, not knowing where he was or even if he could hear me.

"I'm not done with you yet." I sounded sure "Just keep breathing Edward, that's all I'm asking"

They would switch off life support in 24 hours but I was not done. Hell the fat lady hadn't sung yet and I was tired of feeling pessimistic.

I loved therefore I believed.

**A/N: ** I tried to capture the confusing complexity of a dream and I hope I did it justice. Things occur in dreams that don't make sense, for example the snow on the ground but not feeling of cold. The movement of Edward drifting away each time Bella tries to approach.

The glass box could be interpreted as a barrier between Edward and Bella. Or as a coffin he possibly sees himself in. Take from it what you will, that's the beauty of being a reader, your interpretation helps mould the story.

I apologise for this being the shortest chapter but it flowed to the end and I thought that by trying to draw out more it may have spoilt the dream sequence. I hope you agree, the chapter concluded where it needed too.

I cross my heart, the next chapter will be longer. :o)


	18. Ch18 Relentless

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight but I want shares in Edward Cullen!

Ch18 Relentless

Meeting in dreams is painful indeed, for becoming awake and reaching out; the questing hand finds nothing. Otomo No Yakamochi

"Good Morning"

I blinked against the sudden intrusion of daylight glaring through the window directly onto my face. Stretching, I looked up at Jacob, he was smiling. I was so happy to see him.

He sat on the edge of my bed and gathering me abruptly against his solid chest, he embraced me. The warmth from his body added to my comfort.

"How long have you been here?"

He pulled away shrugging, averting my gaze.

"Not long" He replied. Looking back down at me, he broached the subject of the previous evening's events. "How'd it go?"

"I don't know" I sighed "I saw him and we talked but it was – it wasn't – "I paused, unable to find the words to explain. Dreams were confusing at best, the occurrences only making sense in the moment but upon waking, the labyrinth of nonsense was as clear as mud.

Jacob and I sat in silence, his questions not forming and my answers not enough.

"Is there any news?" Jacob knew my question was regarding Edward.

He shook his head, slowly. "There's no change, Bella." I knew this referred to the decision about his life support. This meant Edward had merely hours remaining.

Not bothering to hide my fears, I let my tears fall. Lifting my chin with his finger, Jacob smiled tentatively at me. "I guess saying things like, 'It'll be ok' isn't going to help"

I shook my head. "Jacob" I gulped "I don't know what to do. Maybe I should talk to Carlisle."

Jacob's hand dropped and he turned to look outside. A storm rumbled in the distance and grey clouds turned the sky dark, blocking the sun and casting the appearance of mid afternoon rather than early morning.

"Carlisle's not here anymore" He whispered.

"What?" I felt dread curl in the pit of my stomach "Why?"

Jacob turned back to me. "I don't know how it happened exactly, but Jane found out he was deceiving the hospital. She reported him. He was escorted off the premises, his career is in jeopardy and he's only allowed back in when they switch -" Jacob stopped. He didn't know how to finish that particular sentence.

"Jane?" I asked, brushing past the moment.

"Dr Scott." He answered. "It appears her brother, Alec Scott had applied for the same position Carlisle had been appointed, as Dr Benefici. She took great pleasure in unmasking his subterfuge."

I looked away quickly. I didn't want to see any accusations in his eyes. Not my Jacob.

"You knew didn't you?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me? You can trust me"

"I know I can, Jake. But Carlisle was desperate. He didn't see any other alternative. I wanted to tell you, I just couldn't take a chance-"

"You always take their side"

"Jake!"

"Anything to do with the Cullen's and you turn your back on anyone to stand by them."

"How can you say that?"

Jacob pulled his hand free of mine. Standing he walked towards the window and perching on the ledge he kept his eyes lowered, kicking his heel against the linoleum.

"You're Father?" He dared a peek at me but lowered his gaze again, "Me?" His voice was softer "Dr Scott?"

I was with him up until the latter name. "She doesn't deserve anything from me, least of all my support!"

"She's trying to help you"

"She's a bitch!"

"Because she criticised you?"

"No Jake, because she said Edward deserved to die!"

"Maybe she had a point"

I stared at Jake, incredulous by his words. Only hours before he had helped me try to reach Edward. How could he say such awful things to me, knowing how I felt?

"Jake?" I pushed back the blankets and stood facing him, the bed between us, tears now blurring my vision.

"How can you say that to me? You know – "I swallowed "You know how much he means to me and just now, about Carlisle? You like Carlisle, you respect him"

Pushing himself away from the ledge, he walked towards the bed and stopped.

"I did! But then he lied."

"Jake, that doesn't change the fact that he is a brilliant Doctor. He was trying to help his son!"

Jake was hurt, I could see that. "He's not God! We have good Doctors here, we're not completely incapable."

"It wasn't like that!" I implored with him to understand.

"It's arrogant."

"No, Jake, it's not"

He shook his head, dismissing the conversation. "I don't care about that anymore." His anger belied his words. It was obvious he did but he continued with his subject change.

"Bella, I just need to know how you feel"

"What?"

"About me, what do I mean to you?"

"You know that already!"

"Do I?

"Yes."

"Then why do I need to ask?"

"Jake – "I pushed my hands through my hair, frustrated by this unnecessary conversation.

"I have been here for you all along. Where was he?"

"That's absurd! You're comparing being awake and mobile to being comatose and strapped to a bed? How unfair is that?"

"It's the truth!"

"No it's not. Why are you doing to this?"

Jacob strode round the bed and grabbing my shoulders he pulled me up tight against him, "I love you, I need to know"

I gasped with the pressure of his fingers, he would surely leave bruises. Realising he was being rough Jacob relinquished his grip but kept his hold.

His voice softer; his eyes sad, he said it again "I need to know"

"I've told you. Right from the start, I told you."

His eyes held my own. His pupils wide, merging with the brown of his iris making them black and ominous.

Jacob was my lifeline, I had needed him and I had lent on him and I had taken from him without thought. He had been my shoulder and it was always without question, until now. I felt so awful, the sudden realisation I had used him made me feel sick. But it was no use it didn't change how I felt. Jake was angry at being deceived, he was hurt and needed answers. I wanted him to know I hadn't meant to betray his trust.

"I love you too, Jake" I said. Hope filled his entire face. I hurried on "You're my best friend and I'm sorry I can't give you more."

His face became hard again. His fingers released me but I stayed pressed against him. I placed my hands on his chest and begged him with my own eyes to accept all I could offer.

"You're too good for me" I tried.

Biting his lip, he smiled down at me "Tell me about it."

Winding my arms around his waist, I hugged him. It was moments later before he returned my embrace, he kept it brief. Lifting me away from him, he asked "I have a favour"

"Ok" I was wary.

"Your Dad is here, could you make amends?"

I nodded. It wasn't just for Jake's benefit. I wanted to be friends with Charlie again. The argument from days ago had left a bitter taste behind.

"Jake, about Carlisle -"

"Yeah? "

I didn't know what to say, I knew it was my fault Carlisle had been fired, that he was apart from Edward and was probably climbing the walls by now.

The entire staff at this Hospital had looked up to him, for his expertise and his manner; it had made him approachable and well liked and I had ruined it all. I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't admit it was because of me. I had hurt Jacob so many times by rebuking his affections. I just couldn't bear to see the look of disbelief and possibly even disgust when he realised what I had done.

I wished I had better control of my temper. I wished I hadn't let Dr Scott provoke me. But I couldn't take it back the damage had already been done. I was desperate to find Carlisle but I was afraid of what I would see in his eyes, in Esme's eyes. Did they know it was all because of me? I felt like I had let them down immensely. They needed to be here, with Edward and I had made an unbearable situation even more catastrophic. I hated myself.

Curling my arms around myself as if to hold in my pain I simply swallowed. "Could you try to understand his actions? It wasn't malicious, he acted out of love"

Jacob nodded "I can relate to that" His smile was more genuine and despite the rising panic in my chest, I smiled back at him.

"Could you tell Charlie I'm awake now?"

"Sure" He stepped closer to me, leaning in he pressed his lips against my forehead, his hand rubbing my arm.

I watched him walk out through the curtains surrounding my bed and sitting back down on the mattress, I waited for Charlie.

I felt exhausted. I was supposed to be convalescing but had experienced more stress and confrontations between these hospital walls than anywhere else in my life.

The curtain twitched and Charlie's face peered round at me.

"Are you decent?"

I laughed. "Yeah come in"

He stepped further through the curtains but didn't come any closer. His eyes were guarded, his face solemn. The brief mirth between us dissipated and the tension returned.

I looked away from his stare, suddenly finding my hands more intriguing.

Charlie stepped forward and I felt the warmth of his hand as he brushed his palm over my hair, pulling the pony tail around from my back and over my shoulder. It was a simple gesture but an intimate one for Charlie. He usually kept his distance, finding affection a struggle. It spoke volumes and I fought to suppress the sobs bubbling up inside me.

"Oh Dad-"I choked.

Sitting beside me, he pulled me to his side, his arm snaking around my shoulder. I rested my head under his chin.

"Bella" His voice sounded gruff, I had no doubt he was fighting to control his own tears. "I'm so sorry"

"Me too" I hiccupped. "I really am, Dad. I'm so sorry"

"Shush" His tone was soothing. "Listen to me" He continued "I don't apologise for being a jerk the other day – well, I do but not just that. I'm sorry about Edward, Honey, I really am."

"Why is everyone talking about him like he's already dead?" I whispered.

"Well, I don't know -"Charlie paused, the right words eluding him. "Maybe they think it helps"

"It really, really doesn't"

Charlie sighed "I wish I knew what to say, Bella. I wish I knew how to help"

We sat for a while, father and daughter, side by side, no words spoken, the silence no longer uncomfortable just simple in its hush.

Charlie cleared his throat "I also heard about Carlisle"

I started to cry again, the guilt suffocating me.

"Hey" Charlie lifted me away from his side "He's an excellent Doc Bells, he'll be head hunted, you'll see"

"Oh Dad, it's not that"

"What is it then?"

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and continued to cry. "It's my fault"

"What is?"

"Carlisle, getting fired, it's my fault, Dad."

"What are you talking about?"

Turning to face him, I tentatively raised my eyes to his. It was like looking at my own reflection, our eyes both brown and wide, framed with long lashes and high brows. Charlie's eyes were soft and understanding and I braced myself for the imminent change when I confessed what I had done.

He listened without interruption, his hand resting on top of my own as I tugged and pulled on an errant strand of cotton from my sleeve, my fidgeting obviously upsetting him more than my confession.

I waited with baited breathe to receive his anger. It didn't come. His face remained impassive and I felt a mixture of relief and confusion.

"You always did have a nasty temper" He finally offered. "You must've inherited that from your Mother!"

We chuckled at the comment. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"No Bells, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"You didn't really do anything wrong"

"I ruined Carlisle's career."

"The choices he made are all his own, Bella. You are not responsible for the outcome."

"You make it sound so black and white"

"It is" He shrugged.

"I don't agree" I shook my head. "I feel so bad, because of me, he and Esme have to stay away until tomorrow. And that's another thing; nobody will listen to me when I try to tell them about Edward"

"I'm listening" Charlie offered.

I took a deep breath "He isn't brain dead Dad, I've heard him speak, I watched him move"

Charlie raised his brows "Really?"

I nodded.

"And no one will listen?"

"No, they keep telling me that it's all normal and I shouldn't get my hopes up."

"Maybe they have a point"

"Dad, please"

"They are the experts, Bells"

"They may know medicine, but I know Edward. He spoke to me."

"Did he open his eyes?"

"No, he just spoke like he knew I was there. I wish I could prove it, but tomorrow it'll be too late, they'll get what they want, they'll just switch him off and I'll have to stand by and watch. I tried to talk to him and asked him to keep breathing -"

It was too much for me to continue, I was never usually so honest with Charlie, we had certainly taken a step forward with each other today, but I didn't want to push it by admitting my drug induced sleep walk into Edward's dreams the night before.

"Then prove it!"

His words shocked me. He sounded like he believed me. "What?"

"Prove it, to me. If you can do that maybe they'll listen"

"They won't"

"Hey, Bells, I'm the Chief of Police. They'll listen to me!"

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course, I carry a gun!"

We laughed. "You know what I mean! Will you let me show you?"

Without saying another word, Charlie stood from the bed and taking my hand he pulled me up next to him, handing me my robe, he motioned with his head towards the door

"Let's go get that boy of yours and bring him on home"

Xxxx

Edward's room was empty of any other visitors for which I was grateful. Charlie and I stepped inside then closing the door behind us, I urged him to sit on the sofa adorning one wall whilst I made my way over to the bedside.

"Hey Edward" I greeted him, brushing my fingers through his hair.

"I gave him water the last time, that's when he spoke" This was aimed at Charlie. "I think touch helps"

"It did with you" He whispered.

I turned to face him, my mouth open.

"Really? I didn't know – I mean – you never said – You came to see me?"

"Of course I did. Everyday" Charlie scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes "I talked about my day, random crap you know. I held your hand. You even squeezed mine back once"

I walked over to sit beside him.

"They told me I was imagining it. I knew they were wrong"

"How did you know?" I asked softly.

"It was just so tight, your squeeze, and it was right in the middle of me telling you about my day. You see, I got injured – "

"Dad – "I interrupted but he held up his hand and dismissed my concern with a wave.

"It was nothing, but just like now, you reacted. And I knew" Charlie shrugged like it was nothing, but to me it was immense. The connection I had with him was stronger than ever and I felt a sudden urge to tell him exactly how much he meant to me, but I swallowed down my words. I didn't want to push him.

"Is that why you're here?"

Looking back up at me, he nodded "I believe you"

"But you don't like Edward"

"Maybe I was wrong"

"You had bad information. You had a right to be concerned, Dad."

"A girl died, Bella, her name was Victoria."

I nodded to show Charlie I knew who he was talking about.

"When I heard there had been another crash, the paramedic said it was a girl and then the name "Cullen" came over the radio, I was so afraid. I had been there before, to a crash scene with Edward involved but when you're possibly connected-"

"Dad" I didn't know what else to say. I understood his anger and suddenly the argument last week seemed so petty. Again, I had let my temper get the better of me. I should've taken the time to see it from his perspective. "I'm sorry"

Patting my hand, Charlie nodded in Edward's direction. "Come on then, let's try getting through"

I walked back over to Edward's side. "I don't know what to say or do."

"Just be natural"

"Well, it's kind of difficult with an audience"

"Do you want me to try?"

"What would you say?"

Charlie grinned "I could threaten him?"

Ignoring his dry humour, I turned my attention back to Edward. Running my fingers through his hair again, I tried to pretend we were alone.

I pictured us both in the meadow. Edward's head on my lap and my hands in his hair, his eyes closed listening to the sound of the stream nearby, moving over stones and soothing the air with its melodic trickling. I imagined his breathing was steady and even but from slumber rather than coma. I closed my eyes too and hummed the lullaby we had danced too after he had played for Esme and Carlisle. My tone did not do the song justice but the tune was recognisable.

"That's pretty" Charlie murmured.

"Edward played it to me once, on the piano. It was beautiful"

"I heard he was very talented"

"Hmmm" I responded. "I could listen to him play for hours. He taught me to dance too"

Charlie snorted. "You dance? Was he able to walk away from that?"

"Dad!" I scolded "I'm not that bad!"

"Err Yes Bella, you are!" He chuckled.

I giggled too. "It was lovely"

A sound like someone choking made me snap my eyes wide open, standing up, I looked down in horror at Edward but it had stopped.

"What was that?" I asked Charlie, he didn't reply "Dad" I turned to face him, his eyes were wide and he too was standing "What was that?"

"He looked like he was – "Charlie stopped.

"What? What did it look like?"

Charlie stared down at Edward's face. Then turning back to me he answered, "It looked like he was laughing"

I smacked Charlie on the arm. "Dad!"

"I'm serious" he hissed.

"Really? Well what do we do now?"

"Just carry on" Charlie encouraged. "I have to admit, it's a promising sign"

"Edward" I whispered "Edward, can you hear me?" I traced a line down his cheek with my finger, following the length of his jaw. I watched the pulse beating quickly in his throat, its rhythm unbroken and secure.

They would switch off life support tomorrow morning but as I watched this tiny beat pulsing from beneath his skin, I struggled to fully comprehend what it may mean. It seemed so strong, so relentless. It was hard to imagine that with the flick of a switch, it would all be over and it truly was the only reason for the steady beat of Edward's heart.

I pressed my finger against his pulse, feeling the throb of life beneath it.

Edward was strong. It wasn't the only reason.

I inhaled the scent of him, always so sweet. I gazed at his eyes and silently willed them to open. How many times had I done that recently? But as before, his lashes only fluttered, never opening.

He meant everything to me, I prayed I had reached him and he would do as I had asked.

"Just keep breathing" I whispered again. I wanted it imprinted on his brain, least he forget my one request.

I moved my hand to clutch his lying motionless on top of the blankets. His skin felt cool and I worried that someone should maybe cover him. Brushing my hand across his knuckles, I spoke to him again.

"I miss you" I swallowed and tried to block out the shadow of Charlie sitting in my peripheral.

"I know your family miss you too. Tomorrow is a big day for all of us. I know you said you were tired, that it was time, but you have to understand, it's not time for us, Edward. There's still so much to say and do. There are so many conversations that we still need to have. Songs that are waiting to be played"

My tears fell and landing on Edward's hand, I swept them away with the tip of my finger.

"We have our whole lives to live"

"Bella?"

I turned quickly, startled by the voice behind me. It was Carlisle. He stood in the doorway, his arm around Esme, Rosalie and Emmett waiting in the background.

"Carlisle, I'm – I don't know what to say, I didn't mean for this – I'm –"I stumbled over my words, scared of their reaction to seeing me here. "I'm so sorry"

"Bella, its ok" Carlisle stepped forward.

Letting go of her husband's arm Esme approached me, her smile small and wary.

"Anything?" She gestured with her head towards Edward. I shook my head in response.

"I appreciate you trying" She said softly.

"Carlisle" I turned towards him, I needed to explain. "It's my fault"

"No it's not" He said. His face was kind, his words sincere "I made my bed...." He left the rest unsaid.

"But if I hadn't lost my temper with Dr Scott –"

"She was suspicious anyway. I was surprised I was able to keep it up for so long. Its better this way, I can concentrate on the rest of my family, they need me too. Edward still has us and he still has you"

"What use am I?" I asked. Sitting down beside Charlie, he placed his arms around my shoulders. Esme perched along side of me, her hand on my knee.

"Bella, we have something to tell you"

I glanced between all their faces, Emmett and Rosalie averted my eyes.

Just as I was about to ask, another figure entered the already crowded room.

"Dr Townsend" I was confused. "What's going on?"

I watched as Dr Townsend handed Carlisle some paperwork then signing it, Carlisle handed it back. Looking back as Esme, I beseeched her to answer me.

"There's been a change"

I gulped air frantically. A sense of foreboding washing over me, making me feel light headed and starved off oxygen.

"Oh No" I muttered "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

"What going on Carlisle?" Charlie demanded, standing to face both Doctors, determined to get some answers.

"Their doing it today" I whispered.

I felt all eyes on me, but kept mine on Edward. It was now or never.

"_Just keep breathing"_

I chanted it over and over in my head, willing him to read my mind and to stay here with me.

"Is that true?" Charlie bellowed. "Carlisle?"

Carlisle nodded "Yes, Charlie it's true"

"But Bella says he's not brain dead. He reacts to her presence. I've seen it. Can't it wait a few more days?"

"I believe you. Both of you" Carlisle spoke "But there really is only one way to be sure"

"You're willing to take that chance?" Charlie sounded frantic. He couldn't grasp what Carlisle was saying or what was about to happen.

Nobody responded. The only sounds were the suppressed sobs from Rosalie. My heart, echoing in my ears, thumped wildly in my chest.

I watched numb, as Dr Townsend approached Edward's side, then placing his hand on the switch he looked over at Carlisle.

Esme bent and kissed Edward's forehead. She didn't speak. To say goodbye was giving up, to say anything else was futile.

She walked back to Carlisle's side and holding his hand, she closed her eyes and buried her face in his shirt.

Carlisle nodded and Dr Townsend pressed.

The room was still. The monitor changed it pulse from the pitch of each recorded heart beat, slowly falling till it was one tone.

It was endless and piercing and I waited with baited breath for anything.

The next words spoken cut into me like a knife. I clung to Charlie as the screaming pitch from the monitor engulfed me.

"Flat-line"


	19. Ch19 Light & Dark

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight, I own my dreams of Edward Cullen and all that transpire in them :o)

Ch19 Light & Dark

So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure; without him, I live no life. William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

**JPOV**

"What are you doing here?"

I looked up from my paperwork, Leah was standing close. She lifted her hand and paused before resting it tentatively on top of mine.

I looked away from her quickly. Thinking back to this morning with Bella, when I had begged her to love me, when I had ached to hold her. I had even kissed her once with a passion I had tried to keep hidden, but her reluctance to me had only fuelled my longing for her. Looking back at Leah, I felt so guilty.

She trusted me and I had betrayed her.

She had known from the beginning that I had feelings for Bella. But she had tried to change my mind, had urged me to listen to her, telling me to let go and to move on.

I had tried.

I had failed.

I had let Leah down.

And yet here she stood, looking at me with such compassion, I hated her for it. I wanted to see and hear nastiness and blame in her voice.

I pulled my hand out from under hers and flinched slightly when a look of hurt passed behind her eyes.

I needed that. I wanted to make her mad at me. I could handle her anger.

"What do you want Leah?" I knew nonchalance would annoy her; she hated to be treated so insignificantly.

I had known Leah for years now and had listened to her ramblings when she had split with numerous boyfriends, rolling my eyes and silently thinking "Who could blame them? Nobody wants to be near a harpy."

But recently, I had gotten to know a different person and she had surprised me with her wit and dry humour. She had turned out to be a lot of fun and I had realised she was really quite pretty. The first time we had slept together had been amazing but after that it had been images of Bella pressing her naked body against mine that I imagined, not Leah's. She didn't realise how little I actually endeared her. She didn't deserve to be treated like this but I didn't know how to pull away from her. I only knew how to be unkind to her.

"I was worried about you" She replied.

"I'm fine" I shrugged picking up my stack of filing and walking off.

She followed.

"Jake"

I ignored her. _Get mad with me_ I willed her.

"Jake!" Her voice held more urgency this time. I felt smug and disgusted with myself at the same time.

I stopped walking but didn't turn to face her.

"Why are you so mad at me?"

Her voice was soft, it bristled my nerves. I wanted anger.

"Jake?"

"I have nothing to say to you" I replied.

"I don't understand"

She really was going to make this difficult for me. I had banked on her being exactly as I had known her to be from the beginning. Where was that inner bitch when I needed it most?

"Leah, for fucks sake, just Piss off and leave me alone. You're like a fucking limpet!"

She didn't respond for a minute. I could hear her breathing, it was deep and shaky and I felt like the biggest jerk.

"Oh, I see. You're being a prick with me so I'll tell you to go Fuck yourself! Make you feel better will it, Jake?"

I didn't answer.

"Well, who am I to disappoint?" She stepped in front of me and waited till I raised my eyes to look at her. I kept my face still, like stone, no emotion flickered there. I hoped.

"Go fuck yourself, Jacob Black, because no one else will!" She practically spat the words at me and even though I had willed it from her, and the harshness I had craved showed itself, I suddenly longed for the kind Leah again.

I watched as she spun on her hell and stormed away from me.

"Your timing is perfect, by the way, Jake." She called over her shoulder "If you hurry, you can be her shoulder to cry on as they wheel his empty carcass down to the morgue!"

"What?" I called after her. She ignored me and continued to thunder down the corridor. I gave chase.

"Leah" I panted as I grabbed her arm and spun her round to face me. "What did you say?"

She glared at me, she didn't want to offer me any more information, I had a feeling I knew what she was referring to anyway.

"That's not till tomorrow" I verified.

"Hah!" She laughed at me. "Things change, roll with the punches."

Stepping around me she tried to move away, I stopped her again.

"Why? Why did they change the schedule?"

Leah shrugged. She picked up on something in my voice. Sighing then slumping her shoulders the fight momentarily gone from her she answered my question.

"I don't know why, I just know their doing it now."

A few moments of silence passed between us. Deciding to take her leave, she threw one last comment at me, its purpose to hurt, it worked.

"She's all yours, now"

Xxxx

I raced upstairs to Edward's room, Bella needed me. I wanted so much to be there for her but suddenly the seconds seemed to slip past me like water through a sieve and I seemed to slow down, I couldn't move quick enough.

"Damnit!" The light displayed that the elevator was descending but I couldn't stand still waiting. I ran towards the stairwell, knocking over a young intern as I charged through, the doors banging into the wall, no doubt leaving a dent.

"Watch it, asshole!" He called after me, picking him-self up off the floor.

I burst through the door on Edward's floor and spotting the silhouette of figures in his room, I slowed down my approach.

The nurses walking past looked towards the room with their brows furrowed; the desperate wailing of someone inside momentarily disturbing their trivial conversation as they passed by the room.

I could see people standing inside, their heads bent, but not who was making that dreadful sound. It reminded me of trapped animal, its sound making the hairs on my arms stand on end.

I approached the door slowly. Peering round everyone I spotted Bella sitting on the bed, cradling Edward in her arms, rocking his lifeless body back and forth, like a mother soothing her sleeping child. Bella's eyes were closed, her lips pursed and the only sound she made was a "Sshhh" as she continued her rocking, back and forth. Her hands stroking his hair, her voice pausing as her lips brushed his forehead and cheeks.

I looked at them all standing there and realised the sobs were from a woman stood in front of Carlisle, his arms were around her shoulders, rubbing her arms and back. His eyes were wide, his mouth open but he didn't speak. His hands just kept rubbing her.

The room was thick with tension. It stopped me, I couldn't step inside. No matter how much I needed Bella, to go to her, to hold her.

I wanted to comfort her, help mend her and pick up all the pieces of her broken heart until the glue that held her back together was so marred with myself that all the love she felt was for me and me alone. But I couldn't.

I backed away from the room. Leah was wrong, for even in this, the most considerable moment in her life, Bella was lost to me.

Xxxx

**EPOV**

The air had changed. I could taste it, something was coming. I felt excitement and trepidation overwhelm me, I knew not what was approaching but I knew it was big; vast in its importance.

I watched with horror as the sky suddenly darkened and the blackness, like ink falling onto a blank page, leaked down from the heavens and ran through the meadow, staining all it touched with inky dark fingers; cold and searching and surrounding me. It swirled around me like a shadow until I was the only colour remaining in its obscure abyss.

I looked around me, trying to see light or the trees, or even hear the stream nearby but the black covered everything and below my feet just opened into nothingness, making me feel dizzy as if I were suspended above a chasm.

"Help me" I called, but to whom I have no idea.

I was as alone today as I had been since Bella had disappeared. For sure, I had moments when I had felt her near me, believing her to be close by, almost touchable, but right now all that touched me was a gulf.

I heard a noise, distant and muffled but it was there, calling to me, like a familiar voice. I tried to concentrate on the sound, identify it, to find it but it was interrupted by a pitch so loud and piercing it hurt my ears.

"Argh!" I called out as the noise penetrated my mind. I grabbed my ears as if I could cover and protect my eardrums but the piercing sound was inside my head now and it hurt so much, I tried to pull away from it.

It felt like moving through water, I struggled against the nothingness that held me, I needed to get away from the noise. It hurt, oh how it hurt my head.

I felt myself start to fall, the air cold and fast as it whizzed past me. The further I fell the less insistent the noise became, moving away from me and easing inside my head.

I lifted my hands and looked up, a window of light glimmered far above me but the further I fell, the smaller it became. For an instant I felt like I was stepping away from my only way home. But it was so much more peaceful down here, falling away from the screeching sound.

I was leaving behind the only light shining into the darkness, but if I chose the light, I chose the pain.

If I chose the dark, I find quiet; its silence surrounding me, engulfing me in its nothingness.

I was tempted by the latter for its gloom offered me the barrenness of unfeeling.

I had felt so alone for so long now, unsure of where I was, how I had gotten here or more importantly how to get home again. Surely the blankness of nothing was preferable to the pain that called to me from above?

The light above me faded until all that remained visible was a pinprick, like the tiny twinkle of a star in the blanket of night.

Its shimmer of light, beckoned me. Was emptiness preferable to feeling? I knew if I chose the light, I would feel pain, but I also knew that if I continued falling, I would never find my way home.

I pictured Bella and my stomach knotted in the familiar way it did whenever she crossed my thoughts. The image of her face pressed in my mind, closing my eyes, I revelled in the vision of her. I inhaled deeply hoping for a reminder of her delicious scent to entice me from the shell suffocating me.

The light hint of freesia filled the air and I gulped hungrily; inhaling again I hoped my mind hadn't invented my own idea of heaven by washing me in her fragrance. But it was stronger this time.

Lifting my face I followed the trail of it, higher and higher above me. Closer to the light it drew me, the sound echoing down into the darkness till it reached my ears again. Its scream so loud and all encompassing, I wondered if I was mad, following her scent into a paradox of both pleasure and pain.

Xxxx

**BPOV**

Cradling Edward against me, I stroked his hair away from his face. Then lightly caressing his cheeks, outlining his entire face with my fingertips, conducting his every feature to memory. I kissed him on his forehead then again on his cheek, his jaw, his nose, I couldn't stop. I wanted to smother him in kisses. The smell of his skin was filling my head and as usual, was so intoxicating.

His head was resting on my arm and pressed up against my chest, my knees slightly under his back. I rocked him back and forth, slowly and gently, constantly kissing and touching him.

I closed my eyes to the faces before me, to the tears they shed. Their words piercing me. It had all gotten too much and I couldn't bear it anymore. But I couldn't leave, so I blocked it all out as best I could.

"Bella"

"Shhhhhh" Was all I could say, "Shhhhhh"

I feared if I tried to say anything else, I would lose it completely.

His bare back resting along my arm was warm from being pressed into the blankets, but I could feel him cooling quickly. I wanted to cover him but that meant releasing him and I wasn't done holding him yet. If they let me, I would stay here and hold onto him forever.

I was so tired, I felt myself yawning and leaning back against the pillows, I pulled Edward with me so he was leaning against my body. I hoped my warmth would lend itself to him. I didn't like feeling him cold.

The past 24 hours had taken its toll on me and I felt my eye lids heavy with exhaustion. I knew it would be ok to sleep now as there was nothing unexpected waiting for me on the other side of my dreams. All that could happen had happened and finding the resolution I had been searching for the past few months was comforting as well as terrifying. I knew not what to do next.

_As long as I keep him near me_, I thought, _just keep him close_, _the rest will take care of itself_.

I felt Carlisle's hand on my arm, shaking my head I willed him away with my actions rather than speak the words.

_Please leave us be _I prayed.

Keeping my eyes closed, I heard the shuffling of feet as Edward's family ushered themselves from the room. I felt guilty, they needed him too. I should move aside and give them their moment with him, it wasn't mine to be selfish with, I only held a tiny piece of his heart, I should move away.

I knew I was being selfish but convincing my heart to let go was just torture, I had been apart from him for so long now, catching only glimpses of my heart's desire in my dreams or through the glass of a window, then being near him but still with distance as he lay in slumber; I had to take my fill. They could come back later, for now, he was mine and I couldn't share. I couldn't let go.

I stopped my rocking so we both lay still against the pillows, my hands running up and down his skin, over his arms and across his chest, rubbing life back into his chilled skin. I reached down and pulled the blankets up and over his chest, right up under his chin. I tucked them around him and imagined him smiling at my actions.

"Shhhhhh" I continued to whisper. I couldn't decipher if I was trying to sooth myself or Edward.

I cast my mind back to the events of the afternoon. I recalled Charlie and I, we had been speaking to each other about Edward, his music and his dancing with me. My first dance with any boy to be exact. I was so uncoordinated and had never had the nerve to try, but he had seen inside of me, seen my insecurities and had looked past it all, taken my hand and lead me across the room. I could hear the melody playing in my head and began humming it, my voice catching as I swallowed past the tremors building inside me.

Dr Townsend had asked Carlisle to sign the documents. Esme had implored with me to understand and Carlisle had handed back Edward's life with a flick of a pen and look so devoid of emotion, it had scared me. It had scared me because I realised within seconds that our time was running out. I thought I had hours with him, but all I had were moments and each one of those was dissolving into dust as I watched with terror stricken eyes, the finger on the switch and the breath leaving Edward's chest. The monitor had almost deafened me, its pitch so loud it hurt my ears.

I had watched, unable to tear my eyes away from the thin green line, floating aimlessly across the screen, no more promise of an echo in his heart to lift it from its one tone rhythm. I had willed it to change, begged it to lift. Tears had burned behind my eyes but I had blinked them away, waiting, my breathe held still in my own chest for I felt guilty breathing without him.

"Flat line" Dr Townsend had spoken.

The words were like a death toll. Esme had broken down. Her sobs wrenched from her chest as she clung to Carlisle and begged him, between cries to please do something.

Charlie had placed his hand on my shoulder, pressing me back down into the seat as I had tried to stand. My legs were shaking and it was a combination of Charlie's light pressure and my own inability to stand that had kept me seated.

My eyes had darted between the monitor and Edward's face. I kept waiting for anything to happen.

I had eventually found my strength. It had seemed like time had stood still but in truth time had not stopped for anyone, except Edward.

Shrugging off Charlie's hand, I went to Edward's side and without hesitation, I lifted him up into my arms and resting his head in the nook of my neck, I held him and tried to say goodbye.

Feeling movement beneath me, I had lifted my head, his cupped between my hands, my chest still pressed against his, only our faces were apart.

My eyes had been met with Edward's. The sheer velocity of his beautiful green gaze had snatched my breath away. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, just stared back at him.

He had raised his hand and placing it gently against my cheek he had simply whispered to me

"Just keep breathing"


	20. Ch20 Jumping to Conclusions

**Disclaimer: **Yes, yes we all know who owns them!! There's no need to gloat!! Grrrrrr

**A/N: **I would like to thank a few people who keep me smiling. YankeeDiva, Icefang7 & Darcy13, your reviews are like Belgian chocolate ice cream to me (trust me, this is my favourite)! I'm also sending a huge Edward shaped hug to my friend Fiazt who says the sweetest things and a massive squee to Malmo722 who keeps me salivating with her gorgeous version of Edward and by giving me a shout out on her awesome FanFic which made my year!! Check it out, it's called "Starmile" and it's unbelievable.

I'm usually a suffer in silence kinda gal but today I'm not proud, I'm begging for reviews!!!! (Picture puppy dog eyes, Edward naked or Emmett's dimples, whatever works for ya, but please, please review) xx

**Ch20 Jumping to Conclusions**

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. Ralph Waldo Emerson

In the moments leading up to and after Edward opening his eyes, Esme continued to cry but the heartache in her sobs had changed to elation. It was hard to decipher the difference as both were heart wrenching but suddenly it was all smiles and hugs that filled the room, his family rushing forward to touch him and let him see them. I was jostled away from him but my eyes stayed focused on his own, the green orbs so clear and bright but the expression on his face made my breath catch. I didn't recognise it, it made me feel uneasy, nervous even and I struggled between wanting to flee the room and begging him to tell me what was wrong.

Esme had replaced me on the bed, she held Edward close and rocked him, soothing him with her hands, her kisses and murmuring "My Baby" over and over again. I watched him close his eyes and drift away then moments later he would open them again and slowly scan the room, searching until his gaze finally rested on mine before closing them again.

"We should leave him be" Carlisle chuckled, his obvious happiness enabling him incapable of wiping the silly grin off his face. Who could blame him? "Esme, let's go and spread the good news, we'll comeback soon, I promise"

"Do we have too?" Esme pouted.

"He needs to rest" Carlisle said.

"Yeah, after a 3 month coma, he deserves a nap!" Emmett boomed, slapping Carlisle on the back.

Partly choking on the breath taking slap and on his laughter, Carlisle pushed Edward's siblings from the room, raising his hand to Esme he beckoned for her to follow.

Kissing Edward's forehead, she whispered her promise for them to return shortly.

"Don't stay long Bella, ok?" She asked, as she passed me at the door, patting my arm with her soft hand. I nodded and watched them leave, the uneasy feeling building as I noticed Charlie walking towards the elevators with them. In all this time I had fought to be alone with Edward and now I felt nervous and would have preferred someone to stay with me, to take the edge off our bewildered reunion.

I watched him for a few minutes from the doorway before he opened his eyes again. The confusion at finding the room now empty and silent was obvious. He noticed me by the door and willing myself forward, I approached him.

"Hi" My voice wavered and I wished I had taken a moment to clear it before speaking. His expression remained perplexed.

He was so clearly exhausted, his eyes drifted shut again so I pulled a visitors chair over to the bedside, preferring this rather than the armchairs around the edge of the room. The stiff chair would offer me no comfort but it would keep me awake and closer to Edward's bedside then the soft leather of the armchair at the back of the room.

I didn't want to sleep, even though watching him drift slowly in and out of consciousness made me realise just how shattered I actually was.

Despite me efforts to stay focused, I jumped at the slight touch of Edward's hand on my arm which I was using to prop my head up, my elbow resting on the bed. Snapping my eyes open, I felt my breath catch again when my eyes met his. He always had that affect on me.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, his voice was gravelly, the long time without water had left his throat raspy and swallowing, he tried again. "Bella?"

"Here have some water, it'll help" I jumped up and felt a slight relief at having a small task to attend too.

He lifted his head and sipped momentarily, before falling back against the pillows.

"Better?" I asked.

He nodded. "Thanks"

His voice; how I had missed hearing it.

I sat down again but didn't speak. I was anxious not to overwhelm him, but it was difficult to keep my face blasé I watched his lids drift close, those magnificent lashes gracing the curve of his cheeks which had become flushed with colour, making the sigh I struggled to suppress, bubble forth at a mere glance in his direction.

I was sure he could read my so very obvious need for him every-time he woke.

The short power naps were starting to work as each time he aroused, he seemed more alert and focused. I feared the family would return soon and my time with Edward would need to be shared again.

I took my cue from his next round of awareness.

"Edward" I said softly, he turned his gaze from the ceiling to mine, my head was close to his.

He blinked. "Yeah"

"How do you feel?"

"Drowsy" He yawned.

"It takes a while, believe me, I know"

He studied me, questions forming, but remained quiet.

"Do you need anything?" I wanted to fill the silence. The uneasy feeling was back again. I felt sick.

"Tanya" He said, looking back up at the ceiling.

I wished I hadn't asked.

"What?" I barely breathed.

"Bella?" He looked back at me quizzically.

I nodded.

"Sounds familiar, do I know you?"

_Holy. Fuck._

"Are you a nurse? It sounds familiar." His brow creased, confusion etched on his beautiful face.

Fighting the devastating feeling of despair and the taste of vomit rising in my throat, I was never so thankful for Emmett's intrusion. He thundered into the room, voice booming and face all dimples.

"Hey there, Kiddo, you still in bed? Lazy fucker!"

Edward laughed weakly, "Emmett, good to see you dude"

Stepping tentatively from the room, I turned away from the sound of Edward and Emmett's jests.

"Oh" I stuttered as I spun around, knocking into Rosalie hovering outside the door.

"You ok?" She asked her hands on my arms. I shook my head, leaning back against the wall.

"Bella, what is it?"

"He doesn't know me" I spoke softly, afraid to admit it out loud but terrified to keep it inside.

"What?"

I kept my eyes down finding the grimy swirls on the carpet outside his doorway the most intriguing.

"He doesn't know me" I raised my voice slightly, I needed her to hear me, I couldn't keep saying it.

"That's impossible" Despite her words, she didn't sound very certain.

I nodded. "It's true" I choked on a sob and covering my mouth with my hand, I forced the rest of them to stay hidden. It felt like swallowing golf balls. The sheer might of suppressing them felt like drowning, the pressure building in my chest.

_Holy fuck, I couldn't breathe. _

"I'm going to be sick" I gesticulated with my hand over my mouth. She stepped aside allowing me to escape to bathroom. God forbid I puked on her Manolo's!

To my relief, the cubicle was empty. It was a single use bathroom; one toilet, one shower, one sink. In my rush to actually reach the toilet in time, I didn't lock the door. Rosalie followed.

"Here" She offered after I was done retching, holding out a towel and a plastic cup of water.

"Thanks" I muttered, turning and resting my back against the wall. The towel was white and stiff, it scratched when I rubbed my face clear of after puke debris. I was pretty certain I had added several hundred skin cells to the mess, I wouldn't need to exfoliate for a while.

"What's going on, Bella?" Rosalie eyed the bathroom floor with disdain and finally decided to perch on the sink rather than risk it.

"Rosalie, for fucks sake, I already told you!"

"Tell me again"

"Do you want to see me cry?"

"I couldn't care less."

I peeked up at her with one eye. "Gee, thanks" I muttered. She didn't reply.

Taking a deep breath, I gave in, she wasn't going to leave until she had seen all my dignity flushed down the toilet along with my stomach contents.

"He said my name"

Rosalie nodded.

"He then said it sounded familiar"

She nodded again, keeping up so far.

"He then asked if he knew me, if I was a nurse" I closed my eyes again and rested my head back against the wall. "He said it sounded familiar."

Silence.

Keeping my eyes closed I asked "Rosalie?"

"I'm nodding" She replied.

"Oh"

"This doesn't make any sense."

"I know" I agreed.

"Did he say anything else?"

I couldn't fight it anymore, I let the tears fall and my face crumbled into what was possibly an ugly grimace as I sobbed. Keeping them inside had done me no favours, they were forceful, shaking my shoulders and stealing my breath, so that barely any noise followed.

I sounded like a broken record as I tried to stutter. "I-I-a-asked-him-if-if-he-need-ed-anything"

"Oh Bella, Bella" Rosalie gave in and knelt next to me on the floor, pulling me in and hugging me close. The mere fact that she had chanced a public bathroom floor to comfort me only made matters worse. I was so grateful , I cried even more

"Take a deep breath" Rosalie advised. I tried but the golf ball feeling was back. Focusing on Rosalie's hand rubbing my arm, I suddenly noticed her bracelet. It was a solid silver bangle, meeting to embrace a disc which was surrounded by an intricate frame, the metal so delicately woven, it resembled lace. The disc was black and I recognised the Cullen crest sitting majestically in its centre.

It helped to focus on something other than the rising panic in my chest and the taste of vomit in my mouth. The sight of the familiar crest soothed me momentarily. I longed for Edward's wristband, to finger the smooth leather and find comfort in his belongings.

Taking deep breaths, I didn't speak until I was sure I had myself under control again.

I started again. "I asked him if he needed anything and he said-"

"What? What did he say?"

I looked away from the crest and up at Rosalie's face. "Tanya" It broke my resolve and I crumbled into tears again.

"Shush" She soothed, stroking my hair. "It's ok, he needs her"

"Is this your idea of making me feel better?" I sobbed.

She had the audacity to laugh. "No, Bella, it's not what you think-"

The bathroom door opened and I cursed Rosalie silently for forgetting to lock it behind her, but then I wondered to myself what God awful thing I had done in a previous life that I deserved to be punished like this when as if she had been waiting for her cue, the very person I had just named waltzed into the bathroom.

Tanya smelled like Chanel and looked like a bitch. I wanted to slap her. She stopped abruptly, noticing us both sitting on the floor.

"Well, well" She tutted "Rosalie, I didn't expect to see you – " She gestured around her "- well in such dismal surroundings. However, Bella for you I'm not at all surprised."

"Fuck off Tanya" Rosalie snarled. It surprised me to hear Rosalie utter the vulgar reference but it amused me. I started to laugh.

"Couldn't have said it better myself" I chuckled.

Raising one perfectly plucked eyebrow, Tanya took aim readied herself, then fired.

"I was leaving anyway. It appears Edward needs me, even asked for me, I'm told. Mustn't keep him waiting -" Spinning on her heel she practically spat "for me!"

I didn't want to listen to anymore, not from Rosalie, not from Tanya. I wanted my Dad and I wanted to go home. Pushing myself off the floor, I started to follow her.

"Bella, listen, ignore her. It's not like that" Rosalie tried to cajole me.

"I just want to go home" I rushed towards the elevator, keeping my eyes averted from Edward's room. I didn't need to see what was going on in there.

"You have to listen-"

"Rosie" Emmett boomed from the doorway. "Where you going, babe?"

"Be right there, Em. Bella, you have to stop and come back."

"I can't" I shook my head, trying to block out any noise overspill that may find its way across the ward to my ears and ultimately, my heart. I couldn't hear him with her, I couldn't even see him with her. I needed to leave.

After what seemed like hours, the doors opened. I wasn't patient, I pushed past the few people trying to exit the elevator. They tisked their disapproval at me, but didn't say a word. When one spotted a distressed person in a hospital, one didn't voice their opinions on bad manners. Hospital etiquette, apparently. Thumbing the button, I swore at the inventor of the elevator and their fucking slow moving mechanisms!

"Bella" Rosalie looked wounded at my refusal to stay.

"Bella!" Another voice called to me from across the ward. Carlisle. "Wait –" He beckoned.

Watching the doors slide closed on their beloved faces, I let the remainder of my tears fall. Realising I wasn't alone in my pain, I accepted the tissue from the elderly lady standing behind me.

"There, there" Was all she offered me for my grief. Those words said it all. For that was exactly what it was.

There.

There it was.

The end of my every-thing.

Xxxx

I found Charlie waiting by my bed. He was chatting with Matron, whom I had been avoiding recently. She was changing my sheets and was laughing at something Charlie had said. I watched as he started to assist her. He seemed so relaxed as if the simple chore of making a bed, tucking in sheets with hospital corners included, was an everyday task for the Chief of Police.

I glanced over at the bed opposite and found Alice and Jasper playing dress up. She was sat behind him, brushing his hair.

_For pities sake_.

It appeared that when your heart was being wrenched from your chest with a rusty dessert spoon, all around you just continued to play happy fucking families. They may as well march Edward's bed through the ward with Tanya straddling him and just be done with it!

"Hi Bella" Alice chirped from across the ward.

I waved back. She whispered something to Jasper, then leapt off the bed and bounced over to me.

Charlie looked up from playing Susie Home Maker and muttering to Matron, he also made his way over.

"Bells, you ok?"

"Not really Dad." Alice looked confused but as if in pre-meditated alliance, both Charlie and Alice took me in their arms and hugged me.

"Not exactly my idea of a three way" I muttered.

Laughing they released me. Charlie blushed, I decided to ignore the possibilities of what that might mean.

"Alice, can I catch up with you later?"

She nodded, not fully understanding my melancholy. No doubt Charlie had filled her in on the miraculous survival of Edward Cullen, but he had not been present when Edward had failed to remember me.

"Dad" I fumbled with the tissue I still clutched in my sweaty hands. Its fabric turning to fluff and getting stuck to my hands.

"What's up, Bells?"

"Can I go home now?"

Charlie scratched the back of his head. "I'm not sure, Honey, I could go check"

I nodded.

"Bells"

I looked up at him.

"What happened? Is Edward – " He seemed unsure of how to carry on, "Is he ok?"

"Yeah, Edward's fine Dad"

_Just peachy._

"Then, what's the hurry?"

Sighing, I tried a different approach. "Dad, I've been cooped up in this place for three months now, I want my own bed"

Sentimentality won every-time. Nodding his understanding, he made his way over to the nurse's station where Matron had retired too after her chore was complete.

I walked over to my bed, closed the curtains surrounding it and fell, utterly exhausted on top of the freshly made sheets.

Xxxx

"I hear your going home?"

Jacob was peeking through my curtains, looking huge but gorgeous. I patted the bed beside me. He walked through the curtains, closing the gap his entry had created. Kicking off his shoes, he climbed up behind me. Laying down, his arm around my waist, he scooted closer and spooned me. He felt warm and strong and for a moment, I imagined it was Edward's arms holding me.

"How could you?" He said softly.

_Shit_. _Busted._

"What?" I feigned innocence.

"Leaving me, I can understand, but this bed is so damn comfy. How could you leave?"

I issued a guilty laugh, hoping he wouldn't notice the tremor and question me on it.

"Are we friends?"

"Of course we are" I answered, did he even need to ask?

"Will we remain friends?"

"Yes, of course we will" I didn't understand what he was aiming at.

"I'd like to think that's true" He barely whispered but despite his low tone, I knew he meant for me to hear.

"Why would you think it wasn't true? How can you even doubt it? You've been so truly wonderful to me, Jake. You mean so much to me, your friendship always has, always will."

"I just think things will change"

"When I go home?"

I felt him nod.

"Why?"

"Well, you have other things going on outside of these walls. You could quite easily forget about me." Jacob may have seemed seven foot one hundred inches tall, but right then he sounded like a little boy.

"I swear, Jacob Black, my knight in blinding white scrubs, that I will never, ever forget about you"

He seemed happy with this and we lay facing the window, watching in silence as the clouds that owned the Town of Forks, slid on by. The faint glimmer of a blue sky barely visible behind their fluffy cumulus. It reminded me of being a child and spying shapes in their form as they slowly floated past. Such simpler times.

"When you going to say good bye to Edward?"

I tried to steady my suddenly erratic heart rate at the mere mention of his name. "Err I'm not" I admitted.

"You're not?" Jacob sounded surprised. But then so had everyone else who had heard me repeat the same answer over and over again.

"No"

He wanted to ask, I could feel him fidget until curiosity eventually got the better of him and he gave in. "Why not Bella?"

I lifted Jacob's hand off my waist and sitting up, I run my fingers through my hair, biding my time. He waited patiently.

"Edward doesn't remember me, Jake."

"What? Are you sure?"

Anger got the better of me.

"Of course I'm fucking sure!"

"What did he say?"

"Why must everyone insist on making me relive what was a very painful moment for me?"

"I need to understand"

"Oh" I laughed at him. "You need to understand! You fucking need to fucking understand! What about me, Hmmm? I need to understand, I need to know what the fuck is going through his head right now but I don't. And I won't. Ever. Know."

"Ok, ok I'm sorry" Jacob pulled me back down next to him. "So - when do you think will be a good time for me to make my move?"

Despite myself, I had to laugh.

"Hey!" He pretended to be hurt. "I'm serious"

I turned in his arms and pushed my leg in between his own. Resting my arm around his torso, I snuggled into his chest, his chin atop my head. "Is this ok?" I asked, my voice small, unsure of the boundaries. I was always pushing him.

"Sure, sure" He replied.

"I'm sorry, I always make this hard for you, don't I?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice"

I playfully slapped his arm before resuming our snuggle position.

"It's fine" He confirmed.

"Why do you put up with me?" I was feeling sorry for myself.

"Well, it's a combination of your fantastic arse and that fact that I love you. Simple really"

I enjoyed his words, they comforted me, especially after Tanya's brutal attack over and over again. Her obvious divinity showing me exactly why Edward could remember the beautiful vixen and not me.

But I felt awful for pushing Jake again and again.

"I wish I could be who you want me to be" I whispered.

"Sure, sure"

"I do, Jake. I really do. Do you know how easy it would be to allow myself to be loved by you?"

"Another place and time, perhaps?"

I nodded.

"Besides," He continued "I don't need your permission. Whether you 'allow' it or not, I do."

"Sure, sure" I copied him. His familiar phrase usually annoyed me, but right then it was the only thing I deemed appropriate.

Xxxx

"You ready to go?" Charlie was waiting by the nurse's station for me, my bag in his hand. The discharge papers all signed, sealed and delivered.

I nodded.

Alice walked across the ward to hug me, pushing Jasper in a wheelchair.

"Bye Bella Boo" She squeezed me tightly.

"Bye Lady Alice. You take care of her, you hear?" I aimed the last part at Jasper, he smiled in agreement.

"If she lets me"

Alice blushed and then ignoring all around her, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. They looked so cute together.

_Fuckers._

I wasn't really bitter, but couldn't help the jealousy that seeped in when I realised all around me where happy, awake and together. It hurt to recall I had the same dreams but mine had not come to pass.

"I still think you should go say goodbye to him"

"Jake, stop pushing me ok"

"I agree" Charlie surprised me. I raised one eyebrow at him but he didn't continue.

"Me too" Alice piped up.

"Oh for the love of – are you all ganging up on me?"

I eyeballed each and every-one of them.

I glared at Jasper. He simply shrugged.

"I think you were wrong" Jake offered.

"How could I have been wrong?"

"No, I didn't mean that, I mean, you may have jumped to conclusions"

"How?" I asked again.

"Bella, he was drugged, drowsy and coming round from a coma. He was disorientated."

"He didn't know me!"

How many times did I have to repeat myself?

"He wouldn't have known where his nose was if you'd have asked him! This is standard in coma patients"

I shook my head. I wanted to leave this all behind. I had been on a hell of a rollercoaster of emotions for weeks now and at its conclusion I had been lead down a dead end instead of a path full of possibilities. The mere thought of him brought me pain.

I missed him, I had missed him and would continue to miss him for a long time, but I had to let go. I had needed Edward like a drowning man needed to breath, the very essence of oxygen a salvation to lungs so starved of its sustenance. And that's what Edward had been for me, sustenance. I had needed him.

But he had needed Tanya.

How could I compete?

How could I even try to deny him? Wasn't love about sacrifice? I couldn't give him what it was he needed, what it was that only Tanya could give to him.

But I could give him Tanya without a fight.

She was my gift to him.

_I just hoped he'd soon get bored after the wrapping was off and seek another toy to play with!_

"I'm leaving him alone. I've said my goodbyes, he doesn't need to say his. Not to someone he barely remembers anyway. I just want to go home."

Alice, Jasper and Jacob walked down to the car with Charlie and me. Giving each of them one more hug and the promise to see them soon, I closed the door and waited for Charlie to finish loading the trunk.

He slammed his door shut, clicked on his seatbelt and turned to me.

"Shall we go home, Kid?"

I nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to cry.

Xxxx

**JPOV**

"Jake, was that Bella leaving just now?"

I turned to see Carlisle pushing the revolving door open and half running half walking to where we stood at the roadside.

"Yeah, Doc. Is there a problem?"

Alice pushed Jasper back inside, leaving us both alone.

Carlisle run his hand through his hair, then stood catching his breath, hands on hips. It was an unusual stance for a guy but when one looked like a cat walk model, he could pull it off, no worries.

"No, not a problem, Jake. Just that Edward wanted to see her before she left"

I swallowed, anxious to hear what he had to say but scared I would give too much away.

This could change everything.

"Edward asked for Bella?

Carlisle nodded then understanding my confusion he smiled.

"Sorry Jake. Yeah, he was confused for a while but once we lowered his barbiturate and he rested a while, we could administer Tanya's donation and he felt more like himself. Bella was the first person he asked for, actually. Upset his mother of course" Carlisle chuckled to himself, I copied not wanting to appear uncaring.

"Well, I'll just have to call her when I get a minute to myself. So much going on though."

I turned to walk back indoors, leaving Carlisle stood behind me.

"Hey Jacob" He called after me.

I turned not really wanting to hear anymore.

"Could you do me a favour?"

"What's that Doc?"

"Could you let her know? For Me? I'll probably forget what with everything going on and Edward is pretty eager to see her again. No doubt she'll be eager to get back here and see him too"

I turned away and carried on walking. "Yeah" I said "No doubt"

I didn't actually agree to do it, though. Did I?


	21. Ch21 Fight

**A/N**: Hello peeps! There is so much to say, I literally do not know where to start!! Ok....I think I'll start by pimping out a thread that was started for "Enigma" by my lovely friend and the brilliant author of "Star Mile" Malmo722. The thread is on and can be found in the forum for AU Human. Like a good girl, I have added the link to my FanFic profile, please come on over to the thread and chat about our mutual obsessions!

I would like to welcome with a big warm, fuzzy Emmett shaped hug all the new readers to Enigma and for all the most wonderful reviews you've sent me and also give a special mention too Malmo722, Fiazt, Icefang7, Darcy13, Chicalicious (love that name) and jOjOdancer.

I have a HUGE list of songs I used whilst writing this chapter. I'll place them at the end and get on with it as I'm pretty sure you logged on to read the chapter and not my waffle!

**Disclaimer**: I hate this part, it's so unfair!! Do I really need to point out that Twilight was all someone else's idea?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Ch21 Fight

True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. Anon

EPOV

It had been 2 days since I'd woken up.

I couldn't believe how exhausted I felt. The entire 48 hours had been spent in a combination of soundless, dreamless sleep and short power naps! I wasn't sure which I preferred, the soundless sleep certainly helped abate the lethargy but I hated not dreaming. It was all so empty, full of nothing and I always woke again feeling like I had lost something, the emptiness following me from sleep to waking.

She had been there the first time I had woken and for a blissful moment, she was all I could see. I had spent so long searching for her, only hearing her on very few and far between occasions that when I had finally looked at her wide, brown eyes, I thought I had hallucinated her from the pits of my desperation.

In the first few hours I had been in and out of consciousness. Each time I had opened my eyes, she was the first thing I sought but I never needed to look very far. She had been so close to me I could smell her, all soapy and floral and I then I would slip away again, happy that she had stayed.

It was difficult deciphering what was happening, I felt aware of everyone talking but struggled to move my head or to answer them. It was like being covered with a blanket of concrete, debilitating. I could smell her fragrance and I could hear them all and I just wanted to be in the room too.

At times I had been disorientated and had even called Esme "Grandmother Cullen".

She wasn't amused; Grandmother Cullen was Carlisle's mother!

I was administered a concentrate of factor IX and a donation from Tanya's lifesaving blood supply to help my recuperation. It had worked. I quickly felt the positive effects but by this time, Bella had left.

They avoided explaining to me where she had gone so I could only assume it was home with Charlie. Because I had been confused and sleepy, I had accepted my own short rationalization and rested believing she would be back pretty soon, as eager to see me as I was her. I thought I could wait. I wasn't going anywhere.

But now I was getting impatient. In fact it was a mixture of impatience, anger and missing her so damn much! It was driving me mad.

I wanted out of bed, I wanted to go home and home is wherever Bella was.

I started having doubts that she felt the same anymore. Where was she? What was taking her so long?

I was due to leave shortly for physiotherapy and had foolishly hoped Bella could take me. I felt like an idiot.

"Where the fuck is she?" I sulked.

"Oh no, he's in anger mode!" Emmett joked, seriously pissing me off. I tried to ignore him, I had after all missed him too but there was a time and a place for the jokes. I glared at him.

"What?" He shrugged. "Deny it then!"

"Fuck off Em!"

"Ha ha" He boomed, throwing himself on the bed and tucking my head under his shoulder, he ruffled my hair with his knuckles!

"Nice to have you back, kid"

"Yeah, you keep saying that"

"What's your problem, Eddie?"

I glared up at him, even sitting he dwarfed me. "I would've thought that was obvious!"

"Hmph" He snorted "Wish I could lie around in bed all day."

"You do lie around in bed all day!" Rosalie piped up from the doorway. Jumping up, Emmett sauntered over to her side.

"That's because you chain me to the bedpost, not my fault you're insatiable!"

"Oh please!" I muttered.

Placing the coffee cups on the table, Rosalie turned and nestled into Emmett's chest. Practically suffocating her, he wrapped his giant arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. Rosalie peeped up at him and lowering his chin, Emmett looked down at my sister. They seemed lost in each other for a brief moment, so closely attuned the only communication required was with their bodies.

I envied them. I didn't want to be a witness to lovers; I wanted to be party to it. Of course, not with the particular lovers stood in front of me but with my own perfect match.

Sighing, I dropped my head back onto the pillows. "I miss Bella"

Chuckling Emmett whispered to Rosalie "He's in lovey dovey mode now!"

"I can hear you, you know!" My hands covered my eyes, but I could imagine the smirk Emmett would be giving Rosalie at my expense.

"Well, I said it out loud, buddy!"

"Rosie?" I pleaded. "Will you take him home? Please?"

Rosalie laughed, walking over to the bed she kissed me goodbye.

"Do you need anything before we go?"

Rosalie's new found sense of sensitivity amused me. She was usually so selfish this new quality seemed alien on her. But I did need something so I took advantage. God only knows how long this particular trait would last with my sister.

"Could you call Bella for me?"

Rosalie and Emmett glanced at each other. A question obviously flickered across Rosalie's face because Emmett shrugged and said "I think you should tell him"

"Tell me what?" I asked. I started to feel uneasy. Reluctance to share information was hardly ever about good news.

Letting go of Emmett's hand, Rosalie came and sat next to me on the bed.

"I called her twice yesterday. Charlie said she was – unavailable."

"Can you try again?"

"Edward," Rose took my hand in hers, "Bella was upset. She may just need some more time."

"What was she upset about?"

"Mom asked me not to say"

"Ok. Emmett, what was Bella upset about?"

Seeing both Rosalie and I glance in his direction, Emmett shrugged. He was a man of little words and even fewer actions. I struggled to imagine what kept Rosalie so interested in him. Apart from his scintillating humour, of course.

"Ok. She was upset about a few things" Rosalie avoided eye contact but she continued.

"Err, one of them was when we bumped into Tanya. It wasn't pretty."

I groaned. Tanya had been a huge flirt but nothing had ever occurred between us. I just never felt that way about her; she was too malicious for my tastes. I preferred my women with a little less bitch in them.

If it wasn't for my need of her blood match, I would be happy to never see her again. I recalled when we were kids the family had been hosting a banquet for the hospital. Carlisle had wanted to raise funds for the research into blood conditions and to open a free clinic for parents who couldn't afford private health care for their children that shared the same blood condition as me. Esme had spent months organising the event and the guest list was full of the elite; their money was required after all.

Tanya's mother, Sasha, had mentioned briefly to Esme that her new gown for the evening was beautiful and that Esme would look exquisite. Sasha had recently given birth and felt unattractive compared to Esme. Tanya, after overhearing this conversation, had snuck into Esme's closet and had splattered the gown with scarlet nail polish before shredding the skirt of the gown with scissors.

Esme had been cordial, had begged Carlisle not to mention it and had found alternative attire for the evening, waiting until the day Sasha and her girl's went home before crying over the torn fabric. I had admired my mother for her graciousness.

Carlisle had comforted her. "You looked divine" He had whispered, handing her his handkerchief. "You always look divine"

Esme had sniffed and placing her hand on his cheek, looked deeply into his eyes.

"Do I look divine right now, Carlisle?" She had joked, her eyes teary and puffy, her nose red.

Brushing her hair behind her ear he had traced her cheek with his finger tip then kissing her gently on her nose he replied "You have never looked more lovely too me"

My love for both my parents and my hate for Tanya and her toxic personality had grown that day. I despised the fact that I had to rely on her for anything and had worried in my younger years that her blood transfused with mine would eventually poison my spirit too.

My need for Tanya was basic and instinctual but she had hurt something more important to me than my-self; she had hurt Bella.

"I need Carlisle to find me another donor" I mumbled. Rosalie nodded in agreement.

"What happened, Rosie? What did she say to Bella?"

"Not much really. She implied things, she was bitchy. You know. The usual."

I nodded, not at all surprised.

"The thing is Edward, Tanya wasn't the worst of it." Glancing back at Emmett, Rosalie swallowed before going on.

"What was the worst of it?"

Nobody spoke. "Has she met someone else?" I looked between the two of them waiting for their answer. "Doesn't she want me anymore?"

"No Edward, it's not about Bella's feelings, it's about yours!" Rosalie paused again.

"Oh for crying out loud, Rose, do you have to stop after each sentence?"

"You didn't recognise her, Edward! You told her you didn't know her!"

"What?" I could barely swallow. "Holy fucking Christ!"

"You were confused" Rosalie patted my hand, her attempt at placating me wasn't working. I felt panic.

"She thinks I don't know her?"

"She went home. Dad went to get her after your transfusion, but she'd gone. Jacob said he'd pass on a message."

"But it's been 2 days" I said. She nodded. "Who's Jacob?"

"Maybe he didn't tell her" Emmett suggested, ignoring my question.

"He was her friend, why would he not tell her? He knows how much Edward means to her"

"Maybe he wants her to himself?" Another shrug.

"Who's Jacob?" I asked again.

"He's a nurse here. He worked on Bella's ward. They became pretty close – as friends!" Rosalie quickly added after my sharp intake of air.

"Just friends?" I asked. They both nodded.

Friends; the idea still made me feel jealous. I didn't know this guy but he had been close to the girl I loved. Had she become close enough to him to feel something more than friendship? What if he had tried to make a move? If she had believed I was a goner, why shouldn't she seek comfort elsewhere? I felt worse. First it was Tanya and now this Jacob guy; why couldn't people just leave the fuck alone and mind their own business?

I remembered back to the first time I had seen Bella, after picking her up off the road, a lifeless lump lying in front of my car. I had held her close and felt something just click with her. Like a sudden invisible connection had materialised between us, unbreakable, enduring and permanent. I had felt it in my dreams, in my coma, in her arms. And when she had come round, looking up at me as I carried her home, she had felt it too. For months we had been inseparable, until the night James had shown up.

I quickly brushed past the memories of James and the damage that fucking prick had done to my life. I should've introduced him to Tanya.

"I'll try calling her again. I promise" I nodded at Rosalie as she tugged on Emmett's hand and they left.

I closed my eyes and thought back over the months I had spent getting to know Bella. How she had never danced before until the night I taught her. She had been clumsy at first, stepping on my toes, tripping over her own feet and I had tried not to laugh, thankfully she had laughed along with me. Every day she intrigued me and every day I missed her.

The first time we had kissed had been one of the happiest moments in my life. How could it not be one of hers?

There was a payphone connected to the television. Both hung from an extendable arm from the ceiling to the side of the bed. I reached over and pulled it closer then dialling her number from memory, I listened to it ring. I was tired of waiting.

It was answered in three rings. "Hello?"

Her voice was quiet, tentative and a little breathless, almost as though she was nervous about the caller. I took a deep breath. I had so much to say but where to begin? The phone beeped, making me jump. I had forgotten it was a payphone. I needed to insert money to be able to speak.

"Fuck!" I muttered scrambling round my bedside table, searching for loose change.

"Hello?" She enquired again, sounding impatient.

I had no money. I had no fucking money! I pulled open the drawer praying Esme had left something, anticipating I may need to use the phone or vending machine.

"Hello!" She sighed heavily, she sounded disappointed. I felt hope it was me she wanted to hear and was disappointed she couldn't. I didn't want to consider it was Jacob's call she was waiting for.

The beeping increased in volume and speed. We were going to be disconnected.

A coin! I fumbled with the disc, dropping it in my haste as I hurried to pick it up.

"Edward?" I heard her whisper. I pushed the coin into the slot but before it could fall through, before I could speak, the line went dead.

Resisting the urge to slam the receiver against the cradle and break the fucking thing, I resorted to holding the receiver against my face; closing my eyes as I recalled her tone.

She had said my name but I wasn't sure if she had severed the call or if the insistent beeping had.

I made a choice; Unbreakable, enduring and permanent. I wasn't letting go without a fight!

Xxxx

BPOV

As Charlie drove away from the hospital, I glanced behind and noticed Carlisle push his way through the doors, skidding to a halt beside Jacob, Alice and Jasper he looked over at us driving away. As we turned the corner I couldn't help feeling as if I had left my heart behind.

"You ok, Bells?" Charlie asked, glancing quickly over at me before looking back at the road.

I nodded, hoping he caught the motion with his second glance at me.

I didn't want to speak. If I tried, I would cry and Charlie would feel awkward and I would feel guilty for making him feel awkward and that would bring more tears. It was easier to stay quiet.

My phone beeped. I opened the screen. It was a text. "I miss you already, J"

I closed the screen without replying. Texting was a form of communication, it wasn't speaking out loud but it was speaking. I didn't want to speak.

I lay my head back against the headrest and watched the green rush of trees blur past the window. The colours meshing into one emerald smudge. The green reminded me of Edward's eyes.

I looked towards to the sky instead, searching for light poking through the clouds but all I could see was grey. The colour reminded me of my mood.

I leant over and turned the radio on. The first song was a melody the male voice was soulful and closing my eyes I listened to words.

"_I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away to find a better day....." _

I flicked the channel.

It was rap. Edward hated rap. This was safe. I sat back and half listened, ignoring Charlie's enquiring glance.

"_Girl we got something special, I know there ain't nothing better..."_ The guy rapped fast but clear. A girl started singing, _"Since you've been away, I've been down and lonely, since you've been away I been thinkin of you....I've been missing you"_

I turned the radio off.

Closing my eyes I concentrated on the thrum of the engine, eager to be home.

"Bella, we're home" Charlie shook me gently, I had fallen asleep. Stepping gingerly from the car I walked up the front steps, waiting for him to unlock the door. The phone was ringing.

Charlie fumbled with the lock, threw my bag onto the floor in the hall and snatched up the receiver.

"Hello?"

I walked upstairs towards my room.

"Bella" Charlie hissed at me. I turned to see him standing with the receiver in his hand, his palm covering the mouth piece. He held it out for me mouthing what looked like "Rosalie". I shook my head, turned and went into my room. As I closed the door I heard his muffled response

"I'm sorry Rosalie, Bella isn't available"

Xxxx

I slept. It was dreamless, black and null. Exactly how I felt when awake. There was no escape.

Instead there was this ache in my chest, like a hollow.

If someone had stood before me holding my heart in their fist, the muscle still pumping even though no longer connected to me, I wouldn't have been surprised. I felt like it had been ripped out.

Hollow.

Charlie made breakfast but I ignored his call from downstairs and went to shower instead. The scent of my freesia soap reminded me of Edward and how he would bury his nose in my neck, inhaling deeply before kissing me gently just under my ear lobe. I didn't want to remember. It only made the hollow feeling throb again reminding me how empty I felt.

I picked one of Charlie's masculine shower gels from the bathroom cupboard, the scent citrusy and sharp.

When I had finished in the bathroom, I heard the phone ringing again.

"Hello. No sorry Rosalie – yeah – no she's not available. Sure I will, ok bye"

Charlie looked up as I passed by in the upstairs hallway. I looked down at him, shook my head and went back to my room.

I didn't want to speak to anyone but it seemed everyone wanted to speak to me. I had two new texts from Jacob. Flipping the phone shut, I decided I would read them later.

Throwing on some underwear and my Cookie Monster T-shirt, I climbed into bed and pulled the duvet over my head.

Xxxx

Charlie knocked on my door. I lifted the duvet and realised it was dark outside. I had slept through another day. For the briefest moment the hollow feeling was numb and I felt ok. Charlie knocked again and the numbness disappeared, the hollowness consuming me again. I missed Edward so much. It was hard trying not to think about him. I couldn't stay numb anymore, it was too much. There were just too many feelings and they wouldn't stay hidden, they wanted to be heard.

I felt the warmth of tears flow down my face and turning away from the door, I prayed Charlie would just leave me be. Using the pillow as a tissue, I sobbed until the fabric was damp then turning it over, I soaked the other side.

Xxxx

The moon was high and full and I could see the faint light seeping in through the window. The room was dark but the light from the moon edged in and glowed dimly on the window sill, the faint floral design on the drapes and the pictures and photographs scattered over the walls and surfaces close by. I pushed back my duvet and walked over to look outside. The tree across from me was blowing gently in the breeze, its branches smothered with large green leaves, the recent rain still adorning their surface. I thought about standing beneath the tree and letting the breeze scatter the drops onto my face. It would feel cool and refreshing on my hot and puffy face.

But going downstairs meant facing Charlie and I wasn't ready to speak to him yet. I could hear the faint sounds emitting from the television. The familiar schedule that belonged to my Dad was comforting.

My phone beeped.

I walked back to my bed and sitting in its centre I opened the screen and read the waiting messages.

Jacob – _"Finished work now and wondered if you wanted to go get a bite to eat?"_

I couldn't face food. I deleted it.

Jacob – _"It's too quiet here without you! Miss you, please call me"_

I deleted it.

Jacob – _"I'm worried about you"_

Delete.

The last message read _"I'm coming round"_

I glanced at the time the message was sent and at the clock on my bedroom wall just as the phone beeped again.

Jacob – _"I'm outside"_

SHIT!

I tiptoed over to the window, peeped out into the night. He was stood under the tree looking up at my window. Spotting me hiding behind the drape, he waved.

I ducked back behind and hoped he would go away. I wanted to see only one person and anyone else just wouldn't do. They weren't good enough.

My phone beeped again.

Jacob – _"If you don't come downstairs, I'll knock on the door and wake your Dad!"_

Sighing I threw on my sweat pants, sneakers and the jacket I had discarded the day before from the chair in the corner of my room.

I tiptoed down and sneaking past Charlie who was dozing in his armchair, I opened the door just as Jacob raised his hand to knock.

He smiled at me, relief flooding his face. I felt bad for him. I wanted to reciprocate but my smiles were reserved for Edward. I doubted I would be using them anytime soon, he had made his choice and it gave me nothing to smile about.

Jacob held out his hand and waited for me to take it. I stepped outside and closed the door. I paused before placing my hand in his but was glad I did as his palm was warm and comforting and I realised I had missed him too. Peering up at him, I found him looking back down at me and smiling I pulled him from the steps over towards the small trail that lead towards the forest. I wasn't planning on walking in very far but needed to be away from the house, lest our voices wake Charlie. He may be hurt that I had finally spoken to someone and it wasn't him first.

Jacob and I walked on towards the enclosure of trees. There was a large fallen oak lying in the bed of the forest floor. Jacob took off his jacket and spread it on top, indicating for me to sit. I felt touched by his gesture; the bark would probably be damp.

Sitting beside me, we both looked up through the canopy of leaves and branches.

"No stars" Jacob said softly.

"Too many clouds" I whispered in reply. My voice sounded strained to my own ears and before I could stop myself I started to cry.

Turning towards him, I buried my face in Jacob's chest. His arms around me felt warm and strong and I wanted to imagine it was Edward holding me. But couldn't bring his image forth because Jacob smelt all wrong. He was vanilla when Edward was honey.

Brushing his hand down my hair, Jacob let me cry.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled between sobs, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I miss him. This is so unfair to you. I keep telling you its Edward, it's always been Edward but you just don't go away. You keep making me smile and offering comfort and what else is I supposed to do?" My speech changed from mournful to accusatory.

Jacob merely lifted my face with his finger and smiled at me.

"I wanted to tell you something. That's why I'm here"

"I don't think I want to hear it"

"How do you know until you've heard?" He laughed. Despite my mood, I laughed too.

"Jake, I can't deal with this right now. I'm heartbroken or hadn't you noticed?"

"I know that but just hear me out, it'll make you feel better, I promise"

"You're so arrogant!" I mumbled, pulling away from him.

Jacob squared his shoulders, his smile fading. Leaning forward he leant his elbows on his knees and looked at his hands.

"Why do you love him?" He asked his voice so low. He had been reluctant to ask but curious.

"Sorry?"

Jacob looked up at me, staring me straight in the eye he repeated his question. "Why do you love him?"

"I can't explain –"

"Try"

I stood and walked in front of the fallen tree, I didn't turn my back to Jacob, but I didn't want to face him either. I was going to be honest and I didn't want to see the hurt on his face but God only knew how many times I had to do this to him.

"He thinks I'm interesting – "I began. "He finds me funny and is interested in everything I have to say. He never makes me feel like an idiot and when I'm with him, I feel beautiful."

"I find you funny and interesting" Jacob said, standing and walking over to me. Pulling me round to face him he said softly "You are beautiful"

I lifted my arms and pushed his hands away. Taking a step back, Jacob sat back down. Looking away towards the depth of the trees, he waited for me to finish; both him and my explanation.

"Edward is my every-thing. I don't expect you to understand, you haven't found yours yet – "

Jacob snorted. "I beg to differ!"

"No Jake, you haven't. Don't you understand? If you had she would be available to you, she would be with you, no obstacles between you because when you do find that other half of your soul, nothing – " I shook my head, the tears streaming down my face "Nothing can keep you apart"

I looked at Jacob. His cheek glistened in the faint light from the full moon, falling through the trees.

I knelt in front of him and taking his hands in mine I begged him to finally get it.

"I wish you all the happiness in the world, Jacob."

"If that's how you feel about him, then why are you here and in your own words, broken hearted? Why aren't you with him right now?"

I didn't answer.

"If he's your every-thing?"

With my own words thrown back at me, I swiped the tears from my face. "Maybe he's my every-thing but I'm not his. I need Edward, Jake, but he doesn't need me"

"You disgust me!" He spat, suddenly so angry. "You claim all this higher than whatever love crap, spouting all this bullshit straight from a fucking romance novel and yet here you are, letting him go!"

Striding over to me, Jacob grabbed my arms again. "I fight for you! That's how strongly I feel!"

"It's a losing Battle, I don't want you!" I shouted back at him.

"We'll see shall we?" Before I could protest he pulled me close and his lips crushed against mine. It wasn't a kiss, it was a plea. There was no tenderness and I couldn't move my lips beneath the force of his own; pushing him away, I slapped him, hard.

"Stop doing that!" I cried.

Jacob rubbed his cheek. "I'm sorry"

"You're such a jerk!"

"I just had to know"

"You keep saying that but I keep telling you and yet you ignore me all the time, Jake. You keep pushing me and I can't deal with you anymore. I didn't want to hurt your feelings but quite frankly, I couldn't give a rat's ass about your feelings anymore! I love Edward. I love Edward Cullen. Not you. I only love your friendship. That's it! Nothing more, nothing less but if you can't deal with that then I don't even want you as a friend!"

"You can't even pretend can you?" He asked.

"Jacob! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you retarded or something?"

"Answer the question!"

"I already did, you fucker!"

I turned away from him, this conversation was over. I stormed back towards my home and away from Jacob.

"Bella!" He called, I ignored him. He raced after me and standing in front he put his hands up to stop me.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" I spat at him.

Dropping his hands, his head and his voice, Jacob apologised. "I'm sorry. Bella, I truly am. I came here because I have something to tell you. I just wanted to see, if now that you thought it was over between you two, there might be a small chance for me. How could I not take a chance?"

"I don't understand"

"You think Edward doesn't know you!"

"He doesn't!"

"Listen to me! You think he doesn't know you. You think he wants Tanya and yet despite walking away and letting him go, you still can't be with me?"

I shook my head. "It wouldn't be right, Jake. I can't pretend to feel the same way you do. The same way I feel for him." I shook my head again. "It wouldn't be fair."

"If it's not there, even when you're at your lowest, it never will be"

I nodded then shook my head, confused as to what the response should be. I agreed with him.

"And if it's still there for him, even when you believe it to be over, then it will always be there?"

"I certainly think so. It feels that way, right now anyway"

Jacob nodded. I watched him a moment sure he had something else to say. When he remained silent, looking at the floor I stepped around him and started to walk home.

"Bella" He called again, his voice more tender this time. I stopped but didn't turn.

"I love you"

I took another step forward.

"Bella"

I stopped again, still not turning.

"So does Edward." Jacob sighed. "He knows you, he remembers you. You were right, he is your every-thing"

Turning back to face him, I was too late. Jacob had taken off running into the darkness of the trees, the forest swallowing him up before I could say anything else.

I turned and ran as fast as my clumsy legs could carry me, back to my house. I had somewhere to go.

As I raced up the steps, I slowed, catching my breath and opening the door as quietly as possible.

The phone started to ring and this time I answered. "Hello?" I kept my voice low, not wanting to wake Charlie.

There was no response, the line just crackled slightly.

"Hello?" I asked again. Whom-ever had called remained silent.

"Hello!" I was feeling irked, I needed to leave and go back to the hospital. Jake's words had fed me and I no longer felt hollow, I felt impatient instead! I needed to see Edward.

Edward!

"Edward?" I asked, hoping by saying his name, he would feel confident enough to speak.

The line went dead and I replaced the receiver. He hadn't spoken and had disconnected the call when I'd acknowledged him. Did he not want me to know it was him calling?

If he had nothing to say then why call? I felt more confused than ever. Jake had said Edward loved me.

Jake had said a lot of things, things about fighting and he had shown me how much he believed in that. In fighting for something or someone. He'd displayed that to me over and over again.

Even if Edward didn't talk to me just now, he had still called which meant he did have something to say and I wanted to hear it.

I wanted to hear him whatever it was he wanted to say and I wanted to have one last chance to tell him how much he meant to me.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Ok, songs. There is a heap of songs I listened to whilst writing this chapter.

The first song Bella listened to on the radio in Charlie's car was Craig David "I'm walking away" and the rap song was Webbie featuring LaToya "Missing you"

I also played on a loop The Script "Man who can't be moved" and also by The Script "Breakeven"

Then there was The Sugababes "Too lost in you" and Carrie Underwood "Starts with Goodbye", then Bon Iver "Creature fear" which was rec'd to me by Malmo722 and it's now added to my IPod!

I've left links to the songs on my profile along with the link to the thread on .

I am still looking for a Beta, if not for Enigma as its almost complete then for my next FanFic which is going to be smut city!! Ok, that's not the name, but it will contain lots of nudity from our favourite characters and possibly some of our not so favourite ones too! If anyone would like to Beta or knows of someone, please message me.

Thanks guys, hope you enjoyed and don't even consider leaving this page until you've reviewed!! **glare**

Cx


	22. Ch22 Reunion

**A/N: **Thank you all for reading & reviewing. I adore them all. A lot of people have mentioned how childish Bella has been behaving and as forewarning, she doesn't get any better in this chapter either! In her defence she has her reasons and I know you'll all understand. I also hope you'll get some answers from earlier chapters in here too.

Psssst! Who like's Lemons?

My heartfelt thanks to Malmo722, Fiazt and Chicalicious. Talking about Enigma with you guys helps me continue. If anyone else would like to chat, feel free to visit the Enigma thread on Twilighted dot net. The link is on my profile. This thread was started by my lovely friend Malmo722, who is the author of "Star Mile" (you guys all know, you've been there)!! It's funny, brilliant, sexy and angsty and we love it! I hope your short break will give you the rest you deserve, Sweetie. :o)

**Disclaimer: **I think you get the gist!It's all SM's, not mine! Grrrrr

Ch22 Reunion

Absence from those we love is self from self: A deadly banishment. William Shakespeare

BPOV

I hung up the phone and left the kitchen to find Charlie sitting up in his chair, rubbing sleep from his eyes, his hair was ruffled and his shirt crumpled.

"Did I wake you?" I asked feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."

Charlie waved his hand in dismissal. "Not you, Bells. My neck hurts"

I laughed at his slight discomfort, his hand reaching round to massage the crick.

"Well, you will sleep in that chair rather than your king upstairs"

"Yeah well" Charlie cleared his throat "I was waiting up for you, I wanted to talk"

He stopped his self massage to tilt his head from side to side, trying to dislodge the tautness in his muscles. "Stop hovering Bells and sit down." He nodded towards the sofa. I felt slightly annoyed, I wanted to leave for the hospital and sitting indicated this wasn't going to be a quick chat.

"Actually Dad, I was on my way out."

Charlie peered at the wall clock behind me, "At this time?"

I nodded. "I'm going to see Edward"

"I'm pretty sure visiting hours are over" He shrugged.

"I know that Dad, I just need to talk to him."

"What's so important?"

"Just stuff" I shrugged. This was hard to explain to Charlie, he was emotionless at best. How did I even try to make him understand what I was feeling? He never even flinched when Mom left. She just took me, cursed Charlie and his dead-end town and left for good.

Charlie stopped his self manipulation on his neck and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees he looked towards the sofa again, making his point clear but I remained standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Well I need to talk to you. I'm sure what you've got to say to Edward is important, Bells but he isn't going anywhere."

"Dad-"I protested. I felt fidgety and wanted to get moving. Charlie was right, it was important to me and I wanted to follow through on my decision to see Edward.

"Isabella, this is important to me. Please"

I watched uncertainty cross Charlie's face and understood that this was a speech he had been waiting a while to make. He almost never used my full name. Giving in, I went to sit down. He waited till I was settled before he began.

"Bella, I was awake before the phone rang. In fact I looked around for you and when I couldn't find you I was worried. I was outside, about to get in the car when I heard you. I came back in to wait."

"I was with Jake, he came by"

"Yeah, well, I didn't know that at the time and so – I was worried."

"I'm sorry Dad I should've left you a note. I guess I didn't think"

"I don't want to sound overprotective, Bells, but God knows you're clumsy and it's any wonder you're able to leave the house and come home in one piece. Every damn day I worry about you."

"I'm not that bad!"

"It's late, you're upset and the last time you left this house when you were upset and it was late, you were hit by a car!"

I sighed in agreement, he was right. I just didn't like being treated with Kid gloves.

Charlie cleared his throat then continued, his voice quiet, his face flushed. This wasn't easy for him. "There are things I need to apologise for."

"Dad" I protested, his discomfort was making me uneasy too.

Raising his hand Charlie spoke "Let me finish, Bells, Please."

I nodded.

"The first day you moved here, I was so happy to get another chance with you. You have to know, I missed you every-day after Renee left. There wasn't a day went by that I didn't think of you, how you were doing at school, what your handwriting looked like, what music you liked, what was your favourite breakfast cereal – Things a father should know. I wasn't a very good father. But you coming back here with me, gave me hope that I could put things right. I'm not talking about changing the past, that can't happen obviously. But I do want to make amends. I want to try." Charlie swallowed nervously "I should've tried sooner."

I suddenly felt guilty for my assumption of him being emotionless. His words touched me, I didn't realise Mom leaving with me had affected him as much as he just said it did. He had never told me any of this before.

"It was hardly your fault, Dad. We moved like 1500 miles away."

Charlie looked sad, regretful. "That's not an excuse. I really am sorry. Do you think –"Charlie lowered his head unable to make eye contact, struggling to finish his sentence. I waited with patience for him to continue. "Do you think you can forgive me?" He whispered.

I watched him, his brows creased, his face pale. The hands linked together in front of him were tight, his knuckles white. I wanted to take his hands and pull the fingers apart and ease the strain. I wanted to forget the awful things I had silently accused him off. I hadn't known any better. I was just a child.

I reflected back to my earlier years when I didn't understand why my Daddy lived hundreds of miles away from me when other Daddies attended their daughter's ballet recitals. Granted, I wasn't very good at it, so it was a blessing in disguise really that he had missed my clumsy attempts. But I realised with sadness that I had judged him without hearing his side. We were both guilty of complacency.

"You're not entirely at fault Dad. I could've tried harder too. I could've visited more, written to you, called more. We're both to blame for this – distance between us."

Charlie shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault" I repeated.

"Wasn't it?" He raised his eyebrows as he looked over at me. "I have no excuse for letting so much time pass by. Then you asked if you could move here with me and I was scared but also - happy"

Charlie paused again, his eyes focused on his hands rather than on me. Standing I walked into the kitchen and fetched him a beer. Popping the tab I handed it to him and went to sit back down. Thanking me with a half crooked smile, Charlie raised the can in salute and downed half its contents.

"Thanks" He mumbled. I smiled back at him, noticing beer foam clinging to the bristles of his moustache.

"Dad" I motioned with my hand.

Wiping his mouth Charlie looked back at me with a slight smile "I don't deserve you"

"That's not true" I stated.

"I wanted to apologise for all that and also for the way things were the first night you arrived here. I really am sorry"

I nodded in agreement. We had both been anxious and had said things, regretful things that couldn't be taken back. We had been tense. The trip back to Forks in the car was strained and awkward and felt like the longest drive of my life. We had stood unspeaking in my room and I had prayed for him to leave, to let me unpack and relax some. He had stuffed his hands in his pockets then puffing out his breath in one long whoosh, he exited the room. I had lingered upstairs for as long as possible until hunger had eventually pulled me down to the kitchen.

Charlie had attempted dinner and we resumed our awkward silence at the table.

I had looked around the house as we sat there and noticed things from my childhood. In the hall, still hanging in its gilt frame was my parents wedding photograph. It bugged the hell out of me. Why did he still keep it there? It was so obvious he hadn't moved on.

"Why is that still up?" I had asked, nodding my head in the direction of the hall.

Charlie had looked at me, then into the hall, his gaze resting momentarily on the portrait. He placed his knife on the table top and carried on eating with just his fork, his other hand toying with his beer can.

"I thought you would've taken it down a long time ago." His reluctance to answer me was prickling my nerves. "Mom threw hers away!"

Charlie spooned his spaghetti and popped it into his mouth, a dangling noodle left sauce residue on his chin. He sucked up the noodle in one breath, chewed and remained quiet.

I dropped my own cutlery, stewing for a fight with him. What did it take to get this guy to react?

Looking up at me sulking in my chair, Charlie picked up his napkin and wiped his chin. Continuing to chew, he watched me, contemplating his answer.

He eventually swallowed took a swig of beer and put down his fork. Taking a deep breath he finally spoke. "I wanted you to feel at home, when you came over for holidays. I left it up and your baby pictures too" He gestured to the other photographs adorning the walls "because I thought it might make you feel more – comfortable"

"Well, it doesn't!" I pouted.

"Then I guess I'll take it down."

"Don't do me any favours" I crossed my arms. The more calm he remained the angrier I felt.

"Then I'll leave it up"

Pushing back from the table I leant over and shouted at him "You're so insufferable"

"Lower your voice" His voice was soft.

"No" I was acting petulant and I knew it but I was frustrated. I had given up my home, my friends and hot weather to come and live in a damp, green, dead-end town with a no hope father who was an emotional cripple. I wanted him to prove me wrong. I wanted him to get mad.

"NO" I shouted at him again.

Charlie stood and leaning forward on the table too, he shouted back. "Lower your God damn voice!"

I had stood watching him, his breathing steady and even, whilst my own was staggered and heavy. It was a losing battle and I had turned on my heel and stormed out, walking blindly down the drive towards the road.

"Where are you going?"

"Out" I had shouted back over my shoulder.

"It's raining"

"What's new?" I muttered and headed along the pavement towards the road.

I had walked for quite some time before I managed to feel slightly calmer and had realised I had no idea where I was headed or how far I had come. I started to feel more rational and knew I had behaved like an idiot. I had blamed my Dad for years of absent fatherhood and now, rather than acting like an adult, I had been a brat. I felt bad for ruining our first evening together and wanting to return home and leave the eerie road and surrounding forest, I had looked out for approaching cars, in the hope of catching a lift home.

The howl of a coyote, which had sounded too close for comfort, had made me stumble into the road just as a car came from around the bend. He wasn't driving very fast but it was enough to knock me off my feet, onto his bonnet and roll into the concrete as he came to a complete stop. The bizarre thing was that the impact hadn't hurt at all, but the bump to my head as I landed on the road did. I watched the silhouette of his door open behind the glare of his headlights before I had fainted.

I had regained consciousness as he carried me along a tree covered driveway, his body heat penetrating my clothes and making me snuggle closer. He had smiled down at me and I had fancied him rotten from that first second. He was totally gorgeous and that crooked smile of his still turned my stomach into somersaults.

My Edward.

Looking back over at Charlie, rubbing his face with his hands, I wanted to help him put things right between us. I had wanted it for a long time but thought his emotionless wall was unbreakable. How wrong had I been about him, how unfairly had I treated him? I had taken his silence and resolution to Mom taking me as uncaring and all along, he had done what he thought was best for me. I was a terrible daughter and I wanted my Daddy back.

"You have nothing to apologise for Dad, it was me who behaved badly. I said hurtful things to you, I was a brat"

He looked up at me and smiled. "That's true"

"Ok, you don't have to agree so enthusiastically!"

We both smiled, the tension slightly lessoned. "I guess I never realised you had quite a temper" He said. "You take after your Mother!"

"You got that right!" I agreed.

"I have one more apology to make" I looked over at Charlie, wondering what else there was. I felt less anxious about our relationship but he still had some things he needed to say.

"I'm also sorry for the things I said about Edward"

"You were wrong about him" I said.

"Not really, Bells, he did sell drugs!"

"It wasn't like that"

"I'm a cop. He did it, simple as that. Now I understand there may be mitigating circumstances to his actions but you're my daughter and getting involved with him – well - I was worried about you"

"You keep saying that but I can look after myself you know"

"Bella, my daughter moves home with me and before one day has passed, we argue. That resulted in you storming out in the middle of the night, in a strange town. You get hit by a car, concussed and I get a call from Dr Cullen explaining you'll be spending the night there. I don't even get the chance to come get you. I was useless all those years ago when Renee walked out and I was useless months ago when you did too."

"I'm glad you didn't come to get me" The hurt look on Charlie's face forced me to explain. "I met Edward. By staying there I got to know him"

"Well, that's another thing, I wasn't happy about that"

"I know Dad. You've known the Cullen's a lot longer than I have and you knew history about Edward and that girl, Victoria. But I've gotten to know him too, a side to him that you don't see."

Charlie finished his beer and plonking the can down on the table, he didn't immediately release it. "Bella, I didn't want Edward for you, I wanted more but – well – he makes you happy?"

Charlie had started his sentence as a statement but it ended as a question, just to be sure.

I nodded, watching his reaction. Edward meant a lot to me as did Charlie. I wanted so badly for them to be able to coexist in my life.

"He does."

Charlie let go of the can and rubbing his face with the palm of his hand, he eventually looked directly at me.

"Tell me" He requested.

"There are things that Edward did for me, these last few months that no one else could've done." Looking hurt, Charlie broke eye contact, nodding.

"Dad" I said softly. "Dad" He looked back at me. "There are things you did too; being there all the time I was comatose"

I didn't want to mention I wasn't actually aware of his daily visits and conversations with my sleeping form, I didn't want to hurt his feelings again. This way was easier, kinder.

"But no matter what, I believe that Edward saved me."

"I don't understand"

Shaking my head, I admitted "Neither do I Dad, neither do I"

We both remained quiet; the silence between us was palpable. We had both wanted to clear the air but now the tension was back. I started to appreciate his need to make a bond between us, we had wasted so much time already and I was sad it didn't seem to working. It had been none stop since the day I had arrived and that was now over a year ago. In an attempt to help him make things easy between us, I took the next step necessary. "I'm so sorry Dad"

He quickly looked up at me. "What for?"

"You say you've been a terrible Father" Charlie flinched but I hurried on "But I think I've been a terrible daughter. I'm sorry I accused you of being unfeeling that first night I got here. I'm sorry I stormed off and caused you to worry and I'm sorry for everything else I've done ever since, that has hurt you."

I watched in surprise as he stood from his chair and coming round the edge of the table, sat down next to me. Placing his arm around my shoulders, Charlie pulled me in closer and kissing the top of my head, he accepted my apology.

"There are things about each other we just don't know yet but I'm glad you're ok, I'm glad you're home and I'm glad I get the chance to make up for all the years I missed."

I was thankful for it all too. The air had cleared and Charlie was the Dad I had missed all those years ago and it was obvious to me right then that he always had been, I just hadn't seen it.

Patting my arm, Charlie said "It's late and despite my nap, I'm exhausted."

I nodded in agreement, yawning I stood and picking up his empty beer can I made my way into the kitchen. Charlie followed. "Will you wait till the morning before going to see Edward?"

I turned from the sink and despite feeling disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing Edward in the next hour, I agreed. Charlie was important to me too and his request albeit a simple one in his eyes, was a difficult one in mine. I didn't want to upset the new balance between us, although I knew he was right. Edward was in hospital; he was off life support and was recovering better than anyone had anticipated. He wasn't going anywhere.

Xxxx

EPOV

The clatter of wheels on a wobbly trolley rattled past my room at the crack of dawn. I wasn't asleep but the interruption still annoyed me. I had been watching the trees outside my window, bending gently in the breeze, the rain only a fine mist, spraying everything like a spritzer refreshing the gardens.

The sky was pushing its way through the clouds, fingering its pale blue light into the landscape, causing the whiteness of the clouds to appear like a marble affect across the skyline. It was pretty in a way and made me want to sketch it in admiration. I was feeling frustrated. I had been feeling particularly creative of late but without my piano or guitar I was rendered unable.

I turned my head at the sound of the door being tentatively pushed open. It was Carlisle.

"Didn't want to wake you" he smiled sheepishly.

"Already awake" I replied.

"Not sleeping?"

"Hmm. Just too much of it now."

"It's good for recuperation"

"I know. But it's also boring as hell!"

We smiled at each other. The conversation easy between us because that's how it was with Carlisle and I.

"When can I come home?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, they seem happy with your progress. Maybe sooner than you think"

"Can't you go find out?"

Carlisle looked a little guilty. He rubbed the back of his neck before replying. "Not really" He pursed his lips but didn't go on.

"Am I missing something?" Carlisle had charm. If he wanted to find out information regarding my treatment and convalescence he would find a way to extract it from a willing and flirty nurse. It wasn't cruel, Carlisle hardly flirted back. He only had to smile at someone and they seemed willing to assist in any way the good Dr Cullen required.

"I've been – shall we say "forbidden" to be involved with your in-house care"

"Why?"

"I've been – dishonest"

"You?" I laughed.

Carlisle nodded. Before he could explain Emmett came in. He was carrying Starbucks and a brown Bag.

"Oh you are so the Man!" I thanked him as he handed me the aromatic coffee. I lifted the plastic lid and inhaled deeply. "Where have you been my whole life?" I whispered to the Grande.

"Do you need us to leave you two alone?" Emmett chuckled.

"It's been a while, that's all" I defended myself.

"Whoa, too much info there Bro!"

I rolled my eyes at Carlisle before taking a sip. It tasted as good as it smelt. My senses reacted in one symphony of pleasure, the caffeine spreading to the ends of my fingers and tips of my toes!

My addiction. I had missed it!

"I brought you pastries too" Emmett threw the brown bag onto the bed beside me. The grease soaking through the paper, appearing darker in spots.

"Caffeine and sugar! Great diet for an invalid" Carlisle scolded.

Lifting the bag from the bed, Emmett opened it up and retrieved a cinnamon bun. Sitting on a chair he plonked his feet on the bed and raising his eyebrows at me in childish delight, he devoured the roll in two bites.

"I'm not an invalid!" I protested.

Carlisle laughed and patted my hand. "I'll go see if I can find Dr Townsend."

"See if you can find my pants while you're out there, too!" I called after him.

I had wanted to get up yesterday but had found no clothes in the room.

"What's new Dude?" Emmett asked whilst tucking into another pastry, nodding his head at Carlisle's retreating form.

"I want to come home"

"Oh" Was his reply.

"Why is Dad forbidden to access my files?" I asked.

"It's nothing" Emmett munched. I snatched the bag from his huge hands, wanting to salvage at least one sticky treat before the gorilla demolished them all.

"Tell me" I took a bite. It was sticky. It was sweet. It was damn good.

"Dr Cullen's been a naughty boy!" Emmett chuckled, winking.

"Really?"

Emmett nodded. It was like getting blood from a stone.

"How?" I ventured.

"He lied"

"Ok. What about?"

"You. And him"

"Ok." I waited for Emmett to elaborate. He decided to lick his fingers one by one instead.

I put down my pastry and watched him as he eyed the contents of the bag eagerly. He appeared crestfallen as he realised it was now empty.

"Em" I said, he looked up to see me waving my barely eaten pastry in the air."Tell me why Dad is lying and I'll let you have this!" It was like a red flag to bull. He snatched it from my hand before I could change my mind.

"He wanted to be sure you received the proper care."

"So?"

"After you called, when you and James had crashed, and we found both you and Bella lying by the side of the road, Carlisle was concerned that the delay in treatment for you could result in the worst – you know" He waved his hand in my direction. I nodded eager for him to continue.

"He told me to stay with you and he left, heading straight here. He told them he was a locust –"

"Locum" I corrected.

"Yeah that, relief Doctor thingy. Anyway, they didn't check. You guys were brought in and he was able to treat you immediately."

"Why didn't he just say we were related?"

"They wouldn't have allowed his assistance, Edward, you know that. Despite his expertise"

"But they found out?"

Emmett nodded. "He's been struck off pending investigation."

Shit! Medicine was my Dad's life. To be banished from something he had spent so many years studying and perfecting would be torture for him. What was going to happen to him? To his career?

"What if they decide to make that strike permanent?"

Emmett shrugged. "It's alright"

"How can it be alright?" I asked, incredulous to his nonchalance.

"Esme and Carlisle have a plan?"

"What plan?"

"Some sort of hospice"

"But if Dad is struck off for good, he can't practice."

"He won't practice. He and Esme will run the hospice. They have a lot of knowledge for Haemophilia. They can offer advice and support. I think they have another Doc in mind for the practice stuff."

I considered his words, it made sense. But it would still hurt Carlisle to be kept away from his passion. It was torture for anyone to be parted from something or someone they loved so strongly. Medicine had been Carlisle's existence. But the board knew all this and of course if they deemed his actions unjustifiable then to banish him from practising was suitable punishment in their eyes.

I felt guilty and stupid and angry that my actions had lead to so much grief for so many people.

James and I had almost killed Bella in our revenge games. I had stayed as close as heavenly possible to her, refusing to leave even in a state of unconsciousness. Our bond had been too strong and I had wanted her to remain, by my side, in my life, in her life, with me always.

I lay my head back on my pillow and recalled random memories that seemed broken and unfathomable. They must have been dreams that I had as they were too bizarre to explain. I saw one clearly in my mind as if reliving it again. It was the strangest dream out of them all but also the most pleasurable. In it, Bella had forgotten me. It was like we had only met and I had patiently shown her all the things that mattered to us.

Our meadow. Our first dance. Our first kiss. The first time we had been intimate. All of it had been amazing to me and I was sure for her too and each passing minute I could see clarity in her eyes as she looked at me as if I was a stranger one minute and the next with wonder and recognition. I had dreamt of her for a while until one day she had disappeared.

The other dreams had been unclear and I couldn't picture any sequence of events in them, I could only remember the feelings they ignited. Darkness, loneliness, desperation. I remember feeling trapped. Suffocated and such a strong sense of despair. I didn't like to recall those feelings.

But now, Bella was safe and yet the consequences kept occurring. Dad was losing his career and it was because of me. I should've severed James from my life years before I actually did. Maybe, Victoria would still be alive and he wouldn't have been hell bent on revenge.

But despite James's actions, I knew that I could've made better choices with regards to mine. I was lucky I was able to look back and say I had learnt my lesson.

I was just so regretful but that didn't help Carlisle mend his bridges.

I looked up as he walked back into the room. Dr Townsend was with him.

"Morning Edward" He greeted me.

I nodded back at him. I felt unable to speak, tearful and sorry for my Dad. I wanted to apologise but needed privacy to do that.

"Good news. You're stats are looking good, blood pressure fine, resting heart rate, perfect. Apart from Physiotherapy there isn't anything that we can do here that your Mom & Dad can't do at home."

"Thank you" I smiled. "For everything."

Carlisle and Dr Townsend glanced at each other before he left. I lifted the covers and swung my feet round to the floor.

"What do you think you're doing?" Carlisle asked.

I looked up at him "Going home!" I stated.

Carlisle laughed. "Don't be so impatient, I need to sign discharge papers. Your Mother is bringing you some clothes and we need to arrange Physiotherapy to come over to the house three times a week. Before all that is done, you are not going anywhere."

"Arghh!" I growled, throwing myself back against the pillows, my feet still on the floor. "So close"

"Erm Edward" Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah?" I lifted my arm of my face to look over at him.

"Cover your family jewels Buddy. You're putting me off my food!"

Glaring at him, I flung the covers over my lower half and cursed the inventor of the hospital gown!

"I think I'll take a shower while we wait" I muttered.

"Good idea, brush your teeth too!"

I threw a pillow at him.

Xxxx

Once inside my private bathroom, I turned the shower on and let the water heat up. I had taken my bag into the bathroom with me. Thanking all that is good and pure for my mother and her consideration. She had arrived to find Emmett and I pillow fighting and tutting her disapproval, had handed me a bag filled with my own precious belongings.

Inside, I found clothes, a wash bag and my wallet. I opened it up and retrieved a photograph tucked away in one of the credit card slots. It was a line of four passport photos of Bella and me. We had gone into Port Angeles for the day to purchase school supplies and had stopped off at the photo booth just after lunch. We'd had eight pictures taken altogether and Bella had kept the first four whilst I had kept the second supply.

In my copies, the first was of the both of us looking straight at the camera, smiling widely. Bella's grin was so huge her eyes were crinkled shut, her hair was tied back into a high ponytail but it had crept over her shoulder, its ends all ringlets and curls, wound round each other and as usual, looking shiny and soft. I loved to bury my face in her hair, she smelt so fruity, floral and clean. I adored her.

The next sequence of photos saw us turn to face other, still smiling. The third, our faces still turned but the smiles now gentle rather than wide. The last photograph was of us kissing. Bella's face was tilted and her jaw more visible. Her skin looked smooth and perfect and I looked longingly at the image of our lips, meshed together.

I thumbed the outlined of her jaw, wishing I could know for sure the next time I would be close enough to her to be able to smell her floral scent, and taste her lips again.

I missed her. Every day I missed her and I knew the minute I was out of this place, I would be round her house begging her to see me. I prayed she wanted to see me too. I wished it had been the phone that had disconnected us the previous evening and not My Bella, but I was so unsure, I hadn't found the courage to call back again.

Placing the photos back inside my wallet, I eagerly tugged off the stupid hospital gown and steeped beneath the showers spray.

It was hot and the pressure more than I had anticipated. It felt good.

I closed my eyes and let the water cascade down my face and warm my entire being. I still felt weak from my lack of movement over the past few months, so I braced my hands against the wall.

I continued to think of Bella.

I pictured her laughing, her head thrown back and the sound of her humour causing me to laugh along with her. Her laughter was infectious and her smile made my stomach squeeze, I loved making her laugh.

In my head, she would look back at me, the laughter dying but the humour still alight in her eyes. She would approach me and place her hands either side of my face. She would pull me closer for a kiss. But instead of her lips against mine, she would tilt her head and find the soft, sensitive spot just beneath my ear. Her breath would warm my skin and her kisses would be delicate and teasing. I shivered, feeling the reaction all the way down and myself getting hard at the memory of her.

Leaving one hand against the wall to steady myself, I used the other to take hold of my cock, imagining the hands clenched around me were not my own. I moved my hand slowly, the sensation so alien to me, as it had been too damn long.

It felt fantastic.

I clenched my hand a little tighter and move a little faster. I opened my legs a little wider, the pleasure mounting as my strokes increased. I was breathing harder now and my knees felt like they would buckle but I pushed against the hand on the wall, and kept picturing Bella in my mind's eye.

She was unbuttoning her blouse and showing me tantalizing images of her bra. It was black and red and pushed up her breasts into glorious soft mounds. I wanted to bury my face in them.

I imagined my hands sliding round her back and unhooking it before throwing it across the room. Smiling at me, she stepped forward, her nipples erect and pushing them into my bare chest, she ran her other hand over my back.

We still hadn't kissed; instead she kept nibbling and pecking against my neck. Her head lowering down to my chest and back up, along my jaw. I could imagine the feel of the heat from her skin and moaning, I increased my strokes.

Moving my hips against the motion pushed me closer to the edge and imagining her pert nipples in my mouth I moaned even louder. My wobbly legs decided enough was enough and I fell to my knees, but I didn't stop. The sensation was climbing and pumping my hand faster and faster I came into the flow of shower.

My hands were shaking and I couldn't stand. I remained sitting in the bottom of the shower stall, letting the water pound down on top of my head while I struggled to catch my breath.

I felt lightheaded but fucking wonderful and a little bit more positive about seeing Bella again.

Xxxx

I emerged from the bathroom to find the room still empty. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett had gone to the hospital food court to retrieve breakfast and thinking back to my self- indulgent shower moment, I was thankful for that.

I had dressed in the bathroom. But needing to use the wall for support, I had edged my way back to my bed, collapsing on top of it, my hands shaking. I still felt dizzy and hoped they would bring me some food back with them.

I hadn't eaten properly in the days since waking and of course, had lived on a liquid diet in the months before that.

I craved steak, medium rare and succulent! I doubted the food court downstairs catered for the more carnivorous, it was mostly Big Macs or greasy fried chicken.

I needed to lie down but struggled to even lift my feet off the floor. I had no energy. I lay back against the pillows, leaving my feet on the floor and it was uncomfortable.

"Do you need some help?" I heard a female ask from the doorway. I barely had the strength to lift my head, so I just nodded and said "Yes please"

She walked into the room and lifting my legs from the floor, she carefully turned me until I was lying symmetrical to the bed. Placing my legs down gently, she sat next to me.

I wanted to lift my head to look at her, but felt exhausted. "Thank you"

"You're welcome" She said, her voice soft and suddenly familiar.

Using all the energy I could summon, I removed my arms from over my head and pushed myself up onto my elbows to face my visitor and assistor.

Her hair was tied back in a high ponytail and draped over her left shoulder. Her face was pale but looked creamy and smooth. Her eyes were wide and deep brown and her lips parted slightly. She was looking at me like the girl I had fantasized about minutes earlier.

She looked beautiful.

Beautiful Bella My Bella.

"Hi Edward" She whispered.

Lifting my hand I held it out towards her. She looked uncertain as she lifted her own and placed it in mine. I closed my fingers around her and gently tugged. She moved closer to me and when close enough I pushed my other hand behind her neck and pulled her on top of me.

The uncertainty vanished from her eyes and laughing she looked at me, I felt dizzy and excited and breathless and worried for one brief second that I was going to pass out.

Laying her head on my chest, I inhaled her fragrance and closed my arms around her, keeping her near.

"Just give me a minute, ok?" I asked.

She nodded. "I'm not going anywhere."

I took deep breaths and eventually felt a little more connected. Feeling my breathing steady beneath her ear, Bella raised her head to look at me.

"Better?"

"Not quite" I replied. I traced her cheek and jaw with my finger tip. Then cupping her face in my hands I closed the distance between us.

Her lips felt soft. Moaning gently, she parted hers and I tasted her with my tongue. Running the tip along her bottom lip and then delving gently inside again. I pulled away and Bella was breathing hard. Her eyes half closed. She looked totally decadent.

"Now, I'm better" I murmured, pulling her back down to me, finding the strength from somewhere to hold her close.

I was finally home.


	23. Ch23 Dreams

**A/N: **My sincere apologies for the delay with Ch23. I hope you're feeling romantic, people because this one oozes love!

Big hugs to Fiazt, Chicalicious, Suzanne01, Twilighteuphoria27 and my gorgeous BFF Malmo722!

**Disclaimer: **SM owns them but it doesn't take away our fantasies does it?

Ch23 Dreams

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return. Natalie Cole

EPOV

I held Bella against my chest, stroking her hair with one hand whilst the other rubbed small, gentle circles on her back. I couldn't see her face but I knew she was smiling, I knew it because I was too.

I'd felt so disconnected for such a long time, but now she was here; touching me, breathing the same air as me and everything was complete.

Bella lifted her head to cover my face in kisses. My forehead, eyelids, the end of my nose, my chin, my cheeks, along my jaw and the finally my lips. It made me chuckle. I cupped her cheeks in my own hands and looked at her.

I really looked, deep into her eyes. I studied her face, the curve of her lips, the length of her eye lashes and the line of her nose. It was all condemned to memory.

"Oh for goodness sake, get a room!" Emmett mumbled from the doorway.

Without breaking Bella's gaze I replied "We have one, dickhead!"

"Oh how sweet!" Esme piped up. We turned to see the entire family gathered in the small room, all staring at us with stupid grins on their faces and we in turn, grinned stupidly back at them.

Bella made to climb off me but I tightened my hold on her and she conceded, laying her head back down on my chest.

"Comfortable there, Bella?" Emmett asked, smirking.

"Yes thank you!" She replied, smiling. "I like to hear his heartbeat"

"Yes" Esme agreed. "It reminds us how near we came –"She paused, swallowing and wiping her face.

My smile faltered, I had forgotten momentarily, just how close things had come. The images of my dreams were scattered and incomplete but I could remember being alone and sinking into an abyss, surrendering to the dark. It had seemed the easier choice but I was glad I had struggled against it as it would've meant a funeral for my family to plan rather than my homecoming.

Carlisle placed his arm around Esme's shoulder and pulled her close. She patted his chest "I'm ok"

"Edward, Esme and I have to go and sign discharge papers. Emmett will pack your things up and then we can go." Carlisle instructed.

"So soon?" I heard Bella ask.

"We've arranged home visits for the physiotherapy and I can administer Edward's medication. Seems pointless taking up bed space when he can be cared for at home!"

Bella nodded, but she looked a little sad.

I waited for Carlisle and Esme to leave then I glared at Emmett, hoping he'd get the message and leave us alone.

"Erm, I'll go make a start in the bathroom." He muttered.

"I'm just popping down to the food court" Rosalie explained.

Turning to Bella I lifted her chin with my finger. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing really" She sighed. "I was just worried I wouldn't be able to see you as often when you got home"

"Why wouldn't you be seeing me?"

"I think your Mom is feeling pushed out. By Me." Bella lowered her eyes but not her chin as my finger was still holding her face up towards mine.

"Really?" I asked.

Bella nodded. "Every-time she comes in here, I'm hanging all over you. When you woke up, you looked around and stopped when you found me in the room, barely glancing at Esme. Then I was holding you and she politely waited until I moved away before hugging you and now-"Bella stopped, a faint blush creeping up her face. "Now she comes in and I'm lying on top of you and again! I think, she'll be glad to get you home and won't really want me hanging around."

"I don't think it's like that Bella."

Bella nodded. "It is, Edward. Carlisle told me about Alex and what they went through when he-when they lost him. And then it was pretty much touch and go here with you and she's your mother, she wants to be the first person you need and look for."

"I understand what you're saying, Bella but she isn't selfish. She just wants me to be happy." I moved my finger slightly, causing Bella to raise her eyes back to mine, she looked so sad. "If being with you makes me happy, she wouldn't stand in the way of that."

"I know she isn't selfish, that's what makes me feel so bad. She hasn't said a word but I still feel guilty."

I pulled her face closer to mine and kissed her gently on the lips. She hesitated slightly, then sighing she pressed herself against me. Her hand crept round the back of my head, tugging my hair and pressing me closer.

Breaking apart and breathing a little faster, we rested our foreheads together. "Pease don't leave me" I whispered, my eyes closed.

"I'm not going anywhere" She whispered back.

"Promise?"

"I swear"

"Well, buddy I've packed up your toothbrush and your jocks and I've even wasted time enjoying the excellent facilities in here, but I've got to come back into the room sooner or later!" Emmett called from the bathroom.

"Sure dude, come on in" I answered him, reluctantly breaking away from Bella.

Smiling at me, she excused herself. "I've got to go and see someone, I won't be long"

"Who?" I asked, not wanting to see her go.

"A friend"

Feeling a sudden pang of something resembling jealousy I asked her again "Who?"

She seemed suddenly uncomfortable and I recalled Rosalie had mentioned a male nurse Bella had become friends with. I didn't want her to leave the room never mind going to visit another guy but I tried to keep my face composed and not to sound too desperate.

Bella shrugged "His name is Jake. Jacob. He helped me in recovery and I think – no I know, I hurt his feelings."

I frowned at her use of his shortened name, as though he mattered to her. But of course, he would matter to her; he had been her friend when I wasn't able to be. I knew I had nothing to worry about really but I had questions I needed to ask, I didn't want to appear desperate.

"I know he's your friend and I'm sorry I sound jealous. Don't be too long, ok? Or I'll miss you!"

Instead of leaving Bella frowned at me, then biting her bottom lip she sat back down on the edge of my bed. She kept her eyes averted which made me feel wary again. What was she hiding?

"Edward, I need to tell you something." I watched her swallow before going on "Jake helped me when I first woke up. He and I became good friends but then he said he had feelings for me and-"

"And you turned him down?" I filled in the blanks for her, hopeful.

She didn't answer me straight away, which made my hope dissipate but I kept telling myself I could trust her and quashed the wariness back down. I waited patiently for her to answer me.

"Edward" She kept her eyes averted.

I didn't like this.

"I think I may have lead Jake on, I didn't mean too but I was so scared and he was there. I saw him as a friend but he wanted more. He hoped for more."

"Of course you relied on him, that's nothing to be sorry about. He offered you a shoulder and you leaned" I shrugged "Seems simple enough to me."

I sounded naive but inside my head I wasn't. I knew things had developed between them. I only had to look at her face to see the guilt there but I needed to trust her.

She shook her head. "It's not that simple, I let him kiss me" Her voice was low but I heard her loud and clear.

Emmett cleared his throat "Erm, I'll just take this shit down to the car."

I watched him make a hasty departure then looked back at Bella. She eventually glanced back up at me when I didn't respond.

I wanted to say something but was trying to remain stoic. Getting angry wasn't going to solve anything and she was trying to be honest with me. If I lost my temper, she'd walk out and I'd be left wondering who she'd run too. I didn't know this Jacob, but I wasn't going to give her an excuse to go to him, unhappy with me.

"I'm sorry" She said softly.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

She nodded. "I care for him, a lot. Only as a friend!"

I nodded.

"But-"

My heart stopped again. "But what?"

"Like I said, it's not that simple."

"Then why don't you explain it to me?"

"Please don't be mad"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "I'm trying not to be." I admitted "But you're not making it easy."

"I want to be honest with you. I have to be, but I'm afraid it means I may lose you"

"Did you sleep with him?" I blurted, fearing the worse.

Bella's eyes widened "Hell no!"

I felt foolish for questioning her. "Then what's the problem?"

"He said he loved me Edward and I didn't push him away. I needed him. I was so worried about you and I was confused and it was all up in the air, with your Dad pretending to be someone else and me being kept away from you. I took advantage of his feelings."

I watched her face but she seemed sincere. I could see she was feeling bad and I hated to see my girl frown. I understood her reasons and I couldn't blame her, not totally.

I touched her cheek with my finger, my eyes softening. Bella closed her eyes and pressed her face closer to my hand.

"I really am sorry." She murmured.

"It doesn't matter"

"How can you say that?" She asked me. "Edward, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even be here right now but yet I relied on another guy for comfort!"

"I agree, but not the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Yes if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here in this hospital. You would've been safe at home with Charlie and not recuperating from a collision with me and James! I'm glad Jacob was here for you."

She lifted her hand to my face, copying my touch from moments earlier. "But you look so tortured"

"I'm an idiot, Bella and I almost cost you your life. Yet here you are, smiling at me." Frowning I shook my head. "I don't deserve you"

"Edward, I spend the months after waking up hanging around with another guy. I knew he liked me but it didn't matter to me because I needed him. I used him. And I sometimes even wished I could feel the same way about him." I flinched slightly at her admission. "I'm a terrible person and it's me who doesn't deserve you!"

It hurt to hear that she had wanted to want him but in the end she hadn't and that's what really mattered.

I had lost so much time with her already. Of course I could wallow in fickle jealousy and constantly go over and over in my head the possibility of her being with this other guy but that would take away more time. Time that could be spent happy with her. I didn't want to spend any of that feeling angry or jealous or unhappy.

I held her close and rocked her, just like she had with me when I had first woken. I soothed her with my hands, my kisses and my voice as I willed her to just lie in my arms and feel how real this was.

"Bella, please don't think about it anymore. I'm not mad. You haven't lost me. I don't blame you. I promise."

"Why?" Her voice was muffled as she turned her head towards my chest, her hand gripping my shirt. I hated it when she cried.

"Because there is no doubt in my mind how I feel about you nor how you feel about me. With Jacob he gave you something and you considered wanting more but you didn't. I know it's me whom you love."

She shook her head "I said it before and I'll say it again. Edward Cullen, I don't deserve you!"

"I really wish you'd stop saying that. Look at me"

Bella lifted her head and pulling away slightly, looked back at me like I had asked her too.

"I love you" I said.

She nodded.

I said it again. "I love you. Do you believe in that?"

"I do" She whispered. "I just don't know why you're not mad at me"

"I love you" I spoke again.

"Edward" she mumbled but I shushed her before she could say anymore.

"Do you remember dreaming?" I asked.

She nodded.

"What do you remember?"

She took her time answering. "I remember you."

I nodded. "Me too. There are times when it's all hazy but the constant was always you. I think I clung to that"

"It doesn't make sense, does it?" She asked me.

"Nope!" I agreed. "Not out loud anyway. In here-"I tapped my head as she glanced up at me to see where I was indicating "It makes perfect sense."

We sat silent for a while, her head against my heart. If I could've opened my chest, I would've placed it in her hands.

"What else do you remember?" She asked softly.

I thought back to the turn of events, to James entering the kitchen. To his cajoling of Bella and threatening to destroy my happiness like I had his. I had foolishly gone with him, wanting him to be as far away from Bella as possible, willing to play along with his stupid games just so he was out of my house and away from the people I cared the most about.

This had always been his way. He was like a ticking bomb and each time I had followed because I felt like I owed him something.

I voiced my thoughts to Bella "I remember James. I remember him tricking me to go with him and then leaving me with some drug dealers. He'd lied to them about payment and they let him leave thinking I was who they wanted. That's how he got away from me. I paid up, came home and discovered you were gone."

"He said you were in trouble"

"Well, I was in a way but nothing you could've helped with."

"I couldn't just sit there Edward."

"I know. He can be very persuasive."

"Well not anymore" She corrected me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"James is dead, Edward."

I stared back at her, incredulous. He had hardly been a friend for a very long time but I recalled years ago when we had been. Before Victoria and the catastrophe she invoked on both our lives.

I hadn't even asked about him when I woke, always assuming he was in the background of my life.

I couldn't quite believe he was gone. His only emergence in my life now would be as a ghost of my past.

"Are you ok?" Bella looked concerned, I quickly reassured her.

"Yeah, I'm just a little shocked."

She nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad he's dead!" I said.

"You can't really mean that?"

"Do you remember James at all?"

I watched Bella shudder as she recalled his toxic presence. "It's still harsh to say that"

"You have no idea what it was like to see his hands on you! To see him crashing my car. I was so engrossed in your collision I didn't watch my own driving, all I cared about was you!"

"I do know Edward. I felt it all too when I saw you in your car, all bent around that tree."

I wiped a tear from her face with the edge of my index finger then placing my finger in my mouth, I tasted the salt of her tears. She watched my movements and I couldn't resist pulling her closer so I could taste from her lips this time.

"I thought you were dead" I whispered against her mouth. "I dragged myself from that car and all I could think about was you. I checked you were still breathing then called Dad and I the next thing I remember was being with you, sitting in our meadow. It was the strangest thing. We were just sat still, listening to the river and to the birds and I felt so peaceful."

"Go on" She urged when I paused. I looked back down at her face. She had no idea how much she had saved me. My own personal guardian angel.

"It didn't matter to me where we were or even that it made no sense to be there at all. It didn't matter because all I needed was you. But one day you just disappeared and I didn't know why."

"I'm sorry" She whispered. "I think that was when I woke up"

"What do you mean? Do you think it was connected? In my dreams?"

"I know" She nodded her head "It's the craziest shit but no matter what way I look at it, it fits."

"What do you remember?" I asked her this time.

"I remember crashing. I remember seeing you in the other car. I remember trying to reach you but I didn't remember all of that at first. Not when I woke up."

"Didn't you?"

She shook her head. Then lifting herself away from me, she pulled her legs up and sat crossed legged in the centre of my bed. I mirrored her and settled back against the headboard. Bella picked at the blanket and frowning she spoke again.

"I didn't remember you. It was like that first night we met. Do you remember it?"

I nodded.

"You hit me with your car"

I flinched at the memory.

She continued, not looking at me. "But this time when you took me home, you kept asking me to remember you. It was so strange because I loved you immediately. It was so fast but it made perfect sense to me. Then along came James."

She finally looked up at me and stopped fidgeting with the sheet.

"I woke up and forgot about you, then remembered you, then searched for you, found you and waited for you"

She spoke so matter of fact but rather than taking her stunted points as heartless or uncaring, I took them as a sign of her struggle to remember what was so obviously a painful time for her. I imagined for a moment it was me who had woken before her and discovered she was the one about to have her life support terminated.

It hurt. Like an iron hand closing around my heart and all I could feel was pain in my chest. I leaned forward and took her hand in mine.

"See how perfect we are for each other"

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Unbreakable even in dreams!"

I watched as the smile touched her face more enigmatically this time. Her brown eyes softened as she looked back at me.

"Thank you" Her voice was gravelly, swallowing against her tears.

"I hated being apart from you" I whispered.

"Me too" She agreed.

"But you found me!"

She shook my head, "No Edward, it was you that found me. You helped me wake up. I'm sorry I left you behind. I'm so sorry"

"You're here, I'm here. That's all that matters now"

She unhooked her legs and edged towards me on all fours. Stopping mere inches from my face she smiled, wide and sincere.

"What happens next?"

"That's simple. It's our happily ever after!"

She closed the gap and her lips found mine. I could taste her tears and her tongue and her warmth and threading my fingers through her hair I held on tightly.

Kissing Bella was always my undoing.

Xxxx

Bella had left to find Jacob. I didn't like it but I could recognise her need to clear the air between them.

The entire Cullen clan emerged from the elevator and pushing myself away from the bed, I met them at the door, eager to get home.

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder. Esme pushed her smaller hand into mine. Rosalie and Emmett walked ahead, carrying my bag and eating a burrito.

I looked around the ward at the private rooms, all darkened and dreary and accommodating strangers who had been my neighbours.

It seemed so depressing. I wondered how anyone made it out of here alive.

"Will Bella be coming round later?" Esme asked. I looked down at her. I thought I'd see tension there, remembering Bella's words earlier but she was smiling at me, her face soft and loving.

I nodded. "If that's ok with you?"

"Of course it is" Esme looked confused by my question. "Bella's always welcome, Edward."

Carlisle squeezed my shoulder. "There's a little welcome party waiting for you back home!"

I looked at him sharply. I just wanted to chill in my room, with my things and my Bella. I didn't want to entertain anyone else.

Carlisle shrugged. Lowering his head closer to mine he whispered conspiringly "Blame your mother! She had Tanya arrange it whilst we came to get you!"

I caught Rosalie's eye as she watched my reaction. I narrowed my eyes, she understood my unspoken question.

She lifted her hands and shrugged as if to say "Out of my hands" but I stared back at her, silently begging her to help me out.

"Mom" She called after Esme as she stepped inside the elevator. Esme turned to Rosalie. "Edward looks tired. Maybe we should post-phone this for another day?"

"Are you ok, Dear?" I feigned weakness and played along with Rosalie, hoping Esme would fall for it and send Tanya home. She had been less than kind to Bella and I had nothing to say to her.

Placing her hand on my head, checking for a possible temperature, Esme turned to Carlisle. "Does he look ok to you?"

Carlisle eyed me from over the top of Esme's head. I stared back wide eyed, not sure how to make him play along too.

After a minute, Esme looked over her shoulder for Carlisle's diagnosis.

"He needs rest, Sweetheart. Maybe it's best we don't do this today."

Esme nodded in agreement. "I didn't think, Darling I'm sorry. I'll call home as soon as we get outside."

I sighed in relief and looking over at Rosalie I mouthed Thanks without Esme seeing.

Downstairs, we all climbed into the car except for Carlisle who waited outside the vehicle for Esme to finish her call. As she walked over, Carlisle pulled open the door for her.

"Everything sorted, Love?" He asked.

Esme fastened her seatbelt. "Yes, they've left."

I let my head fall back against the seat in relief. I was glad Bella wouldn't have to face Tanya without much warning and I began to look forward to a peaceful evening with her.

"We've re-arranged it for Saturday night. It was a good idea to post-phone, this way I get the throw a real party where everyone is invited!"

Xxxx

I spent the two hours at home, waiting for Bella, sat at my piano. I had to apologise to her for the party next week and didn't know how to start. She would understand, of course, knowing the reason behind Esme's excitement to celebrate my return home. But how could I expect her to live through an entire evening with Tanya, in my home, spreading her venom?

I tinkered with the keys, barely making a tune, my fingers just reacquainting themselves with the ivories. I had missed playing. It had always been a release for me to conduct a melody in my head and commit it to the instrument before me.

I had half written a song for Bella, during the drive home, inspired by our conversation regarding dreams and everything else that had happened to us. I played out the unfinished tune but the song sounded dark and I wanted it to sound uplifting.

Esme was reading across the room and I could see her frowning at the sombre melody.

It had been an awful time and to remember it, really wasn't moving on. I began playing the notes from my head and unhappy with the sequence, I changed it slightly, moving my fingers along the keys to find notes that sounded lighter.

I sped the notes up, only slightly quicker. The tune started to sound more open and I watched as Esme's frown eased from between her brows. I took this as a good sign ignoring the fact that her expression could've resulted from the chapter in her book.

I played around with the song all afternoon and was finally content with the end result just as Bella's truck pulled into the driveway.

I erased the song name from the top of the music sheet which was resting against the piano and heard her coming into the house, greeted by Carlisle and making her way towards me.

I wrote the perfect title for her song and standing to meet her, I watched as she walked towards me, her smile wide, her eyes huge and I fell in love with her all over again.

**A/N: **The song that I think Edward would have written is called "Dreams" and it's by Yiruma. Do I have to write a disclaimer for that too?

But listen to it and picture Edward, all messy haired and perfect! Sigh

There's a link on my profile page.

Don't forget to visit my thread on Twilighted (dot) net. It was started by Malmo722 (she's brilliant) but I'm starting to feel all lonely over there!

Before you move along, see that little box in the middle that says "Review"? Yes? Well, click it....go on, I dare you!


	24. Ch24 Apologies

A/N: To Chicalicious; I dedicate all the "**whilst**'s" in this chapter to you! MoniMD; I hope this chapter makes you smile **whilst** still igniting your passions.

To Fiazt, Suzanne01, acrosstheskyinstars, Twilighteuphoria27 and my gorgeous BFF Malmo722, I made gingerbread Edward's and Emmett's today and wished you guys were here to sample their wares because quite truthfully, nobody else "gets" it!!!

Disclaimer: Hers not mine!

Ch24 Apologies

Anger when ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness but when concealed often hardens into revenge. Edward G Bulwer-Lytton

BPOV

I was at a loose end and trying to kill time until I could see Edward. He was expecting a physiotherapy session up at this home this afternoon and I'd agreed to wait until after it had finished before visiting him.

For the entire length of our relationship Edward was proud and despite our accident, he still wanted to appear strong and capable. He was too polite to ask me to stay away from the session but when he had appeared preoccupied with his thoughts all evening and even on occasion as though he was about to say something to me but kept holding back, I decided to take the lead and volunteered to him that his physiotherapy was the issue and asked if he'd prefer I came afterwards.

Edward looked at me for a few minutes before answering.

"Sure Bella, I'd really appreciate that."

He'd smiled and squeezed my hand and even relaxed a little after that but I could still sense something bothering him. I couldn't help but feel guilty and that it had something to do with my telling him about Jake.

I knew it was hurtful and he'd been through enough already but I couldn't look him in the eyes and keep my own turmoil a secret. I had never doubted how I felt about him and I had never doubted that my feelings for Jake had been simply platonic but I did doubt that my actions could've been more attuned to Jake's feelings. It was a difficult situation to read and I had to admit, I had done and said what I thought necessary at the time.

I had wanted Edward to hear from me about not coping very well in his absence and that it was with the help of another male that I found a way to cope. I worried he may hear it from an unhelpful source, one that may try to dig the knife in a little deeper.

Edward hadn't blamed me and I knew he was sincere but seeing his angst Tuesday evening after he had made it home from the hospital, I was starting to fear he'd had more time to dwell on it and he realised he was more hurt than he'd first admitted.

It was so hard walking out of that hospital room and looking for Jake even after I'd spoken to Edward about him, but there was one more thing I needed to say to Jake and it couldn't wait. Edward was waiting to go home and so we could begin all our tomorrows together, I wanted to do it with a guilt free conscience.

I decided to tell Jake I was no longer his friend.

His feelings were deeper than mine and it was simply unfair to expect him to accept only friendship and to see Edward and me together. I wasn't that cruel.

It hurt to think of saying goodbye to Jake but in the dim light of day, it was the fairest choice I could make. I would always be grateful to him for his friendship and his help in locating Edward but there was nothing more I could give him.

I'd walked down the familiar corridor to the ward I'd occupied only a short while ago. Glancing through the small circular window in the door, I looked around the room. Six beds, three on each side, the windows with blinds dimmed and curtains opened and the nurse's station situated front and centre.

Nothing had changed, except my bed was now occupied with a new sleeping figure and Jasper's bed was empty.

I pushed the door gently open and stepping inside I made my way over to the nurse's station. There was no one about and I could see the duty rota pined to the notice board. I walked behind the desk and moved my finger over the names, searching for Jake's and the time his shift would begin or end.

His name was no longer included on the list.

I checked again but he was definitely missing.

"Can I help you?"

I turned to see a young nurse standing behind me. She was replacing charts on hooks, the corresponding patients name tapped to the wall below.

"I was – err – looking for someone"

"Really?" She enquired. "Who?"

"Jacob Black"

"Jake" The nurse smiled, "He doesn't work here anymore."

"Oh" I was shocked. Jake had loved his career and had made no mention he was thinking of leaving.

"Do you know where he is now?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry, my Dear, but I'm not at liberty to say"

"It's ok, I'm a friend" I offered. "My name's Bella."

"No offense, Bella, but it seems to me if you were a friend he would've told you"

I nodded in agreement "You're right, I'm sorry" I stepped round the desk and made a hasty exit, pushing the door roughly into someone entering from the other side.

"Watch it!" She yelped, dropping a bundle of linen.

"Sorry" I mumbled. It seemed to be my favourite word today.

Leah glanced up at me as I bent to help her pick up the fallen pile. "Great. I might've known it was you!"

"What?" I asked. She was being her usual bitchy self.

"Clumsy, self centred and self obsessed Bella!"

"What's your problem exactly?" She was starting to piss me off.

But Leah ignored me. Snatching the laundry from my hands she bumped the door with her bottom and stormed inside. I stood outside the ward wondering what I'd done to deserve that kind of reaction.

Leah came back out almost immediately, the door bouncing off my ankle and smacking her in the face.

"Fucking hell!" She screamed.

"Leah, I'm so sorry" I lifted my hands up to grab the door on its second rebound and tugging her shoulder, I pulled her clear of it and towards the seats in the waiting area.

"Fucking typical!" She was really mad.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Yeah, well, that's not good enough!" Leah had lowered her voice but she was still hostile.

"Leah, where's Jake gone?"

She stopped pushing at her nose and checking for bleeding with the back of hand to look at me; her eyes narrowed as she glared.

"I really, really wish you would just fucking disappear!" She muttered.

"I wish you'd tell me what it is I'm supposed to have done to you!"

"You're everywhere! Fucking pisses me off!"

"I don't have a clue what you're talking about!"

To my surprise, Leah started to cry. I grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table and handed it to her.

"Leah, please tell me what's wrong"

"I really liked him" She said quietly.

My tummy knotted, my mind going straight to Edward.

"Who?" I dared ask.

_Please don't say Edward. Please don't say Edward_.

Leah lifted her head from her hands, turning her eyes towards me. "I should've known not to get involved. He was always talking about you. But I liked him"

She rubbed at her cheeks and took the tissue from my hand. Blowing her nose she said "It was going ok until he called out your name! Passion killer or what? May as well throw ice cold water over my naked body then parade me down the street! I was so humiliated!"

"Leah, I'm sorry but I don't know who you're talking about."

"Jake" She hissed. "He and I were together until he said your name during sex!"

_Holy Fuck!_

"I can see why you'd be embarrassed."

"Fuck off Isabella!" She snapped.

"I'm not laughing at you, Leah. I'm agreeing with you. That was low! But in all fairness, it's hardly my fault!"

She sat back and continued to glare at me. I'd heard the saying "If looks could kill" and Leah was seriously murdering me with complete contempt.

"I don't care if you think you don't deserve my hatred!" She hissed at me, never looking away from my bewildered stare. "I don't even care that Jake thinks he loves you! In fact, I couldn't give a flying fuck if you walked out that door and got knocked down by a fucking bus! The fact is, I do hate you and that will never change!"

She stood and throwing her crumpled tissue into my lap, Leah stormed off down the corridor. I watched her turn corner but despite her speech I could tell she was deflated. Her shoulders slumped as she rounded the corner when she believed she was out of my sight.

I felt dreadful and not knowing what I was going to say or do, I raced after her.

As I turned the corner, I realised I had left it too late. She was nowhere in sight. I stopped outside a store cupboard and leant back against the wall. Leah was a cow that much was true but no girl deserved to be made to feel so insignificant and no doubt she felt second best too. She obviously needed someone to blame and why not me?

I thought about Jake and Leah and wondered why they couldn't just get along and be together. It seemed that two very nice people could find a small measure of the happiness I had with Edward if they just let down their defences.

But as much as I wished they could fall for each other, I also knew if the chemistry didn't exist, it was pointless.

"Hey Bella! What are you doing hanging around here? I thought you'd gone home a few days ago! Can't get enough of the place, eh?"

I looked up to see Dr Townsend walking towards me. He stopped in front of me by the store cupboard door. His white jacket was unbuttoned revealing a pale blue shirt with lilac and blue striped tie and I could make out the definition of his chest through the fabric. I trailed my eyes up to his face and blushed when he raised his brows at my perusal of him. I had never really noticed before how handsome he actually was. His hair such a dark brown, it appeared black. His eyes were as pale blue as his shirt. He had a long face but not out of proportion. He smiled with perfect white teeth when I continued to stare.

"Hi" I mumbled, hearing a bump in the cupboard next to me. I ignored the noise and addressed Dr Townsend's questions I had yet to answer.

"Err, I was looking for Jacob but he's no longer here. I was talking to Leah but she – had to go" I changed my mind about explaining Leah's outburst. It wasn't my place to discuss her personal business.

"Leah? She's Jacob's girlfriend right?"

"Err no" I replied. Dr Townsend's smile extended and crossing his arms he leant against the wall. He seemed – interested?

"You seemed rather interested!" I said, smiling conspiringly at him. To my delight, he blushed.

"Dr Townsend! Do you have a crush?"

There was a loud crash from the cupboard and a muffled response which sounded like swearing. Dr Townsend and I looked at each other then I pulled the door open to find Leah sat sprawled on the floor with her foot in an upturned bucket. The mop had fallen against her shoulder and unfortunately for Leah, the dirty water over her lap and onto the floor.

"Fuck!" She muttered as she spotted Dr Townsend peering over my shoulder.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

She glared at me. Of course, she was probably blaming me for the fact that she had been caught hiding in a cupboard, eaves dropping.

"Here, let me help you" Dr Townsend brushed past me and placing one hand under Leah's elbow and taking her other hand in his, he pulled her gently to her feet.

"Thanks" She mumbled, turning bright red and looking at her feet. Dr Townsend squatted on his hunches and taking hold of her ankle, he pulled her foot free of the bucket. Leah winced slightly. Her toes had been crushed against the narrow walls of the bucket. Releasing his hold on her lower leg, Dr Townsend ran his hand over her foot.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She blurted.

He looked up at her, his hand still caressing her soggy toes. "Checking for injury"

"Oh" She replied. Leah glanced over at me and I tried to wipe the cheesy grin from my face. It was so sweet and she was again mortified but I had a feeling she didn't mind so much as the gorgeous and sensitive Dr placed her foot gently on the floor and stood to face her.

"I'm sorry Leah but it's useless"

"What?" She asked, looking down at her foot with a worried glance.

"Your foot is fine, as are your toes but I'm afraid your socks have seen better days. The water had bleach in it!"

At last! A smile! I watched as Leah, blushed again and taking Dr Townsends hand, she stepped out of the cupboard.

"Thank you Dr Townsend" She said softly.

"You're welcome." He said back "And please call me Daniel"

"Thank you. Daniel"

"Leah"

I felt like a peeping Tom so turning away I walked towards the exit, giving up on finding Jake. The nurse had been right, if he had wanted me to know, he would've told me.

"Bella"

I turned to see Leah, hobbling down the corridor towards me.

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, Leah, really"

"Well, that's kind of you to say so, but I am. I know you don't believe me but I'm not always a complete bitch."

"Just usually half a one then?"

She glared at me. Not ready for jokes yet, obviously.

"Ok. Bye then" I nodded and turned to make my leave. She called me again.

"Bella"

"Yeah"

"Jake hasn't left the hospital. Just that department. He's in PT now"

"PT??" I asked.

"Physiotherapy."

"Why?"

Leah shrugged "Truthfully? I don't really know but I think he was hoping he'd be assigned to your case. I'm kind of glad he wasn't"

"You are?"

"Yeah. He's been given some guy instead." Leah chuckled and then remembering I was stood in front of her she stifled her laugh. "Sorry but he deserves it!"

I had left the hospital and came home. Charlie had left lunch debris in the kitchen so I kept busy with chores but eventually they too were done and I still had time to spare.

I was missing Edward terribly. The exchange between Dr Townsend and Leah reminded me of how thoughtful Edward was and I was impatient to see him again.

Charlie was worried I was spending too much time up at the Cullen's. I had visited everyday this week so far.

But I didn't care, I loved Edward and I didn't think I would ever get tired of spending time with him. Besides, it had been a very long time since we'd had any "quality" time together and I was more than ready to get that part of our relationship back on track.

I smiled to myself as I imagined ways of seducing him.

I was so happy and thinking back over the last few months and how we had come through it all; still together, still in love and of course, still breathing, I knew no matter what, Edward and I were together and it appeared, unbreakable.

Xxxx

EPOV

I was taking advantage of the seldom seen sunshine and sitting out in the garden waiting for my physiotherapist to arrive. She had called this morning to confirm and also request permission for a trainee to attend the session too. I'd said it was fine.

Esme was weeding her flowerbeds and humming the melody I had composed for Bella the day I'd arrived home. The homecoming party was merely days away and I had yet to tell Bella all about it and more significantly, that Tanya would be attending.

Like a moron, I'd conducted the conversation over and over again in my head and then out loud but each time I thought I had the perfect response, a possible Bella reaction would be thrown into the mix and I'd have to start all over again.

It had begun yesterday. I'd been trying to relax on my bed and listen to some old cd's I'd neglected in what Emmett referred to as "my 3 month sabbatical" when I decided to try out the upfront-and-to-the-point approach.

"_Bella, there's a party and Tanya's coming!"_

"_In that case I'm not!"_ Emmett had pouted in the bedroom doorway, mimicking Bella's part with his hand on his hip whilst studying his finger nails on the other hand.

I threw my pillow at him.

I went down to the lounge and decided to watch a sitcom because I needed to chill. I lost concentration during the commercial break and my mind wandered back to the Bella/Tanya party problem. I came up with the emotional-blackmail tactic.

"_Bella, Esme is so excited about my miracle recuperation that she's arranged a party."_

"_That sounds like a good idea" _She'd begin_._

"_I couldn't deny her!"_

"_And why would you? You're a great son and it's a great idea!"_

"_It's for Saturday night!"_

"_No problem, Baby. Does she need any help with the arrangements?"_

"_Yes but she already has it"_

"_Cool. Rosalie?"_

"_No"_

"_Carlisle?"_

"_Nope"_

"_Not Emmett?"_

"_Are you kidding? He couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery!" _

"_Then who?" _Her eyes would narrow suspiciously_._

"_Tanya" _I'd practically whisper_._

"_Are you freaking kidding me?" _Emmett screeched as he passed by the lounge on his way to the kitchen.

"Fuck off, Emmett!" I'd shouted at his retreating back. But he had a point so shaking my head, I eliminated that plan.

I went for the You-are-so-important-to-me tactic whilst sitting in the library trying to read "Great Expectations".

"_Bella, you know I love you right?"_

"_Yes, Edward and I love you too"_

"_If there was any way I could save you from what is sure to be a horrible experience on Saturday, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat don't you?"_

"_Of course, Edward"_

"_I love you so much, Sweetheart"_

"_Then if you love me so much you won't mind if I recall this awful experience and take great pleasure in reminding you of it, every opportunity I get! Will you?" _ Emmett supposed, poking his head through the library window.

"Emmett! For the love of God, will you please just fuck off?"

"Dude, you know I'm right!"

"I'll just tell her Tanya's coming! That's it, I've decided straight to the point! Bella, there's a party and Tanya's coming!"

"Well if she's coming then I'm not!" Emmett replied, mimicking Bella's voice again.

"You really have to stop doing that!"

"Dude you need to get a clue! We're talking about a woman here. I'm just trying to help you see there is no easy way out! For every feasible explanation you come up with, she will squat on it and-"

"Emmett!" I stopped him before he could degrade Bella any further.

"Trust me!" He continued.

"You've been married to my sister way too long, buddy!"

"Eddie, that's how I know" He shrugged. "You're fucked!"

I threw my book at him!

Esme had concluded I was stressed, so demanded I take timeout in the garden until my appointment arrived. To my great pleasure, she scolded Emmett for upsetting me and sent him off to run some errands.

I lay back in the hammock and watching Esme I realised I had exhausted all possibilities and was still no nearer to a conclusion. The fact of the matter was, Bella would be upset and I couldn't help it.

I settled for a combination of all tactics.

"Bella, Esme has arranged a homecoming party for me. She actually wanted to do it on Tuesday, she was so excited to have me back but Carlisle thought I was too tired so she re-scheduled it for this Saturday night. Tanya has helped plan the party which means she'll be attending. I love you and know you'd rather not be in her company but this is for my Mother and it would mean a lot to both her and me if you would come and celebrate with us."

I heard the chime of the front doorbell and the vague greeting issued by Carlisle as he let in the visitors. He asked both the therapist and her trainee if they'd like a beverage. I heard her feminine reply and the gruff voice of a young male as Carlisle showed them through to the garden where I waited.

"Edward this is Angela"

"Hi Edward" She lifted her hand and gave me a small wave. She was tall and thin, her brown hair pulled back in a bun at the base of her long, slender neck. She was wearing the latest Chanel spectacles, the frames small, square and bejewelled along the arms which were tinted a slight reddish colour. They suited her face. She was pretty and smiling at me.

"Hey Angela" I stood and offered her my hand to shake. She seemed taken aback by my formality but after a small hesitation, she took my hand and shook it limply. "It's nice to meet you" I said smiling.

I turned to her assistant and offered him my hand "I'm Edward" I said.

He made no move to reciprocate or reply.

"I didn't catch your name?" I asked, disliking his rudeness immediately.

I watched his eyes narrow and his mouth set in a tight thin line as he took my hand and squeezing it a little too tightly, he pumped it just the once.

Without releasing his grip he replied "Jacob."


	25. Ch25 Perfect Match

**A/N: **Thank you for all my reviews so far (and any future ones you are sure to leave too)!! I love them all. I do apologise for the delay in posting this update, it was planned to be up much sooner than this but (I hate to cast a dark cloud over the chapter) my Granddad passed away. He loved literature and so the story goes on.

There aren't many chapters left for Enigma and I've loved writing every single one of them but I am pleased to say that I have begun my new Fic "Spellbound" AKA Smut City. It has been Beta'd by Acrosstheskyinstars and she has done a wonderful job. I'm planning on posting the first chapter around the same time as I post the final chapter for Enigma.

As usual a huge thank you to my loyal readers, reviewers and now friends Fiazt, Malmo722, Acrosstheskyinstars , Chicalicious, jOjOdancer, Suzanne01 and MoniMD. A lovely big kiss sent across the virtual airwaves to all my other reviewers! Every one of you makes me smile. Please don't stop!

Fiazt, remember my promise. Just keep reading this and I promise a Jacob-is-the-hero- FanFic just for you!

**Disclaimer: **SM is lucky to have given birth to them all but we are lucky to enjoy them in any position we please!!!! Hell yeah! You girls _know_ what I mean! (No cock-blockers in this story!)

Ch 25 Perfect match

Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it from one person to give to another. There is always more than enough to go around. Pamela de Roy

EPOV

"Can you put a little bit of effort into it?"

I glared at Jacob, my ham strings were burning and despite forty five minutes of continuous stretching, I still had a few more exercises to complete before I was rid of this prick. I ached, he knew it and yet he just kept pushing me.

"I told you, already, you have to flex!" Grabbing my toes he yanked hard and the stretch increased.

_Fuck._

It hurt like hell but I was damned if I was going to let this dipshit know.

I tried to smile but was sure it looked more like a grimace. "You know, Jack" I said, baiting him by saying another name "I think we should wait until Angela gets back from talking to Carlisle. You're not actually – qualified"

Pushing my legs further apart and into a split that would make a ballerina cry, Jacob smirked. "Oh I can assure you, I know exactly what I'm doing!"

He leant over me, his attention momentarily concentrated on my left leg.

"Now lift it off the floor" He instructed. Raising my right leg instead, I kicked him on squarely on the jaw!

"Damn it!" Jacob jumped back, checking his chin for bleeding with the back of his hand. His jaw was hard and now my toes throbbed!

"Oops. Sorry Joe"

He glared at me again. "It's Jake!" He spat "And you know damn well that I meant lift it slowly and that I was referring to your left leg!"

"How could I know, John?" I shrugged "I've never done this before and besides –"I looked back at him, grinning widely "You're the expert! Oh Wait, sorry" I slapped my forehead "I mean, you will be, when you qualify!"

I relaxed back onto my elbows, my legs still spread out in front of me on the grass.

We had commenced my stretches in the garden. It was a pleasant day, the grass dry and the sun high and warm. Angela had instructed both Jacob and I on what stretches I had to learn and complete and then she'd stood back to watch Jacob; only interrupting briefly and infrequently to redirect us if she notice deference to the correct position.

"Watch his back, Jake; the stretch should be felt but not painful. We don't want to trap a nerve!"

Despite my instant dislike for this jerk, I had to admit he was a quick learner and no doubt good at his job.

Angela left us too it and went to find Carlisle. They had worked together before and Carlisle was fishing for new staff for his clinic. It seemed more and more likely everyday that this would be his new goal.

To lose his job would've once destroyed Carlisle. He loved his work, had a passion for learning, teaching and practicing medicine. The idea of a clinic had only begun as a fallback, for the worst case scenario. But listening to both him and Esme discuss possibilities, their enthusiasm growing, I realised no matter the outcome of Carlisle's investigation the clinic would still happen.

"We're done!" Jacob stood and stalked over to the table. Taking a swig of water from his bottle and ignoring my need for a drink, he started jotting notes on my physiotherapy schedule.

_Arrogant prick!_

I fell back onto the grass and moved my legs into a more comfortable position. Covering my eyes with my arm, I let the blood rush back to my sore limbs. I hated this, I was usually fit and strong and the feeling of being weak really frustrated me. I had tried to convince Carlisle that Physio wasn't really necessary but the Doctor in him had disagreed.

"Edward, your muscles have been unused for weeks. These exercises are structured around strengthening them slowly."

"I'll go the gym with Emmett" I argued.

"The gym? Jesus Edward, do you really think you're capable? You tried to help your Mother with grocery bags yesterday and needed to lie down afterwards."

"But Dad – "

"The answer is No, son. The therapist will be here tomorrow." He had placed his hand on my shoulder. "I really think its best"

I shrugged. I didn't like admitting I needed help.

"Well, for your Mother's sake then!"

_Ok, that's low!! Playing the guilt card!_

I'd nodded, defeated.

In truth, it hadn't been all that bad. Angela was sweet and in spite of Jacob showing up and acting like a douche bag, I had found the exercises helpful.

I'd taken the time between position changes to study him from under my lids. He was good looking, I'd give him that. Tall and well built, equal to Emmett in size.

I had looked down at my own chest and made a resolution to train more vigilantly as soon as I was able. I had gone to the gym a few times before with Emmett and knew my body was in good shape. I was toned and could even pull off wearing a Speedo but sitting across from a guy who could model vests for Calvin Klein did nothing for my self esteem.

I could see what Bella had liked about him, physically at least but the guy lacked manners and charm. Watching him openly show frustration whilst Angela instructed him had irked me.

When Esme offered to make them lunch and he had answered with a shrug, I'd been close to saying something to him but I really wanted to punch him when Carlisle came back outside with Angela and addressed Jacob only to be blatantly ignored!

"Hey Jeff!" I sat up.

Jacob looked over at me, his fists clenched at his sides. He narrowed his eyes but said nothing to correct my continuous jibe with his name.

"Dr Cullen was talking to you!"

"Edward, it's Ok" Carlisle interrupted.

"No Dad, it is not Ok. Dude" I turned back to Jacob. "Where you born a total prick or do you take lessons?"

Jacob walked slowly towards me, stopping inches from my face as I stood. "I'd really like to fucking kill you" He said quietly "But I don't hit invalids!"

"You fucking Faggot –"

"Jake!" Angela walked over. Stepping between us she pushed Jacob back a little. "Edward, good progress today, I'll be back on Monday, Ok? Jake, you and I need to talk!"

Angela walked away and turning she waited for Jacob to follow. He glared at me one last time before spinning on his heel and storming away. Angela let him pass her then followed him down the garden.

"Dickhead" I muttered.

"Edward, I really don't think that was necessary!"

"Are you serious?" I asked Carlisle, incredulous. He was happy to ignore such ignorance and disrespect in his own home but told me off for defending him! Now I was angry at Carlisle.

"If I had acted like that in someone else's home you'd disown me!"

"That's because I expect more from you!"

"That guys a prick!" I pointed back towards the house, where Jacob and Angela had disappeared too.

"He's not all bad, Edward"

"Excuse me?"

"He has his reasons for behaving that way"

"Are you defending him?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"No, I'm not excusing his behaviour, I'm justifying it."

"On what ground, exactly does his attitude get justified?"

"Bella!"

I stopped short. I hadn't expected Carlisle to throw her name into the argument. In fact, I hadn't realised Carlisle knew anything about Bella and Jacob.

"What does Bella have to do with it?" I asked cautiously.

"He has feelings for her" I didn't react, in truth I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't want to admit it because I didn't want to look weak in his eyes. But I could hardly deny it. It was the truth, I knew it and apparently he knew it too.

What I didn't know was whether Carlisle had been told or if he had guessed due to their body language.

I felt sick. The idea of Bella displaying intimate body language towards Jacob killed me. Had Carlisle witnessed an interaction he felt inappropriate?

Carlisle pressed his hand into my shoulder again, the slight squeeze meant to comfort me. "I'm sorry I blurted it out like that, Son. I do know you're aware of a growing friendship between them, I just didn't know how much you were aware off."

"Bella told me" I said quietly.

"She did?" I glanced up at Carlisle to see him raise his brows.

"You seem surprised by that"

"No, not surprised. Proud really"

"Proud?"

"Yeah. I'm glad she told you. Means she has nothing to hide."

"Did you think she might?"

"Hmm?" Carlisle asked, looking back at me.

"Did you think she might have something to hide?" I didn't really want to hear his answer. What if she hadn't told me the truth?

Carlisle smiled "Not at all. I understand completely why she might not have told you anything but I am relieved she did."

"Why?"

Carlisle let go of my shoulder and walked over to the patio, pulling out a chair, he sat down. I walked over but before joining him I paused to open the parasol and adjusted it against the sunlight, shading Carlisle's face from the glare.

"Thanks" He said.

"No problem"

I sat back in the chair with one ankle resting across the other knee. It stretched my thigh muscles but rather than drop my leg, I left it there and shifted back in my seat a little to ease the strain. I really needed to get back into shape and soon.

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. He closed his eyes and I watched him deep in thought. I pondered at what he was looking so tense about. My unease didn't shift.

"Dad" I reminded him I was there too.

"Your mother and I never told you about our separation did we?"

"Separation? No, I never knew"

"Yes, well it was a long time ago and rather painful to recall." He paused.

I was fretting about the outcome of this story. I didn't like to see him struggle to find words. Carlisle and I had a great relationship and could always be candid with each other. If he was concerned about sharing something with me, then maybe it was best I didn't know at all.

"Dad, if you'd rather not tell me then that am ok with that, you know?"

Carlisle released his nose and looked over at me. Sighing he sat back in his chair. "I want to share this with you, because I think it may help."

"Ok" I said unsure of anything else to say.

"Before you were born, not long after we lost Alex, Esme and I separated. It was a very dark time for us, Edward. I wanted to help her but she was so lost to me. Her grief was something I couldn't fathom. Of course, I missed Alex and I hated myself for the fact that he had become so ill right under my nose and that I couldn't help him. I know now that it wasn't my fault, this type of blood disorder is not apparent and easily missed but I still blamed myself for a very long time. Esme knew this and couldn't bear to be around me. My guilt just made her feel even worse. She was his mother, she didn't blame me but she worried that if she let herself be near me and listen to my accusations then she may well find reason to blame me too. That I might talk her into it.

"We drifted apart, separate bedrooms, separate schedules, separate lives. I worked longer hours at the hospital trying to stay busy and of course, studying blood disorders to try to understand. In truth Edward, I was looking for verification that I had missed - something and I could've done –anything to – "

Carlisle stopped, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He dropped his hands and looked down at the ground.

"Did you find it?" I asked.

Carlisle laughed under his breath. "Yes, I found answers, I found the reasons and I found evidence that this was not my fault. Did it make me feel any better? No. I guess in my own way, I was grieving too, I just didn't see it at the time. I didn't cry like Esme, I didn't hold his blanket near me in bed and during the day, inhaling the last residues of his scent. She would move her face along its edges, desperate to find the smell of him, but it was fading. I would watch her and how her face would relax when she found a spot, a really small spot in its folds that gave her just a tiny whiff of Alex." Carlisle shoulders dropped, I hadn't notice his tension until his movement caught my eye.

"I didn't grieve like that, so I figured I wasn't grieving."

"Dad, this is really personal stuff and I appreciate you trusting me but what does this have to do with Bella and Jacob?"

"As I said, I spent a lot of time at work. I became friends with a nurse there. Kate. She was funny, polite, sweet, caring and she made me smile again. I didn't see anything in her besides friendship. She made a very awful time for me feel less awful. I wasn't to know she had developed more intense feelings or that she saw my friendship as confirmation that I felt the same way. She made a pass at me."

"Oh Dad – "I started to protest.

"Edward, I did nothing. I pushed her away, I tried to be kind but she kept at it. Claiming I was leading her on and I was playing hard to get. She threatened to tell Esme all about us. I told her to go to hell, she had nothing to tell. She argued that we had been unfaithful to Esme but I didn't see how she could believe that when I had never even kissed her! Her reasoning was that I had been unfaithful by heart."

"I don't understand"

"With my feelings. That I had betrayed Esme not with my body but with my heart. She tortured me for months with these mind games, blackmailing me. I could see her sitting outside out home in her car. I would catch sight of her in the aisle at the supermarket. She was everywhere! Always in the background threatening to tell Esme. In my concern, I started to be home a lot more and spend more time with Esme and Rosalie and we grew close again. But I was always worried this person could destroy it all with her lies and exaggerations. Esme just wasn't strong enough to deal with this too. But in the end, I decided enough was enough and I told Esme."

"What did she say?"

Carlisle looked up from the ground and into my eyes. "She said she believed me"

I looked back at him, the raw emotion on his face made me feel like an intruder to him. But he had wanted to tell me. I looked away and down at my own hands.

"I already asked you this, but what has it got to do with Bella?"

"She told you about Jacob immediately, yes?"

I nodded.

"Forgive me for prying but what did she say?"

I trusted him, he was my father and his opinion did matter to me. He had told me about a difficult period in my parent's lives. I owed him something in return.

"She said she had grown close to Jacob since she had woken up. He had been a great friend to her and she had struggled with feelings for him. She said she kissed him"

I said the last part under my breath.

"Anything else?"

I looked back at him sharply. Did he know more? Had Bella not told me everything after-all?

"She said she had known it was me, always had been me and that she was sorry. That she had relied on him for strength and felt like she had possibly led him on"

I waited to see if he would rebuke her claims.

"Do you believe her?"

"Yes" I was so sure of my answer. I didn't hesitate when I had been asked. And suddenly it occurred to me, I didn't need Carlisle's confirmation. I believed her.

"Good" Carlisle smiled at me.

"Dad, you're seriously confusing me!"

Carlisle placed a small black box on the table in front of us. The edges of the lid had tiny, intricate ivy leaves woven around the square. The remainder of the box was plain. The clasp at front was a gold claw shaped hook pushed into a small golden half-hoop. I stared at the box and then back up at Carlisle.

"What's this?"

"A ring"

"A ring?"

He nodded.

"A ring for what?"

"For a finger, Edward!"

"Dad!"

"Edward, I had to know if you were sure about Bella. I knew she didn't love Jacob not like he did her anyway but I wanted to know if you knew it too. He is not significant and his actions toward you just prove who the sore loser is here! If he had anything to be arrogant about he wouldn't be changing his career to get into your home and degrade you; play on your temporary disability to make you feel less worthy. You were right, the guy is a prick but – "Carlisle held his hand up at me as I laughed at his crude reference "He is a prick who is suffering from unrequited love! Surely you feel a little bit sorry for him?"

I laughed again at Carlisle sympathetic expression. I looked over towards the house and noticed through the open door Esme serving Jacob and Angela coffee at the kitchen table.

"Are you saying that he's acting like a loser because he is a loser?"

"You got it, Son."

"Ok, well I guess you're right. I should go a little easier on him."

I glanced back down at the box and tentatively picked it up. I peered back at Carlisle and blushed to notice him watching me.

He looked smug. "Go ahead, open it"

I flipped the claw from the hoop and the lid popped open slightly. Lifting it back I stared in amazement at the beautiful piece of jewellery nestled between the royal blue satin folds inside.

The ring was white gold with a slightly domed oval setting at its centre. Intricately set inside the oval dome were various diamonds in 3 rows. It was Victorian, delicate and stunning.

I brushed my thumb across the diamonds and looked back up at Carlisle.

"I'm not assuming you're going to propose to Bella anytime soon, but I'd still like you to have this. It belonged to my Grandmother and she would be proud to know it will be worn by someone worthy of you, Edward. I can see how much Bella means to you, Hell everyone can see it when they look at the two of you together. And it was clear to me that she was your very reason for breathing when we began to lose you not long after she had woken up."

I looked back down at the ring, pretending to admire it when it was Carlisle's open display of emotion that had truly affected me.

"She is worthy of you, isn't she Edward?"

I felt tears sting my own eyes and nodded. "She is my life now"

I stood and started to make my way towards the kitchen but turned back to Carlisle "Dad"

He had leant back in the chair his arms behind his head and his eyes closed, opening them again he peeked up at me "Yes Son?"

"Thanks for trusting me with all that. I'm sorry you and Mom even went through such a hard time. You're both stronger than me, I'm not sure I could come through such an awful loss like that."

"We came through because he had each other and we had Rosalie and eventually, we had you!"

"And thank you for this" I held the box up in a semi salute.

Walking into the kitchen I tucked the box into my pocket. Jacob ignored my entrance and carried on eating his sandwich. Angela greeted me with her sweet smile and Esme rubbed my back as I passed her.

Pulling out a chair, I sat opposite Jacob at the table.

Esme excused herself and went outside to join Carlisle. After a moment, Angela cleared her throat and excused herself to the bathroom. I placed my clenched hands on the table and waited for Jacob to finally acknowledge me.

"I don't like you!" I stated.

He carried on chewing slowly, then after what felt like an hour, he swallowed and returned the rest of his sandwich to the plate.

"So?" He asked.

"But I'm not going to say anything to Angela about your attitude."

"So?" He repeated, cocking his head to the side.

He infuriated me. "So, maybe you can keep your job!"

"And I'm supposed to thank you? The poor little rich kid is giving me a break!"

"You really are a douche bag, aren't you?"

He shrugged nonchalant at my insult.

"You should hate me!" He stated.

"Should I?"

"Yep!" He popped the "P" and picked up his drink.

"Enlighten me"

"I kissed your girlfriend and she liked it!" He stated, placing his drink back down on the table. I looked at the glass and felt tempted to pick it up and smash it against his cocky little face!

Instead, I remembered Carlisle's story about Kate and her cruel taunts at exaggerating Carlisle's friendship in a bid to hurt Esme. I saw in Jacob the same desperate plea. He had nothing and he knew it. Bella had rejected him and so he wanted to hurt me in return.

I felt pity for him. To love someone from afar was lonely.

I was lucky in love and as much as I should gloat and rub it in, I took the higher ground. I had Bella. Jacob didn't.

I wanted to tell him it didn't matter what he said or thought, but before I could speak the front door opened and the sound of two females laughing and squawking distracted me as they made their way to the kitchen.

I recognised them both, the first as my sister, Rosalie and the second as Tanya. I felt disdain as they walked in through the door. Tanya was the last person I wanted to see.

Rosalie was dressed casually in knee length, skinny jeans and a plain white blouse. She looked cool and elegant with her hair swept up high, its blonde curls falling playing around her face and down her back from the ponytail. Tanya was dressed in a strapless deep purple, knee length dress and sandals.

They both stopped in the doorway, their girlish giggles faltering.

"Hi Sis" I greeted Rosalie.

"Hey Baby Bro" She said then turning to Jacob she said simply "Hi"

Jacob didn't answer and I looked back at him, tired of his ignorance, no excuses this time but I stopped short at the expression on his face.

He was staring, mouth slightly open, at Tanya and her back at him. I watched with amusement as a faint blush crept up her cheeks and she coyly looked away before glancing back at him from under her lashes.

"Jacob!" I said, a little too loudly. He jumped and looked over at me, his own face growing red.

"This is my cousin, Tanya." I waved over at Tanya and continued "Tanya, this is Jacob. My physiotherapist"

Jacob looked back at me with surprise, I wasn't sure if it was at my correct use of his name of my reference to his job title.

I cleared my throat and nodded towards Tanya, trying to encourage the tongue tied Jacob to at last show some courtesy. He stared blankly at me before it dawned on him to make some sort of effort. He clumsily stood and pushed his hand out at Tanya but she was standing too close and rather than it stopping between them, he brushed it against her chest.

"Oh Shit!" He exclaimed as she jumped back and hit her arm on the door frame.

"Fuck!" She muttered, wincing and rubbing her funny bone.

"I'm so sorry" Jacob stuttered. He reached out for her arm and rubbed it vigorously. The friction left red marks along her bare skin.

I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. Rosalie chuckled behind me.

"Jacob" I snapped again. He stopped rubbing Tanya's arm and looked over at me, his mouth still open.

"I think Tanya will need treatment for friction burns rather than broken bones"

"Oh, Sorry." He mumbled again and stepped back from her.

I watched as they stared at each other. Every so often their eyes would look away towards the wall or down at the floor but only briefly before they found each other again.

Could the answer have been as simple this? Just find him an alternative mate? Tanya was a bitch but then Jacob had acted like a bastard. A perfect match!

"Jacob, there's a party here tomorrow night. A sort of celebration. Tanya has helped organise it."

It was Tanya's turn to blush again.

"Would you like to come?" I asked him.

Jacob, looked over his shoulder at me, surprised by my invitation.

"Really?" He asked.

"Oh yes, please come" Tanya interrupted. "It's for Edward! All his friends should be there"

"But I'm not fr-

"Free!" I interjected, cutting out Jacob's denial of us being friends. God forbid!

"You're not free, but come on, Buddy" I stood up and walked over to him placing my arm around his shoulder and punching him playfully in the stomach. He huffed slightly at the impact.

Maybe it had been a little harder than necessary.

"You should change your plans, come and party with us!"

"Oh please, can't you change your plans?" Tanya begged. She seemed almost feminine, the usually cattiness in her manner completely gone.

Who knew that Jacob would bring out the good side in Tanya and she would bring out the gentleman in him?

"And you'll be there?" He asked her.

"Of course she will!" Rosalie joined in. "Like Edward said, she helped organise it"

"And she will need a dance partner!" I added. Tanya glared at me, obviously not wanting my help.

"You'll come and dance with Tanya, won't you Jacob?" Rosalie seemed to be enjoying herself almost as much as me.

"If that's ok with you. Tanya" He said. His voice practically caressing her name.

Tanya nodded, a smile hinting at the corners of her mouth.

"In that case, it will be my pleasure" He said, smiling back at her.

"Ok Romeo, let's go" I said pulling him along, towards the doorway.

"Bye Tanya" He called over his shoulder.

"Goodbye Jacob" She returned.

As we reached the front door a squeal echoed down the hallway as two excited females danced around the kitchen.

"Make sure you were a suit!" I said as I opened the door and pushed him through.

"Jacob! Edward!" We both looked up to see Bella standing in the drive. She was locking her car and looking up at us, confusion clearly shown on her face.

"Hey Bells" Jacob greeted her. I was back to wanting to slap him after hearing his too familiar use of her Dad's nickname.

"What are you doing here?" She looked concerned.

"Jacob is my physiotherapist" I said.

"Really?"

"Yeah" He agreed. I'm here with Angela. She's been showing me the ropes."

Bella climbed the porch steps to stand beside me. She slipped her arm around my waist.

"Bella"

She looked up at me.

"You don't need to worry Jacob and I have cleared the air. There's no problem, really"

"Really?" She asked again, relief flooding her face.

I nodded, lifting my finger and running it gently down her cheek.

Jacob cleared his throat and we both looked back over at him, apologetic for our intimate moment.

"See you guys tomorrow" He grinned at us. Bella looked confused. Jacob seemed oblivious to us and our intimacy and she didn't understand.

"Be here at 7! Don't keep your date waiting!"

"I won't!" He called, half jogging to Angela's car.

"Date?" Bella asked me. "Who?"

"Why? You're not jealous are you?" I joked, kissing her playfully on the nose.

"No" She laughed "Just curious"

"Well, it's funny you should ask" I said, laughing.

"What's so funny?"

I recalled the various attempts I'd had at trying to tell her about Tanya and the party and here it was; the perfect opportunity.

"There's a party here, tomorrow night. It's sort of a celebration for me."

"Yeah I know" Bella said. "Rosalie told me. Your mother and Tanya organised it!"

"You knew?"

Bella stood on tip toe and kissed me gently on the lips. I moaned as she sucked my bottom lip in between hers and then licked it tenderly. She pulled back and smiled at me.

"And you're ok with that?" I asked, feeling a little breathless.

She snaked her arms around my waist and began kissing my neck, nibbling softly behind my ear. I wanted to take her there and then on the doorstep!

"I was hoping we could spend the night hiding away in your bedroom" She murmured between nibbles.

"Hmm" I agreed "Sounds like a plan"

"How did physio go?

"Don't change the subject!" I objected.

She laughed and pulled back a little to look up at me. "I just wondered if you ached a little bit then maybe I could give you a – "she raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"What?" I asked, giving her my crooked smile that I knew she liked.

"Rub" She whispered before kissing me passionately with her hands tugging the back of my hair.

Xxxx

So I leave you there with the image of Edward being rubbed whilst possibly wearing a Speedo!!! God, I love my imagination!

There's a link on my profile page to a photograph of the ring Carlisle gave Edward. It's actually a replica based on the one Edward gave Bella in the Twilight saga.

Love the reviews, so don't be shy! You know what to do! :o)


	26. Ch26 All our tomorrows

**A/N**: There are so many things I want to say but I think I'll save the mushy stuff for the chapter.

Lots of love to Malmo722, Acrosstheskyinstars, into_scrapes and Fiazt as well as MoniMD and jOjOdancer, Suzanne01, rpattzdude and Chicalicious and inside-the-disarray.

Go over to Twilighted and check out our fanfic banners! (link on my profile page) They are awesome!

If I've forgotten to mention anyone, please forgive me, I'm on a high and excited as well as a little sad to be posting the final chapter at last.

If any of you have seen the photographs from New Moon and our delectable half naked Edward, then some of the scenes in this chapter will be easier to imagine (sigh)

Ch26 All our tomorrows

A love story is born with a kiss but it is poetry that makes it everlasting

**BPOV**

Taking his hand I step around him and inside the house. I walk up the stairs to the third floor. Pushing the door open I go inside Edward's bedroom and wait, still holding his hand whilst he follows me over the threshold and then close the door quietly behind us.

He turns to face me and my heart skips a beat as I glance up at him. Edward looks extremely pleased with himself, that beautiful crooked smile which I adore, tilting his cheek; his eyes twinkling a little mischievously.

"What are you looking so pleased about?" I tease him.

"Oh. Nothing" He grins before leaning down to kiss me gently. His lips feel warm and soft; his kiss tender.

That age old familiar feeling of excitement and anticipation that always stirred whenever I was close to Edward, flutters and nudges my insides, telling me it's been way too long since I'd touched him and surprising both Edward and myself, I fling my arms around his neck and pull him tightly against me.

I was desperate to taste him properly. As my fingers grip the back of his head, I smashed our bodies together, crushing his lips I practically devour him.

"Ouch" He grumbles, as I accidently bit him.

"Sorry" I giggle, showering his face with kisses; over his eye lids, nose, cheeks, lips and that fabulous jaw of his. I nibble up to his ear and inhale him. He smells so good, all warm like Vanilla with a spice that I can't identify.

Divine.

Releasing his hair, I run my hands down his shoulders and round to his chest, fumbling with his t shirt I drag it up and catch his nose in the neckline as I clumsily try to hoist it over his head!

"Ouff!" He mumbles from inside, laughing I lift the collar away from his nose and successfully remove it to find him grinning at me. His hair is standing up in gorgeous tufts, from both my near strangulation of him with his T shirt and from my frenzied hands.

_Holy shit. _

He looks so sexy.

I run my hands over his stomach, the weight loss of the last few months is evident but his muscle tone is still defined. Scraping my nails over his taut stomach and down the perfect V shape of his hips, I follow their line as they dip down into his waistband, his sweat pants hiding visions even more delectable.

Edward shivers.

I trail my eyes back up over his chest and notice from beneath his pale, smooth skin that his ribs are more pronounced than usual. But as I gaze upon his lovely collarbones, long neck and fantastic jaw line, it's my turn to shiver. He still looks insanely decadent to me; standing next to me half naked, his nipples puckering in the slight breeze from the window.

I watch hungrily as his skin reacts to the cool air and reaching out I smooth the tiny bumps with my palms, still caressing him with my eyes as well as my hands.

I just couldn't get enough of him.

Pressing my lips against his collarbone and then down his chest, I pull one tiny pink nipple into my mouth, tasting the salt on his skin, making me hungry for more.

Reaching for his trousers, I tug on the cord tied just above his wonderful navel.

Edward covers my hands with his.

"Bella" He whispers.

I look up at him and lick my lips. I can taste him there; in my mouth and on my tongue.

Raising my eyebrows, I wait for permission to continue.

"It's been a while" He answers my silent question.

I nod. "I know. For me too," I kiss the shoulder directly in my line of vision and he shudders again. "I've missed you." I whisper.

"I've missed you too but if you don't stop ravishing me, I'm going to explode!"

I raise my face from his skin. "Really?" I ask teasingly, my hand creeping down towards his groin.

"YES!" He grumbles, placing his hands either side of my face as he pulls me towards his waiting mouth. His lips are slightly parted and sucking softly on mine, he takes his turn in tasting me.

Feeling goose bumps prickle my own skin and my insides turn to mush, I agree with him. "Edward, you're driving me insane."

Letting my head fall back, his mouth finds the side of my neck, kissing me so gently; as though I would break under his touch.

"Edward" I murmur again, impatient for more.

Lifting his head above mine, with his hands still holding my face, he looks at me. His breathing is deep and I almost succumb there and then to the desire I see in his eyes.

"I'm not saying stop" He promises me, "God no. I'm just saying, slowly. I need to feel you too"

I nod my head. "Ok"

"Like this" He whispers dropping his hand from my cheek and pushing it into my hair and behind my head.

I watch him close his eyes and kiss me deeply. His forehead creased as if the mere thought of stopping could end him. I love to watch him, the expressions on his face so clear he doesn't need to speak. It's all displayed across his furrowed brow and in the movement of lips. The sight of his cheek bone curving away from his long lashes causes my stomach to clench again.

Yes it's silly for it's only a face but to me it is not just any face its Edward's and he's kissing me.

He is so beautiful. How could I not touch him too?

I press my palms against his chest but he grips my wrists, pushing me back until I collide with the wall behind me. He raises my hands above my head and watch's me through half closed lids as my chest lifts with the motion.

Still holding me with one hand, he drops the other to my breasts and moves his fingers so softly over them.

I shiver from his tentative touch.

"I need to touch you" I whimper.

"Slowly" He sighs, kissing the bare skin above the V of my sweater.

His breath is warm and I push myself closer to him. His hand's slide down to my hip and then up inside my clothes, his fingers grazing my sides, tickling me with his feather light touches.

It's too soft, I need more.

"More." I beg him.

His hand creeps up my body till he cups my breast, his thumb flicking over my nipple and my stomach lurches with the sheer pleasure of him. I groan and grip his bottom, pulling him closer to me, grinding my hips against him.

"Fuck going slow!" I mutter.

I push him away but only so I can reach down and tug my sweater over my head. In a motion so fast, I unhook my bra and throw it to the floor. Grabbing him by the waist I pull him back to me.

The electricity from the skin to skin contact is extreme and moaning he cups both my breasts in both his hands and moves his face down to nestle in my cleavage. His tongue and lips licking and kissing me, nibbling and driving me insane.

I wanted to climb inside of him; I need to feel him closer.

As if in agreement Edward gathers me up in his arms and clings to me; our bodies pressed tightly together from shoulder to thigh.

"Bella" He murmurs. "Bella, I need to slow down." His breathing is ragged, as though he's run up the stairs rather than walked.

Feeling concern I pull away and press my hand to his chest. I can feel the rapid thrumming of his heart as it bumps against my palm.

He looks pained; his brow furrowed.

"Edward" I ask worrying I've pushed him too far.

Lifting his eyes to mine, he hesitates then smiles his crooked smile before sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me to his bed.

"You're out of breath!" I point out as he lies on top of me, his weight shifting as he rests on his elbows. Brushing my hair away from my face, he kisses me deeply and I almost forget my concern for him.

"So are you" he argues and I realise he's right.

"But are you ok?" I urge him.

"Bella, I'm fine. I promise you. I just don't want to make an idiot out of myself by losing control. You'll be running out that door and chasing Jacob, thinking he's more virile than me!"

I laugh. "Not a chance, Edward Cullen. I'd take you no matter what! Now, be a good boy and take off your pants!"

Laughing, Edward feigns a look of shock before sitting up and taking off his sweats. I grin as I imagine all his physiotherapy sessions ending with this perfect activity.

Helping me undress too, Edward lays back down next to me, both of us naked and warmed by the feel of the each other.

Lost in looks of desire, we let our fingers graze the other's skin; along a cheek and down a face, across a chest and up a thigh; in their quest for constant Edward to Bella contact. We revel in intimacy and the wonder of each other.

I watch as his eyes drift close, his lashes so long and dark against the paleness of his cheeks. He looks so perfect to me and I love him with the fervour of the first time I had ever saw him.

The sting of tears surprises me as I suddenly feel overwhelmed. The conclusion that I had been so close to losing him comes crashing down on me from out of nowhere.

I'd tried for weeks to remain strong and had almost convinced myself now that he was awake and home, what had actually happened – and what had almost happened, didn't really matter anymore.

But it did matter. We had both been close to eternal separation and watching him breath as he lay next to me, choked me with all the emotions I had suppressed from the start.

I was trying to hold onto my tears but the sudden realisation that he was actually here with me, in body and soul, was my undoing.

Closing my eyes I sobbed.

"Bella" Edward whispered and gathered me in his arms. My tears soaking his skin and I need to blow my nose but I can't let go of him.

So Edward continued to hold me as I cried but just when I felt calmer and more in control and I looked up at him and saw his beautiful face, I crumbled all over again.

It was so exhausting, my eyes kept drifting shut but then I would snap them open again, searching his face and only relaxing when he rested his gaze upon me.

"Edward..."

"Shush, my Love. It's Ok. Please don't cry."

"We came so close." I stutter.

"I know, Love. Have you only just realised?"

I nod. "It only just hit me, just how close it really was. I looked at you and it suddenly occurred to me how lucky we are. How lucky I am. I think – I think I was blind to it all, denial or something. Maybe shock?" I look at him and he nods in agreement with me.

"I never got to say Thank you, properly." He whispers.

"What for?"

"I remember feeling so – happy for a while but then it was gone and all I felt was - lost. It was bleak and grey and I didn't understand where or why you'd gone. One minute you were there and the next I was alone. I hated being apart from you." He swallows, his emotions lodged in his throat.

"I'm so sorry." I reply.

"Why are you sorry? You found me!"

Shaking my head, "No Edward, it was you that found me. You helped me wake up. I'm sorry because I left you behind. I'm so sorry."

"Bella, if it wasn't for you, my family would be attending a funeral tomorrow, not a celebration. I was ready to give up. It was dark and obscure and I couldn't fight it anymore. But somehow I could sense you, smell you, even hear you and it was my saving grace."

He cups my face and brushes my cheek with his thumb. "My angel, my Bella. You saved me."

"But you saved me first" I protest. "I dreamt about you; about our first time together, everything. It made me so happy. I didn't remember you in the beginning but you kept showing me. And then I did remember but I woke up. I felt like I'd lost everything. I know there are issues with Jake, but he helped me Edward. He helped me remember you. To find you, to try to reach you. He was the only one, aside from Alice, who listened to me and when all I could think of where using my dreams to reach you, he helped me with that too."

"He helped you with your dreams?"

"He helped me _to_ dream."

"And you found me."

"You remember?"

"Thou art gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream and I seek thee in vain by the meadow and stream" He spoke so softly if I had been further away from him I wouldn't have heard. "I sought for you every day, Bella."

He kisses me then with the urgency I had shown him earlier and lifting himself above me, he covers my body with his own. I part my legs and hook them around his waist and hips.

He was ready, as was I. The sensation of him sinking into me was ecstasy and I was sure nothing could surpass that feeling but as Edward started to move against me, his arms lifting me and enfolding me closer to his chest, his breathe in my hair and his heart beat matching mine, I felt the pressure build inside me.

Clinging to his back, desperate to shut out any air between us; with not a slither of light penetrating the space, his lips found mine and I started to throb around him.

Edward groaned and it was swallowed by my lips as I whisper into his mouth exactly what he is doing to me and echoing my words, he tells me the same.

Xxxx

**Saturday**

I had never enjoyed shopping and was eternally grateful when Alice showed up with an entire wardrobe in tow for me to rifle through.

I hadn't been sure just how formal this event would be at Edward's house but Alice assured me she knew exactly what to do with me. From the look of the fabrics spilling from her bags, I was worried. There was nothing but lace, satin and colours; so many bright colours.

It had been almost a week since I'd seen Alice and to my delight she was her most wonderful self, like a breath of fresh air. She was wearing the cutest little denim skirt, with pink roses embroidered on the back pockets that even I, who usually shied away from baring my legs at all, felt tempted to ask her where she'd bought it.

"I've dragged along just about every item of clothing I could possibly manage but I knew all along this was the one for you" Rummaging in the middle of the mountain of fabric lying on my bed, she pulls out a rumpled piece of cloth and shaking it out she holds it up for me to see.

"It's gold!" I make the obvious point.

"No, it's olive and gold!" Alice corrects me.

"Olive?" I squint and look at the crumpled gown again. "Olives are either black or green and this is neither!"

"Let me straighten it out and then you can try it on and I promise, you _will_ fall in love with it!"

Frowning and doubtful I go shower as Alice gently presses the dress with a warm iron.

It's hanging on my closest door when I come back and I have to admit, it looks pretty good.

Sitting on my window seat, Alice pretends to study her nails. I knew she wanted to bounce up and down with excitement and I giggle as I watch her squirm.

"Try it on" She bursts out before feigning non- interest and shrugs "If you want."

Laughing at her, I pull the gown on and Alice bounces over to help me fasten it.

"Oh Bella!" She sighs, clasping her hands together and staring at me all dreamily. "You look sensational!"

Spinning me around I come face to face with myself in the mirror and I gasp at my reflection.

I look – beautiful.

I was amazed. The dress was absolutely stunning and I had to put Alice out of her misery and tell her what I thought.

"Alice – I –"

I turn slightly to glimpse at the back of the gown and holding out the skirts of the dress, I swing back round to face front again, the swish of the fabric sounding feminine and unfamiliar to me.

"I love it" I finally say. And I truly did.

I couldn't stop looking at myself. The straps of the dress woven like lace were in the design of leaves, meeting a gold bodice that had the same woven leaves garnished along the sides until it joined a darker coloured satin skirt, plain down to the ankle until it joined the lighter colour again, more small leaves separating the two colours.

"Let's do your hair!" Alice clapped.

"Wait! Will that leave you time to get ready too?"

"Shit!" Alice exclaimed. "I was so interested in you I forgot about me!" Running into the bathroom, Alice emitted a tone that only dogs could hear.

Carlisle who had always been a warm soul and Esme, so ready to welcome anyone into her home, had extended the invitation to my friends.

Jasper and Edward had arranged to pick us up from my house and escort us both back to the party. It felt like prom but without the silly kids. I loathed the idea of prom and dreaded the one which was fast approaching, but this event and this dress and the date I was waiting eagerly to see, had me so giddy I didn't recognise myself.

I attempted my hair.

An hour later Alice was dressed in the brightest, most exquisite yellow gossamer layered dress I had ever seen. Her dark hair and beautiful skin tone shone and I was sure her anticipation at seeing Jasper for an official date had added the blush to her cheeks.

We stood side by side in the mirror in complete awe of each other. The toot of a car horn from outside had us clasping hands and jumping up and down and squealing.

"Bella" Charlie knocked on the door and waited patiently for me to answer. "Edward and Jasper are here"

"Thanks Dad, we'll be right down."

Charlie's footsteps echoed down the stairs. I turned back to Alice. "Are we ready?"

She nodded, grinning widely at me. "Do you realize we are about to see Jasper and Edward in tuxedos?"

Like a Cheshire cat, I grinned back madly. I couldn't wait any longer to see him.

Holding the skirt of the gown just above my ankles, I stepped carefully down the stairs. I was usually clumsy in flats and jeans; I wanted my grand entrance to be as elegant as I felt.

Charlie had shown Edward and Jasper into the living room and all three men stood while we entered the room. Their open mouths were all the confirmation Alice and I needed.

Charlie was the first to speak. "Bella. Alice. You both look beautiful!"

I walked over and kissed my Dad on the cheek, making him blush. "And you look very handsome" I returned, running my hand down his lapel and seeing my Dad, the shy police Chief look more handsome than I had ever seen him.

I turned back to the room and smiled, trying desperately not to cry. "Don't my boys clean up good?" I asked Alice and clapping she danced over to Jasper and curtsied.

I watched them exchange heartfelt Hello's before I turned towards Edward. I was so nervous, I felt like I needed a minute. Waiting patiently for me to acknowledge him, he stepped forward and offered me a box.

It was a corsage and lifting it from the box; he carefully slid it up my wrist. For a long moment we could, neither of us, look away from each other.

"I'm off to pick up Sue. See you at the party" Charlie salutes "And you boys drive carefully!" He finishes, wagging his finger at Edward.

"No need to worry, Chief Swan" Edward assured him.

Leading us out of the house, Edward and Jasper stand aside and present to us a shiny black limousine.

"I wanted to use a classical car, or even a horse drawn carriage but I had a feeling that may have been a little over the top for you." Edward laughs, teasing me.

"A limousine is over the top!" I grumble.

But not wanting to sway the party spirit, I smile cheekily up at him.

"Look at you, Bella. You are so beautiful and so wonderful. You deserve the best and this," he gestures to the limo again, "is the best!"

Could he be more perfect?

"No Edward Cullen," I kiss him "_You_ are the best!"

**JPOV**

Alice and Bella looked sensational. I was rooted to the spot as they both descended the stairs and as Alice came into view from behind Bella, I feel myself harden and squirmed in my pants for more room and to ease the discomfort. I cast a sneaky look over at Chief Swan, hoping he didn't notice my obvious erection!

I realise there's no need to worry as he's memorised by the girls.

Alice skips over and in that moment, as she lifts her tiny self up to kiss me Hello, I knew I loved her. I wanted to tell her right there and then but also craved some privacy. Our relationship had blossomed in the last few weeks but we had yet to know each other intimately.

I wanted it to happen pretty soon because I was becoming more and more aware of her every time she was close to me. But Alice was more than just sex for me. I wanted to be with her day and night, to look into her eyes and promise her forever and when I finally held her in my arms, I would hold her there for eternity.

I watched her face light up again as Edward and I stood aside and let them see the car. It was pretty pricey but I had some savings set aside and felt Alice was worth it.

"Oh Jasper!" She flung her arms around my neck and I lifted her tiny frame off the floor.

"You like it?"

"I love it!" She exclaimed before turning back to me and pulling my face down towards hers for a kiss. "Do you like my dress?" She asked me.

I look at her face and her eyes were wide and eager for my response. As if I could say anything but yes. She looked adorable.

"Your dress is breathtaking Darlin, as are you."

"You really like it?" She beamed at me.

"I love it" I place her gently on the floor and bend to kiss her. Her lips were soft and warm and she parted them slightly, sucking in my breath which made me hard again.

"And I love you" I whisper to her.

Giggling, she presses herself closer and kisses me harder. Just as I thought I would lose control and ruin her pretty dress, she pulls away and with her arms still clinging around my neck she kisses me lightly on the end of my nose.

"I knew you were going to say that!" She chuckles.

**APOV**

I was so happy.

Right here and right now my world was complete!

Bella had agreed to let me dress her up and for that I was praising the heavens above. She was a great girl and I adored her dry sense of humour even though at times she could be a little angsty for me but I recalled the events of the last few months and knew that if anyone had a reason to go all emo, it was Bella Swan!

My fingers had itched to get in her wardrobe as I watched her day after day dress down in sweats and t-shirts. She had a great figure and boobs I was jealous off but she had no idea how to accentuate what God had given her.

Luckily I did!

I had lied to Bella to get her to wear that dress. I had seen it in the window of a boutique but knew she would never allow me to buy it for her. I'd purchased the dress and rumpled it into the bottom of my bag, making it look older than brand new.

Bella was proud and I didn't want to insult her but I knew she couldn't afford a new gown. I was fortunate with my bank balance because my family had let me down when I'd needed them most. It had left me alone but with security for my future.

Nobody knew the origins of my fortune but me and my bank manager.

Watching Edward's gorgeous face hit the floor as she walked into the room, graceful at last, I knew I had made the right choice in choosing the dress, buying it and lying to her about it.

It looked like it had been made especially for her and I could tell she liked wearing it too.

This made me happy.

I had almost fainted when I'd seen Jasper waiting for me.

He always made my heart flutter, from the very first second I had seen him lying in a hospital bed. I had felt drawn to him. His cold, lifeless body hooked up to machines and alone in a timeless slumber. I ached to touch him, to hear his voice and see him open his eyes.

It was like looking at my future.

I knew him yet we had never met.

I loved him yet we had never loved.

He was part of me, yet it made no sense and I had walked over to his bed and lifted his hand with mine and watched his breathing hitch in his chest as a small jolt of electricity passed between us.

I never realised I was missing anything in my life before that day but when I touched him, I knew I had found what people search a lifetime for and so I waited patiently for him to come back to me and the land of the living.

I didn't explain the bizarre attraction to anyone at first. I didn't have many friends and was out of touch with my illusive family but just like with Jasper, in Bella I found a soul mate and so I eventually told her. She surprised me by understanding the situation and this endeared her to me even more.

Who would've believed I'd find my true love and my family in the same ward, in the same hospital. It was almost fate that they both be comatosed and together where I could find them.

Standing on my tiptoes I flung my arms around Jaspers neck and kissed him.

He excited me and I adored him.

"Do you like my dress?" I asked him. He hadn't mentioned it and I worried for a moment that yellow wasn't a colour of his choice.

"Your dress is breathtaking Darlin, as are you." He replied and I felt my heart soar.

"You really like it?" I pushed him, Jasper was usually so quiet; strong and thoughtful but I loved his voice and wanted to hear him more. I imagined he was so quiet because he had something he wanted to say to me but was finding it hard to find the words.

"I love it,"

He placed me gently on the floor and bent to kiss me again. His lips were closed as he ducked down for a peck and I couldn't contain myself, opening my mouth slightly I breathed him in.

"And I love you" He whispered to me.

I was so happy, I giggled.

Pressing myself closer I kiss him harder. I could hear his breath quicken and against my hip, his dick grow hard. I was tempted to reach down and feel him in the palm of my hand. I couldn't wait any longer and was determined that tonight, Jasper Hale would be mine!

I pull back and kissed him lightly on the end of his nose.

"I knew you were going to say that!" I chuckled.

**BPOV**

The drive up to the Cullen's house was short and the air in the car electric. The interior had buzzed with excitement as we all climbed inside and beamed at each other, admiring the visible effort everyone had gone too for tonight.

Edward, as ever, looked so edible in his tuxedo. I kept sneaking glances at him but he would catch me staring and so I would blush and look away quickly.

I didn't know why I was acting like it was our first date, I just knew that he looked so amazing I was going to be hard pushed to keep my hands off him all evening.

I watched Alice and Jasper whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears all the way there and giggled at their new found bravery with regards to their feelings. It had been so obvious to everyone how they felt.

Edward's hand reached across the seat and grasped mine. I looked at our entwined hands and then up at his face.

He smiled that crooked smile of his and literally took my breath away.

"We're here" He said, squeezing my hand gently as he opened the door, climbed out then turned back to help me.

The house looked stunning.

All around us the trees were strung with Chinese lanterns and their faint glow littered the surrounding driveway and sides of the house, no doubt circling the entire property.

Up the steps of the porch all along towards to the front door, were more tiny lanterns. Gently lighting our way towards to party. The faint noise of music and voices wafted down to us and I felt excited and nervous and happy to be holding Edward's hand.

As we walked towards the house, more cars started to arrive and the driveway became alive with doors banging and people gazing in awe at the Cullen residence and its owners illuminated in the doorway.

Like perfect hosts, Dr Carlisle and Mrs Esme Cullen greeted their guests with heartfelt thanks and murmurs of appreciation. I expected no less of them and adored this gentle couple even more.

Carlisle was dressed like his son and looked immaculate next to Esme. She was dressed in a simple back dress that skimmed her curves like a second skin, looking beautiful, polished and proud as we all made our way up the porch steps and into the house.

"Bella, you look beautiful" She said taking my hands in hers and kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"I was about to say the same for you, Esme" I returned and she squeezed me gently as she smiled.

"It means so much to me that you're here."

"Really?" I ask surprised. I had been sure I was encroaching on her time with Edward and always felt a little guilty whenever I saw her.

"You gave him back to us, Bella and I love you for that!"

Blushing, I didn't know what to say so I just squeezed her hand lightly as she did mine and hoped it spoke volumes for me.

"Come on in and enjoy the party!" Carlisle smiled opening the door and guiding us inside.

Guests were dancing as a band played in the corner of the ballroom. I watched in jealous awe as men led their ladies around the dance floor in a flourish of immense skirts and well timed twists.

Recalling my own experience of dancing in that room, it suddenly seems like another lifetime.

Needing to mingle Edward excused himself and I went to stand in the doorway and people watch.

"Bella," Charlie called walking through the door, shaking hands with Carlisle.

"Hey Dad. Hi Matron," I waved.

"Bella, you look lovely and please call me Sue." Matron smiled accepting the glass of champagne from Charlie's outstretched hand. "You're no longer a patient so it's no longer inappropriate."

"Yeah and don't forget you're screwing my Dad and are no longer alcohol free." I mutter as they walk onto the dance floor.

Despite his partner, I smile as I watched Charlie bow, take her hand and attempt to waltz her round the room. To my delight he keeps his time and doesn't crush any of her toes. I never knew Charlie could dance and I'm pleased for my second chance to know him again.

Emmett and Rosalie suddenly make a grand entrance before spinning out onto the floor. Rosalie looking divine, her dress dramatic, long and a dark purple which highlights the golden blonde of her hair.

I grin at Emmett as he winks at me before twirling Rosalie in a pirouette and slamming her against his massive chest. They looked like a match made in heaven.

Missing Edward and feeling daring enough to attempt a dance, I look around for him but instead catch Tanya's eye.

She's standing down the hallway and holding a glass of champagne and worrying it may end up dumped over my head, I feel relieved when she downs the entire contents before making her way over to me.

"Good evening Tanya" I greet her, not sure what to expect from her perusal of my dress.

"Bella."

"You look lovely." I continue.

"Thanks, so do you." She mumbles. "You're wearing a designer gown! I didn't know you could afford something like that!"

"Is that your effort at a compliment?" I ask her at the same time wondering where the hell Alice had disappeared too as she had some explaining to do.

To her credit Tanya looked slightly embarrassed "Sorry," She mutters.

"Are you here alone?" I ask her.

"Of course not, I have a date."

"Really? Where is he?" I raise my eyebrow, glancing around the room and can't help one more jibe "Or she?"

"HE is getting some more drinks. In fact there he is now" I follow Tanya's finger and find Jacob, looking devilishly handsome in a white tuxedo.

"Jake!" I call out and wave at him, happy and surprised to see him here.

"Bells!" He smiles back and making his way through the crowd he hands Tanya both glasses before lifting me up in giant hug.

I laugh and punch him lightly on the arm as he pops me back on my feet. "You look great! But what are you doing here?"

"I'm with Tanya," He grins, sliding his arm around her waist.

"Oh, suddenly remember me do you?" She mutters under her breathe.

"What's your problem, woman?" He asks rolling his eyes at me.

Shooting me daggers, Tanya pulls away from Jake and storms off towards the kitchen.

"For fucks sake!" He mutters, running his fingers through his hair.

I laugh and push him towards her "Be a gentleman Jake and go find your date."

"You sure? I could stay and chat to you? It looks like you've been abandoned!"

"I haven't been abandoned Jake, Edward has responsibilities to Carlisle and the clinic. He's networking, I think he called it. Anyway, I'm fine, go get your girl!"

"She's long gone now"

"What are you doing here with her anyway?"

"We met yesterday. I dunno, "Jake shrugs "it was kinda electric. She's funny. I like her!"

"Well, I admit she is funny-strange but whatever floats your boat!"

Jake laughed and punched me lightly on the arm, "She's not strange, Bells, she's just jealous of you."

"Well you're hardly making it better by ignoring her big exit and staying here talking to me! Do you like her?"

Jake nods, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Then go, I'll catch up with you later, ok?"

Grinning he pecks me wetly on the cheek and dashes off towards the kitchen to find Tanya.

**JBPOV**

Oh man, Bella looked hot in that dress!

I was kinda happy that Edward had fucked off to play the good son because it gave me chance to feel her up a little.

I did feel bad for upsetting Tanya though. She was hot too, in truth, hotter than Bella, I thought as I mentally compared their bodies; Bella was a little skinny for my liking but she was funny and had no airs and graces, she was the type of girl you could take quad biking whereas Tanya, sexy feminine Tanya had a body that made Supermodels envious. She was curvy in all the right places and she always looked immaculate. Definitely not a girl you take quad biking!

But I liked Tanya. It had been just 24 hours since we had first met and she intrigued me. I liked her arrogance and we had spent a few hours talking after the physio session with Edward had ended.

At first she had pretended to be aloof but after a while she relaxed and I'd actually enjoyed talking to her. The fact that she was damn good to look at too, helped of course!

I thought of Tanya and Bella individually; of what they both had to offer a guy like me. My mind wandered and I pictured them, scantily clad in lingerie lying in wait for me on their bed.

First it was Tanya and then Bella.

Oh Man!

They looked good. Well in my head at least, I had no idea how they would look in the flesh.

Then I thought of them together.

It would be passionate to say the least, with both girls fighting for my attention. I'd lay back and utter "Ladies, there's plenty to go round!" and they would squeal with glee and ravish me!

Grinning at my lucid imagination I looked around the kitchen and spotted Tanya sulking against the counter across the room. She appeared to be talking to someone but I couldn't see who as people were in the way.

I walked through the crowd and stopped.

Someone had moved aside and I could see Tanya's companion.

It was Edward.

Their conversation seemed stinted as if they were trying to keep their voices down. Edward grabbed Tanya's arm and in anger she threw it off, turning towards me, she saw I was watching them.

Her wide eyes and open mouth confirmed to me that this was a conversation she had not wanted me to witness. Turning back to him, she pulled on his arm and led him into the store cupboard.

Edward hadn't seen me.

I contemplated whether to follow them and eavesdrop or get Bella and lead her to their hiding place.

I decided to eavesdrop and wandered over to the door. It was partially open and I could hear their voices inside. Stepping closer I tried to look through the gap but could only see Tanya's back as she argued with Edward.

"You're a liar!" She hissed at him.

"I disagree!"

"Of course you would. You just don't want her to know. Well I've had enough of playing your games, Edward, I think she should know!"

"There's nothing for her to know, Tanya! It's all in your head."

"Will you tell her the truth?"

"This is the truth!"

I squinted through the gap and saw her step towards him, this time it was Tanya who grabbed at Edward's arm, "Why can't you admit that you need me?"

There was a pause before he answered.

"Because I don't"

"There you go again, lying to yourself. You know you want it. You know you want me to give it to you. Why don't you just stop resisting, Edward? We'd be so good together."

I swallowed against the anger rising in my throat. The little bitch!

Edward lifted her hand off his arm as if the mere touch of her nauseated him. "You disgust me." He said softly as he stepped past her. He stopped just in front of the partially open door. Not wanting to be found listening, I stepped back and round the corner so I was hidden from their view, I could still hear him.

"You'll never be anything more to me than a service and thankfully one I don't need any-more. You can take your poisonous blood and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. I'm through with you, Tanya. As friends, as family and as a donor. "

"This is because of her. If she wasn't here you wouldn't leave me!"

"Tanya, in order for me to leave you that would imply we're together and other than in your dreams, that's not true."

"I'll tell her!"

I clenched my hands into fists. Edward's voice was lower and I imagined it was because he had turned to face her.

"Go ahead."

"I'm not joking." She threatened.

"There's the door Tanya, let me get that for you!" I heard the hinge squeak as he pulled it fully open. She didn't move.

There was silence and I wondered what they were doing. Then Edward muttered, "I didn't think so." as he moved away.

Tanya came to the door after him, "Edward," she called but he'd already stopped.

Standing in the centre of the kitchen, watching first Edward and then Tanya emerge from the store cupboard, was Bella.

**TPOV**

I watched him walk away from me and out the door, I had to stop him. I called his name but he had already paused.

I felt hope that he had changed his mind.

"Edward,"

I stepped to his side and suddenly realised he was looking at Bella. She was stood in the centre of the floor, her mouth open.

I considered how it looked. We had both stepped out of a very cosy store cupboard and I was calling his name.

I saw an opportunity. I wanted him. How could I not take advantage?

Smiling smugly, I lifted my hand and pretended to wipe lipstick from under my mouth, as if it had just been smudged.

"Oops," I smirked. "Busted!"

I watched as Bella's eyes filled with tears and looking back between me and Edward she stepped towards him.

"Did you just kiss her?" She asked pointing her finger at me, as if there could be any doubt as to whom she was referring.

I watched Edward's eyes narrow as he turned to face me and then back to Bella again.

"Never!" He simply said.

It was one word but it hurt like a knife. It was true. He had never kissed me and he never would. I knew it deep down but I didn't want to admit it.

I wanted him and it hurt.

Bella stepped towards him again and I watched as she stared at him for several seconds before stepping round him and walking towards me.

She stopped.

"Did you just kiss him?"

I considered telling her the truth and then remembered I wanted him; any opportunity and I had to take it.

I nodded.

She slapped me.

_Fuck it hurt!_

"Liar!" She hissed as I lifted my hand to my stinging cheek.

Glaring at me for one moment longer, she turned and walked back towards Edward and taking his hand they left the kitchen.

I felt someone behind me and I turned, still clutching my cheek to see Jake glaring at me.

"Bitch!" He snarled.

"Fuck you!" I whispered.

"You wish!" He spat and then started to walk away. I suddenly felt incredibly lonely and very foolish.

"Jake," I called after him. He stopped but didn't turn. "I'm sorry."

"What for? Being a bitch or for being caught?"

"Both," I shrugged. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. The truth was Jake had been the first guy I'd been slightly interested in since I'd fallen for Edward. I had liked his humour and when he stared at me, I felt pretty.

Edward had never looked at me like that. I could see with my stupid attempt at hurting Bella, I was only hurting myself.

"I really did like you," I continued.

"Did?" He turned to face me, one eyebrow raised in question. "Past tense?"

I looked up at him and hoped he was softening. "Present tense?" I offered.

He looked at me and then walked over to one of the ice buckets placed across the kitchen work surfaces. Lifting some ice into a kitchen towel he walked back over to me.

"Here, let me see that," He said, lifting my hand away and thumbing my cheek lightly.

"What's the damage?" I asked.

"It's just a bit red; nothing to write home about."

"Yeah well, she is a bit puny, hardly hurt at all." I winced as he pressed the ice against my face.

"Liar," He mumbled.

"So it seems," I agreed.

We stood in silence for a few minutes. I wanted to speak to him again but worried I had blown it. Despite my feeble attempts with Edward, I realised I didn't want to lose Jake too.

"Why'd you do it, Tan?" He asked me. His soft voice surprised me and I looked up to see him watching me.

I shrugged.

"Do you love him?"

I shrugged again.

"Tan?"

"I think so." I offered. It was all I could think of to say.

"You only think so?"

"Well, if I loved him, really loved him then shouldn't I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me?"

"I guess," He said. "Have you guys ever been together?"

I shook my head. "No. He's never looked at me like that."

"But you want him too." It wasn't a question.

"I guess I did, not so much anymore,"

"So what was all that about?" He tilted his head towards the store cupboard.

"I was trying one last time."

"Pretty dumb attempt."

"D'ya think?" I asked, trying to laugh it off but still feeling stupid and embarrassed.

"So why don't you just take "No" for an answer?"

I shrugged. "Pride."

"Pride is a lonely bed mate" He said.

"How would you know?"

"Bella," He admitted.

"Do you love her?" I asked him.

He shrugged. It made me smile to see him copy me.

"Aren't we pathetic?"

"Speak for your-self" He muttered.

"Jake!"

"Yeah, yeah, we're pathetic."

I lifted my hand back up to my face and took the ice pack from him. I walked away and considered leaving the party.

"We could always be pathetic – together?" He suggested.

"Why would we do that?"

Jake looked defensive and I immediately regretted questioning him.

"Forget it!" He said moving past me. "You're a bitch!"

"And you're a prick!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, it takes one it know one!"

"Oh that's mature!" I called after him.

"What the fuck do you want?" He said storming back over to me. "He doesn't want you. She doesn't want me. I like you despite everything and I think you like me,"

"What's your point?"

"Oh for fuck's sake" He muttered before pulling me into his arms and kissing me.

At first I tried to push him away but as his lips softened and his kiss deepened I found myself responding to him. I thought to myself, _"what the hell?"_ and pushed my arms around his neck.

Jake pulled back.

Mumbling against his lips "Ok, let's be pathetic together," I pulled him back towards me.

Breathing a little deeper he smiled and said "Bitch."

"Prick," I uttered before he kissed me again.

**EPOV**

Bella looked really pissed as she dragged me through the kitchen and outside to the garden. I prayed she believed me and not that twisted fucked up bitch inside.

She'd slapped Tanya hard and I was glad.

Calling her a liar was a good sign too.

But was that just a cover? Did she believe me?

"Bella?" I said her name softly, wanting her to remain calm. She was shaking, it wasn't a good sign.

I pulled my hand free and she ignored me and just kept on walking towards the pathway that lead to a bench next to Esme's rose garden.

I removed my jacket and caught up with her on the narrow path. I placed it on her shoulders as she walked ahead of me.

It slowed her down slightly. Lifting her hand to the lapel, she pulled it more tightly against her.

"Thanks," She whispered.

We reached the bench and I stood in front of her as she sat, her head bowed. I waited for her to speak first but she didn't.

"I didn't kiss her, Bella." I began, kneeling in front of her.

She placed her finger on my lips "Shush," she whispered. I watched her eyes as they stared at my mouth. She looked horny as hell and I felt my-self grow hard just looking at the desire in her eyes.

"I don't give a fuck about Tanya or her silly games," She said softly, "I just want you. Right here. Right now."

"Right here, right now?" I asked, ready to rip her clothes off.

She nodded. Releasing my lips from her touch, she placed her hands behind her and leaned back into them, then parted her legs slightly and smiled at me mischievously.

I run my hand up the skirt of her dress, pulling the material up with me as I make my way to her thighs. Her skin is smooth and slightly cool in the evening air. I dipped my head and kiss her thigh, just above her knee.

She sighed and parted her legs even more. I kiss her again, this time a little higher. I could smell her. Not her perfume but her own personal Bella scent and mixed with the heady fragrance of the roses she was making my head spin.

_I fucking wanted her_.

I wanted to taste her, consume her. Her smell was pulling me in and all I could think of was her.

I gripped the sides of her legs and pulled her lightly towards me so her bottom was resting on the edge of the bench, giving me more access.

Running my hands along the outside then around to the sensitive insides of her smooth inner thighs, I pushed her legs even further apart. Complying with my silent instruction she dropped her knees and lifted her hips off the bench. I reached up and pulled her underwear down her legs and over her ankles, then not being able to resist prolonging the moment, I lifted her foot and kissed her ankle, just above the delicate strap of her sandal.

I turned my head and kiss the other ankle and then stroking her legs softly I made my way up again.

She was moaning quietly and it sounded so sexy.

I was hard as hell and my trousers felt too tight but I ignored my own need and continued towards me goal.

Pausing slightly, I looked at her. She sat open to me, her head thrown back in abandon, her breathing deep and she looked so fucking incredible.

"Edward," She moaned as I waited too long for her liking.

I smiled wickedly before delving closer and breathing her in. I could see how wet she was already and it made me so fucking happy that I had that effect on her.

"You're driving me crazy,"

"You've said that before," I replied, running my thumb up and down her skin. She shivered and I smiled again, knowing how much the anticipation was building.

"Do you want me?" I asked her. I was too cruel.

"Yes," She murmured. I didn't need telling twice.

Leaning forward, I licked her lightly, brushing her swollen clit with the tip of my tongue.

Bella practically jumped off the bench, but my hands on her legs gripped her tighter and the next time I moved in, she was ready for me.

She tasted amazing and I pulled her closer, licking and teasing her; drinking her like my life depended on it.

She lifted one hand from behind her and grabbed the back of my head. Lifting her hips again from the bench she thrust herself against me, moving in rhythm with me.

I trailed one hand under her bottom and whilst holding her in the palm of my hand, I push my thumb inside her.

"Edward," She muttered. "I can't hold my-self up anymore."

I laugh as her arm gives way beneath her. Standing, I pull her off the bench and help her lie on the ground.

"Now, where was I?" I asked her as she made herself comfortable.

"About here," She gestured with her hand and I watched as she pushed her finger inside herself and closing her eyes, she said my name.

"Edward,"

I almost came there and then and not wanting to waste another second, I found my place between her thighs again and worked my tongue over her as she moved her finger inside herself.

I pushed mine in too and twisting it round hers, we both moved in and out of her as I licked and sucked until she gripped my head once more and holding me in place, she shuddered against me.

I tentatively flicked her clit one more time and she jolted, pushing me away.

"Too sensitive," She laughs.

I ignore my own ache and appreciate the stretch of time as I wait for her to speak again. Laying next to her and holding hands, we stare up at the sky, silent with our thoughts as Bella recovers.

For once, the night sky over Forks is clear. A blanket of the deepest blue, not quite black, dotted with intricate shining stars.

"I love you, Edward."

I turned to look at her, my own shining star; my very reason for being.

"I love you too," I tell her. "You have no idea how much."

"I can probably guess," She smiled.

"You'd never be close."

"Really? That much, huh?"

I nod.

"Then tell me," She urged.

I shifted from my back and resting on one elbow, I look down at her. "There is something between us Bella, it links us, unbreakable. It was even present when we were apart and that's not something people find every day."

"I know," She replies, "I'm just shocked that I was lucky enough to find it with you."

I look at her; her wide eyes so deep and open. Her soul is naked and lain before me and I feel wonder that she is mine.

"I'm the lucky one, Bella. And if you'll let me, I'll spend all of our tomorrows showing you just how much you mean to me."

"Me too," She says, placing her arms around my neck and pulling me down to embrace her. I gather Bella against my chest and hold her.

The faint melody of music spills out through the night air and hearing laughter and voices from inside the house, I pull away and tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear I ask her, "Would you like to dance?"

"I'd love to," she smiles up at me and I help her stand.

"I have something I want to play for you," I tell her as we walk arm in arm back towards the party.

"Really? What is it?"

"A song."

"By who?" She asked.

"Me." I admit.

"You wrote a song?" She stops to look up at me.

"I wrote a song for you," I tell her, "You inspired me."

And taking her hand I pull her along with me, through the sweet smelling evening, side by side just like I promised her.

Towards all our tomorrows.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**A/N; **Oh my goodness. I can't believe that's it. My first fanfic and its finished. I have loved every minute of writing this and I sincerely hope you have loved every minute of reading it.

I love the reviews, you know I do. Return the favour for my 120,000+ fanfic and write me a few lines too! I'll love you forever! :o)

Don't forget to visit my thread over at Twilighted dot net, the link is on my profile as well as a link to the dresses Bella, Rosalie and Alice wear to the party.

And I will be posting the first chapter to my Smut city fiction, "Spellbound". I expect to see you all there!

Bye for now XOX


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